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My Daughter Was Molested By Her Father

 

I am the mother of a molested child.  My daughter has come a long way and so have I.  It has been quite an eventful journey with many bumps and twists in the road.  We've lost so much, but gained so many wonderful things during the process.

My daughter began to disclose things little by little when she was 3 years old just after her father and I separated.  The breakup of our marriage was my idea.  I was tired of him not working and being inconsiderate.  He refused marriage counseling and any counseling on his own.  We had been apart for about two weeks when the story began to unfold.  Our daughter was still seeing her father every day.  He didn't work, so he would keep her during the day and I would pick her up on my way home.  One night, I went to tuck her in and she pulled down the covers. She was naked and said, "Lick my pee-pee Mommy". I was horrified inside, but remained calm. I asked if anyone had licked her there and innocently she stated that "Daddy licks me there and it tickles". She then jumped up to put on her panties and PJ's and told me goodnight.  I was in shock and couldn't bring myself to say anything.  She was still giggling when I turned off her bedroom light. 

The following day,  I informed my husband about what our daughter had told me.  He claimed that they were playing like they were "pets" and he was a dog and licked her leg. I still thought that was odd and I couldn't imagine licking our daughter in even a playful manner.  He looked like he was being honest and he was a little strange so I told him not to do that again. 

Then less than 6 months later she came home from his house walking funny. I thought she had hurt her back. Then I noticed blood in the potty. I took her to the ER and they found a red mark on my daughters rectum. The hospital contacted DFCS and the police indicating that it was a case of possible child molestation.  I was in total shock.  The social worker from the hospital had a laundry list of questions for me to answer and all I wanted to do was to hold my child.  They didn't allow me to see her until after the interview.  The social worker claimed I was "belligerent and overly distressed".  The staff at the hospital acted like I was the criminal when I spoke about the the situation when my daughter told me her father had licked her.  They couldn't believe I didn't file a police report after that.

Four days later I took her for a follow-up appointment with the advocacy center and they noted the mark on her rectum was now a bruise. My daughter was acting very strange at the hospital. She was terrified her father was going to see us. She kept trying to talk me into hiding under the chair with her. She insisted that i wear a jacket over my head and that we not sit next to the windows in the waiting area.  I asked for a private waiting room due to my daughters high level of anxiety and we were able to sit in a more enclosed location. Every time someone would walk past the room, she would jump thinking it was her father and I would reassure her that he did not know we were there. When we went into the examination room she made sure the door was locked.  She was very hesitant to show the nurse and doctors her vaginal area.  Then again I was asked a multitude of questions and was directed to cooperate with police and DFCS (Department of Family and Children Services).

On our way home, my daughter begged me not to tell her father where we went.  He was still living with his grandmother and didn't have a clue as to where we went.  I hadn't told anyone.  She claimed that he would kill us if she told.  I asked her what she "said" and she claimed that she told her daddy's secret.   When we turned into our neighborhood she began to scream "Don't go down our street. Our house is cracked up with fire because I told". I reassured her that we would be fine and our house would be fine. Each time we left home and returned this would happen for almost a year. It got increasingly worse the more she disclosed to the therapist. She thought black women had been burned by their fathers since they had told their daddy's secret!

One night my ex husband, her molester poured gasoline around our home.  The gas was old and smelled like bleach.  He was possibly scared off by a neighbor.  His sister had called to tell me he was distraught and was threatening to kill my daughter and I.  She had already contacted the police.  I saw two people in my front yard near the house so I contacted the police as well.  He was not there when the police arrived and therefore it was my word against his.  The officer noted the smell of gasoline and bleach around our home.  His sister filed a police report regarding the threats he made.

Later I learned through talking with my daughter and through therapy the threats to keep her silent were more traumatic than the sexual acts. He shot holes in a portrait of me and told our daughter that's what he'd do to mommy if she told their secret.  My daughter was horrified to hear everyday sounds like a toilet flushing, a car horn, a garage opening, a door closing.  She was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.  He killed animals with his bare hands and shot them with a pistol in front of our daughter.  He burned her baby dolls and toys while she watched and said that is what would happen to her if she told.   My daughter felt sorry for African Americans because she thought they had been "hurt by their daddy's and told their secret".  She feared black people because of this.  She was terrified of police and thought they would take her to jail because she had told her daddy's secret.  My daughter was a mental mess for an extended period of time.  She was attending therapy twice a week for several months.  Then weekly therapy for several years.

The police investigation was a total nightmare.  The event occurred I assumed in the county in which he lived in.  The hospital reported it to the county in which I lived in.  The county I live in does not have a child friendly environment to conduct the child sexual abuse interviews.  The sheriff informed me that I would have to take my daughter to police headquarters for the interview.  I declined and explained I would be taking her to the other county since they have a dedicated facility with trained professionals to handle the situation. I also explained my daughters fear of law enforcement officers and her fear of blacks. I was then told I would be arrested for interfering with a police investigation.  Needless to say...I took my daughter for the interview at the county police department. 

My daughter had to go in a room with a dark African American male that weighed at least 375 pounds for her interview.  The officer said that she didn't disclose anything.  I stated that I wasn't surprised, because I would be terrified too.  He was in uniform with the handcuffs showing and his pistol was located in the front of his belt.  He stated my daughter cried the entire time.  Again mentally my daughter had to suffer.  The same officer interviewed the father and noted on the record, "the father denies all allegations and claims he never touched the child inappropriately".  I'm not sure what allegations he was talking about since none had been made other than from the hospital which to me was concerning medical evidence. 

Months later my daughter wanted to tell the police all about it.  Perhaps she had gained some empowerment through therapy and wanted to let it be known what her father had done.  So I contacted the police and they had me meet an officer in the local grocery store parking lot.  After the officer spoke with her a bit, he asked that we meet him down at the station.  My daughter was nervous again when we passed the jail and entered the police station.  During the interview my daughter disclosed that her father "hurt" her "with his stick and it was like skin and had hair".  The detective didn't think this was enough to go on.  Keep in mind my daughter is just 4 years old disclosing this type of info.

The police screwed up their investigation and the criminal case never went to trial. Most of my family thought since he wasn't prosecuted, it was a lie. The judge indicated my daughter was too young to testify. The judge indicated I managed to antagonize every individual involved in this case.  I held people accountable and attempted to let them know how things or situations would make my daughter feel.  I was doing my best to protect her mental well being.  She had already been through PURE HELL!  By the way...the father's lie detector test came out that he was somewhat deceptive.  His personality tests indicated that he is attracted to young girls and boys and thinks about sex more than the normal individual. 

It was a really bad situation. The sick man didn't get to see his daughter for almost 2 years.  The initial reunification took place at a therapist office that was appointed by the court.  This therapist was told by the guardian ad litem (court appointed) that the mother was just upset over the divorce and was trying to "get back" at the father.  I was allowed to be in the initial reunification meeting and I had a recorder to tape the conversation.  Our daughter (5 years old at the time) confronted her father.  She stated, "You hurt me in my pee-pee with your stick and you need to say you are sorry."

Her father looked at her and said, "I'm sorry, (long pause) but I don't think I hurt you".  Our daughter said "yes.  you did." and then her father again denied the allegations.  The therapist stated, "We don't know what happened to you, but we need to move past this and forget about what ever it is that is bothering you".

