Wedding Blues!

So my wedding is (hopefully) a year from this coming May. I've been engaged since last New Year's. By now, I'm really ready to start planning some stuff and start getting this thing going, right? Every idea I have either my mom or my fiance are like no, that's not a good idea, no that's rude, no that's going to offend so and so, no I don't like that, no let's do this instead.

What the hell!? I know some of you had to have gone through this with your weddings. How do you reasonable politely tell people (especially the one you're marrying?) to get off your back and let you have your wedding the way you want it? Am I crazy to want MY wedding, hopefully the only one I'll ever have, to be done the way I want it?

Gahh!!! I'm irritated tonight. Sorry. I needed to get that rant out.

Hope you're all having a better night than me!
perezgirl16 perezgirl16
3 Responses Dec 5, 2012

Jim and I have been doing this back and forth on a lot of things.

I've learned that if I get set on one thing chances are high he's gonna totally crush my idea and I'm gonna want to cry. Something a book Jim's sister sent me said that something useful to do is to sit down and talk about what you each want in the wedding. Because while they won't admit it the guys have an idea of what they might like from a young age too. It helps when I give Jim multiple options of things I really like and usually he expands on the one he likes the most. Or he tells me about something he really liked at someone else's wedding that could be cool. Even if your man isn't really into planning he can still talk it out with you instead of totally shutting you down, and when he does say no ask why. If it's so and so won't like it ask why that matters.

As far as it might offend so and so, all the women in my family have looked at me point blank and told me to forget what anyone else might think or worry about if something might offend them. Its not their wedding so they can just not come if they don't like something about the way you do it. reality is only you and ur man have to be happy with the day everyone else can go fly a kite. When either of our parents voice particular concerns about something we listen and tell them it will be considered but in the end if we decide we don't like it we have the ultimate veto power, especially if they aren't footing the bill they really don't get a say. Even if they are it's still your wedding and they should respect that they already got to have their big day

I like that idea! Maybe we just need to communicate more. Every lady on here knows though, it sucks to try to explain and communicate and not get feelings hurt over long distance. I'll try harder though!

You are lucky to have that kind of family support! When is your wedding?

Oh and what's the name of the book?

Possibly in March! We just found out he will be home and hadn't even really started planning cuz we got engaged a month ago, but it's either or now or in 2 years.
He's not here either so trust me i get the distance thing. Its driving me nuts cuz when I need an answer on things so I can call a venue back or something I can't just call and get an answer I have to wait till I hear from him that night or even a week later. I put it out there at the begining when we found out that when he wasn't in the mood to talk about it he needed to say that because otherwise I will just keep talking cuz we don't get a lot of talk time right now. And then after he totally crushed the one thing I wanted more then anything we made a rule that there had to be a good reason why we didn't want something otherwise we had to say ok that's a good idea but lets see what other options are out there. That way it wasn't totally wiped off the list unless we found something we both liked better.

Oh and I have to look when i'm back at the other house (living in two places makes certain things difficult) but it's a wedding planning book from barnes and noble, I can write all the info in it. like vendors numbers and things. it split all the stuff that needs to be done into sections and at the begining of each section it gives advice about the things in the section.

1 More Response

Everyone has an opinion and at some point you all have to reach a middle ground it's about you and him so technically that's all that should matter my mom also at a stage drove me insane then toward the actual planning part but kind of mellowed out a bit when she said oh Bobby doesnt like green and i going through a Bridezilla moment turned around and i'm sorry but is it Bobby's frigging wedding or mine i really don't care what Bobby likes or doesnt like it's not about Bobby anyway She never said anything similar again lol i still feel bad!! As for him try and get him to write lists start it off by listing your favorite colors then get him to list his and use two of his and two of yours or one force him to get involved AJ wanted nothing to with the planning part in the beginning until i started things like oh yay luminous pink and orange wedding awesome and you in a Hawaiian shirt SO hot when he jumped in and gave me better options the fact he actually fell for it still amazes me - good luck i know its frustrating just remember you actually cant please everyone and if you try you going to have a melt down all you can do is reach a middle ground just before we got married i heard one of AJ's aunts saying ooo i hope its not one those less is more type of things and when we got engaged the same aunt asked AJ if he'd given me ring we then took a photo of it and she said where's the rock and AJ's i give up lol you will always have one take no notice and who cares anyway!!

Haha oh my, I have to try the Hawaiian shirt idea :) problem is Jeremy would think that was hysterical and want to do it!! Thanks for the advice :) that will help!

lol men!!

im planning to marry my marine in less than 2 months, he is away at bootcamp and his exact words are im glad ill be gone durring this so you can plan it how you want and not ask me questions bc the only thing i want is to marry you idc how its done or where thats all up to you bc its your special day lol. if i can help in any way let me know, ive realized that family want things their way even tho its our day and i did things how i wanted and that way i would be happy!

Yea, Jeremy started off saying that but then now he's actually having an opinion and our opinions don't agree!! I don't know if I should just let him do what he wants or not! Anyway...good luck with your wedding ;) have fun!

ok so i read all these after I responded and in responds to doing things his way, I say on somethings yea just let him have a few things that he really likes. But when he suggest something you kinda like but don't really love tell him you can't stand it and want to do what your suggestion is. It makes it easier for them to swollow when you let them have some things and not others