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My Daughter Was Molested By Her Father


I am the mother of a molested child.  My daughter has come a long way and so have I.  It has been quite an eventful journey with many bumps and twists in the road.  We've lost so much, but gained so many wonderful things during the process.

My daughter began to disclose things little by little when she was 3 years old just after her father and I separated.  The breakup of our marriage was my idea.  I was tired of him not working and being inconsiderate.  He refused marriage counseling and any counseling on his own.  We had been apart for about two weeks when the story began to unfold.  Our daughter was still seeing her father every day.  He didn't work, so he would keep her during the day and I would pick her up on my way home.  One night, I went to tuck her in and she pulled down the covers. She was naked and said, "Lick my pee-pee Mommy". I was horrified inside, but remained calm. I asked if anyone had licked her there and innocently she stated that "Daddy licks me there and it tickles". She then jumped up to put on her panties and PJ's and told me goodnight.  I was in shock and couldn't bring myself to say anything.  She was still giggling when I turned off her bedroom light. 

The following day,  I informed my husband about what our daughter had told me.  He claimed that they were playing like they were "pets" and he was a dog and licked her leg. I still thought that was odd and I couldn't imagine licking our daughter in even a playful manner.  He looked like he was being honest and he was a little strange so I told him not to do that again. 

Then less than 6 months later she came home from his house walking funny. I thought she had hurt her back. Then I noticed blood in the potty. I took her to the ER and they found a red mark on my daughters rectum. The hospital contacted DFCS and the police indicating that it was a case of possible child molestation.  I was in total shock.  The social worker from the hospital had a laundry list of questions for me to answer and all I wanted to do was to hold my child.  They didn't allow me to see her until after the interview.  The social worker claimed I was "belligerent and overly distressed".  The staff at the hospital acted like I was the criminal when I spoke about the the situation when my daughter told me her father had licked her.  They couldn't believe I didn't file a police report after that.

Four days later I took her for a follow-up appointment with the advocacy center and they noted the mark on her rectum was now a bruise. My daughter was acting very strange at the hospital. She was terrified her father was going to see us. She kept trying to talk me into hiding under the chair with her. She insisted that i wear a jacket over my head and that we not sit next to the windows in the waiting area.  I asked for a private waiting room due to my daughters high level of anxiety and we were able to sit in a more enclosed location. Every time someone would walk past the room, she would jump thinking it was her father and I would reassure her that he did not know we were there. When we went into the examination room she made sure the door was locked.  She was very hesitant to show the nurse and doctors her vaginal area.  Then again I was asked a multitude of questions and was directed to cooperate with police and DFCS (Department of Family and Children Services).

On our way home, my daughter begged me not to tell her father where we went.  He was still living with his grandmother and didn't have a clue as to where we went.  I hadn't told anyone.  She claimed that he would kill us if she told.  I asked her what she "said" and she claimed that she told her daddy's secret.   When we turned into our neighborhood she began to scream "Don't go down our street. Our house is cracked up with fire because I told". I reassured her that we would be fine and our house would be fine. Each time we left home and returned this would happen for almost a year. It got increasingly worse the more she disclosed to the therapist. She thought black women had been burned by their fathers since they had told their daddy's secret!

One night my ex husband, her molester poured gasoline around our home.  The gas was old and smelled like bleach.  He was possibly scared off by a neighbor.  His sister had called to tell me he was distraught and was threatening to kill my daughter and I.  She had already contacted the police.  I saw two people in my front yard near the house so I contacted the police as well.  He was not there when the police arrived and therefore it was my word against his.  The officer noted the smell of gasoline and bleach around our home.  His sister filed a police report regarding the threats he made.

Later I learned through talking with my daughter and through therapy the threats to keep her silent were more traumatic than the sexual acts. He shot holes in a portrait of me and told our daughter that's what he'd do to mommy if she told their secret.  My daughter was horrified to hear everyday sounds like a toilet flushing, a car horn, a garage opening, a door closing.  She was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.  He killed animals with his bare hands and shot them with a pistol in front of our daughter.  He burned her baby dolls and toys while she watched and said that is what would happen to her if she told.   My daughter felt sorry for African Americans because she thought they had been "hurt by their daddy's and told their secret".  She feared black people because of this.  She was terrified of police and thought they would take her to jail because she had told her daddy's secret.  My daughter was a mental mess for an extended period of time.  She was attending therapy twice a week for several months.  Then weekly therapy for several years.

The police investigation was a total nightmare.  The event occurred I assumed in the county in which he lived in.  The hospital reported it to the county in which I lived in.  The county I live in does not have a child friendly environment to conduct the child sexual abuse interviews.  The sheriff informed me that I would have to take my daughter to police headquarters for the interview.  I declined and explained I would be taking her to the other county since they have a dedicated facility with trained professionals to handle the situation. I also explained my daughters fear of law enforcement officers and her fear of blacks. I was then told I would be arrested for interfering with a police investigation.  Needless to say...I took my daughter for the interview at the county police department. 

My daughter had to go in a room with a dark African American male that weighed at least 375 pounds for her interview.  The officer said that she didn't disclose anything.  I stated that I wasn't surprised, because I would be terrified too.  He was in uniform with the handcuffs showing and his pistol was located in the front of his belt.  He stated my daughter cried the entire time.  Again mentally my daughter had to suffer.  The same officer interviewed the father and noted on the record, "the father denies all allegations and claims he never touched the child inappropriately".  I'm not sure what allegations he was talking about since none had been made other than from the hospital which to me was concerning medical evidence. 

Months later my daughter wanted to tell the police all about it.  Perhaps she had gained some empowerment through therapy and wanted to let it be known what her father had done.  So I contacted the police and they had me meet an officer in the local grocery store parking lot.  After the officer spoke with her a bit, he asked that we meet him down at the station.  My daughter was nervous again when we passed the jail and entered the police station.  During the interview my daughter disclosed that her father "hurt" her "with his stick and it was like skin and had hair".  The detective didn't think this was enough to go on.  Keep in mind my daughter is just 4 years old disclosing this type of info.

The police screwed up their investigation and the criminal case never went to trial. Most of my family thought since he wasn't prosecuted, it was a lie. The judge indicated my daughter was too young to testify. The judge indicated I managed to antagonize every individual involved in this case.  I held people accountable and attempted to let them know how things or situations would make my daughter feel.  I was doing my best to protect her mental well being.  She had already been through PURE HELL!  By the way...the father's lie detector test came out that he was somewhat deceptive.  His personality tests indicated that he is attracted to young girls and boys and thinks about sex more than the normal individual. 

It was a really bad situation. The sick man didn't get to see his daughter for almost 2 years.  The initial reunification took place at a therapist office that was appointed by the court.  This therapist was told by the guardian ad litem (court appointed) that the mother was just upset over the divorce and was trying to "get back" at the father.  I was allowed to be in the initial reunification meeting and I had a recorder to tape the conversation.  Our daughter (5 years old at the time) confronted her father.  She stated, "You hurt me in my pee-pee with your stick and you need to say you are sorry."

Her father looked at her and said, "I'm sorry, (long pause) but I don't think I hurt you".  Our daughter said "yes.  you did." and then her father again denied the allegations.  The therapist stated, "We don't know what happened to you, but we need to move past this and forget about what ever it is that is bothering you".

My daughter looked at the lady with a sad face.  I spoke up and said, "No we don't need to forget about it.  We need to get to the root of the problem and move forward from there.  It isn't something that should be dismissed."

The therapist then informed me that it was her job to unite the child with the father as told by the guardian ad litem attorney.  The judge had ordered this therapist to see if the child had any behavioral or emotional concerns when reunited with her father.  It was obvious that the guardian ad litem didn't know what she was doing or she was trying to demolish the case on purpose. 

The guardian ad litem had noted that I was a racist because my child was fearful of African Americans even though I had gone to great lengths to explain how her father had burned the baby dolls and our daughter thought African Americans had been burned by their fathers for telling "the secret".  The guardian ad litem was African American and during her interview with the child, the child was "uncomfortable". 

During the case the court appointed therapist was called to testify and stated that the interaction between the child and father was "normal".  Never mentioned the allegations that were presented by the child.  My attorney questioned the therapist about this and the therapist denied that it happened.  Luckily I had the recorded conversation to prove the therapist has just perjured herself. 

The judge ordered supervised visitation for almost two years.  The supervising agency was okay.  I wasn't thrilled with them allowing the father to interact with the child while they went outside or did household chores.  Initially the supervision took place at the supervisors home and then eventually they went to the father's grandmother's house where the father lived.  The visits increased in hours and frequency over the two years.  Now the father is allowed to see the child unsupervised.  

After almost $78,000 later the father is allowed the freedom to do as he pleases while the child has no rights.  It is like giving to lamb to the lion every other weekend from Friday night until Sunday night.  The judge stated that the child is young enough to get the proper treatment to overcome the abuse.  The judge did acknowledge the abuse and that the child in fact does suffer from PTSD. 

My daughter attended therapy routinely up until the recent past.  I only take her to the newly court appointed therapist when there is a change in her behavior or concerning statements.  Recently my daughter asked me "if a truck ran over my brother, would it kill him".  I told her it depends where it runs over him and how big the truck is.  She then stated, "What if my dad's truck ran over him"!

Of course I was alarmed and took her to therapy.  The therapist informed me that these are "normal questions that an 8 year old asks".  I don't believe it for one minute.  This is not normal.  Still there is nothing I can do unless my daughter makes and outcry to someone other than me.  If her father used such horrifying terror tactic's in the past, there is no telling what he is threatening her with now that she is 8 and it isn't as easy to pull the wool over her eyes.  The therapist tells me that once a child has made an outcry and is put back in the same situation, she will be less likely to make a 2nd outcry for fear of having to see the abuser again. 

It will be my responsibility to see that my daughter gets the proper therapy and that I pick up the broken pieces when all is said and done.  I have a lot riding on my shoulders and meanwhile the abuser walks free and denies anything ever happened.  He is the funny, kid friendly easy go lucky kind of guy that's why it is hard to imagine he'd be the type to molest children.  I do believe that the truth shall prevail but I hate that it may come at the sacrifice of another child or our daughter again.