My daughter looked at the lady with a sad face.  I spoke up and said, "No we don't need to forget about it.  We need to get to the root of the problem and move forward from there.  It isn't something that should be dismissed."

The therapist then informed me that it was her job to unite the child with the father as told by the guardian ad litem attorney.  The judge had ordered this therapist to see if the child had any behavioral or emotional concerns when reunited with her father.  It was obvious that the guardian ad litem didn't know what she was doing or she was trying to demolish the case on purpose. 

The guardian ad litem had noted that I was a racist because my child was fearful of African Americans even though I had gone to great lengths to explain how her father had burned the baby dolls and our daughter thought African Americans had been burned by their fathers for telling "the secret".  The guardian ad litem was African American and during her interview with the child, the child was "uncomfortable". 

During the case the court appointed therapist was called to testify and stated that the interaction between the child and father was "normal".  Never mentioned the allegations that were presented by the child.  My attorney questioned the therapist about this and the therapist denied that it happened.  Luckily I had the recorded conversation to prove the therapist has just perjured herself. 

The judge ordered supervised visitation for almost two years.  The supervising agency was okay.  I wasn't thrilled with them allowing the father to interact with the child while they went outside or did household chores.  Initially the supervision took place at the supervisors home and then eventually they went to the father's grandmother's house where the father lived.  The visits increased in hours and frequency over the two years.  Now the father is allowed to see the child unsupervised.  

After almost $78,000 later the father is allowed the freedom to do as he pleases while the child has no rights.  It is like giving to lamb to the lion every other weekend from Friday night until Sunday night.  The judge stated that the child is young enough to get the proper treatment to overcome the abuse.  The judge did acknowledge the abuse and that the child in fact does suffer from PTSD. 

My daughter attended therapy routinely up until the recent past.  I only take her to the newly court appointed therapist when there is a change in her behavior or concerning statements.  Recently my daughter asked me "if a truck ran over my brother, would it kill him".  I told her it depends where it runs over him and how big the truck is.  She then stated, "What if my dad's truck ran over him"!

Of course I was alarmed and took her to therapy.  The therapist informed me that these are "normal questions that an 8 year old asks".  I don't believe it for one minute.  This is not normal.  Still there is nothing I can do unless my daughter makes and outcry to someone other than me.  If her father used such horrifying terror tactic's in the past, there is no telling what he is threatening her with now that she is 8 and it isn't as easy to pull the wool over her eyes.  The therapist tells me that once a child has made an outcry and is put back in the same situation, she will be less likely to make a 2nd outcry for fear of having to see the abuser again. 

It will be my responsibility to see that my daughter gets the proper therapy and that I pick up the broken pieces when all is said and done.  I have a lot riding on my shoulders and meanwhile the abuser walks free and denies anything ever happened.  He is the funny, kid friendly easy go lucky kind of guy that's why it is hard to imagine he'd be the type to molest children.  I do believe that the truth shall prevail but I hate that it may come at the sacrifice of another child or our daughter again.

My family still isn't talking to me.  They think that the allegations were false since he was never prosecuted.  I had an abusive family in the fact that my mother and step father were alcoholics and my real father was never a big part of my life due to his drug abuse.  Still I cannot understand my aunts and uncles taking my ex-husbands side.  I guess it is easier to believe that a mother would lie rather than to believe a father would hurt his own fleshing blood!

I know the truth and I will continue to support my daughter in anyway that I can.  Hopefully she will grow to be a happy and healthy person.  I can live with the fact that I believed my daughter and I have done and will do everything I can to protect her.

I am the mother of a molested Child.  It is difficult to imagine how I made it this far and am still able to have a successful career, a loving relationship with another man, and most importantly I have a happy daughter.

peacepaige peacepaige 36-40, F 127 Responses Sep 15, 2009

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2 days ago my daughter told me her daddy punched her in the PP with a stick and she has been trying to put objects in her vaginal opening since he was alone with her and she developed a horrible rash and burn like looking Sores after that. my name is JoIe and I am going to get her checked out I hope I don't that kind of experience: Not sure what to do or how to feel I was just reaching out.

Thank you for sharing. I am happy to know that you are planning to have your daughter checked out. We never know what life will throw at us. Hope you don't have this kind of experience. The first step is getting her checked out and getting her into play therapy if she is young. By the words she used, sounds like she is. Poor baby. Just give her all the love, attention and support that you can. Praying for you to have answers.

Unbelievable, you are such an amazing strong person and such a great mother. You did everything right! I hope that by now things are much better for you two, and I hope others have realized the truth! Hang in there.

Thank you so much. I only did the best I could with what information I had to go on. I followed my heart and I prayed a ton! My daughter is doing much, much better. She still goes to therapy from time to time and has recently began to ask me specific questions about what she is remembering. She wanted to know what the "balloon" was that he put over his penis, what was the rag with the strong sleepy smell that made her see weird spots, what was the magic mask for, why didn't he want her to see him when he was hurting her, etc. As difficult as it is, I find is necessary to answer her questions so that she can have them answered and can move on. I tell her what I know from the stories she shared with me. When she was 4 years old, I video taped her (without her knowing) while she was playing with her dolls and talking about how daddy's hurt their babies. I have not told her about these recordings. She is maturing and growing and I'm certain that she is inquiring more as her mind is also evolving. I can talk about it without getting choked up now, but I do cry from time to time when I see the pain in her eyes when she talks about things she remembers. It will always be a very sad place in my heart and mind. Thankfully there are many good days and only a few sad moments from time to time. I am quite certain that other people realize the truth, but are much too cowardly to come forth and apologize and/or admit it. I'm okay with that. God's filter system to help me to have a much more happier and fulfilling life worked out. Just so happens that you stand on your own feet when you don't have anyone but him to catch you. Thanks for your sweet message.

Ohh my how you have touched me to the core! I too am a mum of a molested child. Her dad got off. And I now 8 years on too rejoice that she is a happy girl. Court appointed therapists are biased!! I experienced the same narrow mindness! I block the memory of it out to stay sane....and to allow my daughter to not remember.

My daughter brings up the abuse from time to time so it is never too far in the back of her mind unfortunately. It bothers me that she still has some anxiety, but she does well with calming herself. When she goes to see her father, she gives me an extra strong hug. I know she is scared every time. I always reassure her that I am here and she can call me. I pray A LOT! When she comes home, she goes to bed shortly after. I think she is mentally exhausted and is relieved to be home where she feels safe. She keeps telling me that it won't be long until she is 14. When I asked why is she looking forward to being 14 instead of 13 (12 now), she says it will be my choice to see him or not. That must feel very powerful for her since she has had no say so after the judge's ruling. Praying for you and your daughter. You have done the right thing and it shows by her happyness today.

