So, Its a Bit Longwinded But Advice Is Appreciated!!

Ok, so I need some advice....  Some of you may know my marine has a daughter who is about 5 or 6 months old.  I know babymama drama is something I'll come in contact with and all, but I've never dealt with it before and was wondering if anyone would have any bit of advice for me.    I pasted in below an email I received from Layla's mother.  I responded nicely and then got a second email.  I'm not quite sure how to respond yet.  I told Bob about the first email when I got it yesterday and we both agree she's trying to start ****.  It was actually confirmed that she was trying to when he talked to her cause she asked how I reacted to finding out about Layla.  Apparently she didnt know that I already knew about her, but whatever.... either way it doesn't matter.    Bob's worried she's trying to get something, out of me or him, that she can take to court cause he's getting ready to fight her for some sort of custody and visitation.  I don't know what this would give her, but I've never dealt first hand with a custody battle.....   I was just hoping for some advice....  She's messed up me and Bob once before and I'll be damned if I let her do it again!         Bob's Babymama Add as Friend February 10 at 7:44pm Report Message its so nice to see ur now in a relationship with bob. after all the not nice things ive heard about you over the past 4 years and proving everything i thought all along n provin me correct i appreciate it cause i truely enjoy being validated in my assumptions ...tell ur new boyfriend to call me since he cant be bothered for over a month to call or email or text n ask about our daughter that he supposedly cares about oh so much cuz i need to update him n im bettin uve heard from him more recently then i have... .but im sure im gonna get an earful for contacting you which frankly i couldnt caree less about cuz if u two for some reason last.. given the fact that i will not be goin anywhere for least next 18 years n u will inadvertantly be interacting with the baby somewhere down the line n his unwillingness to actualyl speak more then one word answers to me this will not be the last time we are in contact so he can ***** all he wants but have him get in touch with me when you talk to him so i can update him on the baby if he cares...thanks bye.       Me
February 11 at 10:52am No problem, I'll let him know your trying to reach him. By the way, your daughter is beautiful!       Bob's Babymama
Add as Friend February 11 at 9:18pm Report Message thankyou i know she is. she got blessed with the "her last name here" family good looks and is the identical image of me as a baby and we're still trying ot find some resemblence or feature from Bob or his family but one has yet to pop up.
i got ahold of him well through text messaging cause god forbid he actually call verbally but thanks for relayin the message. looks like i wont be seeing you this time hes up. though given fact that you will at some point interact with my daughtr I would like to meet you so I know who my daughter is around. i couldnt care less that you're with him but if you two last i have a right to know who you are because i dont know if you can safely be around our daughter and i need to look out for her best interest not bobs personal objective of me never meeting you. ill hear about it on saturday im sure but i do think we should sit down without him present(cuz god knows me and him willl just wind up arg uin) since you may possibly be a part of my daughers f uture life if you wind up actually stayin with him or marryin him or movin in together or w/e. tho im gettni ahead of myself since he isnt even back in philly for 2 more years but you get what i mean about actually gettin to know you if you're plannin on stickin around n inevitably interactin with Layla. let me know though. ill understand if i dont hear from you or you say no but i figured id give this a friendly shot at an attempt to ensure my daughter is around people who can care for her and that areny complete strangers to me. if you had a child of your own you'd understand where im comin from with worrying about who she or he is around. it isnt an unreasonable request and i know for sure it wont be one Bob will be willing to facilitate. though again if i dnt hear frmo you again thats fine too but i'll hope you can be more rational and see where im coming from. have a nice night. bye.
silverskiez silverskiez
26-30, F
5 Responses Feb 12, 2009

i know what your going through!!! Phil has a 6 month old daughter too with his ex... and she tried the whole not going to let you see your daughter thing too.. that didnt work out to well for her... since she still cares about phil soo much she know that its a way to spend time with him.. and i agree with alexis...keep on doing what your doing dont try and **** her off... keep being nice to her... that makes them even more mad and they really cant say anything bad about you because your doing nothing wrong.. thats what i do with phils babymama!! she hates it!! <br />
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if you need anything just send me a message! i know its a hard thing to go through... but if you love him its worth it!

