In Need Of Advice

Hi everyone, I'm really happy to have found this site. My story is a bit complicated, as probably a number of others here are. I am actually not a U.S. citizen, and I met my Marine in a third country (for both of us) while he and his group were (and still are) training the contingent of a NATO ally for ISAF deployment. It wasn't love at first, but definitely at second sight for me. We have been together ever since that second sighting but now the time of his deployment to Afghanistan is approaching fast. We started quickly speaking about plans for AFTER my Marine's deployment but curiously we didn't touch the subject of deployment as such. Only when the dates were getting clear, he started talking about this topic. I have to admit that I have been until now very far from all matters military, and I did not know how to cope with the questions he asked me. He told me that it is a serious decision I have to take, that he wants me to be there and waiting for him but that he feels guilty asking me to do so and possibly seeing me get hurt in the process of waiting. My first reaction was to feel offended that he would think I just wanted to have a nice time with him. But now that I see the changes he is going through, particularly in being more moody and detached, I realize that was something I did not expect and have problems coping with. I have done some reading in forums and it seems to happen to Marines who will go on deployment within a short time span but I still do not know how not to take it personal and how not to respond in an offended or upset manner. The most difficult part of it is that he has problems to communicate his feelings when we speak on the phone or by Skype (not when we meet in person though) and I feel awkward being affectionate while he is not. Can anyone give me some advice on how to deal with this situation? In which way should I communicate with him to support him best? Do you have any strategies for safeguarding your own feelings when faced with the mood swings of your Marines? Any advice will be very much appreciated :)
CarnationPink CarnationPink
31-35, F
3 Responses Jan 12, 2013

Thank you all so much for all the encouraging words and the support. So needed and appreciated! Tomorrow is likely going to be the last time we will see each other and I sort of have the jitters. We had an evening out to say bye already but tomorrow I guess it's really getting serious. Brian told me the place where he will be at in Afghanistan might not have facilities to call me regularly because it's run by the forces of an allied country and conditions seem to be not as promising but that e-mail will be good.

From everything he says I would think he would appreciate letters as well. Did any of you ever use the motomail service? I stumbled across it today on the web, it's obviously not the same as handwritten mail but I am just a little worried about the postal service where I am staying right now (not being in the U.S. I wonder how long it would take him to get my letters). Love to all of you out there, stay strong - you already help me doing so :)

You'll do fine! Ryan and I barely skyped while he was gone, but we would talk on the phone all the time. And even if they aren't talkative, a lot of time they just like to hear your voice. So if he's quite, don't take it personally. Just keep rambling on about things at home. And when you get upset over the distance don't linger on it. Always made Ryan feel guilty because he couldn't be here. It would usually start a fight just to make it easier, which sucks! So I just told him I miss and love him and that seemed to help a lot more. It is not easy, but if he is your prince charming, the months apart are totally worth the days together.

Hi CarnationPink,

It helps to know that it is a normal thing and that it does happen. And it is really a serious decision for you to take, if you are willing to wait for him.

He could be nervous about moving, leaving you...not knowing what you think. It is complicated, I'm a drama queen so I always think the worst (like you I would be questioning his feelings for me). If you are willing to wait for him, let him know, reassurance its what he may be needing.

Marines don't communicate, at all, so yes, keep being the way you are, that is what he liked about you so no need to change it.

:)

Hi Honeybee,

Thanks so much for your message! Your words really helped me - I've got a penchant for drama myself and my mind immediately and with certainty targets and confirms the worst possible of all options :)

Actually just after I read your reply he texted me saying I am not doing anything wrong and that this is just his work and a small taste of what is to come while the deployment approaches. He is really very special, and I am deeply in love, so even though I know it will be tough for me, I am willing to wait for him. I am going to be frightened every day he spends in Afghanistan but I try to prepare myself for it and to find out all the ways in which I can support him and show him I care while he is there.

Thank you so much again for your encouragement, wish you a lot of strength and happiness with your Marine :)

The cell phone will be your new best friend :) care packages, they love that and handwritten letters; my Marine waited for those letters like a kid on Christmas eve. You will do fine, we are all here for you!