My babys vagina looks like somthing was in it I know a babys vagina is not supposed to be opened up. Only leave her with her dad and grandma and i asked her dad he said "I dont kno maybe im wiping her to hard" this is what he said before I ever accused him of touching her inappropriately. When I change her diaper she lays and let's me, when he changed her diaper she clenches her knees together. This afternoon when err wow up from our nap, I touched her legs close to her knees to wake her and she clenched her knees and put her hand out in a defense way (extended out, as to say no).I don't know why he can never "find time" to replace her pant, I leavevher w/ pants on and pick her up and she had no pants on. I'm scared to think my child had been molested not only because she is my child and she does not deserve that but I am afraid of what i might do to the person who is guilty. t

I would make an appointment with her pediatrician to have her examined before you jump to any conclusions. Just say that you have noticed her vagina looks different and you just want to be sure everything is okay. Praying for you and for your daughter.

Last night while I was changing my daughters diaper she said "daddy kissed my pee-pee". I have no idea what to do. She's only 2 but talks better than most 3 year olds. After reading the initial post and the follow-on responses, I'm worried that I'll just look like the crazy mom that is trying to keep her daughter from her dad. We were never married and she has never wanted to spend any time with him. The first year of her life she screamed every time he came to pick her up and now she says to his face and anyone around that she doesn't want to go with him when he comes to get her. As of the past couple months, he & I don't get along well either. I didn't sleep much at all last night as I have no idea what to do. Is my daughter just confused and mashing 2 things together that didn't really happen that way? She is only 2 afterall. Or am I failing to protect her as a mother? Any suggestions or help would be appreciated, I'm floundering.

I would get her into see and do play therapy with a licensed phocologist. I would also take her to see her peditrician for a physical examination. I am praying for you and for your daughter. It is alarming to hear things like this, but it is also concerning if you don't do further assessments to see if anything is going on. Physicians and psychologist are there to help.

Update...the detective assigned to my daughters case dismissed it. He said she wouldn't cooperate in the interview and that her dad had no idea why she would say something like that. The detective actually walked her to her dad this evening and watched as she cried and said no she didn't want to go with him as she always does. I have left a message with a therapist to get her started with that. As of now, that's the only help I can offer my daughter. Thank you for the prayers.

I am so sorry to hear that you have the same case of an untrained detective and that he is lacking in common sense. Most children are happy to see their parents regardless. Therapy will be helpful. I found that my daughter preferred a female therapist for routine (weekly sometimes bi-weekly) interaction. The male psychologist that performed the evaluation did a good job, but my daughter was not comfortable in revealing a lot of details. I will continue to keep you and your daughter in my prayers. You have your love and devotion to your daughter and that is more than some children have from their mother. You are doing the right thing and regardless of what happens in the end YOUR LOVE FOR HER will be the best healing medicine.

Thanks for the response. My daughter has attended therapy once and will go again this week. Her dad has done everything to keep her from going. Her therapist is a female and she seems really comfortable with her. My daughter is still making comments about her dad doing inappropriate things to her and has begun to say it to other people besides me. Hopefully we can figure out why she's saying it and correct it I'm still praying she's confused and what she says happened didn't happen. Thanks again for your prayers. I believe it helps :)

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I dont know if you will see this or be able to respond since it was from 2009. My story is so much like yours. I found out my daughters dad was molesting her last year in jan. she just turned 5 this year on april 3, 2014. we lived together and were engaged at the time. My daughter told me some horrific details. I went to CPS and in the long run there was not enough evidence to convict. It is very hard to cope. My daughter has not seen her father since last year when we left after she told me. She is going through moments where she says she misses him and wants to see him and that she knows he wont hurt her anymore. It almost feels like a revolving door for me and im just going in circles. I have been stuck in a deep depression unable to trust people or detach from my daughter's side. What helped you move forward. How do you heal from such a devastating event and does the pain ever go away. Also, since this was from 2009 would you mind sharing how your daughter is doing now? Her attitude towards her father, and if she has any depression, or mental issues from the things her father did to her. I get so scared that these events will take a bad toll on my babys future. Very interested to know your opinion and thoughts as i have no one who understands to talk to. Thank you so much for sharing.

So sorry you are experiencing this. I highly recommend that you get yourself into therapy first and foremost. You have to be strong to keep your momentum up to take care of your child. You have to continue to be her support beam and her listener. It may get worse before it gets better and that is just a fact. You have to put your daughters feelings and emotions ahead of your’s today and in the days, months and years ahead. You have to protect her physically, mentally and emotionally. If you are not strong emotionally, you may not have as good of an outcome for your precious daughter.
I would recommend that your daughter see a therapist that specializes in sexual abuse therapy for young children. It is very, very important that you be there for your daughter. My daughter is now 12 and has made significant progress towards healing from her emotional scares. Her abuser is allowed to see her unsupervised and thankfully due to his work, he see’s our daughter less and less. My daughter and I have a very open line of communication. Of course I still feel like I’m sending my lamb off to be with the lion each visit, but I have to do it or I would be disrupting custody issues.
I pray and I get down on my knees daily. My daughter has done remarkably well and I think a lot of it has to do with the foundation of love, strength , courage, openness and concern that I have shown for her. Anytime she needs to talk about it, I stop what I am doing NO MATTER WHAT! If she wants to go to therapy, I take her. I have truly sacrificed my life to get her back on track. Her PTSD seems to have improved; however, she is still very fearful of fireworks (sounds like gun shots) to her. There are a few times when she has had bad memories creep up, but she is good about releasing the information and dealing with the emotions. For example, she wanted some lotion so I just squirted some in her hand. She freaked out…began to cry and scream. I wiped it off and she eventually got herself together enough to share with me that it reminded her of her father’s release. Things creep up every now and then, but she has made remarkable steps towards healing. I don’t think she will ever forget or put it out of her mind because the abuse or threats to keep her quiet were so traumatic.

I think now she is learning to live with what happened and move to happier tomorrows. Her goal is to one day be strong enough to share with her father how hurtful and harmful he has been in her life. God will answer.

Best luck for getting your daughter into the right counselor and on the path to recovery.

Hello "justmeandyoumakingitthrough".....please don't let yourself get depressed! Stay happy and positive...just move forward! Hate will eat you up! Its bad enough they got away with "molesting our kids". DONT let them ruin your child's future!!!!!

Today..I was watching a movie in where a girl was molested by her stepfather at the age of 12.
I got so disturbed after watching that and started googling for any such real news and came to know your story. But got shocked by reading many others story in the comments. I never expected that these many father/family members are doing this to their own kids. Iam really feeling very angry/sad/disturbed after reading. I am just not getting how the police and court are just ignoring the case when a molester say "No!..I didnt do it..!"..Thats so bad...:(...
I will pray all of you and for all your precious kids....

Many thanks for your post. It is a very real thing. Most of the time it is a family member or a family friend that molest children. It is an awful thing for children. So often people sweep the abuse under the rug and pretend it never happeded while the victums continue to suffer for years and years beyond the abuse.