My family still isn't talking to me.  They think that the allegations were false since he was never prosecuted.  I had an abusive family in the fact that my mother and step father were alcoholics and my real father was never a big part of my life due to his drug abuse.  Still I cannot understand my aunts and uncles taking my ex-husbands side.  I guess it is easier to believe that a mother would lie rather than to believe a father would hurt his own fleshing blood!

I know the truth and I will continue to support my daughter in anyway that I can.  Hopefully she will grow to be a happy and healthy person.  I can live with the fact that I believed my daughter and I have done and will do everything I can to protect her.

I am the mother of a molested Child.  It is difficult to imagine how I made it this far and am still able to have a successful career, a loving relationship with another man, and most importantly I have a happy daughter.

peacepaige peacepaige 36-40, F 142 Responses Sep 15, 2009

Your Response


This is my story too.<br />
<br />
My daughter just turned 3. The police, CAS, family and friends believe what my daughter has just begun to disclose however the physical exam came back inconclusive. The child **** I know is on 2 computers I have and 1 he has, cannot be obtained without a warrant, which they cannot get because of lack of evidence. He has the right to presumed privacy. She and my son(5) are terrified and have no rights.<br />
<br />
He hasn't seen them in months, that is why they feel safe enough to start talking. There is a Court order for him not to communicate with us but that is for spousal abuse charges and breaches. This condition will soon be lifted. The spousal abuse charge was acquitted, "he said, she said" and the police failed to test the gun is shot off.<br />
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He is now living with a woman with kids. I can't think of all the kids he will be around, I can only concentrate on keeping mine safe. He will, some day, have some kind of access. The children trust this will never happen. I am in constant fear for them. He has threatened to kill me many times but ... "he said, she said." <br />
<br />
May God Bless Us and All going through such horrific times.<br />
<br />
Christine Brown, Proud Mother of K & R

Dear Proudmomofkr - It saddens my heart to hear your story. I encourage you to lean on the Lord. This seems to be a repeated issue. While in court, the sherrif that interviewed my daughter actually thought he was "trained" in child molestation cases. The sheriff attended an 8 hour course on child molestation. Seems that criminals have more rights than innocent children. You and your precious children are in my prayers. Knowing that you believe you child will help her to begin the healing process. Child play therapy was very beneficial for my daughter. It can be very expensive, but it is so worth it in the end. <br />
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There will be better tomorrows. I feel your pain and am keeping you in my prayers. One day you will look back and be proud of standing up for your child and everything will be worth it. Hang in there. Cry when you need to and celebrate small milestones. When dealing with a sick person you never know what they are capable of doing. I left for days at a time. It was easier with one child and she was not in school at the time. I pray for your safety.<br />
<br />
If things have happened that he has breached the court order, maybe the judge can order a longer length of time for him to stay away. I am so amazed that in this day and age that people do not realize how often this happens. It still makes me ill to know there are mother's out there that condone this type of behavior from their husbands/boyfriends. Your children will be okay because of you. It may seem like there is no resolution. Just continue to support and love your children. There are brighter tomorrows. I am living proof! Best of luck Christine. I'm here if you need my support!

Our family is going through the same things with the courts. My granddaughter accused her father of snapping her bra, she was going on 12 and making a remark about it. Later he touched her breasts when she was in bed. Her mother knew that he is a very abusive man, emotionally, mentally and some physically, but wasn't sure it the one incident was an accident. He did it again and he was reported to CPS. A detective came out and spoke to the child and decided in the end there was no proof. The Family Court gave my daughter temporary custody with viistation rights with the older girl and the boy and the triplet sister of the victim. Last week was the firt time he was allowed to visit with the other 12 year old and he told her his side of the story *which I believe he shouldn't be speaking about), then he showed her how he "really touched her sister by taking his hand and rubbing her chest right above her breast" he then stated that he had snapped her older sisters bra and the victims and would also snap hers when she wore one, he stated it was a joke". My daughter called CPS again and we are now waiting to see if they will do anything or let it all go again.<br />
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My daughter got in trouble the first time because the Social Worker said she didn't call the very first time, well my daughter had a difficult time believing that he would touch her children and wanted to be sure it wasn't just an accident. This time she called soon, but now they will probably just say she is a vindictive wife etc. Who knows.<br />
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My youngest daughter was molested several times at two different baby sitters when she was 3 and 3 1/2 and I went to the police and they said she was too young etc. etc. and just let the molester get away with it. Nothing has changed in the justice system for the past 30 years.<br />
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I am praying that this time in our case the father will be punished and have no visitation rights to any of the children. He buys off the oldest, who we suspect he also molested and the boy.

Dear Bernadetty- I will pray. There has not been a lot of progress in the justice system for way too long. I think the more they are educated on this sickness, the more they are likely to believe and have the decency to conduct a case. The officials are too busy passing out their own judgements before a case is heard. I know it is hard to fathem, but the fact is this has been happening to innocent children for thousands of years. It is wrong and will contnue to happen if the officials do not face it. It really bothers me that officers of the law are supposed to protect the innocent; however, so often in cases such as this they don't. Same goes for the judges. At least make a judgement that the child should not be alone with the suspected molestor until the child is old enough to testify. I hope that justice is served in this case. I will continue to pray!

If I was you, I would kill the perpetrator and go to jail, as long as my daughter would go to a relative.

I wouldn't subject my daughter to future abuse. My family wanted me to keep my mouth shut about the abuse. His family knows he did it and some even apologized, but they think since he was molested he has an "excuse". None of my relatives or his would be a good environment for my daughter to be raised in. I can live with knowing I did everything legal that I could to protect my child. He will meet his maker and then his true punishment will be his fate. I can live with that. Personally I am terrified of jail. I have always been an upstanding citizen and probably wouldn't do well having my freedom revoked.

Thank you for sharing your heartwrenching story. I am glad you and your daughter are doing better now. When I was 10 years old, my nightmare began in the form of my brother's father-in-law. My family was not supportive of me at all. My then 29-year-old sister even told me that if this man tried something other than what he was already doing, it would be MY fault. Thank you for believing in your daughter. Your children are blessed to have you as their mother.

Awe. Thank you so much for your kind and personal post. I appreciate your words, "that my children are blessed to have you as their mother". I feel very fortunate to have my children and I hope that one day they can look back on this and respect my efforts. I believe in protecting what I created. I feel blessed having gone through such a tragic time, but to come out with the sunshine on the other side. My life is much brighter since I cleared out so much darkness and hurt from so many. God is good!

I am so sad to read your story. God bless you and your child. I do believe you. My best friend of 23 years is going thru this now, and even with all the child said, they do not believe her either,she is only 3 1/2 and has been molested by her father for quite some time. The system is so messed up. No one listens to the children and these monsters continue to abuse. Such a shame.

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful post. I will pray for your friend and her daughter. Some day justice will be served to those that have done such cruel acts to innocent children!

WoW, congratulations. I don't think I have an awful lot I can add to your life in a good way, which makes me sad. I only know that you (and people with stories like yours) are the reason I am still alive. More than the love of my life, more than success for myself, more than my family: you are examples of what human beings have the power to do, and can do when they really give life their 100%. You have given so much for 1 person to live as positive, happy, fulfilling a life as she possibly can. You may have had to take the heat for her, but when you really look at it it's taught you everything you needed to live more than just a humdrum life. I'm willing you don't take rubbish from anyone, don't deal with timewasters, and give everything you've got to people who are trying to be a force for good in this world. That is how you have the support network I know (really hope) you have. That is how you got through. Don't ever stop being you, ok? Remember things you enjoyed once, and keep finding more things you enjoy now. Your work is not yet done, and maybe the job you believe you have to complete will never be done. I hope that's not your main concern anymore, because when the time is right he will get his come-uppance. <br />
<br />
Best wishes my dear, from the other side of the pond - and thank you once more for being a lantern in an otherwise dreary place.<br />

Thank you so much desperation9. I feel like my work to protect my child/children will never end. Hopefully I am able to continue to help others that are in need. My daughter has come such a long way. My hope is that her story helps others stay focused on what is really important in this world. Raising a child is a challenging task and when you are faced with unforseen circumstances it can be quite frustrating. I never lost sight of doing what was right. Thank you for reading, sharing and commenting. Take care.

Then, congratulations indeed :-) You are an inspiration to us all, and I hope your story and the wise comments of others here will be a bastion of hope for others in your situation. Fare well, keep your back straight and head held high.
Lots of EPlove,

I told my daughters story to let others know there is hope. I'm glad you understand that is my reason. It wasn't to air our dirty laundry, but to let others know this is a real thing and there are things you can do to protect children. Thanks so much for your kind words.

I wish i would have had a mother like you when i was a child and molested. <br />
My mother was like everyone else in your story and just brushed it off. <br />
Also she was to worried about her drugs to be bothered..

In TheRough - I am so sorry you didn't have the support of your mother. I had a friend that didn't have her mother's support either. Seems like a pretty common thing that I cannot begin to understand. My mother was never supportive of anything I did in my life so it was no surprise that she wasn't helpful through this. Sometimes I think it is more than "the weak" can handle. You are strong and because of your pain it has made you a real person. Please don't hesitate to inbox me if you need someone to talk to. Don't loose sight of the fact that you were brave enough to speak. That takes a lot of guts and strength. Take care honey.

Hello,<br />
<br />
I read your story and it was de ja vu for me. It's like my past came back to me while reading what you wrote. I was six years old when my father started molesting me. He would pick me up from school and tell me to take a nap. When I would wake up, my underwear would be off. He did really horrible things to me that I don't even want to go into details. At the age of ten, I remember going to school one day and hearing the teacher speak about sexual abuse. I was then very concerned and decided to tell my mother. My mother's initial reaction was that she was very hurt. She called my aunt over and they decided to call the police. The police came along with an ambulance and took me to a nearby hospital. To make a long dreadful nightmare short, my mother ended up turning on me. She told me that I was a liar, and that I liked what my dad was doing to me. She sneaked my father back into our home even though there was a court order. She dragged me by my arm and said "tell me in front of your father what he did to you, if you cannot tell me that means you are lying". I was so scared that I started to cry and did not say anything out of fear. Many nights passed, and I slept in my closet out of fear. My mother kept calling me names and putting me down. She told the whole family that what I said was a whole lie and that I made it up! The whole situation was so messed up that I had no choice but to accept that justice was not going to be served. I had to accept my father back into my life like everything was normal. Thank god that he never touched me again, but to know that my mother did not protect me still bothers me up to this day. I am now 30 years old and still suffer from nightmares. I hate wearing certain clothing because I dont want any man to look at me. I try to lose weight, but I end up gaining because I don't want anyone to look at me in a sexual way. I am married to a loving husband who understands what I am going through. I also have a 2 year old daughter who I love to death. To anyone who has read my post, thanks for reading. At least I can share it with someone who will believe me ..Thank you

Dear anjimom11581 when I read your post tears streamed down my face. I want to hug you and tell you that I DO believe you! I am totally on your side. I applaud you on your inner strength to make it out of that situation and to make it this far in life. I'm thrilled that you have a good man in your life and that you have a child. I know what happend in the past was a total nightmare, but not having your mother's support was an additional blow to your character and self-esteem. I think you are a very strong woman and you have been since the day you told! It doesn't matter what other's think it is what you know. They can deny, but you know. My prayers are with you. Thank you for sharing and do know that I believe you. Hugs.

