Update/re-introduction

All right so... I haven't really posted anything since October, but I do check on the site every day and if not every day every other day.

My name is Sarah, I am 25 years old. My bf Zack will have been in the Marine Corps one year this February. We have known each other for 10 years and have been dating almost 5 years (this June).

Zack's first deployment is this spring thought we do not have a date yet, and he leaves for pre-deployment training this February.

From what he knows we will not be able to spend Valentine's day together by just a few days, which sucks but the way I see it, it is a part of being in a military relationship.

So, for the update...I got an arrest for a DWI on November 16, four days before my b-day (awesome huh?). I went out with a friend downtown and then stayed at her place drinking water for about two hours. Then I dove home, ultimately to find out that I had left my cell phone at her house. As all us girls (I assume all of us with someone in the military understand) are, I drove back to her place to get it. One block from home I spun out on some wet leaves and wrecked my car...

A "kind" neighbor called the cops because they heard the wreck, and I eventually was arrested and taken to the police department, where I was accused of drunk driving. *note- I only say accused because I have not been convicted yet (which hopefully won't happen but I'm not counting my chickens, if you know what I mean).

Zack and I have had our problems since but we have done very well to get through them and/or work on them.

However on January 5, we had to put our cat down (the one in my profile pic). She was only about 5 years old and we had only had her about 2.5 years. We loved her very much....It has always been rare for me to see Zack cry, but since he became a Marine the day we put Kitty (we did not name her) down was the first time I had not seen him cry. It was really hard for me because he started to break down on the car ride to the vet while I was driving. Therefore I had to be the strong one (crying and driving does not mix!).

The next weekend we went out and adopted a kitten who is 4 months old, we decided to name her Lilith because it means night and she is all black with a white spot on her chest. Though we decided to call her Lilly.

We rushed into getting a new cat/kitten because Zack (and I) wanted the new cat/kitten to know him before his deployment.

We have both been -extremely- lucky in the fact that he has gotten every weekend off and we only live 2.5 hours away from each other, so he has been able to come home every weekend ( and for the holidays).

However, as I said before he deploys this spring and I can't help but feel like his frustrations are taken out on me. Last night he got so upset over nothing that he hung up on me. Granted he called me today and apologized for it, but I can't help but feel like he shouldn't have gotten so upset in the first place. Does this ever happen to you guys? I would love to know that I'm not the only one getting "mis-placed" aggressions.

Zack and I have been doing well lately (minus the *** I just told you about). After we had to put our cat down he told me to call him anytime of the night if I was having any sort of issue over it. And I did! Usually I wait for him to call me but I actually call him in the middle of the night for support and he wasn't upset about it!

Our relationship is growing as we both get used to this life.

Thanks for reading! And if you have any input please tell me! :)
bluejay2272 bluejay2272
22-25, F
3 Responses Jan 18, 2013

Yes AJ's like a sore bear with a hole in his head and i actually have to have some alone time he gets over grumpy really its just stress he gets all grumpy over frigging nothing sorry about your little *** I hope nothing comes of it and it shouldn't especially if you weren't drunk but still thinking of you and hoping for the best!! Sorry about your cat i know if anything happened to Ziggy i'd be devastated!!

Nothing did come out of our little *** thankfully but it seems like if it's not one thing it's another. :/ Neither of us were drunk thankfully because our arguments when alcohol is involved get us no where and we have learned over the years that we need to just let the argument wait until we are sober (or at least try to).

Thanks, we are both still upset over Kitty but since we have the new kitten she has kept us both upbeat and hasn't really given us much time to get really upset. lol We both let most of our grief out the first week before the kitten came home with us so it has worked out pretty wonderfully. :)

Ohhhh Yesss before nick left I just ignored all the nitpicky fights because it was all him stressing and distancing himself and stuff. It's definitely common and you're not alone. :)

It is all nitpicky fights! And most of the time I'm not even arguing! How does that work? lol Just yesterday I was trying to explain something to him and he said, "Stop, I don't want to argue." and I was blown away because I wasn't even trying to argue! And I told him so and we just dropped it. It's almost like he wants to start arguments though he says he doesn't. I'm just trying to not take it to heart but it really is hard sometimes!

it definitely is hard to just roll with it sometimes, but just remember it won't last forever :) and vent to us when it gets super frustrating. that's what i had to do lol

I usually do roll with it but I think that I'm at the point where I do have to vent because it is becoming more and more common of an event! I know it won't last forever but sometimes I wonder (you know how us girls do), thanks for re-assuring me! Zack is bi-polar as well (which I have learned to deal with over the years, though I am still learning) so sometimes I do wonder if that has something to do with his mood swings thought lately it doesn't seem to be the case.

I think the bipolar part could play in to how long it takes him to get out of the mood swings, it also depends how far on the spectrum he goes with both the manic and depressive aspects of bipolar disorder. It could add to it, but what your mentioning is so common that's most likely not affecting it a whole lot. I've done a lot of studying about bipolar and stuff with my psychology minor and bc my step dad is bipolar, everyone expresses and deals differently so it'll continue to take time to deal with but its good you're understanding and aware of it.

I don't believe his mood swings currently are having to do with his bi-polar disorder, but him being bi-polar certainly helps me dealing with his current mood swings! :p It took me quite a while to understand his mood swings (because they happened so infrequently), but after understanding them it really helped our relationship. It also helped me learn to be more understanding and patient which was extremely helpful when he joined the Marines.

2 More Responses

Hi Sarah,

Sounds so familiar what you are saying. My Marine is going to deploy very soon and I have gotten the full force of "mis-placed" frustrations over the last couple of weeks (not that my own reactions were always bound to make the situation better, but that's another story....) The mood swings are the only permanent feature of our relation at the moment :) Brian would go from annoyed to saying sorry to distanced to saying sorry to caring to annoyed... you get the picture. Since he has been deployed several times already, he knows what he is asking from me (and sometimes even remembers this and makes amends that are worse the tears I sometimes cry...) Nevertheless I ended up taking his attitudes very much to heart!

In fact this site and the experience of and sharing with other Marine gfs and spouses has helped me a lot to calm down. Truth is that the period before deployment is stressful for our men, and very often they seem not sure how to deal with their significant other during this time. Brian, for one, does not want to vent but sometimes can't help doing so, then feels bad about it ... and generally expects me to understand how stressful his situation is and to be supportive but not to make a case of it. So now I just realized the best thing I can do (for him, but for myself too) is to show I am there when he needs me, and when he actually has time to talk, but not to demand too much understanding and time in return. Which sucks, granted. But then I know that it's not usually like that between us, and that the pre-deployment (and eventually the deployment as well) will pass. Our men do a tough job, and sometimes we need to be stronger than we think we could be.

Wish you strength, and enjoy the time you got together! Anytime willing to lend an ear... just be sure that you're not the only one who puts up with this. I'm sure you will do just fine! :)

I completely understand what you mean about how your reactions don't always make the situation better! That is something I have been working really hard on. I'm trying not to take it all personally but sometimes I just can't help myself and get upset back at him which makes the situation worse.

I know he is under an immense amount of stress right now and I try so hard to not add to it or to aggravate it, but sometimes it's as if I can't do anything right. He has gotten so upset at me over literally nothing so many times lately it's frustrating.

I've been trying my best to show him that I am here and will be here. I guess I just feel like sometimes it isn't working.

Thanks for responding and for the advice! :)