<p>I am so sad reading all of these stories. God bless and care for every single one of you...all victims....like my daughter and also me we have been victims of the system. My daughter is 10 and today the Judge dropped our Protection Order because the Detective thought I lied to him and my daughter did lie to me and well that was it! After 6 years of fighting his alienation in court, stalking, getting busted for drugs using my daughter and losing her for an entire year and custody, alienated my Son from the home, Ive lost 4 jobs, he and his mother have destroyed us and on her birthday he raped her because she "allowed" my boyfriend of 5 years to join us dropping her off after her party because SHE "ALLOWED" my bf to go with us. She has been lying to him for so long he didn't even know that I was seeing him and he lost it taking it out on her his violence which is unspeakable and nothing a ten year old would describe. I called the police and reported to cps and to sex assualt response center. It took a week fot the police to finally call me and then another week until the interview and no request for an exam (here the only expert forensics can be ordered by police) I wasn't anxious to force her to do this expecially because she didn't disclose for 3 weeks and then 3 more weeks till the interview the detective that headed everything up wasn't there and relied on a tape and he didn't even speak to me about specifics he wanted no detail till after the interview he said! Wouldn't you want to know as much as possible before the interview? Anyway I asked about the exam and was told the police would order it but didn't. Then my daughter lied saying dad broke protection order because she missed mom when she was at school the detective thought I lied and wasn't credible I didn't lie about not one thing so the detective now say his recommendation to the prosecutor ends. I said called and left long messages on his answering machine asking him to review documents for which I was just now absorbing what has happened all these years and just registering and he took away his recommendation because my daughter lied. Am i wrong but doesn't lying go with the territory if you were having to lie to placate your abuser all the time doesn't it become automatic at this point? we have been dealing with the lying but still this should be recognized there is a huge file with the Courts with GAL the works who said give back to Mom not pinpointing the issues just get an evaluation by counsellor with i did at the time for an entire year she said "ship shape" no issues with my daughter! Well with the alienation I ve been through and suffered my ex and his mom were no lightweights when it came to protecting their secrets. After that she tried to disclose last year and the allegations were kind of weird outlandish but this was at the very least an indicator of something wrong. Grandmas the devil and she abuses my dogs poisons dad (ironically went to the hospital two weeks with stomach problems and text mom from hospital saying he was going to kill her wow anyway i got an attorney he said best make amends or face contempt for keeping daughter so I let the manipulator do it i let him manipulate me by acting concerned. this man isn't concerned he is a selfish pig who deserves to be put down sorry but true and his mom is worse than him. Anyway longwinded the judge removed the protection order told me file in family court and she didn't even give time for a safe plan or tell her whats up because this morning she was going to school i was going to my weekly court session as i am there all week and as far as she knows i will be picking her up. I had no idea this would happen. only 52 some percent of cases are prosecuted and only 2 percent are false allegations. you do the math. so the detective who thought i lied never ordered exam sat on the case is now telling me bring me evidence or i drop case. I had asked him for time to provide him document which i did and he avoided talking to me. the PA called after that and said no charges and i figured well doesn't mean he didn't do it but to the judge it means he didn't and no more restraints needed! No one even looked at the GAL report saying go back to mom. some investigation eh guys. anyway i went to the school they were already there i went directly to the classroom didn't sign in because dad was in the office and my daughter says "dads not mad" and was excited to go and walked off. i called her back and said what are you doing and the principal asked me if i signed in and i said no and he said loudly infront of the kids and everyone " you need to leave right not!" I said i am sorry but i needed to speak to my daughter. on the walk out he said i know how you feel and i said no you don't sir and apologized again and left. i get home and replay all gone wrong and grief for my excited daughter now being punished and i am afraid for her and me i love her so please pray for us thank you and bless all the brave ones who come forward maybe more like us can change some things one desperately hopes.</P>

I am praying for you and your daughter. God will answer. He always does. Sometimes we have to be patient and listen. Hugs. Thank you for sharing your experience.

thank you peacepaige! nice to know others care :) God bless you!

is there any hope? are there any steps after court puts your child back into the arms of their abuser? what do i do now? now that i've done everything i can do to keep my daughter safe? therapy? of course...but what help is therapy if the abuse just continues? and will she ever tell anyone again if it happens again? this was hell for her! having to testify in court in front of his whole family! she disappeared behind the stand and couldn't talk for a whole day after. she couldn't even talk on the stand. the case was dismissed. and now what? now how do i keep her safe? further more...why doesn't the system seem to care? what can we do? i need to know there is hope. my poor baby....

I believe in the power of love and the power of prayer. As long as you believe your child, listen to her, allow her time to to have your full attention, love her and get her in therapy, I do believe there is hope. My daughter remembers things from time to time and wants to talk about it. I am very open with her and allow her time to release those emotions and feelings. My ex, her abuser sees her less and less these days which has helped my daughter's healing process. I do believe there is an end to the abuse and there is hope for healing. I pray every day multiple times that the healing process will continue and that he will not abuse her again. I think if you give up home, you have given the abuser all of the power and you have let the abuser win. Praying for you and your sweet baby.

wow I can imagine how you made this far, I without a doubt would have out a bullet in him long ago...far better is to for a child to be raised with neither parent than to to face her attacker powerless to do nothing........but that is coming from one abused multiple times , I commend your courage while at the same time shrink from the consequences ,,,may the light be with you and the poor cild

I couldn't kill him. Who would take care of my daughter and see that she received the help to recover if I wasn't there. My mother and family didn't believe it and they would have told her to be quiet. My grandmother offered me a significant amount of money to keep my mouth shut, but I did what was right for my daughter. My mother was abused and never got help. She has suffered as an alcoholic for many, many years. God has a way of removing people from your life that never truly wanted what was best for you anyway. I am happy with the choices I made. My daughter has made huge steps towards emotional wellness.

Hello, <br />
I know this response comes long after your post, so I am not sure if you will read it. But I felt compelled to respond. I am terribly sorry for what you had to go through. With all of it. I am a survivor of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse at the hands of my older brother. If I've learned anything from my time in self exploration, research, and therapy, it's that victims don't usually lie. I think that this is a rule of thumb that most people should adopt. Aside from certain circumstances, people do not make these allegations up. Especially children.<br />
<br />
I disclosed to my family about the abuse just over a year ago and it was a disaster. So I just wanted to praise you for stepping up to the plate and being the best advocator and protector for your daughter. I didn't have that and I wish I did. My parents blamed me. Especially my mother. Even more so, she (my dad and all my family too) took the side of my brother.<br />
<br />
One day your daughter will realize just how much it means to have had a mother who stopped at nothing and fought against so much adversity in order to help her. It will mean more than anything to her. <br />
But I just wanted to comment as your story really moved me. <br />
God bless.

Thank you for sharing your story and fo posting it here. I am sorry that you had to go through the abuse and to be blamed for it. It is so sad when family turns away instead of trying to help with the healing process. I know this even as made you stronger and more in tune with yourself. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. May your heart and soul continue to heal.

Thank you. Yes, a lot more healing is in store. I think I will probably be trying to heal myself for a long time. It may never cease but I resign fighting that fact because I know it just is what it is. It's so sad that victims are left to clean up the mess made by perpetrators. It just isn't fair.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as well.

NoddaProbBob
Thank you ") Going to get her back tomorrow please pray for her and me.

Praying for you to have a happy and healthy little girl returned to you. I know your pain all too well. I know you will enjoy catching up with your daughter. Cherish the moment together. Praying...