I feel so sad for all this little kids .I can't believe judges don't believe this babies. Babies can't lie. Plus what kid that age would be know all this stuff about licking and that "daddy hurt me with his stick " unbelievable from the justice side. Well if it could be called justice

Dear rosaura05 - so true. Thank you for your post. A 3 year old couldn't make up stories like that. I don't think a person could fathom making up stories like that. When my daughter called her father's penis a stick, the ignorant investigator had no idea what she was talking about. No mother thinks to tell her 3 year daughter to call a man's part a "penis". It really sickens me how society in general do not support victims like this. Just sick. I still have hope that one day people will do what is right for the victims.

Im a 19y old boy 4m south asia... M shocked, feeling sou saa & wana kill animals like dat...! M very shocked bcz all of u r american!!! My parents wants dv lottery 2 go us, my dream is 2 live in us, us iz 1 of d best country.. But dis iz d justice of d best country!!! I was sexually abused by a relagious master, my lover was sexually abised by her uncle for many years... We couldnt do anythng... We couldnt even thnk anythng b4 being n adult... Its still remains her secret, in our country females have 2 tollarate it.. Why!?? Bcz dis iz bangladesh, females r nothing here!!! Even u can b teased in a road infront of people, but if u say somthng.. Dat'll b bad 4 u!!! Cz u r a girl!!!! Ur parents would say don go out, wear a borka...!!! Wtf!!! R femals rnt human!!!??? Wats wrng wid my society!!! I just feel ashamed to b a boy!!!!! BUT when i just read ur story, wats d diffrnce dare!!! Dey have justice dat doesnt work & we dont have justice.... Both r d same.... Hummmm, hope u guys get justice... Im praying for u..

Im a 19y old boy 4m south asia... M shocked, feeling sou saa & wana kill animals like dat...! M very shocked bcz all of u r american!!! My parents wants dv lottery 2 go us, my dream is 2 live in us, us iz 1 of d best country.. But dis iz d justice of d best country!!! I was sexually abused by a relagious master, my lover was sexually abised by her uncle for many years... We couldnt do anythng... We couldnt even thnk anythng b4 being n adult... Its still remains her secret, in our country females have 2 tollarate it.. Why!?? Bcz dis iz bangladesh, females r nothing here!!! Even u can b teased in a road infront of people, but if u say somthng.. Dat'll b bad 4 u!!! Cz u r a girl!!!! Ur parents would say don go out, wear a borka...!!! Wtf!!! R femals rnt human!!!??? Wats wrng wid my society!!! I just feel ashamed to b a boy!!!!! BUT when i just read ur story, wats d diffrnce dare!!! Dey have justice dat doesnt work & we dont have justice.... Both r d same.... Hummmm, hope u guys get justice... Im praying for u..

I can't imagine living in a place where there is no justice nor protection of a human's body. After reading your post, I realized that I am so fortunate to live in a place where at least I had the opportunity for justice. It failed, but at least I was able to do the best I could. So sorry to hear about your situation. I do believe that even if it is "the way", the hurt is still the same. I hope and pray that you have someone that you can talk with and share your pain with. God is always listening. I will pray that you and your family are able to come to America. I sit and complain about things here, but I do believe this is the best place to live. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing your experience and thank you for opening my eyes on something deeper. Take care of yourself.

My daughter is 15 months & has been being abusted by her father since about 3/4 months. I had the gut feeling in the back of my mind bc everytime he would dress her after her & I showered she would be crying hard. I jst though that he didn't have a bond with her like I did so she fussed. including when he bathed her or everytime I came home she'd be crying. I ignored my mothers intuition & the signs. Then the sores began at about 6/7 months. I had put her to bed & left to one of my girlfriends house to hang out with her bc her bf wrkd 3rd shift & she hated being alone. When I returned my daughter was in bed next to him only wearing a diaper crying severly. I could not comfort her as I always could when she fussed. The next morning when I went to change her diaper she has a dark red sore that appered to be so raw that inside of her vagina looked like there was blood. I told her father, my bf, about it the second I seen it explaining I had to take her to the hospital. It could be an infection from a allergic reaction, sever diaper rash ect. He became angry & said I'm not taking her any where and insulted me. I thought that he was jst over reacting bc he thought I was a stupid mello dramatic mother. Although deep down I felt other wise. But bc he was 26 & very attractive, adored by his family, and came frm a relationship of five yrs & she had a son who he helped raise although the mother never left him alone with him I felt this could not be possible. And he had watched infants for relatives in the past & the never had concerns they voiced. The signs, abuse & her extreme distress became more apparent. Finally at 9months I witness him sexually injure her at that point I went forward with evrything. The officer seen the scratch on her vagina frm this sadist. But bc it was not a penatrating sore like I had seen at least 5/6 times in the past. the case was dropped & he later petioned for full custody & was awarded secondary custody & placement. When the screwed up legal system awarded this monster awarded him joint custody I "got bck to gether with him" stopped wrking, stopped attending church, taking to my friends ect. bc I was so fearful of him hurting her again! Eventually he began telling the sick thing that he always had in the past of sexual content. In court he pleaded that I was schizophrenic & bi polar & that I jst heard things in my head & hallucinated evrything that went on in that house. No one believed that **** they jst assumed I was lying bc he was not prosecuted. Anyway I'm sick of it he has been molesting my daughter still the couple of times I had to go to appointment & he refused to let her stay with my mother or bring her with. I have numerous AUDIO recordings of him molesting her. He no longer leaves sores he jst repeatedly brain washes her EVRYDAY asking her if she want him to lick her *****. On the recording this takes place. He says it as he always does among other sick things. I jst recieved my first nanny came but broke down & told him I have recorded him molesting her, cheating on me with our own daughter!!!!! I turned the recordings in to the police out of desperation knowing that if he finds out he wont let me into his house there for the nanny cam cant be set up. The evidence of him telling her sexual things while acting it out is under his breath, It is not crystal clear but can be made out. I do have clear audio of him saying things of sexual nature but no suspicious sound of activity taking place. He now turns the tv on to drown out the sound since I told him I knew & had repeated the things he was telling my daughter when I left the room prior to the times I ever left her alone with him since we returned to his house after the courts awarded him joint custody. SOME ONE IF ANYONE HELP!! IN ANYWAY POSSIBLE IT CONTINUES AS OF NOW THE LAST TIME HE MOLESTED HER WAS TWO DAYS AGO!!!

Dear Angeloff220, Keep praying and find a support network. It is very sad and traumatic what you and especially your daughter have suffered. I too was accused of being mental unstable. I think it is hard for people to believe a father would hurt his child in such a horrific way. It happens everyday and folks burry their heads in the sand. At least you know what he is doing and you have stood for what is right. Keep trying, but remain within the limits of what the law allows. You being behind bars would not be at all helpful to your daughter. I do believe all offenders get caught eventually. Too bad their are so many ingorant people out there in denial of sexual abuse. I will pray for you and your precious child. Take care of yourself as best as you can so that you can be there to help your baby through this.

My daughter is 15 months & has been being abusted by her father since about 3/4 months. I had the gut feeling in the back of my mind bc everytime he would dress her after her & I showered she would be crying hard. I jst though that he didn't have a bond with her like I did so she fussed. including when he bathed her or everytime I came home she'd be crying. I ignored my mothers intuition & the signs. Then the sores began at about 6/7 months. I had put her to bed & left to one of my girlfriends house to hang out with her bc her bf wrkd 3rd shift & she hated being alone. When I returned my daughter was in bed next to him only wearing a diaper crying severly. I could not comfort her as I always could when she fussed. The next morning when I went to change her diaper she has a dark red sore that appered to be so raw that inside of her vagina looked like there was blood. I told her father, my bf, about it the second I seen it explaining I had to take her to the hospital. It could be an infection from a allergic reaction, sever diaper rash ect. He became angry & said I'm not taking her any where and insulted me. I thought that he was jst over reacting bc he thought I was a stupid mello dramatic mother. Although deep down I felt other wise. But bc he was 26 & very attractive, adored by his family, and came frm a relationship of five yrs & she had a son who he helped raise although the mother never left him alone with him I felt this could not be possible. And he had watched infants for relatives in the past & the never had concerns they voiced. The signs, abuse & her extreme distress became more apparent. Finally at 9months I witness him sexually injure her at that point I went forward with evrything. The officer seen the scratch on her vagina frm this sadist. But bc it was not a penatrating sore like I had seen at least 5/6 times in the past. the case was dropped & he later petioned for full custody & was awarded secondary custody & placement. When the screwed up legal system awarded this monster awarded him joint custody I "got bck to gether with him" stopped wrking, stopped attending church, taking to my friends ect. bc I was so fearful of him hurting her again! Eventually he began telling the sick thing that he always had in the past of sexual content. In court he pleaded that I was schizophrenic & bi polar & that I jst heard things in my head & hallucinated evrything that went on in that house. No one believed that **** they jst assumed I was lying bc he was not prosecuted. Anyway I'm sick of it he has been molesting my daughter still the couple of times I had to go to appointment & he refused to let her stay with my mother or bring her with. I have numerous AUDIO recordings of him molesting her. He no longer leaves sores he jst repeatedly brain washes her EVRYDAY asking her if she want him to lick her *****. On the recording this takes place. He says it as he always does among other sick things. I jst recieved my first nanny came but broke down & told him I have recorded him molesting her, cheating on me with our own daughter!!!!! I turned the recordings in to the police out of desperation knowing that if he finds out he wont let me into his house there for the nanny cam cant be set up. The evidence of him telling her sexual things while acting it out is under his breath, It is not crystal clear but can be made out. I do have clear audio of him saying things of sexual nature but no suspicious sound of activity taking place. He now turns the tv on to drown out the sound since I told him I knew & had repeated the things he was telling my daughter when I left the room prior to the times I ever left her alone with him since we returned to his house after the courts awarded him joint custody. SOME ONE IF ANYONE HELP!! IN ANYWAY POSSIBLE IT CONTINUES AS OF NOW THE LAST TIME HE MOLESTED HER WAS TWO DAYS AGO!!!

