In It, But Not At The Same Time. Help!

My story may seem a bit whimsy, but It's my story and why I've decided to post it on this website.

My current love interest and I met when we were freshman in highschool. We dated for about 7 months in our sophomore year and then broke up. We had stayed friends for the past 2 years since, and since then I had found a boyfriend and stayed with him for about a year and a half. I can remember never feeling attached to this past boyfriend in anyway whatsoever. He was clingy and dependent, and I'm the complete opposite.

This is where it all really starts, though.

About a month ago, my current love interest and I started to text eachother a lot, and he found me a new job (getting me out of the pits of hell from my old job). I was still dating my long term boyfriend at the time, when my current love interest and I decided to hook up. I remember driving home that night feeling like my life was about to change in a drastic way. I had never planned on developing feelings for him again, but it happened. He felt the same way as well. One night we ended up talking on the phone for 6 hours straight, and expressed our feelings for eachother. I felt happy in the sense that after all this time, my first love, the one I thought would never want me again, wanted me. And still does. Since then we've been hanging out more and more, seeing eachother after work and even when I just have to go out to the store. We cuddle and kiss and talk and laugh, it's great.

Over the month, I had to end things with the long-term boyfriend, because obviously none of this was fair to him. I couldn't have feelings for both, and I knew that we were bound to call it quits anyway. We were going to break up whether this all happened or not.

Theres one thing that has been bothering me, though. The night that we talked for 6 hours straight, he mentioned something. He likes me, and wants so badly to call me his girlfriend. But- he's afraid of dying out in Iraq, or where ever he's stationed. He's not afraid to die, but more afraid- terrified actually of what his death would do to me. We basically act as boyfriend and girlfriend, but he can't bring himself to commit officially. It sounds odd, and like he doesn't want me in a way, but I want to make him understand exactly how it makes me feel. It's like we can do everything, except call ourselves a couple. It drives me crazy. We've both even promised to not sleep with anyone else. If anyone with a similar situation can give me some perspective into what his deal is, it would be great. I know he's afraid of dying. I'm afraid of that too.

jordanxdiedie8 jordanxdiedie8
18-21, F
4 Responses Mar 2, 2010

LOL turns out he was playin' me the whole time. the **** lied to me texting me 2 minutes before prom started that he was with his marine recruiter and how sorry he was he couldnt come, only to find him on the dance floor with another girl, who he had denied he was going to prom with a month prior. NOT TO MENTION, prom was also my 18th birthday. hahahhaah! and when i found him i smacked him across the face, and then he gets mad cause i smacked him! so after i cool down, i decide to give it another try, only to find out from one of his best friends that he's still seein' that girl. and HE STILL DENIED IT! so, needless to say i am done with him and his bullshit. i feel so sorry that i slept with him, or had anything to do with him again. but, now i know not to **** around with marines, ever. yep (:

Yeah what Emily said...that you are going to feel the same way whether or not you're "official" is def true...I mean even if you aren't technically dating you would react the same way. When my husband and I were engaged his mother tried to keep us from getting married and organized a big intervention lol with all our parents to try to talk us out of it cuz she doesn't like me. Anyways one of her arguements for us not getting married was to ask me how I would feel if we DID get married and he got deployed and didn't come back and I looked at the ***** and told her I would regret NOT having married the love of my life when I should have! We got married a month later :) lol good luck girl.

I agree with both Storm and Emily (i think thats your name lol i suck at names!) u just have to be there for him show him u not going anywhere and that u truely do care about him and won't go anywhere he knows this already u just have to now show him!

Wow ok sweety they all go through and in all honesty you can only just be there for him and help him through it reassure that you'll be there for him no matter what it'll come round just be patient! Good luck