1 More Response

I am so sorry to hear this. I went through and still go through this. No one believed me. My mom`s at the time boyfriend and a later step uncle molested me and did other sexual things toward me for at least 3 years that I can remember. I was 5 at the time. I didn`t tell anyone til I had a suicide attempt at 13. They all told me, including my mom, that I was a liar and attention hungry. How is it possible that TWO men molested me? Right? The things that family say are so hurtful especially when you are a child. I am still in therapy 10 years later after that suicide attempt and the molestation doesn`t bother me today. What bothers me is how unsupportive my family, police, and counselors were. Like it was my fault. Good thing I know better! Keep being a good, or should I said GREAT MOTHER because my mother disowned me and THEN 13 years after her at the time boyfriend molested me: SHE MARRIED HIM. Yup, they married last month. Sick.

Dear obviouslynot - I am terribly sorry to hear that you have been violated. I'm sorry that your mother didn't do everything within her power to protect you and allow herself to believe in you. God knows the truth and the truth will prevail. In time, I pray that you can lean on God and let go of the hurt and anger. Don't waste your beautiful life on those people that have let you down that should have supported you the most. Let go of the pain and focus on your own emotional healing. I will keep you close in prayer.

Thank you, that means a lot and I needed to hear it. I wish it was as easy to do as it is to read. But I will continue pushing myself to my full potential. God bless.

I'm proud of you. Keep up the good work!

I am so sorry for you!!! I am sorry this happened and god bless you be strong

1 More Response

OMG It happened to my daughters too. Father the perp. Police didn't believe me. He denied it of course. But thankfully had a guardian Adlitem who knew the forensic sexual abuse psychologist. So the girls never were allowed to see him unsupervised. Now PD reopened the case.Daughter will testify. More later. What helped me are psychologists ,antidepressants my family however supported me to this day. I am so sorry yours didn't. His father was an alcoholic and he was the scapegoat of the family. Hopefully more wives will stop the codependence and protect their daughters. I took mine to my parents. The following Monday am went to the domestic abuse office to get a restraining order. I was notified before the Sheriffs came. I went to a neighbors with my daughters so they wouldn't see them taking their father away.

Dear LeslieMe - I am so thankful that you were able to have a guardian adlitem that represented your daughter with her best interest. Most of all I am thankful that you realize how blessed you are to have the support of your parents and family. I've often hear that children will eventually heal from sexual abuse as long as they have a mother that believes them and a good support network. I will pray for you and your daughter as the case has been reopened and she will have to testify. I'm sure it will be difficult for her and I will pray for her to have the strength and courage to do the right thing. Take care and thank you so much for sharing.

i am going through a very similar situation and I don't know what to do. My daughter is 4 (was 3 at the time) and says that her daddy "put a nut in her butt" refering to a anal beads.
My daughter and son went to their daddys house for his 45 day summer visitation and when they came back my daughter suffered from PTSD and had bad bruises on her back and butt so i took her to counselling. While she was there she made the outcry to her that her daddy had hurt her on her butt. CPS was called but no investigation was done becuase they asked him if he did it and he said no! The amicus the court appointed is a joke and just wants the case to be over already since he was already paid upfront. We are going to a a court counselor now but she said that she can't come right out and ask her what happen and that I can't talk to her about it either. She is barely 4 and doesn't have a clue what is really going on. She keeps telling me that her daddy said that he is sorry and wont hurt her anymore. I just don't know what to do at this point to get them to believe her! I will die believing that this happened to her because i know my daughter and her actions tell everything! Does anyone have any advice to give me on how to handle this since this is really just the beginning of this for us?

Dear superman 1233, thank you for opening up to your personal life to share what is going on. My best advice is to not gain conclusions and especially in front of court appointed therapist and guardian adlitems. You should stick to, "My daughter has told me x, y, z and I'm not sure how to process this information. I don't know what to do." I know you know what is happening, but for some reason we look like we are on the crazy side if we have facts and have drawn our own conclustions. The therapist take offense to us making conclusions that they have not had time to render yet. Take your daughter to therapy with a play therapist that specializes in PTSD and vicitims of molestation. It will eventually come out when you least expect it. The therapist cannot come out and aske, but perhaps she should ask why does daddy tell you he is sorry. I wouldn't think you should suggest that to the therapist though. It is an awful thing to be facing. Know that you and your daughter will be in my prayers. Also know that your daughter will be okay as long as you believe her and she continues with therapy. Hang in there and make sure you have a good support network.

I knw u probably wont read this coz its been 3 years but all I want to say is never tell ur daughter that every man is like that piece of ****

I do not believe every man is like her father and would never tell her that. I have married a wonderful man that takes really good care of our children. I too had to learn that we can heal and move on from nightmares such as this.

Thank you for your story! stay stong! your daughter needs you,

Littlea7777 - Thank you for reading. I always pray that if my daughter's story can help someone, then it has been worth sharing it with the world. I feel stronger than ever. It took some dark days to realize just how precious and beautiful life really is. Thank you.

OMG, I write this through tears not for me, but, your daughter.I, too, am a mother of a daughter that was molested by her father at age 3. He was sentenced to 7 yrs. The system is soo messed up.. the people that are to protect the children and families are the worst to deal with {Department of Children Services}, How i found out a yr later about my daughter being molested due to the fact her father, my ex husband was in a Treatment Center and before they could "graduate" the program they had to write about things they were sorry for and about the people they hurt... When his counslor read this she notified the authorities and DCFS. I found out through a telephone conversation with DCFS telling me what happen here i am trying to comprehend what is being said, etc so i tell her "OMG my brain feels like mud i cant think straight" she asked why does your brain feel like mud.. i yelled what do you mean why, etc..... i said your telling my baby has been molested how am i to feel? then she asked so you didnt know nothing about it? i said hell no, if i had known she would of never been left alone with him.. I felt as though i was on trial.. horrible Fortunately the State Police were involved and where soo understanding and soo very upset with DCFS for jumping the gun and interfering in their case... We were referred to The Guardian Center they were awesome... Thanks to the State of Illinois Victims of Violent Crimes, We have since relocated to another state and he will be getting out of DOC next yr. DCFS, tried to tell me also, that he will be able to have supervised visit.. So, I informed her in no certain terms that she will play h""l if she thinks for one minute i would ever let him near our daughters again... and that they will need to get a jail cell ready because they are gonna have to arrest cause it isnt gonna happen... I blamed myself for so long about what happen, It was my {our} place to protect our children for any harm, never in my wildest dreams did i ever think that the one who was suppose to protect her was the one who would hurt her.. She is now 9, and she stills sleeps with wanting me to hold her hand... thats fine...she had never mentioned anything that happen to her, i am hoping she doesnt remember. she does occassionally ask where her dad is so i tell her in prison but dont mention the real reason why. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR BABIES AND FAMILY... I SAID A SPECIAL PRAYER FOR YOUR BABY GIRL.....

Thank you so very much for the prayers and for sharing your experience. It is terrifying when the discovery happens. I was treated like the criminal by the social worker at the hospital. She told me that I was overly emotional. I thought to myself that she must not have children and must not know what it feels like to love someone. My child was clearly hurting and needing me while the social worker was busy trying to analyze me! It was nuts. I'm glad that is behind us and my daughter is well on her way down the healing road. I know it is a lifetime of healing and recovery from PTSD, but she has been able to be a "normal" child. He is seeing her less and less often now. Thanks be to God. I will pray for you to be able to keep your daughter away from him until she is old enough to protect herself. Hugs.

