Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

My Sons Pain!

A year ago in May my son came home from my brothers house after a sleep over and from that day on he tried killimg him self several times he was 9 years old!!I When my son finally told me the truth I went straight to the police.I feel I did the best thing for my son I  know that but it has torn my family apart!Everyone thinks a year is long enough That I should just not think about it and move on but I can't I just would lile to talk to people who understand what its like to go through this!! My father told me that my brother has cancer and now him and my mother are saying hes going to die in there because he won't get proper treatment.They say its my fault hes in jail and he will die there.I don't understand how they can say I put him there when I didn"t tell him to hurt my child he choose to do that all by himself!!Will they ever see my side??
jaemq jaemq 26-30 7 Responses Jun 29, 2011

Your Response

Cancel

This is so sad! I am the same boat in a way. I am sorry for you. Just be strong for your son. You are his mom. It is your job to put him first!

I am also the mother of an abused child. My mother is now 92 years old and hates me. She refuses to believe the truth. It's ripped the family apart leaving my son and myself alone. Relatives choose not to believe its true either. I take the side of my son...life for me has been heartbreaking. I deal with it knowing my son is not in danger and loves me.
I wish you luck. Just be strong. You did the right thing. Denial is not a good place to be either.

Hi just want to share this my dad molested my 2 sons and I found it out only this year ,my oldes son is not doing so well he got in trabel at school and my other son is so alone .my grandmom is like a mother too me and now I am loosing her over this my dad is saying that I use my sons to get back at him .I went too the police and my dad with the help with my brother and mother is hiding him away .my sons wants him in jail .what kind of mother will I be if I don't seport my sons .it hurts beep inside .

I was molested as a child by a cousin who was nine years older than me. I am 19 now and I still haven't told anyone. I haven't told anyone because I don't want my family to fall apart and I don't want my mom to feel like she is bad mother, because she isn't. The molesting stopped five years ago more or less. But my emotional struggles are still going on. Do you think I should keep this to myself? Or should I tell my mom?

Yes I think you should tell your mum. It is a huge part of your life. It happened and yes it will effect everyone in your family but it is the truth and you need your mum

Hi-<br />
I have a similar situation. My father molested my son. I found out when my son was 4. he's 12 now. My mom, who first believed it, the next day (after he'd gotten to her) called and said she just couldn't believe it. Then my aunt, her sister, also retracted her support from me, and said she had to stand by her sister. But then auntie called me for advice of whether she should let her grandchildren be around him! And of course, she is the family "boss" , and now my son does not know my three cousins' kids hardly at all, nine of them, bec. we are no longer invited to family gatherings bec. my dad is at all of them. It's so sad. My son doesn't know his dad at all, he's gone, and my brother killed himself when I was 25 (20 years ago). So he has no male influence really. And I have trust issues (I think my dad molested me too, I started getting memories back when my son was. ab 10 mos old) so I hardly date at all. I doubt I can ever be married again, or even in a relationship. I even have trouble with female friends; I end friendships over things other people just deal with. Holidays are lonely, but my son seems happy and likes it to be just us a lot of times. We see my mom on christmas morning, and we see her ab. once or twice a month. we just agree to disagree. I am her only other child and my son is the only grandchild. I have told my son that I forgive my father, bec. I think he is sick in his brain, the way some people are sick in their bodies. I told him I think it probably happened to my dad, too, and that is why he did it. I said it is no excuse though; bec. when he felt driven to touch children, he should have gotten help or kept himself away. He did the opposite. I said even tho I forgive him, I think it could still be dangerous to be around him. My son doesn't want to see him either, but says he forgives him too. I want him to know his cousins so badly, I am thinking that now that he is almost 13, it could be safe to be around my dad, but last I checked he does not want to see him. I never thought I would want to ; but I think it could be worth it to start developing relationships w/ his family that he can have long after the rest of us are gone. any advice?

I am sorry for what you and your son have went through it is hard.My only advice I could give you is do what your son is comfortable with,If he says he would like to meet his cousins and he is fine being around your father then go for it.You are his mother you know what feels right start slow go for a holiday if all goes well go from there.My father recently went to jail and he wrote me a letter admitting what my brother did and apoigized for it.He said he hopes in the future I will forgive my brother for what he did.I hope in the future I can be like you and be able to forgive him for my own peace of mind.I wish you and your family all the best of luck.

I encourage you to focus on your son and do what is in his best interest as well as yours. I had to love my family from a distance for many years. In fact it has been 7 years ago since my mother and I had a "normal" conversatin. My mother actually testified against me in court. She so wanted to believe I was on drugs or crazy and that my exhusband was not a molestor. My mother has breast cancer. I recently saw her at a family reunion. I told my mother that I love her. She responded with a smirk, "Okay". I also let her know that she is missing out on a lot of time with me and her grandchildren. She responded, "I live with no regrets". It's sad that my own mother is such a cold, bitter and angry old single woman. She has always been a mean and hateful person. For years I lived acording to her rules even when I was living on my own and paying my own bills. <br />
<br />
Most folks want to burry their heads in the sand when the words "child molestation" are said. Folks that have something to hide cowardly do not want to talk about it. Families are supposed to support you no matter what, but that just isn't the case in todays society. You have to do what is in the best interest of your child! ...NO MATTER WHAT!!! It is painful enough to have to go through this situation and even tougher if you don't have a family to lean on. I encourage you to find a good support network. Surround yourself with friends and coworkers or anyone you can lean on. You only need one or two really good friends to stick by you and you will get by. <br />
<br />
You should not be made to feel any guilt for listening to your son and doing what is best for him. You are doing the right thing. One day we will all meet our maker. I can live with the fact of knowing I have done what was right to protct my child. Maybe your parents are just trying to "protect their son...your brother. Sometimes no matter how painful it is, you will or may have to love your family from a distance. <br />
<br />
May God contiue to provide you with the strength and courage you need in this trying time. You are doing the right thing. Prayers to you and your family and especially your son. Hold him close and show him what true love is all about. It will help him to heal. Bless you.

These things do tear families apart. My children were abused many years ago now but I still feel it because I see the effects it has had on them. They are the flesh of our flesh how can we not feel it