Boyfriends Mom Is So Controlling, Help!

warning, this is long but i REALLY appreciate advice.

for those who dont know my boyfriend and i have been together for four years. he joined the Marine Corps a little over year ago and shortly after got stationed across the country from his family and i.

he hasnt been home since february of this year, that is the last time he saw his family and some of his closest friends who are also marines but stationed a little closer to home.

throughout our relationship i have always known that my boyfriends mother is controlling, hes her oldest boy out of two and she raised him on her own and is very protective of him. however, i havent had to deal with her very much as i have gone to visit my boyfriend where he is stationed (i visited four months ago thats the last time we saw each other ) and on these visits i have had him all to myself.

now, he is coming home for christmas and we are all very excited but i am apprehensive of his mother and her controlling ways. it has already started to become an issue and he isnt even home yet.

it all started when she told him she was going to pick him up from the airport but hadnt told me, this took me off guard because i had previously told his mom that i would be the one picking him up and had no complaints from her.

he even told his mom not to wait up for him the first night hes home because he would be with me (we plan to get a hotel room to stay together--we're both 19 years old & dont live with our parents, im in college--instead of staying at one of our parents houses)

i guess as the time got closer she changed her mind. she told him she was going to be the one to pick him up from the airport and disregarded him when he told her i had already planned to. she even scheduled an important appointment for him early the next morning after he comes home (to prevent us staying together the night before.)

when he told me this i became very upset and sent her a text asking if we could go together, two weeks went by and she didnt respond to my text or a phone call and voicemail that i left her but she told my boyfriend that she didnt appreciate the text i sent her and that she and i would be picking him up together. still, i had not heard from her.

today my mother told me to just go ahead and call her again since my boyfriend will be home in only one more day! (excited!!) i went ahead and called her and she immediately had an attitude, she was short with me disregarded the fact that i had been trying to get ahold of her and told me i needed to realize that he has to spend time with FAMILY emphasizing family and then shortly after including his friends. but really leaving out the fact that he will like to spend time with me as well.

my mom keeps telling me not to worry about her and that he will stand up to her and set things right when he gets home, but my boyfriend doesnt really do well with conflict and standing up to her... this worries me.

im also nervous because he hasnt been home in so long and i dont want the reason for any drama to be because of ME. i love my boyfriend a lot and i want him to enjoy his 10 day leave to the fullest but i also dont want to feel like im insignificant because of his mom. my biggest fear is that he will just do whatever she says and i will have to sacrifice not seeing him as much because of her. or, since she doesnt want him staying in the hotel with me --which she has made clear through her actions-- she will get angry with him or manipulate the situation to make him feel bad. 

its been very frustrating dealing with her, and i honestly am just sad and scared that her attitude is going to really influence the time i have with my boyfriend, time with our marines is so limited already and as the girlfriend, even if its been four years sometimes it seems like we dont get the respect that we deserve for the sacrifices we make for our men. i just want to spend as much time as possible in the little time we have with as little conflict as possible.

Advice?


usmcgirl93 usmcgirl93
18-21, F
3 Responses Dec 15, 2012

I think he needs to kind of put his foot down with her it's his life not hers she may not like but she needs to know the limits regardless of what how or when there will always be drama so good luck i hope it works out and enjoy it have fun ignore his mom eventually she'll start to realize he wants to spend time with everyone including you!! Have fun and yay!!

i think you should talk to her or your boyfriend and say that you really want to come to a compromise with this whole thing and tell him what you just told us that you want him to enjoy his time home but also be able to see him and not feel inferior to his mother. Suggest you joining family time and i know he will agree and convince his mom. If not then it'll just push him closer to you because your being the mature one by trying to come to a compromise. The only thing that sucks more than fighting with your bfs mom is not being able to see your boyfriend so i really hope everything works out for you!!

Can you try and just be there during his family time? His mom is going to realize that if he's there then you're going to be there too despite what she wants. And he needs to let her know that too the night he comes home. Maybe he can have a heart to heart just him and her. And i feel you on the whole hotel thing! Just try and schedule it in after the appointment cuz one night together is better than no night together

Yeah his mom probably won't want to include me in family stuff all the time but I know that he will make time for me regardless of what she wants we talked about the hotel last night and he told me to book it and he will deal with her! So there is hope! Lol