I admire your courage, but your story brings me no hope. My granddaughter was just molested by her father. Initially, when she was three months old, there were allegations of another 6 year old child who stated he touched her in her private part. Nothing was done by her mother, and he got away with it. Since then we have battled custody, until about 2-3 months ago when he got alone visitation after 5 years of fighting this custody. Gradually I believe, it started to happen what we feared the most. He finally molested her. We don't know how to appeal this. The judge we have on our case has given him every opportunity in the world to this point. He has lied in court, and always comes with a shirt and tie looking like he is the best father in the world. Appealing does not look like hope to me after reading your story. I truly feel that the idea that a parent should be part of a child's life at any cost is not always the best, but that is what the state of Colorado believes. I hate the fact that they do all these supervised visits so the child can bond with and trust the parent. I think this teaches my granddaughter to trust a child molester. This teaches her that no matter how he betrays her, is ok, and should still continue to trust him and put herself in that situation. When she is older, I fear she will believe this as well. The law does not make sense at all. The mothers that try to protect their children are totally alone. I feel for my daughter and for you and every mother out there that is in this situation.

I am so sorry to hear another situation in which the laws have been broken and the criminal is off the hook. I do think that supervised visits is very misleading for children. It takes so much for a child to open up about what they have been through to only be forced to see the sick person again and again. Supervised visits force a victim to look and talk with the very person that hurt them. It is like taking a rape victim to have a friendly visit with the very person that rapped them. It is just crazy to think this is a good thing. Prayers work and have lots of faith in our good Lord. At least your daughter and grand daughter have you to lean on for support, encouragement and love. I will pray for all of you.

I am also the mother of a molested child. She was molested by her grandfather. Fortunately I severed all ties after she revealed that he had licked her private spot at age five. But I fully understand the adverse system you have had to deal with and all the harm this has caused your daughter. My daughter had very similar problems for years. My family reacted the same way yours did.

Then suddenly one day last year I received a telephone call from a young lady who had also been one of my father's victims. Knowing that her father and mine were friends I had phoned her father to warn him. She just wanted to tell me that the abuse stopped after that, but she also was very traumatised by it.

You are to be commended for your assertiveness with all these stupid people and for keeping records. I cannot tell you enough how much my heart goes out to you and your daughter for all you have suffered.

Dear perseverer - thank you so much for sharing your situation and for having faith in me. It has been a long road, but we are seeing things progress. My daughter is now 12 and has come a long way. She lets me know when she is feeling scared, ashamed or hurt. I continue to have her in therapy because I think this is a lifelong healing process. My family still has not reconnected and I can live with that. Afterall, they were not there for me nor my daughter during the most challenging time of our lives. I really believe that it hit too close to home for my mother, sister and aunts. I believe they were all sexually abused and were told to hush. It was swept under the rug while the abuse continued. They all struggle from alcoholism, depression, hoarding and financial ruin. I understand so much more about the painful past many women in my family had. I was not abused and perhaps the molestor knew I was strong willed and would not tolerate abuse of anykind. I pray for my family every day. I am so proud of you for taking your daughter out of the situation and for believing in her. I know this other young lady that contacted you is looking for support and to feel believed. You are a wonderful person. I know these two girls will have a healthier mind, because you have helped them. God bless.

All things done in darkness by these people will be brought to light. I am so sorry...I have been there so many times.....still dealing with it through my daughter. WOW!

OnewithJC - I believe that these folks will meet their maker and light will be shed on the truth. The truth shall always prevail. The most important thing is we have heard and believed our children and are supporting them through this healing process. Praying for you and your daughter. God will see us through.

That bastard should be castrated and hung. Ill be the first to tell you, I have a twisted mind, and I get off on some pretty sick ****. But if anyone EVER touched my little girl I would dismember them with my bare hands. I could not imagine the sickness it would take to do that to your own toddler daughter. He deserves to suffer with every breath he has left. That poor child.

The only thing is who would care for my little one if I was to go to jail for doing something horrifying. I have to believe that he will get his one day. In the mean time, I\'ll do what I can for my daughter. Believe me, I wanted to do horrible things to him, but I knew my child would be left in the hands of those that cannot be trusted any more than her father. Its sad, but I do believe in final justice.

Hello....i just told my mother that i was molested. How do i comfort her? I dont know what to do or say

You were molested and you want to know how to comfort her? I am speechless. I just pray for you both. Wow! Stay strong and hold on. Blessings to you!! &lt;3

zlopez23, please find comfort and healing for yourself first. Sounds like you may be handling this better than your mother right now, but she should be the grownup here. Please seek help for yourself. Know that you have done nothing wrong. Maybe you mom feels a lot of guilt for you being abused. Please ask her to get some counceling for herself through a therapist or someone at her church.
I know there was a time where I felt weak after my daughter first disclosed. It wasn\'t long afterwards (like the next day) when I knew I had to be the adult here and take on the battle. I knew she needed me more than anything so I had to be strong for her. I cried every night wondering why I hadn\'t noticed how she acted when her father was around and how she clung to me saying please don\'t leave her alone with him. I felt a lot of guilt. Some how I found the strength to get myself together to help care for my daughter. Maybe your mom will come around really soon. But for the time being, you have to take care of yourself here. You should speak the truth and if you mom cannot deal with it, you must find a trusted adult to work with you. I\'m so sorry you are having to go through this. I will keep you both in my prayers.

If the therapists don't listen make sure you tape the sessions and warn them that if they send the child back to the abuser after the child complains that you will sue their *** big time. Therapists and so called experts get away with this type of behaviour because unlike the molested children they don't have to bear the consequences. What happened to first do no harm, believe the child and work from there, it's not the child's responsibility to make their own case.

AMEN!! &lt;3

Annie2006, I did tape the therapy sessions. I used a personal recorder. During the first unification session, my daughter said to her father, \"You hurt me in my pee-pee spot and you need to say you are sorry.\".

He said, I don\'t think I hurt you. Then my daughter repeated what she said about hurting her \"pee-pee spot\" and the therapist said, \"We don\'t know what happened to you, but we need to move past this and forget about what ever it is that is bothering you\". I am happy that I had it on tape for the court to hear b/c the therapist denied this statement in court. She should have been arrested for purgery, but I think she was terrified of the case. It is a shame that people are not accountable for their actions. Everyone will have to answer to their maker one day. I just pray for every mother that has to go through this with their child. It is a lot of painful heartbreak so you have to be up for the battle and have the determination to make life a better thing for your child and others.

