My Army Boyfriend Is Pushing Me Away

I've been dating my boyfriend for four months. He had enrolled in the army before I met him and he's leaving for basic training in 6 weeks. Everything had been great so he asked me to stay with him until he gets out which is in 3 1/2 yrs. he moved in last month, my idea, I wanted to get to know him more before we made such a huge commitment. Three weeks ago he stopped having sex with me and when I asked him why he didn't want to he says " I don't know". I let it go but it bothers me and I've told him exactly how I feel and all he says is " I'm sorry it's my fault" I stay very active and I'm in great shape so I'm not sure what's going on... Last night, as the sex subject came up, he yelled at me asking me why sex was so important and that I had to stop " pestering" him about it. Today he said I was clingy and depressing and that I had changed. I don't think I've changed at all but him not wanting to be intimate has me insecure and I've been questioning the relationship. He admitted to me that he has been pushing me away on purpose because he doesn't want me to wait for him because I deserve someone by me. He asked me why he was so special that I wanted to wait so long for him and he also asked why I still loved him after him treating me like crap on purpose.. Which my answer was that I loved him. My said he was sorry and that he loved me and wanted the relationship to work out.
At this point, I'm not sure on what to do. Any advice would be extremely appreciated :) thanks!!!
Jaylia22 Jaylia22
26-30, F
2 Responses Sep 8, 2012

My ex who was marine did the exact same thing to me. He was my best friend for 8 years and it just worked out that he loved me so much to let me go. He couldn't deal with the pain and emotional distress he was inflicting on me and he just couldn't do it. And at first I was a mess but then I recently thanked him because i am so happy now. Don't get me wrong I miss him but I don't miss our relationship. I'm not saying to let your man go but you have to remember you can't chain something down that wants to be free and if you let him free I know it will be hard but I'm sure he will come back

Thank you! We have talked about breaking up, he actually started using that to somehow scare me when we fought so I finally told him that he had convinced me on us not working out and he panicked. He leaves in two weeks and has been super nice and sweet to me since I mentioned the breakup. Him acting like this is making it easier on me because I've started to check out.

I just joined this website today and your post sounds exactly like what I went thru. I went through this topic like 2 months ago. When a man doesnt want sex from you, we automatically think that we are not attractive, they dont need us and maybe they are getting it somewhere else? When I brought this up to him, he would almost shut down and not know how to respond to me. I brought up that he may have ED (Erectile dysfunction) because I know the signs from an assignment I have done. It took him a week to finally admit it to me. However, because of how the army works, he refused to go get checked up. He was embarrassed. So I found over the counter pills that helped him. When you approach him, make sure you are extremely supportive of what he is going through. Let him know you care, and ask him if he would get checked up (because it could be a health concern) or if he would try the pill. Do some research online for more information. I hope this helps.

Thank you for your reply!
I've tried talking to him about it, asking him if it was me, work, stress, ED, etc.. but he always just replies with an " It's not you, it's me" it's very frustrating not getting real answers from him. In the past two months we have only been intimate once. He leaves for basic training in three weeks and as I attempted to get some action a few nights ago he exploded and said " I give you everything you need! Name one ******* thing I don't do for you except for sex? Why can't you just be happy without the sex??" He also added that it was the more I asked and begged for sex the least he wanted to do it. this obviously made me very upset and as I sat and cried he continued saying " this is all your doing, you are the one making this relationship hard. I finally found a person I can be happy with, without having sex.. Why is sex so important to you" my honest response was " because I love you and the act itself is very special to me" he replied " when you get like this I just want to grab my **** and leave and never come back" then he rolled over and went to sleep.. I got up and went to slept on the couch...
I feel very sad and a tad pathetic at this point. Joining this site has made me feel a little better knowing that I am not the only one going thru this. Also hearing what other people say about my situation helps me out a lot. :) thank you!