Met My Soldier On An On Line Dating Site

I met a man on an online dating site and he has been in deployment for over a year.Initially he said he wanted us to be friends but now we have become closer.I live in a different country and have developed a fondness for this man even though i have not met him before.We chat on video chat when he is in an area with internet access and we have engaged in cybersex.We have been talking for the past 6 months.He says he likes me a lot and calls me his woman but can not promise me much in terms of commitment  as he will be deployed again after his 3 month break..He has already purchased tickets to come and see me when he is on his 3 month break.What worries me though is that idont know if this man is genuine or he is just enjoying chatting to  sexy young woman who can also help get relief whilst he is in deployment.He says he broke up with his girlfriend before he was deployed and had actually asked me to visit him on his break but due to work and study commitments i am unable to do so.I have never met this man and i have become so attached to him ,i call him ,text him and even send him treats all the time.H e seems nice but i dont really know.Do you think he would just use me because he is lonely and needs company?I am scared but i care for him and i spend sleepless nights if he is in a 'challenging' area so to speak.Ladies please help what should i do ?Am i becoming too clingy ?Should i just follow my heart or throw caution to the wind?
Acctech Acctech
31 Responses Dec 31, 2010

wow I so know how you feel right now :-(
I met a guy online and we've been together about 4 times. He told me right away that he's going to get deployed very soon and he was only in my area for specific training at the time. Now he's away in training and I hardly hear from him maybe once a week. I felt like we had a great connection and chemistry but I don't know if he's genuine or playing me because he's so unavailable at times and then so into me other times and I'm going crazy because I have strong feelings for him now and he's leaving for his deployment in a couple of weeks, then I have no idea if he will be thinking about me or if I'll even hear from him again at all. I don't want to look clingy or desperate so I try so hard and not text him but I told him how I feel about him and now he's all quiet again. This is like a slow torture, I can't even imagine what it's like staying in touch once this person is deployed and away for entire year. I can't stop thinking about him and I have no idea if he's thinking about me but if he did he would have contact me way more frequently so I'm going to have my heart break soon. Just sucks being in this situation and so confusing.

I have bin on a dating sight called Badoo and almost all the same experiences like you but one thing I could never understand is why do they keep asking me to send money? But when ever they do I tell them the Truth that I don't money I get kicked away.. Lol I don't worry about being kicked away because I am not shore who am I texting with because I don't know if they are real or fake.. Sometimes they even have Facebook and all of them I talk to have a child and a dead wife.. Hmmmm.. I have so many questions and I just don't know where to start..

Omg I HAVE met someone the same way and he is deployed we are in love I'm in the states he's asked me to marry I excepted he wants to come to me and go get marriage licence then fly back to his hom in Florida I LOVE this soldier he's what I've wanted my whole my only problem is, Who does or what Are the first steps to make that halt? Does he get the forms from ?? Military file them and I'm sure pay for them ? Or do I GET THE forms and send to him? we both don't what or how to do this please help.

Hi, I found a lot of Nigerians impersonating American soldiers who told me they were from Virginia. It is hard to tell where they are or who they are, but if his diction is OK and he hasn't got a heavy 'accent' that isn't American or English, I would say get him to fly to meet you and find him a hotel. You just don't know who you are dealing with nowadays. But I wish you lots of happiness and good luck. Karla, London

I am going through the same thing , I believe you , I feel the same way. Be strong/ watch and pray.

Gosh I have been burnt badly please becareful...I still would love a guy in the Army though...I hope this goes amazingly for you..good luck

I was looking , but not one in the army. This one was very persistent then we starttalking and iI fall in love with him

Thank you !