I know how hard it is for you because, I'm trying to deal with my own daughters sexual abuse. My daughter is now seventeen and the disclosure came five years ago, she has just agreed to counselling. We went to court two years ago and he didn't get any form of punishment apart from some programme that would help him deal with his illness, in my mind these people will never be cured. The worst thing in my daughters situation is that she idolises him,and I know that is all part of the manipulation and games that he played, I just hope that my daughter comes through this a healthy and happy young woman.

Dear Cahtyorr, It is a very sad thing to watch your daughter go through such horrific pain and yet be brave enough to disclose. It is even more of a mental blow to us mom's when our child idolizes the abuser. It is such a mental nightmare for everyone involved. I don't think any of these sick people can be truly 100% healed. They may not repeat offend after they have been convicted or the abuse has been publically disclosed; however, they still think about it.

I pray that both of our daughters can live a healthy and happy life. It is a never ending healing process. I think it will always effect who my daughter is. Having PTSD at such a young age has made my daughter a nervous child. Hopefully this is something that will calm in time. We are supporting our daughters and they are learning by our example. I am thankful my daughter had me for a mommy and not my mother. She would have never been heard/believed or if she was heard, she would have been scolded to silence. Thinking of you and your daughter.

Hi there, thanks for sharing this story it must have been a hard thing to write about, I am sickened by what he did but one thing you can always count on I think is that as John Lennon said, instant karma is going to get him so you know I hope youre daughter mainly is ok this must have been horrific for her, no little girl should have to go through this anyway I hope everything is ok with you now and once again thanks for posting

MRMORRISON - Thank you so much for your thoughtful words. It was very difficult to write about, but I believe after I wrote this, my mental health drastically improved. It was kind of like putting all of my thoughts on paper for me to reflect and to realize just how far my daughter and I had come. I feel for my child, but am proud that I am able to do what I can to ease her pain by getting her the counseling and keeping her as safe as possible. I wrote about my experience after several of my friends and collegues suggest I do something that may help others that are going through or have lived through something like this. I feel if my post has helped one person, then my mission has been accomplished. If I am able to help more than one, then I feel it is a blessing. Praying each day that children are safe, well fed, warm and most of all feeling loved. When my family turned their backs on me for publically discussing this experience, I thought I was alone in my battle. Yet every day I received a phone call from friends, neighbors, distant relatives (great aunts or 3rd/4th cousins and co-workers. I was surrounded by a fantastic support group that I didn't even know I had.

I had always leaned on my immediate family and never realized the pain that they caused. They sonsitantly swept family issues under the rug. My grandmother always sugarcoated things so never did anything seem all that bad. My mother, aunts and my sister were molested. I didn't know that until I went through this with my daughter. You learn so much when you just listen to others. I was amazed by the inadequacies and traumatic events that would have "stained the family name" had they ever been released publically.

I am proud that I did what was right and had no intentions of sweeping it under the rug. My daughter is my responsibility and my priority! I have a fantastic marriage with my 2nd husband and we have added 2 boys to our lives. My daughter loves the new family that we have created and seems well adjusted. There are some bumps here and there in the road, but I keep her involved in counseling. This is a lifelong process of healing. Maybe I'm just looking at it as "lifelong" because I will be there to support my daughter for as long as I live. Thanks again MrMorrison and to everyone that reads this posting.

You're very welcome, I just wanted to say how happy I am now that you have a new happy family and I wish you and your family all the best in the future

I am living the same nightmare. I wish I could talk to you.

Send me a message with your phone number. I will be happy to talk with you.

I have been dealing with a sociopath ex husband for 7 years after a ten year marriage. The court system is pathetic, and the kids are never the focus. Our countries' children have no voice, and we as parents cannot help them. It is a sick and sad world, and my heart breaks for you, and everyone who endures the abuse of their babies at someone's hands whom they are supposed to trust. I once told my daughter that my favorite quote was, "having a child is making the decision to wear your heart on the outside of your body for the rest of your life." Yesterday after she told me her father molested her, and she is sure he molests my son who he has custody of, that she does not want to ever have children. I, as a devoted mom, teacher, brownie troop leader, am happy she made this decision and hope she never changes her mind. The more I have done to protect my children, the worse it has become, thanks to our courts. I am scared to react to this information because the father never loses, no matter the lies, actions or my documentation. It seems the court wants to shut me up, and it might be working. I wish you all well in this battle we call life. With love

athought - I know what you mean about the more you do, the worse it becomes. It can be frustrating especially when you have to put forth so much emotionally, financially and mentally. I truly believe the number one key is believing your children and supporting them no matter what. I spent almost $100,000 and the end result was supervised visitation temporarily and he gets to have her every other weekend. It doesn't matter how much you try to prove the evidence, b/c the courts always look at someone as being innocent until proven guilty. In the end, if you do everything within your power to support and love your children, you will have succeeded. I will pray for you and your children. Keep devoting yourself as a mother, teacher and brownie troop leader. There are so many children who only receive love from their friend's mother's, teachers and brownie troop leaders. Love your children and be their role model. Hugs.

My daughter began projectile vomiting as early as 1 when my exhusband would pick her up.I had her to the pediatrician when it progressed to her waking from sleep during the night and vomiting.She was given a CT.Clear.Her behavior got increasingly worse.There was abus bothe physical and emotional to my son and I, not her so I assumed she was ill.He was obcessingly controlling over her.He stared at her with a strrange adoration.It irked me.As she grew her behavior, the vomiting and her overall demeanor were alarming.She was loving towards me then would slap me and run off.Very hard to control.When I decided to divorce when she was 3 things changed.This little girl loves her daddy and he was even more contolling and obcessive.A custody battle ensued.She came down with 3 sever uti"s form age 3 to 4.All were treated by our dr.When she was 5 she had another one and was becoming very sexual.She would sidle up to me or my son and try to make out with us.She would touch my sons or nephews privates or butt.I spoke with her and she would laugh.I tried talking toher about good touching and bad touching and she said no and shut down.Then on a trip to our cottage, my mother asked me to look at her walk.She was walking with her legs spread and her rear end up in the air.The baby never complained once about pain.I took her to the bathroom.After a minor struggle, I was in shock and gasped.I held her and hugged her.I was sick.Her vaginal area was so swollen and infected it spread down her thighs.She had a fever and her vaginal area was producing puss and blood.I got in the car and drove her to the ER.I called my ex saying I was getting to the bottom of this.He immediately accused my 11 year old son who is a straight A good boy.I asked him straight out as we drove.He said no mom I swear, I hate him.I know he hurt her.At the ER she had no uti but a severe infection the doctor couldn't even touch.She got topical and anti biotic but my ex came in the room at all of these visits and wouldn't leave.One dr asked me why he was so controlling.BUT NOONE called dcfs with any concerns!When the infection cleared she broke out in another uti.I had her blood tested and so on.Nothing.Treated again for severe uti.At 5 and 6 yrs old she began wetting the bed again.She started throwing her underwear out in the outside garbage bin.When I found a pair they were crusty with brown fluid.I bagged them and the dr said she must have an infection but DID NOTHING TO REPORT IT.I called the school psychologist.They said she is well adjusted and fine.Now, 8 yrs old, my millionaire ex husband took me to court over andtortured me over and over and over to get custody of her.Finally he told a judge I tried to murder her.Ordered a 7500 forensic dr and wanted me to go per se in a trial against a forensic who didn't believe a word I said after ONE visit.After ONE visit and with my ex having a criminal background of assault and domestic on me.She said he was remorseful and that I was exaggerating to maintain custody!!!Even with all the dr notes.I was given limited, supervised visitation.I had to move 7 hrs away to be with my mom because I had evaporated over 26,000 in legal fees and got laid off from my job.I am told I can't even try to fight for modification for 2 yrs unless I have at least 35,000 to fight him in courts.School ignored me.Dr's never filed.DCFS said it's a custody battle and won't touch it. SHAME ON THE LEGAL SYSTEM!!!!!!

disgustedmomof2 - No words can describe how sorry I am that you have had to suffer. I totally feel your pain. I did have one attorney tell me that if I kept fighting for sole custody that I would lose my daughter and have supervised visitation. This is a mother's worst nightmare. I think it is truly easier for folks to believe that someone is insane verses to believe that a father would molest his own children. Clearly your daughter was suffering from PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am a believer in that one day our children will look back and know the fight we foght to try to keep them safe. Perhaps these children will be the generation that changes how the legal system looks at these cases. Very few mothers make false alligations, but it is those 9% of cases that cause our children to endure more abuse. I would like to get a hold of some of those mothers so they could hear what they have done to the rest of us.

Hopefully you are able to attend some type of counceling and that you surround yourself with loving and supportative people. I lost many so called friends and my family because I fought. Find peace in knowing that you did what you could to protect your children and that you did not fail them....the courts did. One day your children will have a say in where they reside. I pray for you to have some type of peace. Stress and saddness can make you so sick. You have to keep your chin up and live for the day when your children can come around and celebrate life with you. I know these words are not very helpful, but I wish that I could give you a big hug and let you know that tomorrows will be better. Prayers to you and your children.

I also meant to add she hits herself in the face calling herself stupid and saying she wishes she would die. All I got her to admit was that daddy washed her privates with a rag when she was 7.She simply refuses to out him.

I also want to say that I am praying that one day your daughter will open up to someone that can do something about it. You know the truth and you just continue to love her and believe in her. Hugs.

