I Thought I Was Handling It...

I just joined this group, and I'm searching for some help. I am the only one I know that is any way connected to a military member (let alone a Marine), so when I ask for advice from my friends or family, I find it never really ends up helping. I've been dating my girlfriend for 2 1/2 years now, and even before she joined the Marines as a Reservist last March, we had been through a lot with coming out to our parents and friends that we are no strangers to hardship and working together. A few days ago, she learned at her monthly training that her company will be deployed within the year to Afghanistan. She immediately texted me to tell me and almost immediately asked if I was ready to get married. While marriage is a topic we have definitely talked about before, it's always been still a year or two down the line from now. Needless to say, I was caught off guard. I told her that I wanted it to be celebratory and that I'd prefer to do it when she came home safe. This apparently was a wrong answer. She got very upset. Has anyone experienced this or a similar situation? I know I want to marry her but I just wasn't prepared for deployment or such rapid marriage plans. Any advice would help!
kepleb5869 kepleb5869
22-25, F
2 Responses Jan 14, 2013

Hey i dont necessarily think it was the wrong answer AJ gets this pattern right before deployment he drops things on me like you my best friend but I'm head over heals in love with you and you know that four year marriage plan how about we shake it up a bit and the best one to date is lets get married that way we don't have to wait just us. I've known AJ my whole life and know he tends to kind of jump into things to make the other person feel more secure and a lot of the time he hasn't necessarily thought them through. I've got to a point where I've actually told that I'm not making any big decision regarding us within the three months of him deploying or him coming home. She may not have taken it well because it is a rebuff however speak to her I told AJ there was no way I'd marry him before his deployment just like how I never got together with him or us getting engaged before or during a deployment they completely loose all sense of reasoning behind their actions AJ wants things to happen and fast and I'm like NO DUDE take a breath and think this through for a bit it's understandable to some degree as well just like the whole what could happen is always at the back of our minds its on theirs too and as much as they think it doesn't affect them it does personally i think think you made the right decision and think when you see her again sit down and speak to her tell her way by the time AJ got home I was so ready to take him on his offer of us just getting married right there that he actually laughed at me and was like three barrier remember miss I don't think things through properly explain it her sit her down and talk they deny it point blank but once you start to point out their right here right now attitude to everything they kind of start rethinking stuff. AJ wasn't pissed he was more like so what this mean for us once i explained that I wasn't saying yes or no I was putting it on ice until he got back and if the offer was still there then I'd be more than willing but I wasn't making a life altering decision because of a deployment and whether he was deployed or not I'd still love him the same and support him being married or engaged would never change that he relaxed a little more we honestly made a rule that no big decision about anything the moment the D word is uttered lol doesn't give us much time but we survive - good luck!!

Wow! Yes that was the wrong ansewer... Ans from what i hear they say that when some1 is in the military they learn to live life differently. They want to do things fast because they arent sure of lifee.. It can be hard for them as much as for us to be apart from them. You just have to talk to her and really ask her why in such a hurry. Well if you love her really think if thats who u wana marry. Good luck!!!