Dilemma of the Heart and Mind!!! : (

Here's the thing, Fabian (my marine boyfriend) stays with me while he's on leave so that we get to spend as much time together as possible. Its great while he's here, I wouldn't want it any other way cause were always apart and I miss the intimacy, sillyness and just being US! Im very independent, I live on my own, have a good job and go to school. I can handle all that and have been doing so for a while. Fabian assumes that us living together is what will be, once he's home on a more permanent basis. I have doubts that its not the best for us to jump into living together.

Our relationship started as a long distance friendship/possible serious thing, we talked and msged for 6 months before I actually met him, the most time we've spent together is almost a month of leave and maybe 2 weeks at a time or a weekend when I'd go visit him in NC. I want him to do his own thing, get back into school, find a job, make up lost time with family. Most important is try to have something a lil more normal in terms of a relationship between us 2. I wanna see him be independent on his own, he joined the marines cause he didn't feel like his life was going anywhere and it gave him a purpose. He's never lived on his own or had any kind of serious relationship before us. I don't want him to see our relationship as his only focus.

I've brought this up with him before and he got really upset. I tried pointing out many of the things I just mentioned in the previous paragraph and he asked me if I felt like I didn't wanna be with him or break up with him?! I love him so much and can't imagine being as happy or wanting so much with anyone else! I don't want to bring this up again since he's in Irag right now and I know its better to try in person. I just want him to understand where Im coming from and its like he see's it only as that Im not as invested as he is in being together :[ I just don't feel comfortable jumping into something so quickly when I don't think we've gotten to know each other well enough to live together 24/7, especially when he's just out of the marines and adjusting to civilian life.

This is making me so crazy with doubts and worries that he's not gonna understand and just feel like there's something wrong with us or him.  

TXshuga05 TXshuga05
22-25, F
1 Response Feb 19, 2009

I'll be thinking of you, it's really hard! One of the worse fights Patrick and I had was while he was in Iraq right before he came home. It's super-hard to be clear on those calls because each of you have so much stress. Keep strong!