Hey, thats a very riske situation you are inn, Its ether i posetive sign or a negative sign. Do some reseach first, Look up things on line, ask questions, Why. Here is something i can relate to, i am in the same situation, but i was not reseaching enought.
Come to find out this man named Michael. B Hutches has been contacting me since last year, i meet him on line, very hansom. But the one down fall was that long ago he asked me to hjelp him with pikking money up, for him thrue the airport, from Afganistan to Europa where i am, i said NO, Then we lost touch, and now he is contacting me again,sending me pictures of him self again, the one thing i learned from this is to make shore he has a e mail address, if he is a solder, he has a access to an account called AKO Email address, all solders have this it where its written someting like this exsample..Michael,b, good luck.

Wow! Really? He does have Email but he has accent also tells me he's British I know his full middle and last name how else can I confirm he is legit? Thank you

I met my army guy off of a dating site and we met in person and things took off from there. I hope he's not playing around with you and is serious.

Me too My heart couldn't take it after all this time. thank you

I'm filipina I found my military bf in online dating site. He is true he send me many picture and I see him in video chat and he send me a video training and I see all my bf friend a other soldier. My bf are intrudes to my picture to his friend and I'm so glad! To this man he is very romantic and cool bf for me I speak him 3 hours everyday and he txt me all time! Everymins. He say I love you and he said thank you to giving hope!

So I say to you girl ask him first if he is true! A name? Age? Family background ? And he said he is divorce! Your going to see that! Because if he is true he do that! Because. It's very easy to send to yo that divorce paper !

Be careful girl!

Awe thank you so much . God bless.

Add a response...

wow. hi .I also got involved with a soldier from online dating site. He is amazing and Im really into him. I share the same fears as you. although he is extrememly devoted.. how can you fall in love with someone you havnt met? or how do you know its genuine. people talk a lot of talk when they are in these unique situations. Mine is coming to see me in the next few weeks. Im diving in head first and see where it goes. I know its risky but Love is alwasy risky

Wow! I HOPE he's everything you wish for, if I may ask you does he overseas file for this leave? How long does it take Before we know? Does it cost $$ thank you for reading.

Hi I also met my military man online but he is local and we have been talking for about two months now, and he always tell me he loves me we talk everyday and he gave me his phone number full address full name age brithday and what base he is station locally and he's coming home to me the end this month I can't wait to be with him.

girl enhoy it and go with the flow;)

Thank you that's what I plan to do.

All ladies,

Go to, in search box, type romance scams. It's a real eye opener.

Good luck. Make sure when you meet him your family is there with you. Don't allow him to stay with you. Keep your guard up there are so many scamers out there.

If you feel you are being mislead by an online romance - You probably are! If you'd like free help Advice to show you proper search engines, sites you can use to get back Your life!! And a fake guy out..Please feel free to contact me! As I understand very much so this type of emotional pain. I just want to help other women/men avoid this. God Bless!
Sincere & Not fake -Me!! :))

do you have an input for me, Regards to this michael b hutches guy

I can relate to your post! This is what my situation now, like he broke up with someone then he calls me like I'm his girl even though we haven't met personally yet... same story like yours. To be honest, you need to tell him to go first in your country just to prove it that he's serious and interested in you and to tell if he's genuine enough. That's what my aunt's advice she gave to me :) God Bless!

I recently ment a military guy online. We chat during his lunch hr almost everyday. I have asked him if he could skype or call me he say's it is not allowed because of security reasons. He has sent lots of pic and even sent me a copy of his military Id I also asked him for a copy of his drivers license. I was not suspious untill he asked for money and that put up a huge red flag. How can I be sure this guy is who he say's he is..yes it is a real Id had an Army friend look at it... I want to trust him but I also don't want to be stupid...Thanks

OMG yr living my dream. I dont know how you first contacted him as I have been trying for over a year to met a usa military personal. Im ex RNZN. tell me the secrete to doing this. My thoughts are no yr not clingy , but feel happy and thats what will make yr mind up for you, yes follow yr heart ok. As he might be the one.