I molested by my grandfather when I was younger. I got to see both possible responses to hearing this news. My dad didnt want to believe me and refused to even look at me for weeks.My mom was the peace keeper. I dont know if anyone fought for me as much as your fought for your daughter, everyone was worried about the family as a whole and to be honest i kind of felt like I was scarificed for the good of the family.<br />
What happened to your daughter is horrible, and how the legal system failed her is disguisting, but when your daughter looks back on this she will see how much her mother loved her and how you fought to do everything in your power to look out for her. I greatly admire you for risking isolation from the family inorder to protect your daughter!<br />
I pray your daughter and family continue your healing process!!! God bless <3

Thank you so much for your thoughtful words. I am sorry you didn't have the support you needed. I pray that you are healing. Thank you for knowing that I went down a road very few would choose. I don't regret it. Hopefully we can encourge mothers and fathers to do what is right regardless of the sacrifice. Our children are only children once and they wattch and learn from us. Thank you for sharing your story Christy0590. You are a light in my life. Hugs.

I am the daughter being molested and the who survived and moved on. My father molested me for years starting when I was seven and ended in the last year of elementary school. My oldest brother also molested me for three years. My mother finally got full constant custody of us and i was never alone with him after that i am now twenty. I never told a soul and am just now coming to terms with it. I am telling you this that you daughter will become better as long as she has your unconditional support, tell her every day that you are there for her and no matter what she comes first in your life always. I go to college and have a full time job with a loving boyfriend who knows of my past and supports me. I have slight anxiety attacks if I think on it for to <br />
Long but I know I am stronger then my past and I will always remember the unknowing support from my mother who would tell me every day that I was the most important thing in her life and she will always be there and I will always come first. Though she did not know it my mother gave me the courage and strength to move on and become a confident , level headed young woman. And I know you willmdomthe some for your daughter. Just remember to tell her that no matter what you will always be on her side and she will always come first.

Thank you so much sandrasue for sharing your thoughts. I will do as you said and remind my daughter each day that she is the most important person in my life and that she comes first. I am happy to hear that you had the love and support from your mother and that you have done well for yourself. Take good care of yourself and I wish you the best in college, your career choice and in love. You deserve it!

I started telling my mom around 3 years old. She would slap my face and said I "had a dirty mind" and that "he didn't do that. He's a good man." <br />
<br />
I wish my mom would have believed me. I'm in my 30s now with kids of my own. At the first whimper of anything like that, I would do anything for my kids. <br />
<br />
Parents like you are rare. I commend the protection you have for your daughter. Despite telling my mother, showing my mother the marks on my body, her hearing it at night, she ignored it all for years. From birth until I was 15, and then she left. She left when I was 15. <br />
<br />
You are trying so hard to save your daughter. I wish there were other mothers like you in the world.

Your story broke my heart, you are such a brave brave lady not to mention your wonderful little girl. I too soon have to pass my four year old over to her violent father from Friday-Sunday fortnightly. I don't sleep with the thought of it. I have drummed it into her head that we never keep secrets and secrets are only good if they are going to be a Xmas or bday surprise and make someone happy in the end. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Surely your daughter is very near the age that she is aloud to voice her own opinion of whether she wants to continue spending time with him? Can't she just say no I don't want to go? Xxxxxxx

About 2am this morning I woke up to the blanket down at my daughters knees, exposing panties with shirt up on stomach, and Joe standing by bed with hands in his pockets watching TV. I woke my daughter and told her to go to her bed. After she sat for a minute, trying to wake up enough, he picked her up and brought her to her bed and came back and got on the computer which he had been on when I fell asleep earlier. I thought it was odd the way she was and the way he was and that he got back on the computer as if he had been there all along, I'm freaked out and not sure if this is something I need to watch out about or if my abusive childhood has caused me to be some over worried basket case. part of me is thinking she could have kicked the blanket down herself and the other half of me says take the girls and move out as fast as you can. I never want my girls in that sort of position but I didn't catch anything being done. I also don't want to think this person that I trust could do such a thing.<br />
I think I might start looking for a place to live separate. I want to be prepared. I want to ask him, I'm not sure how to approach it. I can't ask her since she was sleeping and I don't want to alarm her. I don't know if anything happened and how would she be able to say or know since she was asleep? I can't report it since I didn't see anything and she hasn't old me anything. Not only would it ruin him, even if it turned out nothing, but if nothing happened I worry about how she will feel and what it would do to her. I feel like I'm not making any sense too.

BYW he was doing some work on the computer, I have never seen him looking at child *********** nor have I ever seen any history of it on his computer or my laptop.

Another thing, this was in my bed. My daughter is 9, she likes to watch TV with me as we fall asleep sometimes. I have never had any reason before to be suspicious.

I think you should make sure you have evidence before you draw conclusions. The courts are tired of folks rushing in with nothing to show and delaying those cases that really need to be heard. I would simply ask your daughter if she is okay. I would read her the book, "Good Touch, Bad Touch". I would not ask direct questions like "Did Joe touch you in your private area?" Do more connecting with her. Hugs

wow you are absolutely amazing!!!! I was an abused child by my cousin and My family didnt believe me!!! it went on from when i was 2.5 until i was six! that is when i realized it was wrong and told someone.... it took my grandfather to actually believe me!!!! you daughter is a strong girl and you are a strong woman! i wish you and your child the best of luck in life!

Thank you proudmommy0302! I am terribly sorry to hear your story, but thankful that you did have someone to believe in you at such a young age. People are really sick and those that can't comprehend would rather deny things like this happens appreciate the well wishes. I wish for you a lifetime of happiness and success.

My daughter is 2 1/2 and is showing most of the signs of her being molested it would be from her father. What can u do if the system won't help. I don't know how you all are and where able to not go crazy. Any addvise please

If you are divorced or separated, it gets really crazy. There is one mother that posted here. She lost her 2 children to the molestor b/c she was trying to keep the father from seeing them. The courts ruled that he should have full custody. The mother ended up with supervised visits. It is an awful thing to go through. I prayed and I prayed A LOT! I surrounded myself with friends that truly loved and supported my daughter and I. My friends watched my daughter in times of need - like when I went to see the therapist or went to sit by the river to cry. I was always strong in front of my daughter. I had to be.

I never thought the outcome would be him to get visitation after a few years of supervised visitation. I never dreamed he would ever be able to see her again. We live in a different world now where studies have shown that even if a biological parent has been abusive to a child, the child is "better off" for having contact with their abuser. I would love to sit in a room with some of these researchers to find out where they drew conclusions from. I think you have to take each day as it comes and get down on your knees every day. I kept a journal and a calendar of significant events or disclosures. It was like living in a nightmare for 4 years. With each day that passes, the healing is that much further along. Sure there are some setbacks from time to time, but we take those in stride. My daughter still attends therapy.

Some mothers have not understood why I went by the legal system and didn't take matters into my own hands. I am not a criminal and I do believe that justice will be served if not here on Earth it will be when he meets his maker. You have to believe in yourself and do it for your child. I did get really depressed and angry. It was like going through the stages of a death. I read al ot and I did things that made me feel better like going to the river and just listening to the water. You have to find time for quiet. My mind raced a lot and I was not able to sleep soundly. I did my best to take care of myself b/c I knew she needed me more than anything. Show her lots of love and give her the time and attention she deserves. Hugs to you both. You will be in my prayers. You are not the only one who has been here before. Follow the rules and do whatever you can within the means of the law. After you have given it your all, you can live with knowing you did the best you could to keep your daughter safe and her mind sound. Prayers.

That was so hard for me to read and i am just horrified at our system. My daughter is 11 and she was molested by my husband this december and we are in may and still no arrest and now the investigator is going on vacation before he gets the da the dna and all the other evidence!! im at a loss of words for sure. Your daughter deserves justice and we are going to fight for my daughters as well as all the other children that havent had any! Your in my thoughts and prayers

I will be praying for you and your daughter. I pray for justice to be served, but I pray for you two to have peace through healing. Your daughter is so brave to come forward and you are her rock. The system is so delayed in cases these days. Seems like so many people don't follow the laws and the courts have a hard time fitting in the cases. I hopw your DA is more responsive and dedicated to your daughter's case. If nothing else, at least she has spoken and you have believed her. Surround yourself with those that truly love you both and will support you in this tragic time of your lives. God is listening. Hugs.

This is an amazing story of u as a mother and ur daughter... I too was molested by father and has been tormented for years with it.. I can only had swished to have a mother like u in my corner when my truth was revealed.. Ur an amazing woman and ur daughter will over come her emotional obstacles because of u.. God bless u both and I hope to hear one day he is prosecuted..

Dear Mijaloves - Thank you so much for your sweet comments. I am terribly sorry for what you have had to go through. I pray that you have a best friend or a spouse that supports you. I cannot imagine how you must feel. My daughter is on her way through the healing process, but there are setbacks every now and then. I too am glad that my daughter has me for a mother. My mother would have never believed me and definitly wouldn't have stopped her life to help me through such a traumatic experience. My daughter has my support in this and I will never regret doing all that I could for her. Too bad some mothers are not so selfless. Hugs to you. Continue to get support and put things into perspective. You are a cherished soul. Hugs.

believe in your guardian angel everybody has one and he or she will protect your daughter, she has been through pure hell and i cannot begin to imagine how you have stayed so incredibily strong, you are amazing. believe in the good things and they will come, please stay strong and i believe if that was my daughter who is 2 who has shown me certain things i would hide away so he could never find us, i would have protection around me that would hurt him if he ever found us, i cannot believe how sick this system really is

tmcc22 Thank you for your comment. Yes, I do believe that everyone has a guardian angel. I have to believe there is something bigger that oversees all of the evil and that brings some sort of peace to my child. She was a brave little soul to come out and tell the truth even after all of the threats. The system totally failed her, but the larger and most important system (A Mother's Love) is stronger than ever. I protect her to the best of my ability and I always have her best interest at heart. My strength came from a much higher power. I'm still not certain how I managed to pull through those dark days. God is good and he will provide. I could have hidden away forever, but what kind of life would that would not have been an ideal life for my daughter and I. I can live with knowing that I did everything possible that was within the scope of the law. Thank you again for your sweet words.

