Disconnect

i have sat for hours pressing my thumbnail into the grooves of disheveled pencils wondering why my horizons are broad but bare of others who see more than my gaze as they look into my eyes.  chin-in-palm i´ve stared out from behind my coffee mug, fingers gripped gently but without haste, and considered that so many folks fluttering about had not a clue what this young woman, their friend, that funny one, had behind her smile. restlessness would set in and i would shift my legs as they always fall asleep, wrapping one around the other in the direction of my visual interest.  what has caught my eye as i sit so often in the cafe are the pretty ones: the ones with pronounced noses and downturned eyes, the crazy-haired types who clearly just rose and cared not for a comb, the ones without a home who meander outside talking and devouring their beautiful streams of non-sense as passerbys donate their cigarettes and momentary smiles, the few who i imagine what it would be like to have sex-sweaty, mouth agape, writhing under me in fit of ecstasy- and then remind myself i could never have, and those who seem warm and kind and funny at precisely the right instants, sealing forever in the minds of others the pleasure of interaction, those who are my friends and who do not know me at all. i have sat for hours wondering how i could feel so robotic yet so alive. then i remember that everything i have ever done has been of my doing and that i am free to change it as i sit, digging my thumbnail into the groove.

meeeese meeeese
31-35
3 Responses Feb 20, 2009

I think you just sealed in my mind that pleasure of interaction.

Very beautiful. I've spent too much time watching too.

interesting... very interesting.<br />
Cm