Hello ! I read your story and I met a man exactly like that from a dating site. We spoke for months....and I knew it was hard for us to meet being he was stationed in Alaska and I live in New York. He just recently contacted me and told me he loved me. I was a little freaked out because we never met in person and I do believe love comes in all forms and shapes but I realized he had serious issue's and I backed off. He was stuck in the illusion of wanting a girl being he was so lonely where he was. Now I'm not saying this man doesn't truly care for two might have an extremely special bond..but just be cautious and keep your wits about you. -As for you, it's not clingy, you are also in love with the idea of a military man. I am the same exact way...they are sexy! Don't fall in head over heels because you never know what could happen.

Hi I am from another country and met my soldier in a dating site. He came in one day, left me your email address and left the site the next day. I wrote to him, we exchanged a few photos, nothing sexual, and we exchanged emails over a month, almost daily. We never talk or video chat. We have a time difference of seven hours and I think that confuses a little. But the truth is beginning to like him very much, despite the enormous distance. He was never offensive, never tried anything relating to sex or money. It is always very affectionate and he says being in love. I do not know what to think or how to check if he speaks the truth, even if it is in the army, although he sent me pictures of his uniform. He asks me if I would move to his city to live together. What do you think? I'm afraid to fall in love once and hurt me ...


Hey there April80:) Dont know what your situation is but,dont worry too much,not every story turns out bad,some actually find their love that way:) but,i wouldnt develop too deep feelings for him that fast,take some time,see how it goes and how you really feel. Some soldiers,because they are out there,feeling alone,maybe scared,they might fall in love because of that,they need some sweet feelings too. and when they get back,situation not saying your situation would be like that,just keep it cool for some time,2 years you said,thats a long time,if you really care about this man you got time to get to know him better. dating sites are good i mean,people are looking for that special someone there but so many guys just fools around on them,talking with many girls at same time,maybe collecting a harem lol:) so,if he is serious and you are too,i would check that dating site activity,you said you met on dating site?

Hi April80, I'm in a similar situation would love to hear how this is progressing for you. I'm falling for my guy big time.

This is happening to me now. Someone, contacted me from The conversation is the same. Pictures were sent also. Me, being former millitary am questioning the unform as put together, He is outside without a hat, also is mos patch is below the american flag on his right arm. When I was in 76-80 same branch as he, we were not allowed outside in uniform without some type of headgear. The patch was on your left arm just under the shoulder seam. I think I've seen pictures of some fatigues where the rank insignisa is permanately sewn on the front of tthe uniform. anyone out there know? He has told me he is a E-7, the insignia pictured is that of a one star general. I was reading last night that geet names off our fallen and use them or even people currently serving. He has said he is being discharged in 6wks and is falling in love with me. We've only been chat 4 days, he'll keep me on chat for 6hrs. When does he sleep? He is supposedly in Afghanastan, in special forces, and signs off around 10:30 PST. States he's been there 17mos, I didn't think a tour was that long there. Also, divorced with a child he has custody of.
Parents deseased, and an only child. Be very careful. As for me I'm getting ready to trip this guy up.

this sounds alike like my story that I am living now. How doI know if he is real or if Iam being scamed.

Hi there. Just read your post and so much of it sounds just like the guy I'm talking to.....chatting for hours.....discharged in a short period of time and divorced with custody of a daughter, only child and both parents dead. Did you manage to trip him up or are you still chatting?

Hi, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. What soldier has time or means to send numerous emails per day? I hope I am wrong, but they are usually Nigerians with fake fotos of military personnel who they are impersonating. Please be cautious. One good tip: if they say they are falling in love with you or want to marry you within the first few weeks, they are fake! Good luck. Karla

you're not your

4 More Responses

I to met a soldier on a dating site Chumads, Jason Adams we kept in contact however he went quite for about a month & suddenly I got another mail from the same guy using a different e mail account. Kinda scary I'm very cautious.

