Sleep? What's That?

Hello Ladies....I hope everyone is doing well. I just wanted to say hello since it is 0100 and I am still awake. I am exhausted, but too exhausted to sleep. I got an email from M this morning which was the best Valentine's Day present I could have asked for since he is involved in the Marjah offensive. He said that he was ok, that he loved me, and that he was going back to bed. I got the email around 1330 which would have been 0200 his time. I was so relieved. These past few days have been exhausting. He told me not to watch the news, but I can't help it. Friday night I was checking Yahoo news every few minutes as the offensive progressed. Every time my phone rang my heart would stop and I would pray it wasn't M's brother. His number comes up unknown on my phone. I got a call yesterday from an unknown number and freaked.....I couldn't answer the call in time but I texted his brother right away to see if he had called and he hadn't. Phew.....

Every time my email tone goes off I get butterflies. I sleep clutching my phone so hard my knuckles are white. Now that the first surge is over I am trying as hard as I can to avoid the news, but it's kind of hard to do when I go to check my email and there are headlines about the offensive. I went out with my cousin last night, just the two of us. She is single so I was her wingman. Guys tried to hit on me (as I am wearing his Marine Corps ring and St. Michael/USMC necklace). Guys would ask if I was single and I would proudly tell them no. I talked to several different people last night, guys and girls and not one of them knew what was going on in Afghanistan. THAT pissed me off.

Anyway, with the time difference I never sleep anymore. If he emails me, I know he is online so I want to be awake to email him back right away. I know he can't call, and who knows if it will be hours, days or weeks before he emails me again. But not missing it is more important to me than sleep. It will catch up to me, I'm sure, and once I go back to work this week I won't be able to stay up that late, but for now I am going to stay up. This way I won't dream the terrible dreams I have been having. This way I won't miss an email. This way I can know if there have been any new developments in Afghanistan. I got used to functioning on very little sleep a long time ago. It's called working 120 hours a week and getting a Master's Degree....

Anyway, I hope this makes sense. Deployment brain has made me loopy. I just wanted to let you ladies know how I have been feeling.

Another thing that sucks? M spent a decent chunk of change to send me flowers that were supposed to come to my work on Friday but didn't. He was really bummed that they didn't get there. The flower company must have screwed up or something, but FTD will be getting a lovely phone call from me tomorrow.....lol....

Is this life easy? Nope..... Would I chose a different life? Absolutely not....

My cousin asked me today: "Why don't you ask him to get out of the Marine Corps?" I said: "Because he loves what he does and it just makes sense, especially in this economy. We will be able to buy a house, have full medical coverage for our children, send them to college, and have guaranteed income as well as retirement." She just said "Oh" And on FRIDAY NIGHT....the night it all went down all she could talk about were the different guys she was dating and how one wasn't calling her back. She knew what was going on, what I was dealing with, but was too selfish to care......

Bottom line? This deployment, specifically this offensive is exhausting. I am tired. I always joke that I didn't sleep a full night when M was in Iraq, but once he was home I slept like a baby. I am looking forward to sleep! :)

I skimmed some stories and noticed that some of you ladies got flowers or got to see your men on VDay, but I just couldn't comment. I am sad. I actually cried today which I have been able to hold back pretty well. But then I thought that VDay is just a date on a calendar. We will celebrate when M gets home. He said he would make it up to me for missing my birthday and VDay and I said "all I want is for you to come home to me safe, nothing else matters."

I love you ladies so much and I don't know what I would do without this site. I said I was leaving but I guess I am addicted, I just keep coming back. I just won't read certain stories. Sorry if this is all over the place.

To all my deployment ladies please try to stay strong. Keep the faith.....Semper Fidelis.....our men will make it home to us safe and sound. As I have said before, PLEASE take care of you. I know that it becomes easy to think of others and keep ourselves busy to try and speed the time, but PLEASE take some time for yourself or you will go crazy.....whether that is getting a massage (soooo jealous Amber :), hanging out with friends, eating, drinking, laughing, crying, watching silly movies, sleeping.....whatever it is that makes YOU feel better please do it. Don't expect your friends to understand why you are acting crazy....they won't. Just do what YOU need to do to get through, and only you know what that is.

 

OMG he just emailed me....love you ladies....BYE!!

Caligirl125 Caligirl125
26-30, F
7 Responses Feb 15, 2010

aww very lucky to get an email!! i havent heard from Marco since last Sunday - he called on a satellite phone but the call kept dropping and i was only able to talk to him for 2 minutes. he's also part of the Marjah offensive. sooo scary - i keep checking the news - even though i know he wouldnt want me to do that. <br />
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stay strong ladies - hopefully it will all be over soon

ahhhh yayyyyyy im ssooooooo sooooo hapy you got an email....i got one too!!! best vday ever...hahaha and all chris could say was sorry we are apart again on this holiday....and i just said get your *** home this is just a day on the calender and that anyday can be valentines day bc i love him EVERYDAY he laugh in the email and got off :( buuuuutttt he laughed adn is okay...hes just on standby as of yesterday, on weather or not hes gunna be apart of this marjah thing.<br />
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anyyyywhooo girlie i love you so much you NEED to get some sleep i know its hard but if M was here would he want you so exhausted you can barely function?? or would he want his godess to feel crazy and helpless...no take your own advice, do something for you [[hahaha our pictures!!]] and relax go take a walk or ****** DRINK! lol just whatever, he loves you and misses you but your health is importante!! and no matter what im here for you i promise you that.<br />
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i love you and yesss FTSB

im glad most of us girls got emails made alot of us feel 10x better and yours right FTSB lol. and im with you on sleeping but hopfully you take my advice and get aa massage it will deffinutly help you relax :) and im adicted to the news now which SUCKS A*S but i will deal at least i wil be well informed lol. but hang in there all our men will be home before me you or anyone knows it bc thats just how it works im so use to sleeping through the deployment so days fly but with not sleeping im struggling the days seem to go slower and i need the sleep for the unknown maybe possibly bundle of joy inside me :) EPP fingers still crossed today. but anyway we will make it through together :) semper fi and stay strong hun :)

I really hope that your able to start getting some sleep. But I am so glad that you were able to hear from M.<br />
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I am also going through a deployment (it just recently began) and I will post my story later today or tomorrow. Oh ya and this is Heather. I changed my name and what not so that I am not putting to much info out for everyone.

yay for the vday e-mail! :D <br />
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omg guys are so stupid sometimes and never get the hint. you should've left an indent of the usmc logo on their forehead! lol.<br />
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you're doing great love! but girl try and get as much rest as possible. deployment is another challenge and you'll pass with flying colors no worries! and even though i'm all the way over in CT you can text me or call me anytime!<br />
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wish we could've met up when i was in town, but i think you should make a trip over to CT and i'll take you out to NYC! :)<br />
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omg! another e-mail awesome! ;D

Aw girl i'm holding thumbs for both you and your man! Hang in there sweety you still positive and thats good you'll get that call eventually. i cant put the news off or stop reading about it on the internet i think i only can because AJ's still here but it's also habit because my dads there and i just have to know you know! any way i'm thinking about them every minute and i really hope the best for your man! and try and get sleep even if its five minutes seriously five minutes is better than nothing!!

Oh yeah one more thing......FTSB.....