I am so sorry you are going thru this. As a parent of molested children I am horrified that no actions were taken in your case. My daughters were molested by my ex husbands stepdad and the abuse went on for quite some time, they were also sexually abused by their step uncle but he was never charged as he was a minor. My childrens stepgrandpa went to prison for 26 yrs. The girls lived with their father when this occurred and ny oldest came to live with me 7 months ago and I am battling for custody of my youngest daughter who is disabled. My issue with my ex husband is the abuse occurred with his stepbro first and was substaintiated thru cps and he continued taking the kids to his mom for childcare with the stepbro still in the home and the end result was they were molested again by someone in the same home. My ex does not grasp how uncomfortable the girls are now to go to his mothers home even though neither molesters is there anymore but to them its still the same environment. He forces them to go there and ignores their pleas to be kept away from her. She is still with the molester even though he is in prison and she cannot deny he molested them he admitted guilt and wrote a very detailed admission and she will reprimand the girls if they say anything negative about him in her presence and tell them papaw loves them and is sorry for what he's done, he's sick and he's praying to god everyday for help. To me its inappropriate. Cps has been called on my ex numerous times. He has has allowed a male roommate to beat my youngest with a belt and leave bruising, she has come her with hand print bruising on her thigh from her dad grabbing and squeezing when she was throwing a fit. He hasn't had running water in his home in nearly a year and has had the gas disconnected so he is unable to even cook in his home. Cps states while they frown on bruising it is not always considered abuse. And about his utilities being shut off they stated they can only make him provide a minimum of care and as long as she eats it doesn't matter what she eats and if he has a jug of water he is not depriving her of water. He has also allowed our disabled child to be hit by 2 vehicles because of inadequate supervision. The first time he left her unattended in his vehicle in a parking lot and she knocked his truck out of gear and she got scared tried to get out and her legs were ran over which resulted in plastic surgery to one of her legs and the second time she was hit it was because she was walking down the street at night alone in her pajamas. Cps did nothing and in their reports they state there is emotional and environmental factors due to parents seperation. We have been divorced since my youngest daughter was a yr old and she is 10. My oldest even told the caseworker she feared for her own life as well as her sisters because she was terrifed he would end up beating one of them to death. I have hired an attorney and I am fighting for custody of my youngest. We have sent inquiries to him to fill out that stipulated he answer questions in regards to our case and 90% of the answers were lies that can be documented thru a paper trail. He even claimed my youngest has no disabilities, when she has cerebral palsy, seizure disorder, is suppose to be recieving ongoing therapy that she is not recieving due to physical issues, and she has learning disabilities and recieved a disability check for her every month(which he lied about as well.) He signed documents under penalties of perjury. I'm a nervous wreck as I had to send my children to him for his half of the summer 3 days ago and we go to court in a week, so I'm afraid he will hurt them before. I'm also afraid he will get away with continuing to neglect/abuse my youngest as it seems cps us worthless and will do nothing to ensure her safety. I have done all I can to make contact available I bought both children their own cell phones so they are able to call me at anytime if they need help. I was inspired to tell my story after reading so many of yours and I commend you for believing your child and supporting them so deeply, as I am doing with my sweet girls. Remember justice will eventually prevail, keep using your voice and spreading awareness. It may not be now but our voices could help get stricter cps guidelines in place for child abuse. That is my goal and I'm working with a private child safety advocate so I will be able to use my voice and spread awareness whether it be on a site like this or public speaking events. All children deserve civil rights and most are denied because until they are 18 they are viewed by the court as property and not human beings. Keep advocating for you children and supporting since the "system" will not. Hugs to each who have witnessed their innocent babies hurt and wrap them in your love they will come thru I have faith!

I know that my child is much better off than she was years ago. She is now 12 years old and has made significant progress towards mental healing. There are setbacks from time to time, but we manage those as they come about. I pry for your sweet little girls. I pray that they will be in your care as you know how harmful the abuse has been on them both mentally and physically. I know that the "system" we have to operate within is not fair to the abused children. I continue to advocate for abused children and to have our system be more understanding for our kids. It is sad that anyone has to suffer at the hands of abuse. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

My sister went through the same thing!!!! my niece accused her father at the age of 4. They had a taped accusation from my niece. All the therapist did was mess the up the case!!! instead of helping her they made things worse!!! They made her believe that her father did nothing and they tried to reunite them. after almost 3 years they ended up accusing my sister for coaching my niece. no one wanted to charge him or accuse him of doing anything!! even after he said he did touch her inappropriately !!! what is wrong with these people??? my sister had no more money to keep fighting the system!!! now my niece is almost 8 and the courts granted overnight visitations!!!! he thinks its ok for him to help her bathe!!! after all this, wouldn't he refrain from doing this??? do we have to wait until he does this again and rapes her??? sicko!!!!

Some therapist feel it is their job to unite the abuser with the victim. What a crazy thought. We don't encourage raped victims to unite with their abuser. It is no different regardless of the relationship. I have read many books and articles on this reunification thing that therapist are doing. What many children feel is that they must allow themselves to continue to be victims. They told the truth and nothing was done; therefore, they will be abused again. People that are this sick do not stop. They have a mental problem that does not have a cure. It is an awful thing. Continue to believe your niece and love and support her. I pray for all of you as you head down the same road that my daughter and I have. It is heartbreaking at times, but do hang in there. She needs all the true love she can get. Hugs.

I will get more hell for what I am about to say than he ever will. Too bad it didn\'t happen to them (the ones who need to listen to the truth) and their children, THEN they would give a you know what! Sickos!!! Blessings to you!!

Wow, this is really sad. I am to going through something simaliar. My daughter informed me a month ago that her father was touching her innapropiatly when she was in preschool 3/4 years ago. Her dad has a past of 6 DWIs. The last one that happened in 2010 was on Easter and he should have had my two girls, but they decided to stay with me. He has a history of dating young girls, I myself are 9 years younger than him, he is I his 40's. He's not a good looking man, he lives with his mother and sister and her kids and can't drive because of the DWIs. He's taken them to party's at houses where they don't know where they are, they've claimed he has got into fights with people there at these houses, someone could easily take them to a room and hurt them, they are 8 and 9 very petite girls. He had an ignition interlock because of the DWIs and has had the girlfriend blow into it so they could drive home he's also asked the girls to blow into it as we'll. I contacted CYFD ( Children Youth and Family Department) about the drinking and driving and interlock concerns and they informed me to buy my daughters a phone so they can take a picture or call me when it happens. My 8 year old informed me she woke up in bed with min and another woman. My 8 year old isn't like by his mother or sister so a majority of the time my oldest will stay with his mom for a sleep over and before he moved with them, he'd have my 8 year old alone. As this is where it all began.......in July of 2011 My husband, mother in law and kids were on a vacation. While in the lobby my now 8 year old grabbed my husband in his private area. My husband and I pull he to the side and asked her why she has done that and she said her dad told her to do it because she wants my husband to go the jail, than they was supposed to go back with him and tell him so he could call the police on my husband. So when we got back to town I immediately called our county police and filed a report. We had a safe house interview and they dropped the charges because they said my daughter told them she was told to touch him in his butt, she didn't use the word "private part" and they questioned him and he said he didn't do it.. So from there on I went to court and got sole and physical custody and he is only to see them one day a week. He was ordered to pay a lot in child support. He has picked the, up irregularly on the day he is supposed to, he took me back to court and the judge denied him having more time. My youngest has always been hesitant when having to go. Recently she tells me he touched her in her private part when she was in preschool. She is now going to 3rd grade. I had her talk with her school counselor and she informed me to file a CYFD report, CYFD advised me, to contact the police because this was so long ago they cannot assign a caseworker. So our day came again in the safe house, dealing with a different detective from a separate department. The detective gets a statement from me, and my daughters and they say its a weak case and they are going to ask him if he did it and if he says no they they will close the case. The detective called me and told me to allow the, to return to his care, so they went in their scheduled day, and today I am served with being in contempt of court for not allowing him to see them during his scheduled visits. The detective advised me not to sent them, I hope she has my back in court. If not i will end up in jail. In the mean time, my anxiety is high, alone time panic attacks, and I feel so alone. I know I have to leave it all in our Lord's hands, its hard not to worry....it's so sad that there are so many related cases, I hope when we go to a mediation they can interview my children, because they have to hear it from them........I wonder why so many people get away with stealing a child's innocence.