To all the beautiful mothers i the same daughter is 7 she made her first disclosure at 3...sitting down she said daddy touched my bum bum...then 4 she spent a night in her dads care she said a man walked into her room put her on his knee in the dark and she said mummy i was scared were you scared for me too heart dropped...i went through JRT jevinual response team..2weeks later they interviewed her she didnt daughter 5yrs old...she came back in my care with a tear in her vagina extermely painful...she could hardly walk as i picked her up from school after being in his docs no disclosure JRT the pedetriction put it down to allergys???? Yeh idiots arnet they..dectives interviewed us all nothing happened...everything went silent for 2yrs...then my daughters fathers gf left him. she come home crying angry looking sooo sad. and told me her father as been making her sleep naked in his bed. what a sick ****** i want him dead. now my daughter has told this too our doctor...awaiting on her medical files. and hoping we can build a case...i have a child phycologist organised done all allergy tests to stick it to the baby doctor....anyone please please help me any suggestions...i know this is the start of it again.

I highly recommend that you don’t go to anyone and announce that you “know” her father has been sexually molesting your daughter. Instead go from the perspective that you are concerned that something is not right by the way she is acting and the concerning statements that she is making. Never conclude or let folks know that you have concluded that he is molesting her. You will be looked at as being vindictive, coercing, and coaching your child. As hard as this may be and even though you trust your gut feeling, you have to look like a concerned mother that just wants to find out what is going on with her child.

Secondly, take her to a certified and licensed psychologist that is approved by the state in which they are practicing. Continue to set appointments routinely so that your child becomes familiar with this person and is more comfortable with disclosure. Play therapy is an excellent mechanism for children to disclose such crucial information. Make sure the doctor has experience with child sexual abuse cases.

Psychologist are mandated by the state to notify legal authorities if a child discloses information regarding abuse. Let them contact the authorities and the authorities will contact you. I made the mistake of filing a police report before they were notified by the psychologist and the hospital staff. In court, the judge indicated that I was too anxious to have my daughter’s father committed for the crime. Well hello! Shouldn’t I have been?

DFACS, Dept. of Family and Children Services were very strict. The social workers were very invasive when conducting home assessments. The social workers opened my fridge and cabinets to make sure I had food, they examined my child’s body in underwear during each visit and they wanted her to tell them about any scratch or small bruise they saw. The social workers visited her bedroom and my bedroom during each visit and asked who slept in each room. They toured the entire house during each visit, opening closet doors and bathroom cabinets. I had to make sure all outlets were covered, medicines were stored out of her reach and everything was put in place. It was more like a case against me to make sure I was being a good mother. The DFACS social workers kept track of psychology appointments and if I ever changed the appointment, I had to let them know. It was a huge undertaking with such inadequate people performing the visits and working in the DFACS offices. Document everything. After each visit, I wrote in my log what they did and conversations that were held.

Keep a journal that describes your daily life. Make sure if you are ever asked about your diary/journal that you say that this is something that you have always done. You don’t have to do this each day, but try to put at least one thing down. When significant events down. Make sure you word things as being a concerned mother, but that you don’t know what is happening with your child. No presumptions. That was my downfall. The judge stated that I had already concluded that her father had molesting her so I was taking actions to alienate her father from her. You have to abide by the law and allow the father to see her as noted in court documents. If you do not allow him to perform his visitation, you can loose your daughter all together. I’ve seen this happen more and more.

I hope that this advice helps you. I know that you have started the path, but keep these things in mind as you move forward. I pray that you have a good network of close friends. Let go of the mutual friends that you and your ex share. Give your daughter the attention, trust and love that she needs and trust in the Lord. It is a dark tunnel, but I promise there is light at the end. You have to stay strong and yet still allow yourself the time to cry. Eat well, try to get rest and take care of yourself. A stressful time like this really takes a toll on your body. You have to consistently talk to yourself and boost your esteem to keep focused. I applaud you for believing in your daughter and taking actions to help her through this. I will keep you and your precious little girl in my prayers. Hugs.

Thank you for your advice i will put it to good use. i just want to say i am willing to serve time i have discussed this in depth with family & friends as i know the SYSTEM will continue to let us down. we need to stick together protest whatever it takes start a website i am currently studying law all for this to stop these sickbastards

Please keep me posted. I wish you all the best with your case and much success in law school. I am happy to hear you have a good support team of family and friends. There is not a place in a civilized world for uncivilized people. They will get their dues, but I just pray that their victims and future victims have someone they can trust to help them through this horrific abuse. Thanks for everything you are doing.

Plz plz plz contact me!!!! Id love to know what u have found!!!!

I was molested by my father. Once when I was 5. I told my mother immediately the next day, your daughter reminds me a lot of myself at that age. Scared and anxious all the time. This was hard for me to read. Well my parents seperated for 2 years and then he got "help". My mother took him back. He started up again and it lasted from the time I was about 8-16. I am happy to say I went to trail and I testified as a 17 year old. He has a 25 year sentence. I write him letters out of pity. Children everywhere are safer now. I wish the justice system would have worked as well for you. But even if it never does, don't worry-one day we'll all be judged. When we can't get justice for ourselves or our loved ones-that's when God steps in. And he can get it much better than you or I ever could. I will keep your daughter in my prayers. Place you trust in God. We can't understand everything about him-but I know he loves us more than anything and is much more trustworthy than any human ever could be.<br />
<br />
~A Surviver

Dear stillstandingstrong - you are a real inspiration to me. I know that it was a horrifying childhood for you. Leaning on our good Lord has been the saving grace. I would have never landed on my feet after going through such a let down from the judicial system.

My daughter holds God close to her heart and mind. I still feel like I am giving the lamb to the lion when her father picks her up for visitation. The therapist say she would probably take the abuse again and not disclose because nothing changed after she disclosed the first time. Perhaps this was the same situation with you. I feel like my daughter would tell b/c she knows I will do everything in my power to protect her. Then maybe she would hold it in thinking that my hands would be tied once again. Almost sounds similar to your situation by what I read. Maybe you didn't tell b/c nothing changed. Or maybe you did, but your voice was not heard. I wonder what your relationship is with your mother now. I haven't had a civilized conversation with my mother since 2004. She didn't believe my daughter and thought that I should not bring it out in public. I have no respect for my mother and the others that did not support my daughter. They are just as sick as the molestor. I know if I had been molested and I told my mother she would not have believed me and would never put her hand out there to help.

It was very difficult to explain to my daughter why she was able to see her father without the supervisors. I told her the facts. I did all I could, but the judge felt like her father should be a part of her life. My daughter is 10 now and has come such a long way through the healing process. Sure she has her setbacks and emotional times. I ensure that she is comfortable talking with the therapist and others that we truly trust.

You are a real inspiration. You are so kind to share your story with us. God is good and he will take care of you. Thank you for the beautiful words about Him. Hugs!

Perplexed as I am on how this keeps happening? I am sure that everyone would be disgusted, no revolted at the real statistics of this type of abuse. My daughter and I went through the same thing, parent alienation, no disclosure, then multiple disclosures to Dr's, RN's, CPS and others with no resolution. At what point will our legal system take a child's voice and support it? Children are the only victims that ask for help to be protected from their abusers and are forced by court order to relive the terror over and over - for those with the power to stop it think they are too young to testify. Our family courts need to be shut down and rethought. My daughter is now 7 and her father is dating another girlfriend (the 2nd one) with 8 yr old adopted twins. He coaches girls soccer and still terrorizes our daughter. I know what he is now and hope he rots. His last girlfriend had 3 daughters close to our's in ages and she works for CPS. She presume that she was informed of my daughter's disclosures because she works in the same office that all 3 of the CPS cases were handled in. It disgusts me to know that he keeps getting involved with mother's with little girls. I wish I could terrorize him, like that country song about the guy who cheated and she destroys his truck. I mean after my ex vacated our house, I realized that he only took the computer tower - not the monitor, not the keyboard? Wondering why? I had one of the older computer hard drives analyzed to see what would cause him to do this... well what was found... over 70% of the images were ****. Tens of thousands of them and it was not considered child ****, but what is generally referred to as child erotica. Terrifying to see those images, of which the analyst showed me only 2 sites and was told not to visit any others. I could have vomited right there. Now every time I see him I see those poor little girls, I know they say they are 18 or older... but as a mom it is disgusting. I mean these images on this older computer were from when I was pregnant to when our daughter was an infant. He visited many, so many sites and some that revolve around deflowering virgins, bloody panties, stories and images of what was supposed to be daddy-daughter situations. I would love to paint his truck and car with these site addresses... or tattoo molester on his forehead for all to see. Don't worry - only fantasy. I have and will never be in trouble with the law, I've never even gotten a speeding ticket. I love my freedom, but my mothering instinct to protect my child raises the hair on my neck every single time she comes home and says or displays anything overly sexualized for her age. It feels really great to have a place to share these horrible issues and get support. My prayers are with all of you and I thank you so sincerely everyone's stories.

To lifesun4u - it is awful that the legal system continues to let children be abused time and time again. It made my stomach hurt to read the above statements about what your ex was looking at on the computer. The horrifying fact is that if you don't get rid of that computer, you could be blammed. Seems like cases that are cut and dry become very complicated b/c of the he said, she said. Children do not learn to lie until after they are 6/7! You cannot possilbly "coach" a child into saying they were hurt with their father's "stick" at the age of 3! I think of how many children there are that continue to be molested and that are holding in such deep pain.

I wish there was a secluded place for all of the molestors to live and to be tortured. Yes, when it comes to protecting my daughter, I will do anything, but I have to keep it within the law. He will get his punishment. I hope to see some of it while he is here on Earth.

Men that abuse their own children are more likely to continue to abuse time and time again. They are repeat offenders. They actually seek partners that have young children so they can groom them. If the legal system would just take a serious look at the cases and quit trying to protect the accused, there would be a better chance for our children to be safe. Glad you commented! Hope you are doing as best as you can. I feel your pain.

yes the justice system is a mess. i don't rely on justice from the justice system but from God and the law of karma. he will be punished in this life and far beyond his death. i saw this documentary called "to hell and back" and it really comfort me to know that their is justice. you can watch it on youtube

this story broke my heart. i came across it through researching molestation cases on ep since i suspect my cousin's husband is or might be thinking about molesting his daughters. i feel so bad for you and your precious angel. for what is worth God will give that bastard what he deserves. therapist have lost my respect becasue of my own bad experiences with them. they aren't very reliable infact i believe they keep you from moving on forward so they could get more money out of you. you are your daughter's best therapist. not a stranger whom is paid for listening and giving advice. they've already shown you they aren't trust worthy. that devil will get what he deserves. best wishes for you and your angel. i'll pray for you.

