I Talked to Him......

im becoming a story ***** about this, sorry ... anyway i talked to him ... he couldnt really talk, because this is deep ish and he was borrowing someones phone, and they were right there in the room ... but i talked and he listened ... and i can tell a lot of what I said hit home ... we shall see if what happens, and what becomes of it ... I really believe this isnt anything that we cant get though, as long as were both committed to it and invested in it ... we shall see ... What Ryan said REALLY helped a lot ... ill post it .... but I hadnt really expressed that i needed him before, ive said it ... but never really conveyed it in a meaningful way, make sense? And I said it, and really really conveyed it .. and it really seemed to strike a chord ... I had to make it quick, but I touched on everything we all talked about and what ryan had said, he spoke up and said that he thinks the lying stuff really is on him, and something he needs to work out within himself, said he wants to hit up the USMC counselling because its free and what not .... and let him know I needed to work on not flippin about stuff ... and I told him I realized I been doin too much and I needed to let up some and just be easy .. basically everything we talked about .. we couldnt really discuss it freely ... lol poor guy, he ended up putting his pillow on his face before his friend saw him cry .. I knew it really wasnt a good time to talk about this ... but i have no idea when a good time is going to come, hes going to be with out a phone at least another week .... and i just had so much I just felt I couldnt not tell him, i didnt want him to go another day with out knowing how I felt about some things .... I threw out there that the no gifts stuff was unacceptable ... but that convo can wait... I didnt wanna badger him about it .. I just wanted to make sure he knew how I felt .... damm, me thinking he was completely cutting me off last night ... man, it really woke me up some i think .... it was such a horrible feeling ... the phone call wasnt all sad and mushy we laughed A LOT which we really needed I think ... HE FARTED ON THE PHONE/IN MY EAR!!! AWWW!! ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE HE DID THAT!!!! we used to do that to each other all the time!!!! I really needed that fart!!! Although, it sucks for the guy whose phone it was lmbooo!!

anyway ... wish us luck .. we shall see how it all turns out ... AND I HOPE ALL OF YOU LADIES ARE HAVING A WONDERFUL SPRING BREAK!!!! Mine has not been that great (obviuosly) taylahs has been alright, but im gonna make sure the rest of her week is OFF THE DAMM CHAIN! lmbooo ..

To all of you that read my long *** drawn out story, THANK YOU!! I LOVE YOU LADIES!!!!!

OH YEA! I forgot, this is what Ryan said ... I really wanted to post it, for those that were curious, and also because it really really helped a lot, he was VERY MUCH on point ... NONE of my female friends were able to give me this kind of insight ... and when I talked about this stuff with brandon it really seemed to strike a chord ... so .. yea ... here it is:

I read through your story, "I Am Going Insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", and most of the comments (well, to 90 at least, they seem to be coming in faster than I can read them), and I wanted to let you know what I thought. From your story, I wouldn't think you're crazy at all. You sound like you did the normal thing; you're serious with your boyfriend, have been together for some time, he began treating you poorly, and you got angry and refuse to put up with it. I admire you for that, many women swear by their men no matter how they are treated. Judging from your story, I don't see any indication that he doesn't want to make it work. I think what you should do is be honest with him. Let's face it, you want him to be there for you and your daughter, and you're probably scared that he's not up for it. Let him know that. All these things you do, going through the accounts, acting crazy or controlling or however you view it, those aren't bad things. They just mean that you're feeling like you need him, and there's nothing wrong with feeling that way. If he loves you, then he wants you to need him, to want him that badly. But he doesn't have any way of knowing that that's how you're feeling. To him, you are just being controlling, and he may feel opressed. All he sees is you telling him what to do, he doesn't see your fear, fear for you and your daughter, fear for your future, for his commitment to you. Voice it. Tell him that's where your at, if I'm correct and it is. Tell him you're scared and you just want to know that he's there for you no matter what. Tell him you do depend on him, and you're scared because you're not just worried about you. He already knows you're strong and assertive. He knows you're badass and you take no **** from anyone, I guarantee by now he knows you can put your foot down if the situation calls for it. For once, just ask him for what you really want, proof that he is as serious about you as you are him. I know that you can live without him, and you know that too. After all you must remember that you are doing just fine on your own, and were before he got there, but that if he so chooses, you want to be with him. I may be wrong in some of my assumptions, if so, take my advice for a grain of salt, I'm just letting you know how it appears to me, after talking a little to Alexis too. I just know that men like to feel needed, and depended on by a woman they love, and it sounds like you're ready to really depend on him and you just don't know how to show it. Anyways, best of luck to you, and I'm sure you will sort it all out.



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8 Responses Mar 17, 2009

aww im so happy you guys got to talk some...ok and to clear things up just in case you read my story abt my friend not knowing if she wants to be engaged and all and thought i was bein a ***** i dont think if you break up it means you're not ready to get married i mean ****! aaron and i were only engaged abt 6 months and we broke up 3 times! it was the worst feeling in the world but we're so happily married now. i think my friend is being dumb cuz shes basically sayin she doesnt know if she wants to be engaged cuz she doesnt wanna be tied down when she goes to college and im pissed that shes messing with the poor guys head like that! anyways lol...im happy you're gettin stuff worked out- and good for you for really telling him how you were feeling and what you need out of the relationship too! sometimes thats what ya gotta do :) good luck girl

holy **** that was long!! omg it took forever for me to read it cuz my computer froze and logged me off!! effing Dell!!

pay cuts!!!!!!!!!!!! hell no!!! tell brandon *** to chill out! & if he get in trouble again im gonna put him in time out! lol

Not sure what njp is but im sure its not good!<br />
& Alexis if ryans your man then he's a keeper so I agree w/ selflesslove marry that man lol. <br />
& I feel like a wife during WWI right now b/c all me and josh can do is write thank god its almost over!!!!! 9 days

Omg! Thank god for Ryan and Kali im glad everything is working its self out.<br />
He seems like a good man and every man has flaws. The fact that he's willing to admit to his and take steps to correcting them alone proves that he's tryn.<br />
Keep ur head up and everything will be cool

I know right! Like I love getting and sending letters. But I would go crazyy if thats the only communication we had. I cant really judge all those Dear John letters. I KNOW I wouldnt be able to do it without hearing from Travis. Yeahh. Compared to them we have it easy.<br />
<br />
Wow, I cant even believe I used easy and a deployment in the same sentence. lol ;)

aww. Happy one year! <br />
<br />
But yeahh for as little as we really get to see our guys. And how we have to learn to have whole relationships on the phone and internet.. I think we're really kicking ***.

I really think you guys are going to be fine. You know hes the kinda guy that is willing to make it work, and as long as you voice what the issue is, I think things will get better. Plus for the stress our relationships are put through, I think we're all doing pretty good. :)