So What Now...

My husband went through a horrible time in his life over the past weeks, maybe months. I honestly lost count. He had to try and grieve over the loss of his grandfather. He went home to help out his family and attend the funeral. Which I know was really hard on him. I know that he blames himself for not being by his grandfather's side when he passed away. It is rough knowing that your loved one is going through this hard time and there is not a lot you can do to help other than be there when they need you. But you see my husband did something that I never thought he would do. During that time he kept me at a distance from him. He wouldn't talk to me and try to communicate what was going on. I tried everything and I got to the point where I was trying to get ahold of family members to see if he was doing okay or if he had to go back to Japan where he was stationed. He made it seem like talking to me became this huge burden and he didn't want to talk to me about anything. Feeling like your husband doesn't want to talk to you, lean on you when he needs help, or just have someone keep me informed is the worst feeling. I know that it is hard getting through a loss of a loved one, I have had to so many times. But now that he has cooled down and had some time to really grieve I feel as if I don't know him anymore. I feel so disconnected from his life and I feel that he is disconnected from mine. I don't know how to glue us back together at this point. I feel like I'm having to get to know this new him and it's weird. I don't know what to do or what to think right now. I just feel so lost and misplaced. He seems to think that we can just go back to normal, like he didn't just ignore me and keep me in the dark all this time. I just need some sort of idea what to do and where to go from here. I mean how do you tell your husband that just lost his grandfather that you feel like a worthless person to him by the way he treated you?
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4 Responses Jan 11, 2013

He must be really struggling but you can't let him pull away from you anymore either. Quick question... did you go with him when he was grieving... by your story I really couldn't tell why you two weren't together. If you weren't it could explain why he pulled away so much. It's hard enough for men (even more so marines), to deal with the emotions/pain when a family member passes away... but letting you see him in pain may have been more than he could take. It's hard to say - but that shouldn't serve as an excuse for him to push you away.

I agree. Explain to him how you felt, be short and brief though so he doesn't feel attacked but get your point across, then tell him you still feel distant. And plan a fun awesome date night. And y'all go out and have fun together! You need to get back into your normal groove so start again by "dating"

My sister's boyfriend recently went through the same thing and she said he pushed her away sometimes too. I think maybe he was just having a difficult time processing and like so many Marines, training teaches them to shut down to get through. But he is your husband and you deserve to be part of his life. Maybe just tell him how you felt and how much it hurt. He probably doesn't realize how deeply it affected you. I hope it gets better soon :( and I'm sorry about his grandfather!

I'm sorry to hear about your husbands grandfather. It's hard, and it's normal to pull away from love ones when faced with death, and also if he was very close to him. My condolences!

In my opinion you should tell him how you feel, sometimes they don't understand that their actions affect us till its pointed out. Explain that you were open arms to help him deal with his situation but you felt pushed away. You have to be clear so he can understand. Your not telling him his pain is wrong you just wished he would of included you as the wife you are.

I hope it gets better.