There are a few good therapist out there who really care, but most just see cases like this as an increase in their income. The court appoints therapist that are not even trained to help children in cases like this. I pray that the cousin's husband is not molesting his children. I encourage you (which it sounds like you are doing already) to be close with these girls. I wouldn't let on with your cousing nor her husband about you thoughts. Make sure you can get in some time with these girls and tell them about good tough and bad touch. That is your role as a family member. Let them know that they can trust you to help them with anything in life. Maybe they will feel more inclinded to open up to you. I know you don't want to get in the middle, but someone has to be there for these children. God bless you. Thank you for your sweet words.

thnx for the advice. i'll keep it in mind. i hardly ever see them but when i do i'll make the effort to explain that to them. xoxo

OMG let me wipe my tears!! I am so sorry for you and your little girl! My daughter was molested by my adopted son, he was 15-17 and she was 1-3. It tore my whole family apart. I was married to her dad for 11 years and we had the white picket fence making close to 400 g's a year. Charges were pressed immediatly upon my daughter telling me. The perpurtrator (nicely put) was charged as a juvinile 3 months before he turned 18! I literally disowned him and my own mother adopted him! I am still livid about the whole situation. I lost my marriage and my whole entire, step-father of 20 years, brothers, aunts, uncles, etc....everyone took His side. I heard things like "he was experimenting" "it's water under the bridge" "how dare you disown your own son," etc... It's been 3 years since this has came to light and I have been in crises hosp. 10 times and the dr.'s put me on 6 diff. medications for ptsd, major depression and anxiety. Before any of this I didn't know depression existed only sadness. I have to keep thinking I am taking everything I used to be about and giving it to my daughter for the horrific thing that happend to her. I came so close so many times to getting revenge on this boy. I now only get 3,200 a year to live on. I lost every bit of me over this. The bright light of this whole story is my daughter is now 7 and is a very beautiful happy healthy little girl. I have to keep in mind I have died inside and will never be that happy sucessfull woman again but my daughter sure can. If I didn't "run" she would still be in this abuse! I only wish they would have meetings for families of abused children for support like they do in aa or na. This is just as rampid as alcohol or drugs!! I have 0 support in all of this. Well I have therepists who seem to understand but it's just not the same. I stopped praying after all of this went down due to the fact I raised him in church and thought he was a christian. But I surly am going to start praying for your daughter that someone intervienze and gets her away from that scum bag!!!!! They don't change. If that 5% does change the only change they can succeed at is to stay away from the kids. Makes me sick!

I would say that in all of the known plus undisclosed cases, sexual abuse may be more rampid than alcoholism. It is a total nightmare! The courts really have no clue as to how this impacts a child's life! As a parent that is dedicated to my child, I cannot understand why families of the victims turn their backs. I tend to believe that these family members have been victims themselves, are too ignorant to believe this coud actually happen, or find that denial is easier to cope with. I will never understand how a family can split on such a serious issue. The abuser tends to get more support from family members of the victims and from the court system. There is no place in a civilized society for uncivilized people. I believe that those that do not support the victims will be shamed when they meet their maker. Part of their souls already belong to the devil. I encourage you to still believe in God and continue to pray. All is not lost. You and your daughter are still together. Look at all of the positive things in your life. When I was so down and out, I thought of everything that was good in my life. Even if it was such a given as, "The sun came up today". You have to focus on the good to get out of the darkness. Depression is a state of mind so you have to feed you mind good thoughts. I know you have heard this before, but I am telling you this so that you can continue to care for your daughter in a healthy way. She needs you. Without your support, she could be subjected to more pain and undo stress. Be there in head, mind and spirit. Prayers for you both will be comming.

ty for taking the time to reply! I will continue to ponder what your saying to me and put it to practice more than what I've been doing. You are handling things in a great manner....again..ty! hugs!

Thank you all and my prayers are with yours. My daughter does well, except for the nightmares and behavior problems she exhibits upon returning from her father's visitation. I have other family and friends who have also dealt with these issues and faired much better – some got full custody and the courts even made a few of the fathers pay for all the childrens’ healthcare, unlike my ex who has never provided healthcare for his daughter. He is an awful father and to this is just a small piece of that evidence that I should have seen many years ago and left. It sickens me to know that he is working for a local well known catholic university and is around girls of all young ages and coaches my daughter’s girls’ soccer team. All in the hope that everyone will think he is a great father and he can try to malign me. If only they all knew.<br />
I know part of the problem with my daughter's situation is that I am too basically destitute, my mother too now - all of our money and efforts to get the judicial system and counseling to help my daughter did not work. My ex and his family have great connections her in our city within the courts and law system. I wish my ex's new girlfriend and her twin girls all the best luck, but in reality know that when he does what he will repeat - as statistics say 100's of times before being caught and punished - to her children that she fairs better against his family. Perhaps she will fair better since she lives and works for the next state over from us. As far as I know my ex does not have connections to lawyers there?<br />
I wanted to add about the computer I had analyzed - it was only the harddrive that was forensically examined and there is a chain of custody that explicitly shows that the system had not been active for many years. The forensic software today is much more advanced and is extremely reliable in reading deleted files and browser history, in performing password and even credit card/account setting scans, and exact times down to the second to when these files were created - no matter if someone tries to eliminate them. I am confident that this information that goes back 12 years now would be valuable for any case that would go to criminal court to illustrate past history of his type of preferred activities. So, I will not destroy or get rid of these, I will maintain storage of the other harddrives - just in case I can scrape up the money to get them analyzed or if I hear that there is another investigation into his disgusting activities. I don't think that it wise to ever tell a victim to destroy any possible evidence, especially when it is regarding a possible felony or misdemeanor. <br />
I find it so hard to understand the idea that people want me and my daughter to keep evidence quiet for it might put a shadow of doubt on me. Or, as I was told by the forensic interviewer – when I asked for a copy of my daughter’s police interview – that they did not provide them because it might embarrass the children. This is disgraceful that my child – the innocent victim – would be treated this way. As if she was responsible for her father’s criminal activities. We are falling prey to previous times, when women and children were accused of being harlots and seducers after being raped or molested – they were responsible for the criminal crime not the perpetrator. Boggles the mind… I wish I had a great amount of money and could put forth a class action suit, with the millions of children and adults that have mistreated like my daughter, against the court system for age discrimination. It might be only way to get a clear and concise change to the family court dysfunction.<br />
I hope all who read this and visit this forum – all the best and I do hope that karma is a bi***.

Karma will show these sick people reality. I will never be as financially secure as I once was unless I win a huge amount of money. It cost me $100K for the divorce/custody case. It was worth every penny I spent. Money comes and goes, but my daughters safety was my highest priority. I would do it all again if I had to. Life is about choices and I am not one to sit back and know that children are in abusive situations. I have a role as a mother. I have been given the responsibility to protect my child. I do hope that the court system quits worrying about the rights of the criminals and concerns themselves more with the future of our innocent victims. Karma!

peacepaige, I have to say that everything that you've done for your daughter, and the way you handled the entire situation is admirable and inspires hope to others. I only wish I had a mother like you. My own was unsupportive and denied it completely when I finally decided to tell her I had been molested for years, saying that it was my fault that it happened to me. When I told her it would likely happen to my girl cousins, she again denied that our grandfather would do something like that. I don't understand why some people refuse to help their own flesh and blood. It's like sexually ba<x>sed crimes don't exist or something to these people so when it happens, they shrug it off or something. I hope that your daughter can grow up to live a normal happy life, and she probably will because she had someone like you to care for her.

Dear afsdesertfox - I am terribly sorry that you did not have the support you needed. I pray that you have been able to find support to begin your healing process. I do believe that people that are in our life and that are supposed to be protectors are held accountable when they meet their maker. I wonder what kind of relationship you have with your mother now. Seems like it would be difficult to be close. I haven't spoken with my mother in years. I miss certain things, but I know I was meant to go on and live a healthy life. My mother consistantly criticized me as an adult. I moved out when I was 16, fisnished high school (7th highest GPA in my class), worked full time, aquired academic scholarships for college, finsihed paying for college personally and with some help from my employer. I was never patted on the back by my mother. She always pointed out the defects as minor as they may be such as not wearing lipstick to my grandparents house or being 10 minutes late for an event.

I pray that you have found support along the way so that your healing process has initiated. It is very sad to hear that you didn't have the support that you needed during the time and that you were so worried about others being harmed as well. You know what actions should have been taken by your mother. Some victims that were not protected tend to disbelieve anyone else would/could be molested. You have a clear vision of right and wrong. I pray that you are having a happy life and that it is as normal as possible given the horrifying childhood experience. Sending you a hug! Thank you for your thoughtful comments and for sharing your experience.

i am truley sorry for you and your little girl i my self know a thing or two about the system not being there please tell me it gets better im sorry but how did you handle the missbehaving the peeing in the bed the screaming for no reason im at a lost we tryed cousling it only made it worse there is no physical evindce due to the fact he only touched her but i belive her like your baby she thought it was a game to be played i dont know all the details but i know this man is walking free due to her word aguest his but im more concered with how to make my child be her again <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
worried mother

cateyes61885 - I know that the behaviors demonstrated are related to PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My daughter was diagnosed with this by a psyciatrist. The fact is that you will have to be patient and allow your daughter some time to release the pain. My daughter would shudder and cover her ears when a toilet was flushed. I learned to let her out of the stall before I flushed it when we were in public restrooms. When we saw fireworks, we stayed inside the car with the radio on. She loved to see them, but became horrified when she heard them. It reminded her of her father shooting his gun at my portrait. _ he shot holes in a large portrait of me and told my daughter that is what he would do to me if she told. The hateful things that my ex did to our daughter was so traumatic. It took a long time before there were no accidents in bed, I could finally flush a toilet without having her get out of the stall, but it did happen. I comforted her when she was scared, I wipped away her tears when she cried and I held her when she was sad. I did whatever I could to ease her burden when the time arose. I fine tunned my motherly instinct during that very rough time so that I could salvage my daughter's mind, body and spirit. Today she can laugh, smile, run and play! Sure she still talks about what happed from time to time and it is usually when something has a particlar smell or some place sparks an emotion. I still do whatever I can to help her. She is truly amazing! I will pray for you and your daughter. It is a long road ahead, but at least you two are together. My heart aches for all of the moms that have lost their children to the molestors.

ur story is truly sad i am resarching this because my daughters 4 and 6 told me yesterday that there dady was doing things making them give him orial and him to them putting his peepee in there peepee and butt, putting stuff from his peepee in there mouth and more i call the cops and filed a report and took my daughters to the er ao far i havent hurd from the police in what to do next i made him leave the house and told him not to come back are i would kill him we have been togeather 8 years and i never guessed he was capabile of something like this but i belive my children there is to many detils for a child to make up and expecialy 2 children ur story has helped me to know not to give up no matter what i pray for u daughter and u to have peace thank u for sharing this to people it is inspirang i hope i havethe same stranght as u do on my jurney to come

Dear katieoooo - My heart aches for you and your girls. Having one daughter go through this was almost more than I could take. Multiplying it by two is going to be very tough. You have already been a believer in their disclosers and that will be the most important step in their healing process. Remember to take care of yourself mentally and physically through all of this as well so that you can be strong enough to carry them through.

