Some Help With Deployment Relationship Please?

Well this may be a long story but please give your imput....

I have been with my marine since we were 13. We dated all through high school and after school he joined the USMC and I went to college. After my first year of college I dropped everything, eloped with him in California and moved there to his base. We have been married for almost 2 years and he went to Iraq in August 2008. He is set to be home in 3 weeks. About 2 months ago he dropped a bomb shell on me. Although we have been together for so long, he is now telling me that he was never happy. That he can't see any good times that we have ever had in our relationship. He says the military is the place for him and that he wants to reinlist. It has been very hard for us throughout this deployment. When he was home I worked and went to school while he worked on base and things were seemingly ok. Since he has deployed I see such a big change in him. He is very blunt and says things without consideration of my feelings. Some of those things he takes back but they still hurt. Now he is telling me that he wants us to stay separate when he comes home from Iraq. I will stay in Ohio and he will go back to Cali. I was set to come see him return from deployment but he told me not to. He says he wants to come home for a week or so and thats it. I am so heart broken I can't describe it. We honestly had a good relationship before deployment. Altough we didn't spend as much time together as we would have liked, due to military things, work, and school, we did have a good relationship. I am so shocked as well are a lot of my military wiife friends that he is acting this way. I'm not sure if he will snap out of this when we reunite after deployment or not. I don' t want to be divorced, I really love him. I just think the solitary life of deployment has done this to him. I want him to try post deployment counceling with me but he doesn't seem like he wants to make the effort. He feels that he got married too yound and maybe he also feels like he is missing out on being a bachelor, I don't really know. I don't know if he met someone while deployed although he honestly isn't the cheating type. I just need some advice from the ladies who know the military life best, my fellow marine wives and girlfriends.

 

I would appreciate any and all comments and suggestions... or your own stories that may relate.

prezkelly24 prezkelly24
18-21
7 Responses Mar 22, 2009

Sounds like he is going through something. My friend went through this with her husband. He felt like she wouldn't understand what he was going through so he walked away for a while and sought comfort through talking with his marine buddies. Give it some time. He needs to readjust to life home, and have things balance out. It is a waiting game, but then I am sure he will be amenable to conversations about your relationship.

Sounds like he is going through something. My friend went through this with her husband. He felt like she wouldn't understand what he was going through so he walked away for a while and sought comfort through talking with his marine buddies. Give it some time. He needs to readjust to life home, and have things balance out. It is a waiting game, but then I am sure he will be amenable to conversations about your relationship.

when most guys have problems after war they're too full of pride to admit it.... Honestly I don't know if he'll snap out of it without any form of help. There has to be something wrong with him although I highly doubt he's met anyone while being deployed so i wouldn't worry about that. I agree with strawberryshortcake though... definitely keep suggesting counseling. I hope everything works out ok!!! Stay strong!!!

Thank you guys so much. I just don't know how to suggest post deployment counceling for both of us. I mean he tells me that he has gone and they just tell him that he doesn't need to be married, which I think is bull. I think thats more like his shop talking to him like that. Like older guys who aren't concerned with family just with being in the military. I know he needs it I just want him to realize that!

im not a marine wife but i am an army wife unfortunatly a lot of soliders i know come back blunt saying whatever they want without consideration the one story similar to yours happen to my friend she moved to hawaii stayed with her future hubby for a couple months and a week before the wedding he told her he didnt want to marry herany more not because he didnt love her but because she was to young to become a widow and he didnt want to put her through that .....as for me and my hubby he started to close up his feelings before leaving as well as ingnoring me putting his feelings on the side we went to predeployment counseling a it was a world of difference when we got done going through it (he didnt want to go through it either he thought it meant he was weak) i sugest you go through the post deployment consul that way you find out what really is going on and what he is thinking....good luck i know this isnt easy

maybe he's not getting too close because he;s afraid of how much he'll miss you when he leaves. maybe he thinks making you mad and pushing you away will make it easier on the both of you.

I would talk to someone in the forces such as minster or counsler that might know how to deal with this better. Maybe its P.T.S.D.X