Thank you kali soo much! Its nice to know that this can work out and your proof of it so thank you!

ahh gotcha.... I actually found that part quite curious cause I've only known about her for like three years... <br />
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But she has been validated in one thing i guess.... I was the reason Bob tried to break up with her two years ago, (no we hadn't been doing anything the whole time, it started in cali a month before he went to break up with her, and he only waited cause he didnt want to do it over the phone) but she pulled out the "i'm pregnant card" back then so he did the good guy thing and cut off all contact with me and tried to make things work between them..... He kinda screwed me a bit and by the time he realized she wasn't actually pregnant I had returned the favor and cut him out, didnt answer his calls or anything.... they ended up havin an in/out relationship type of thing til he left for deployment and she sent him a dear john letter in which she told him she was pregnant for real this time.<br />
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yeah, its been a frickin rollar coaster of a ride with this one... and i must be crazy for thinking its all worth it.... I've known for awhile he's the one and I didn't fight last time and i regretted it for two long years.... now i'm fightin! <br />
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sorry if any of you guys knew me in real life, i'm a quiet non-confrontational person who always walked away from things that seem hard but i am soo tired of that....

He can't do anything technically yet, at least thats what he's told. He's not on the birth certificate so he doesn't get any parental rights off the bat, and though she's getting child support from him, the visitations aren't under court order yet, they are still in that particular battle. I don't know what to do... <br />
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kali, I plan on staying on the high road no matter what. I refuse to stoop to a level below me. a quick question.... in your first response, i know its a bit after now but what did you mean when you said: <br />
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Sounds to me like shes hurt because she thought was being lied to about you, and now shes finding that in fact she was.<br />
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..... lied to about us being together? just curious... but seriously you guys have no idea how much your advice helps... I do want a good relationship with her eventually, and if Bob and I have kids and everything, I definitely want my kids to know their sister... I am from a big family and i was raised that family is very important, I want my kids to feel the same way.... I'd feel horrible if my kids grew up knowing they had a sister but not knowing her at all.....<br />
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I haven't told bob about the second email yet, figure I'd wait til he gets here tonight, he was kinda annoyed she sent the first one and he's driving 8 hrs today... i dont want him driving annoyed :-p

Yeah... there's a bit more back story regarding him contacting her then she lets on in the emails that i guess would probably be helpful to know.... They just made the plans for this Saturday like a week and a half ago, so obviously they had to of talked. <br />
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When Layla was born, BM went back and forth with Bob about Layla being his or not. When he came home from Iraq he went to go meet his daughter, was there for about an hour before BM kicked him out and told him Layla wasn't his. Then she called about a week later askin when he'd be back back home again to go to court for child support. So he got the paternity test first then they talked about child support, figured something out between the two of them, then he got a letter in the mail from the court system saying she was taking him to court for support anyway. <br />
then when he was home last time around xmas he would make "dates" with his daughter, obviously via mama, but then she would call a half hour before he was supposed to be there and say they were out shopping she'll call when they get home, then call like four hours later and say Layla was sleeping he'll have to come another time. And then when he finally did get over there, one of the times she was actually awake, cause he would stop by even if she was sleeping and look in on her, BM had invited her friends over at the same time so he didn't actually get "time" with his daughter cause everyone wanted to see the baby.... Then he called her out on it and they got into a huge fight and BM kicked him out of her house and told him he'd never see his daughter again.... He was up here once in January and I watched him try to call BM a bunch of times and she never answered or called him back....<br />
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Hell he even walked out on my b-day dinner cause she called and said if you wanna see Layla come over now, so he did. That was actually the night they had the blow out....<br />
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I don't know, obviously there's sides of everything. But I have seen him try to contact her, the past month I can't really vouch for cause he's been down base but if they have plans, wouldn't they of had to talk at some point in time??<br />
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But like I said, I dont have kids. and yes I do plan on being around and I want to meet Layla and I know I have to know BM, I understand where she's coming from in that sense.... <br />
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I feel bad for Bob tho cause he does love his daughter, he talks about her all the time, he's got pictures everywhere, but he gets soo frustrated trying to talk to BM.... they really need to figure something out fast tho in my opinion... it'll be sooner than they think before Layla's old enough to see or understand the disputes between them... She doesn't need that.....