Horrifying Nightmare

omg ... its gotten better but the first half of my day has been HORRIBLE!! and ive been a big cry baby ***** for most of it. I should say that im REALLY sick, i dont get sick often, and i usually just take meds to help with symptoms and keep on trucking but UGH i feel like total crap.

So i had 2 dreams last night about brandon but the second one was like every girls nightmare!! it was about our wedding, we were getting married in florida with my family there (who i really dont care for and am not at all close with) and at first it was like i was marrying my LOSER ex (which was my only other serious relationship) from when i was 17-18-19 years old, hes such a loser i would NEVER be with him now, and i was in the church like OMG I DONT WANNA MARRY HIM!! but then i realized i wasnt marrying him, i was marrying brandon, i was SO RELIEVED, thinking about how much i love him, and was thinking of how amazing he is and how in love with him i am and he walked in the church and looked miserable, he wouldnt kiss me and didnt wanna be close to me and it was like really clear HE DIDNT WANNA MARRY ME!!! and none of his family was there, and my dress was HORRIFIC, I LOOKED HORRIBLE, and the ceremony was HORRIBLE!! it was all just a horrible wedding nightmare!!!!

Im the type of girl, who was a PIMP back before i got with brandon, plus i have many close friendships with guys, so i know "the game" pretty well and im the type of female that when something happens, or a situation arises, i trust brandon, but in the back of my head im thinking "ok that could be a lie and he could really be cheating by doing x,y,&z" and of course you ladies know the lying crap that happened with him so now when stuff like that happens it REALLY gets to me sometimes, whereas before i would jsut make a mental note, but then forget about it ...  ive been doing my best to keep it udner control but i think what caused the horrible dreams i had last night was brandon fell asleep with out calling or texting and telling me good night, then he wakes up at like 1130 and calls me .... well i hate it wehn he does it, he does it semi-often ... he jsut watches movies in his room, and he falls asleep watching movies ... but in the back of my head im like "some female marine hes ******* came in the room to **** and so hes busy now, or he went to her room and theyre ******* and then he comes back to his room and calls before he goes to sleep, but says he fell asleep and just woke up" lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo now i KNOW thats just crazy, and while it is possible i really dont think thats whats happening .. but thats the **** that runs through my head .... and i think thats what caused the dreams ... idk but omg they ******* sucked ...

and i emailed brandon on his phone and told him, and then he called me from a random number telling me his phone messed up and im i start blubbering because im ont he couch all sick and im like omg! see! he doesnt wanna talk to me! and hes all comforting me ... and i suck it up, then later i feel bad,, i dont want him to have to worry about his weak cry baby fiance back at home ... i ended up talking to him and being all 'baby if you dont wanna get married if you wanna live together awhile first i would totally understand i wouldnt be mad AT ALL it would be completely normal' blah blah blah and of course he was like 'im so in love with you i wanna get married in august just like were planning ...' etc etc

so with that, and medicine kicking in, and etc im all around feeling better, but MAN I WAS A BIG CRY BABY THIS MORNIGN!! lmaooo im not usually like that im really not, i think thats what really snapped me out of it wsa thinking about how out of character it was for me ... idk ...


but on a lighter note, the first dream i had last night i was in a high school setting and i went to school with plies and he wasnt famous in the dream he was just a super popular guy in school and me and him were real cool, and brandon was in the marines so he was away and me and plies would flirt like crazy, like to the point that it qualified as cheating and some ***** at my school that wanted to **** brandon was going to hate on me and tell brandon, and i was all like OH ****! and i dont remember exactly how i knew but i knew that brandon was cheating on me while he was away in the marines .. lmaoooo idk, its so random ...

anyway, i just thoguht i would share my lunacy with yall ....

deleted deleted
26-30
2 Responses Feb 11, 2009

oh **** yea thats a bad choice amanda!! once i was having a BAD sick week and could never sleep...so i drank a bottle of nyquil and was doing vodka shot with my friend...two ppl w/ 1 vodka bottle finished...lol...OH MAN I THOUGHT I WAS ON SHROOMS WHEN I FELL ASLEEP(aka pass out)...lol;-)

i get like that if i have a bad dream that feels really real i freak out & if its about shane doing something wrong im mad at him when i wake up & he is of course clueless... some days i just feel crazy... idk i guess i am but w/e hang in there! i hope you feel better soon love! :)