Fearing the Future
My husband has been in the MC for almost 2 years and is scheduled to deploy to Afghanistan sometime this fall. We just got married last month and are having a fun just being together and trying to enjoy the time we have before he leaves.
I'm struggling with the idea of him deploying though and can't stand it when the guys start talking about how many marines have died already in Afghanistan. I don't even want to think about that but I can't help it. I want to be supportive and act like it's not a big deal and like I have no worries, for his sake, but it's so hard to act like that when I'm so worried about all of it! And it doesn't help that he doesn't act interested in really spending time together. I feel like in reality this may be the time we have and that we should take advantage of every minute of it. But I can't say that to him for obvious reasons. It just really bothers me that he'll come home at night and play video games for almost the entire evening and not even seem to know I'm here. I want to spend as much time together as we can while we can but I guess maybe that's why he doesn't want to. It just feels like I'm trying so hard- I make and bring him dinner, I reply every time he says anything to me, I rub his back, I've even asked if I can play a game with him...and with him it's like I have to wave a banner in front of his face and pinch him just to get him to look away from whatever game he's playing and talk to me for 2 seconds. Of course he knows I'm there when it comes time to go to bed but I'd just like a little more than bedroom attention. I'm just afraid the time we have is going to be wasted playing video games and not spending time together and before we know it it's going to be time for him to go and then there's no way of knowing if we'll get any more time. I hate saying that, I hate even thinking it but I know that's the reality of it and I don't want to lie to myself even if I need to pretend for him.