My best advice is to always follow the court orders regardless of how you feel and what you have been told by someone other than the judge. The judge will have the final say so and you want to be in good standing with him/her. It could turn out horribly for you if you do not allow the father to see them as directed on a court order. I have seen mother's loose custody all together and the judge stated that the story was not as believable since the mother had interfered with the court order visitation. Be careful. You must get yourself some counseling as well. I am praying for you and your beautiful girls.

Reading your story was like reading my own.. My daughter was 4.5 when her father sexually abused her. He threatened her too. GAL tore me apart and still tries to destroy me in court.
Court today and judge ordered he gets her every other week through summer. She'll be 7 in a month.
I know he'll do this again

I am so sorry to hear this Elm1979. Often I feel that judges minimize the affects sexual abuse for our children. They lean too much on the side of "rights" vs. the side of caution. It makes no sense when a child makes an outcry to officials/physicians and therapists and the child is placed back in harm's way. I hope you know our good Lord and that you can lay your worries upon Him. You have to lean on Him or you will go insane from the worry and fear. It is a horrifying experience each time you have to turn the lamb over to the lion. I know. I have been there and still continue to worry. I can't say it gets any better over time. Now I know this is what I have to do and I just have A LOT of FAITH. I'll pray for you and for your precious little girl.

Wow...I'm going through the same thing. Judge stated I'm making false allegations and I supposely have a Mental Illness and coaching my daughter.Now that Judge got a Report from my daughter's Therapist that speicalizes in Sexual Abuse Children stating my daughter disclosed what her father did to her and that my daughter does not seem coached.Judge dismissed it because Therapist is an Intern.Now Judge is stating my daughter is a liar,she's only 4 and she's exploring her sexuality.Children tend to make up stuff like this.Sorry but I believe my daughter she is a mess violent,agressive,self inflicting and extremely anger.Now she has to go back to her fathers and not only am I concern so is her Therapist and the center.I asked for my case to go to Trial...I pray thaty daughter will get her justice...It breaks my heart what we parents have to go through to protect our children and we're the ones struggling with the aftermath of the abuse.My daughters hits me,yells at me,cusses,throws things and injured my back,by jumping on my back.She has violent nightmares,doesnt like taking a bath,she has rectum problems and doesnt like to sleep.There is an open case but I have a feeling its going noway like the others.My daughter came home with ripped underwear,seriously.I'll keep each and one of you in my Prayers.What hurts the most as a parent is seeing the pain and there is nothing you can do because no one will listen.I Pray that one day our Children will get their Justice and put these monsters behind bars.

I know what you are going through and it is the most dreadful darkness. I am thankful that you know the Lord. Prayer is the biggest thing that helped me to get through this tough time. Hand it over to Him, because once you have done all that you can, it is the Lord's will. I know watching your daughter act out the anger is tough. I know comforting her after a nightmare is tough. There is no one that knows this dep pain more than you, a mother that is watching her daughter suffer and you can't do anything to keep it from happening. The judge makes it tough to be the supportive parent and to do what is right for your child. If I was a judge in a case like this, I would have to rule on the side of caution. I really believe that most common folks do not think a parent could molest their own child; however, the department of justice data shows that the majority of these cases are true and it is more likely that a parent or a close family friend or family member is the molestor. My heart breaks for you and the pain you are suffering. Please get yourself some counceling to help ease your pain. Sometimes it is good to talk with a pastor or someone that you never allow the courts to know. You have to get out the pain so that you can be strong for your daughter.

Do whatever you can that is legal to protect your child. Document concerning behaviors and inform the counselor. I highly recommend you take your daughter to speak with a certified therapist. I don't know why it is but judges think credentials make or break these cases. I guess it would be the same if you took her to see a PA instead of a MD. I am praying for you and your precious daughter. This time will pass and one day you will be proud of yourself for fighting for what was right. Give your daughter that one on one time and have loving conversations with her. She may like puzzles or games. Be there for her and try not to be so hurt by her words or behaviors. A 4 year old does not know how to express themselves about something that is so terrifying and dark. I'm praying that you two will be safe and make it through this challenge soon.

OMFlippingGoodness!!!! WTHell?! Precious Lord.....WOW! My heart goes out to you!!!

You must remember molesters come from all walks of life. Judges, lawyers, politians, religious leaders, police officers,right on down to the clerk at the mini mart. Its a system peppered with those in denial and those that are commiting or know someone commiting molestation. Its about self preservation who wants to squeal on a fellow judge or on a fellow perp. Everyone has secrets they want to hide and this is the dirtiest secret of them all. I remember this mom who hid her daughter for years out of the country under an assumed name with her parents. She spent all that time in jail to protect her daughter when the system failed to protect her from a father who had molested his older daughter judge refused her testamony she would scream and fight the worker and they blame the mom for poisoning the childs mind against the father. I cannot imagine listening to my child scream Don't make go begging for your help and there is nothing you can do. I never would have gone to court or the cops I just would have made him go awaywithout a trace. I respect each of the choices that were made. Having been on the recieving end and God bless my grandmother for moving away and him being too lazy to pursue visitation. I use to visualize doing horrible things to him. I wanted to punish him for what he did. I vowed when my daughter was born I would never allow it to happen to her. If it did I would have had no hesitation about removing that person from the face of the earth. Those that do this are a waste of space and should be permanately removed from society.

i was a molested child myself yrs ago from my own flesh in blood to and i couldnt tell anyone about it cause no one believe me so i never went to a therapy for my mental mind. to be honest with you i know how she feels and how you feel and to tell you the truth about how i got over it, i really dont know how or when it happen, but the only one thing that is now helping me to get through my life is god, ever sence i found him and heard more about him and open up myself to him, he gave me my life back he made me feel peace again and he gave me courge to live again showed me that i shouldn't be afraid of life, that in time there will be justice and healing in the spirit.i tell this its the truth what i say to you that you and your daughter will find peace joy happiness and faith in your lifes if you believe in god to heal both of you he will show you what he can do for god protects his childrens.im 39 yrs old and i just got over this about 3
yrs ago it does not control me anymore in my life im free from my past for the lord has free me from it you and your daughter will be to free from it for god will see to it in jesus name amen......

I am so sorry to hear you too had to suffer, but I am so very thankful that you have Jeasus in your heart and Him laying his healing hands upon you. You will certainly be added to my prayer list. Praying and surrendering myself to God was truly the only way that I managed to get through this painful experience. My daughter knows Christ and she is very good about praying on a daily basis. She knows that God heals and this pain is too much for her to carry alone. Thank you for your inspirational post. Take good care of yourself and God Bless you.