We Are Not Perfect

On my way to work I was thinking in how I have only written the good stuff about my relationship with my Marine. Why is that I never write the bad stuff? Maybe because once it happens I just want to get over it and forget it? Or maybe I don't have the courage to accept that we also, as everyone else have problems.

Therefore, here I go: My Marine had not spoken to me much for the past 3 days. The normal good morning (Thanks God he never begins his day without wishing me a good morning) but then nothing else, like I write to him and he did not answer; he read me hours later and didn't answer. He wasn't even checking his cell. Today being the third day I was about to lose it. How is it that he is on leave and he can't talk to me?!!! I began to lose all control of me and my thoughts. Those treacherous thoughts...I wanted to break up with him, under the base that I can stand a deployment, training, school...but on leave? no way, he was going to get it hard.

We have a six hours time difference, so you can imagine that I was mentally corrupted by the time he wrote "Good Morning". But then something stopped me, instead of shooting at him I answered "Buenos días amor". And then he told me: he was having problems with his family (not his mom and dad) about a previous decision he made and how everybody was telling him what to do. That they were making him feel bad and he felt he was a failure to them; he felt embarrassed so he "couldn't take anyone anymore". I still don't understand why he didn't reach to me for help, and I'm going to talk to him about it later but that aside, I felt like an idiot.

Its a thin line we Marine's girlfriends have to deal with: when am I supporting him and when am I being blind? I don't know, I ask myself that often. I've been hurt so many times that I'm not able to trust anymore, I have to do a super effort not to think wrong but I don't always succeed.

I now think I should of come to you my fellow ladies for advice earlier, you may have given me a different point of view. I also feel a great respect for those of you that dare to share their struggles.

I love him so much, I want to be there for him, I don't want to fail him; but I also don't want to be taken for granted.
HoneybeeUSMgf HoneybeeUSMgf
36-40, F
3 Responses Jan 18, 2013

Honestly I don't think it's bad that you try to forget the negative. At this point he's far away and the few opportunities you have to speak should be on good terms. I wouldn't have time to be mad at my baby. Don't let negative thoughts get to you, trust me we ALL have them. Thoughts can change our mood, decisions and the environment around us. When you feel those negative thoughts coming just relax and focus on the positive and on the facts. Yes he might be free at times, but they are tired, they have a lot on their mind, family and someone they have back home that they love. Just how you fear loosing him while he's out doing his thing, imagine how it is for him to loose you? It's difficult. All you need to do for now is trust your Marine, cause that's what love's about right?
When you get the chance just talk to him about why he didn't come to you when he was dealing with that situation. Communication is key, in a relationship! :) Hope it helps!

Even if you don't post when you have a hard time with him or any trouble remember your human, we all are. No ones ever perfect. But at the same time if he's going the ought something with family he may want to try and figure out a way to deal with it before he tells you. I know for me I tend I shut down and hide from everyone but that's because I've been through a lot not just in past relationships but in general. I know you would think if he's on leave he should be talking to you but don't let that get you down just tell him daily that you care about him, he needs to know that you are there for him even tho he hasn't responded. I tell Ryan every day I love him and I had a hard time the few days after my car accident when I wasn't able to get ahold of him but it made me feel somewhat better when I did hear from him. I have been updating him with what's going on with me. Like I told him I had to go to the doctors so he asked me why. But he knows i text him every morning his time(he's in Japan) and he says he doesn't always respond cause most the time he's busy but it makes him smile and he gets happy seeing it so he know that I care. If you need to talk or even just vent feel free to message me, we are here for each other as support because just like our men need our support for what they do we need it too. We make a sacrifice just like they do and we don't get the recognition we deserve, but we are able to support each other an care about each other because we all know the feeling.

Thank you Ld!
I always seek perfection on everything so I always feel bad when I take a wrong decision. Thanks for the support :)

Anytime and If it helps I always seek perfection too. I over plan everything cause I want it perfect

yes! haha I waste...well, invest so much time to do everything and when is about him is even worst

Me too an I've been trying to make sure everything will be perfect when Ryan comes home but hard to when I still have no clue when he will be home since they told him maybe not till February

uff I hope I could see my man by February :S You must be super busy haha

I am between work and my kids I stay super busy. And I've been trying to find the perfect dress to wear and everything

3 More Responses

I so hear you! Sometimes I am thinking all my Marine does is think about himself - never any problem to reach out for me when he feels like talking but - gosh! - when he is convinced he doesn't have time, he has no problem telling me I'm trying to "follow up" on him if I get upset that he doesn't reply my texts. It makes me feel really helpless (and so mad!) at times. There's indeed a fine line between giving the necessary support for a man who does a tough job and him thinking that's normal (because no, it's not, it takes a lot out of the woman by his side as well, and not everyone would be prepared to put up with that).

So when I really get upset, what I do now is just to go quiet and wait until he comes around. I do it first of all to safeguard myself (not to feel I am running after him - and to see that he is the first one who calls) and my feelings (not to get bogged down in destructive arguments that will make the situation worse or to have to put up with his silence when he's had it). And it always works. He usually tells me, "When you're mad at me I know that is just your temper. But when you go all quiet, I know it's getting serious..."

Be careful not to jump to conclusions of the sort "if he doesn't call, it necessarily means..." because often there are other reasons behind and the fact he doesn't call may just mean he doesn't want or know how to talk about it. Why that is so may be beyond us, but it's something I guess we just have to respect. I reckon that when I doubt his feelings for me in these moments, the only thing I achieve is to put myself down. Like in punishing myself for his behavior that I don't understand. And I am quite sure in your case that is totally not called for :) Even if it's hard sometimes to make the "right" decision, try to go with what you feel comfortable with. Don't doubt him too quickly, it will make you only feel bitter ... most likely for no reason at all.

Yes, I felt helpless a lot. He called me yesterday and I tried to have the conversation but he wasn't ready to talk about it so I just let it go. I really don't like that he didn't tell me he was having problems and pushed me away. And he is beginning MOBC soon so I don't see a time to talk about it...I just don't like to leave things like that. I need him to know Im there for him :(

I am sure he knows that and values your support. If he isn't ready to talk about certain things, don't push it, it has nothing to do with you. If you want him to know you are there for him, send him the kind of messages that don't need an answer from his side. He will come round to you when he is ready. If you need to talk about things, message me anytime :)