If you have never met in person, be careful with online dating sites.

ive meet my boyfriend in online dating site and he deployed in afghanistan.. <br />
and he want to meet me in here in philippines .. this coming march .. <br />
while he is in war zone till now..were still chatting i send him all my pictures and he use my picture as a wallpaper in his iphone.. i really fall inlove with my man.. we are doing cybersex sometimes and there was a time that i saw a tears falling from he's eyes and he told me that he can't wait to see me.. we have 3000 miles away.. and we need to wait untill march but i can wait him .. the problem is what if he can't meet me this coming march and i am hoping to see him also.. i don't know what to do .. i really love him.. i sleepless night .. we still chatting.. he makes me smile.. chat and video chat.. he already meet my parents tru webcam my family and my relatives.. i hope he will not broke his promise .. i am 22 and he is turning 32 this coming december.. wish me luck!

I have met a man who says he is a soilder on deployment says he is widowed an look to love again in the 2 weeks since we met he says he has fallen in love with him and he wants me in his life forever. I am very wary any advice

Be cautious about this. Don't move fast and if at all possible try to meet in person ASAP. Most of all be honest with him and yourself. If he's truly in love he will respect your wishes.

I met an US Army Sgt online. Immediately knowing my full entire name in one day of chatting, he wanted a full commitment from me. Less than a month of online courting he wanted to marry me<br />
and spend our lives together forever, before ever meeting each other IRL. He was adamant having a quicky ceremony with the Justice of the Peace when he planned to visit me on his military leave.<br />
He told me he would earn an additional $3,000 a month if we were to marry while he is deployed in<br />
Afghanistan. I've reported him to his AIG. Since our split, I've discovered he's been engaged to marriage with 3 different women within last six months. Ladies guard your heart and you wallet.

Good for you young lady! Don't believe a word they say, they are lying toads.

Pigs! If he really was deployed to a war zone, some guys have no family and no one to write to them to take their minds off their surroundings. We can never imagine what they are going thru. These guys really do need penpals and friends to help them get thru the difficult times. However, sleeze balls treat women like crap only to use them for such attention making them promises that they knkow they wont keep. Some men that are stationed overseas claimed to be "deployed to a war zone" just to keep women states side for sex buddies when they return home. Then when the weekend is over, they return back to their "deployment". The majority of men are good hearted soldiers fighting for our freedom and country who need good women supporting them. I stand by my man! :) Good luck.

Thank you for all your comments.He came to see me recently ,and i went through his personal belongings.He had itenararies to travel to other countries and i saw copies of emails with addresses and long love letters from other women.I also found a usb with pictures of him and another woman.They were both wearing wedding bands.When i questioned him he said they broke up and he said the other women were just friends who kept him company in deployment.I was gutted.What kind of person does that?

omg :( thats so horrible, exactly what im scared of. are you ok? I know you posted this in april but wow...hope you're ok!! hugs.

I knew my guy from high school.. hadnt seen him in almost 20yrs, started an online relationship, flew to see him, then he deployed. I can tell you that it IS possible for conversations to end abruptly because the internet goes up and down over in iraq, plus some places the generators go up/down at certain times too. There have been times that I havent heard from him for 2-8 wks and all of a sudden he just pops up. We cant speak on the phone, and he told me not to bother writing cause he moves so much between iraq/kuwait and different regions. However, there are many guys out there that are infact scamming women. They try to claim that they need money to get home----they do not. the army will send them anywhere they want to go and back again. So DO NOT send them money. It is a very popular scam where the woman calls a number to send money for him to get the leave to come home---it is bogus. In these situations it is hard to tell. Everyone's job is different therefore the missions are different, so the times that he can write/call WILL be different from someone else's. As for the phone/cybersex---men take what they can get if you let them. If he is TRULY over there, it is possible he is in a desert with a bunch of smelly sweaty men without a woman in sight. Your insecurity shows the type of relationship you have. I would tell him that you are going to see other people til he returns and see what happens.

