Letter Ramble!!

Whether its because I’m over tired and too tired to be tired or just tired of being tired I actually have no idea lol I cant sleep my brain is actually fried like potato’s or tomatoes – I actually don’t really care right now‼ alright so like I said I put up some photo’s and if you hadn’t noticed it kind of triggered some AJ and I thoughts not bad ones at all but I blame it purely on weddings lol I texted AJ after by simply saying I love you so much and his reply was are you alright what happened and I’m like nothing happened I just do and he’s reply was I could spend my whole life hearing you say I do my reply was go back to work AJ and he said go to bed and try get some sleep and by the way I love you too which led to a massive face splitting goofy grin – yes apparently I’m a tired dork now. The next thing I know I have all our old letters out and I’m reading them the fun part is actually matching them up to the responses I have like a chronological letter archive going down here then got called back to the hospital and when I came back I found AJ had been working on it too he even put a little post it note saying I have no idea what you doing but I like please try sleep – A. honestly I think someone has to tie me to bed because its those moments of using tooth picks for your eyes and then jumping into bed and you wide awake – insomnia at it is best‼ during my chronological letter archive gathering I noticed my very first letter - pre – us and post confession - I was so nervous I had no idea what to say to him and whether I should even mention stuff we talked about on the beach or our first kiss which by the way had been flittering through my head since it happened and it was more of a holy **** I kissed frigging AJ kind of thing and what the hell were thinking you bloody idiot‼
I think we’ve all been there I’d been writing to AJ through the whole of his Army career and then boot camp and suddenly I’m faced with the awkward situation of knowing I liked him more than I would ever admit and trying to find a balance between being me and not freaking him out and putting pen to paper for the first time was probably one of the most daunting tasks that I’d faced in a very long time.  Before AJ had left to for his tour in Iraq he told me that he wanted us to write to each other because it would mean a lot to him seeing my hand writing and knowing it been personally sent by me. I knew that in his own way he needed to know that I’d taken time out my day to sit down and write some thing anything to him. now like me I know these letters mean so much just by looking at AJ’s letters it’s like they’ve been through everything they wrinkled and creasy and its my only clue in believing him when he says that he keeps every letter in pocket for days on end to remind him that he does have a home. As you go down our time line I’ve noticed that I kind of mastered the art of letter writing like your emotional roller coaster I have days where I can pour my heart out and the very next day hit a complete blank and I land up with something completely left field and why not its from me lol‼ no really my shortest letter is three lines they are: Hey my love, there’s not much to say here in lovely Hawaii except have you ever thought about why people say things like gosh its hot today like what I hadn’t noticed it before until you pointed it out dumbass‼ Stay safe for me my love! Miss you tons and love more. Stormy xoxo then zapped him with a fifty pager on the next one lol like I said it seems to be an art‼  
Reading my first letter to him I know I was over nervous basically that first letter was a total disaster but going down the order I think I began to realize that being myself was more important I stopped starting the letter with hey how you I’m fine and just jumped with saying stuff whether it was the actual moving out the friendship zone I have no idea but I started realizing that by putting my feelings out there to him whether it was an idiotic thought or not he would want to know because he wants feel connected and I learnt that by putting all that crazy into the universe and getting a response off Stormy if hit the next person that asks when I’m back that is assault you will go to jail and you will meet Ulga direct words from his pen helps ease the tension for both of us somewhat‼ I also on occasion just feel obliged to write out the most recent song that is AJ or a poem or anything that in that second I’ve reached a blank I’m still giving him something in my own handwriting. I make sure that I write everyday to him he once told me that during mail call when he got like 10 letters all at the same time and 5 where from me no one could pee on his parade for like two weeks. we tend to forget that because of the distance the mail call doesn’t happen everyday so there’s a backlog and then they get a week or two weeks worth’s of mail just think about how on the rare occasions we get two or three letters from our man at the same time the most awesome feeling happens like you are the most spoilt person in the world there’s no difference here he wants to know you are still there.
Last year because of the length of the deployment I think we both got a little more creative than usual we went back to basics and asked random questions we started this in boot camp and started it once again last year. We also started writing our own book lol it makes no sense because we put a limit on the pages and if your last page was in the middle of a sentence you stopped right there‼ Because we were getting married when he got home I included pages and pages of wedding drama what I never expected was for him to actually start enjoying it and if I didn’t he’d get grumpy lol you’ve got to wonder‼ We even created our own little quizzies for each other at random times and the stuff that came out of that I’m still in shock‼  
what shocked me even more is that I’m not the type of person that says things outright unless someone has to say it and besides I’m talking more in the sexual context than the actual confronting something the shock was reading through mine and AJ’s letters last year some of them were very sexy and PG rated what’s crazy is my own little steamy love letters kept the flow going right through the 12 months we never saw each other. I was reading one of letters to him and I pretty much laid it out there I told him what I missed about him what I thought about in moments of weakness and yes even little snip bits of plans for when he came home. The next letter I got his first words were Storm I’ve got to admit you surprise me at every turn your last letter will be in reach for a very long time from now on you have no idea how much I miss you and now knowing that you miss me too kind of makes me less alone he then returned the favor in very lengthy description of stuff in one foul swoop he made a PG rated letter into a no under 16. Here’s the thing getting it out there helped me and him not all our letters are PG but we’ve had a few and blushing and choking on coffee moments making me realize cobwebs have their advantages lol‼ I know because I appreciate his words he appreciates mine too especially because he also knows that I’m actually not comfortable with sending those sexy little photo’s he’s never asked but I found that by writing it down and actually saying the words outward meant more than a photo would ever mean to him and me.
Alright I’m not sure what the point is of this but I’m tired so we can put it down as tired babble‼ OOOOOO good news my dads doing better I know this because he gave me a lecture earlier about how I look like I haven’t slept in a year and has officially started giving everyone crap about everything and that is how I know Dad is officially back lol‼
Hope you all have a good day‼