Hi!<br />
I wanted to comment on your story, because I think I'm in a similar situation....<br />
I've met a deployed soldier via an on-line dating site, and we have been emailing each other as much as possible. I feel like I'm really falling for this man- he's very charming, and great to talk to. We've shared pictures (not sexual at this point), so i don't feel completely blind in all this, but I do sometimes question if he's a pla<x>yer or not. Its too early in the game to truly know! Am I one of several women? I did notice the other day that he took his profile off the dating site, so that was reasurring to me!<br />
<br />
He has about 5 months to go with his tour- and says he plans to retire from the military when he gets home. He does live in a another state (not too far- a 2 hour plane trip), but he has assured me he has no ties to his hometown, and that the logistics can be worked out. I've moved a lot in my life,so I do agree the long distance isn't a huge deal breaker for me. If he's really the one (I do hope so!!)- we can work that part out.<br />
<br />
But am I being totally naive about this? We are both divorced, and I think both searching for a new love, & start in life. I'm also fine with getting to know him better & emailing over the next 5 months while he's overseas.<br />
<br />
Also- I've never dated anyone who is deployed. Is the communication always very sporadic? I never really know when he's going to contact me. I don't like having to constantly wait by the phone...But I understand it must be so hectic every day for him!! I start thinking something either really bad has happened to him. or he's talking to other women if I don't hear from him!!! I don't want to be paranoid about this... We had a conversation last night that abruptly ended- no good byes or anything. He just logged off....And I haven't heard anything from him at all since then!! I guess I just want to know if this is normal.<br />
<br />
I do understand your feelings in your relationship- And I kind of disagree with the other comments...I think if you like him, and you're both enjoying the company, I say go with it! I would just be very careful with the cyber sex thing!! That could come back to haunt you later....(that's coming from the Mom in me...)<br />
<br />
I would appreciate any comments or advice anyone has!!!<br />
<br />
Good luck with your soldier!! :)

I as well have met a soilder on a online dating sight thing are going very well for us even tho we have not met I don,t know what I would do without him.we chat online everyday two times or more and yes sometimes he just has to leave without a good bye but always comes back to explain why he left and that he is so sorry, things happen like that so yes i do worry because of where he is which is afganistan, he will retire in feb and plans on coming home to be says everyday he wants only me and loves nobody else and i believe in my heart everything he has told me is true, I don,t know where your soilder is at or how much he can get on the network well good luck with him follow your heart

I as well met a solider on a online dating site on oasis active he is from Darwin, he was deployed on October 2011.Since then we have keep in contact every 3 or 4 days,
i received a dozen roses on Valentines Day ! every-time i speak to him, he tells me i am the only women he is in contact with, Seriously I dont believe him do you want to know why??????
Because he has another 5 different user names on the dating site. Personally do not keep you hopes to high because it's just a game. who knows maybe one off as here dating the same solider lol I wish all good Luck

debb32303 my story is the same like yours! Thanks for having your comments here you help a lot

dont know is this any use anymore but i tell this anyways..girls,you should really be careful with these guys,well any guy lol! they are doing hard,dangerous work out there so they need some..entertainment too.i have few experiences myself,im not that naive anymore like i was years ago,guess what,even when they come meet you,they might lie..but..i also got many good good mates out of guys who were deployed,still keeping in touch after years,they have told me that..most guys,on those dating sites,they dont look anything serious,its just pure fun..and they prob.pooof few months before they come back.many guys got line of girls waiting,even when they chat with you not saying EVERYONE is like this,but lot are..and these are guys words for me. i think,you should try to fb friend him,so you get to see more personal info,friends,family..and if its a dating site,you should check how often he logs on,that tells alot. im just waiting for one soldier to come back,in afghan right now,after all that romance blabla bs lol,and argues,we have become more like friends,free clear energies so i trust him more,and hopefully meet him soon:) well,i hope this helped someone,just wanted to say..
ps: you who do that webcam thing,dont think you would be the only girl to him for that lol.

How did this turn out for you? My situation is almost exactly the same!

2 More Responses

Hey there..I don´t want to sound rude but..i bet he´s just using you.Stay out of cyber sex and you will see who cares about you really.<br />
<br />
Cheers,<br />
Lady from North