I highly recommend that you don’t go to anyone and announce that you “know” her father has been sexually molesting your daughtera. Instead go from the perspective that you are concerned that something is not right by the way your daughters are acting and the concerning statements that they have been saying. Never conclude or let folks know that you have concluded that he is molesting them. You have to act like you don't know what to do with this information. You will be looked at as being vindictive, coercing, and coaching your child. As hard as this may be and even though you trust your gut feeling, you have to look like a concerned mother that just wants to find out what is going on with her children. Secondly, take her to a certified and licensed psychologist that is approved by the state in which they are practicing. Continue to set appointments routinely so that your children become familiar with this person and is more comfortable with disclosure. Play therapy is an excellent mechanism for children to disclose such crucial information. Make sure the child psychologist has experience with child sexual abuse cases. Psychologist are mandated by the state to notify legal authorities if a child discloses information regarding abuse. The hospital that you took the girls to have probably contacted authorities. Rest assured that the authorities will contact you.

I pray that you have a better department for family services than I do. Often you will feel like it is your head on the chopping block. You must watch every move you make. Keep a journal. Consistantly write, I am doing what is in the best interest of my daughters.

I applaud you for believing in your daughters and taking actions to help them menatally and physically safe through this. I will keep you and your precious little girls in my prayers. Hugs!

It's so refreshing to see a mom who finally sticks up for their daughter. You are anointed by God. I am so thankful that he was able to lift the blinding veil of sin from your eyes. Unfortunately for me, my mother still refuses to stick up for me. When I was molested at 11, I told her and she did nothing. So I did nothing and forgot about it. Then 15 years later, after realizing that after achieving so much academically and socially, I was emotionally unstable and jumping from one bad relationship to the next. I became depressed and almost suicidal. Then God revealed to me what happened. I was molested by my step-father and totally suppressed the memory. My mom is still with him. When I went to confront her about it again as an adult, she still doesn't care to do anything about it. She is more concerned about herself. In fact, she went home and laid in the same bed with him that night after I told her. I feel like the molestation was already an abuse but the lack of protection from my mom and the denial of my feelings was even worse. This is the woman who gave birth to me. If she doesn't care, who will? That's when I decided to give my life to Christ. He is teaching me the things I was supposed to learn as a child, but it's still tough. I wish my mom was like you. I would be much more healthy. I really commend you. Thanks for sharing your story.

xoxo24- I am so sorry to hear about your experience with your mother. My mother was a very tough person. When I was in my early 30's, I asked her if she loved me and her response was, "I don't know if I know what love is".

That was just the craziest thing I had ever heard. After trying for years to please her and try to get her to love me, this experience I had with my daughter made it easy to let my mother go. I have to say that I truly believe that God brought me to the point of break so that I would not sacrifice my daughter's health and well being. I had learned so much through my mother's mistakes that have helped me to be a better mother. I will never understand why someone wouldn't believe a child or want to protect an innocent child from further harm. Children do not make up stories like this. I think what you have done takes a lot of guts. You have confronted her both when you were a child and as an adult. We can't force someone to do what is right. God is on your side and He believes in you. At this point, I think you should not waste your energy with trying to get your mother to do what is right, but to invest that energy in yourself. You are worth it. I am thankful that you didn't take your life. You are here for a reason. I pray that you use your experience to help others. You have so much courage and determination. I wish you all of the best. My prayers will be for you tonight. Thank you for sharing and for being so sweet. God is GoOD and He will see you through.

All the best to you!

Dear peacepaige,<br />
<br />
My niece is re-living this story right now in Bay Minette, AL. The law, the judge, the "child protection" workers are all sure that my niece is lying and coaching the child. How do you coach a three year old to graphically describe a sexual event, not once, but many times over? How do you teach her to make her dollies do things to each other that she has never seen in your home? Like you, her 'father" was restored "his rights" to visit overnight, unsupervised by a judge. When the mother protested and pointed to the doctor's reports of physical evidence of molestation, she was told, like you, that if it was indeed taking place, the child was young enough to be treated! SHE was threatened with jail time, while he has never even been arrested. We live is a VERY SICK society, with rules and laws made by MEN to protect other MEN! But the most troubling part to me is that the judge and caseworkers saying this are WOMEN!<br />
<br />
My question is how can anyone believe that there is ANY part of being exposed to a *********, no matter who he is, and ESPECIALLY her father? And anyone who says ********** is "curable" or sexual abuse is "treatable" is either a ********* themself or has NO idea what this is all about.

Dear Diogenesdaughter - Very sad to hear that this is still happening. I too am from the SouthEast. I really believe that judges are so immune to sexual molestation and violence of every kind because they hear about it day in and day out. I do think they really believe that children will learn to outgrow the pain or forget about it. Meanwhile your niece is like I was. She is trying to do everything by the system and yet she is the one that is treated like a criminal. You niece will be picking up the pieces for her daughter in years to come and if she doesn’t take care of her child, then she will be the one in trouble. It is an awful thing to go through.

I am so thankful that your niece has your love and support through all of this disappointment and anguish. It was very difficult for me not to have the support from my family when I needed it most. No 3 year old can be taught to say certain things. They will say that “Mommy told me to say that” if indeed the mother taught the child. This only happens in less than 5% of cases and the judges and court appointed guardian ad litem attorneys are ignorant enough to go for this small percent of the cases. The guardian ad litem attorney in my daughter’s case was a female as well. I have often wondered if she was molested and has anger towards other victims since no one protected or believed in her story. People are really sick and we live in a very sick world. Sexual abuse victims suffer for years and even after years of therapy, victims still have enormous challenges.

I will pray for your niece, her daughter and you. The legal system is a true nightmare. I still owe my attorney almost $30,000. There was no reason for me to have to spend so much money to utilize an attorney for the case. My ex only spend about $10,000 for a defense attorney. Sexual abuse cases go unreported so many times because people do not have the backbone to stand up for what is right and knowing the strenght and financial cost of bringing a case to court. Your niece should continue to focus on doing what is right no matter the sacrifice. Hugs to all of you.

Hello,<br />
I am a gay man, living in Pakistan and i am 25 years old now. I was 9 years old when my grandfather started molesting me. Of course i enjoyed the sensations and went back and forth to him for the next 2 years until he died. For a long time i took equal responsibility for it, as i would go to him myself not realizing that a mere 9 year old does not really realize what this was and was only just responding and enjoying the sensation and affection. Around the age of 19 it sort of resurfaced and started messing me up. I told some friends who kept saying that i should go for therapy and would make me understand that i could not protect him, and i shouldn't. I hated him for what he did, but i just could never bring myself to hate him enough. At some point at that time i realized that in order for me to move on from this i had to forgive him for what he did to me, not for him, but for my father. And that helped me move on from it. I was able to deal with other things in life and carry on. It was a wrong justification, but i did what i did at that point to help myself. <br />
<br />
What i did not realize was how this molestation affected my life. After he had molested me and he died, i looked around for gratification of a similar kind in other places. Older cousins, servants, and other people took advantage of me. I ended up ruining my relationship with my eldest brother, by hinting at doing something with him in a childish letter i wrote to him (he loved me, but that attempt changed everything and i lost that support which i would have perhaps needed now in life). And eventually it all transpired into sex addiction which plagues me still. And affects my relationship with my loving and understanding boyfriend all the time. It's only recently that i have started acknowledging my addiction problem, and where it is rooted. Which brings it all up again. I need therapy and i don't yet have the money for it, shrinks are very expensive here. And i keep thinking that i am 25 right now, and at a stage where perhaps i could still take charge and control my life. I feel if i let it slip by another few years then it will control and haunt me for the rest of my life. I don't know what to do, how to help myself. I can't concentrate on work too long without thinking about sex. And i am an artist, and very passionate about what i do, but many times this thing controls me and makes me feel like **** about life. Makes me feel like a loser. I have achieved much in life as a young artist, but i know i could have done so much more.<br />
<br />
I also remember that once while i was being molested by my grandfather, someone had seen. Either my parents or uncle...or someone from the family. This is something i have never told anyone. Not my best friends, not even my boyfriend. And i have grown up thinking that my parents have known yet they did not do anything to protect me. But i am not sure if that really happened. It is so vague. It kills me to think that my parents would not do anything about it and i want to turn around and give them a hard time for it. But i am so unsure of it all. I don't know if they did see anything or knew anything. And all my life i have only just tried to protect them from this fact, because i keep thinking if i was to tell my father that his father molested me it would really upset him and possibly cause some sort of instability. <br />
<br />
There. I just had to share it all.

Dear Fazriz- I am terribly sorry to hear that you too have suffered at the hands of someone that is supposed to love and protect you. It is not your fault that you were exposed to sex in this manner, but it is now up to you to pick up the pieces and carry on. I know that therapy is grossly expensive. I had to borrow tons of money to get my daughter the therapy she needed. Looking back, it was probably the best money I ever spent. I was just about to loose my daughter mentally, but thankfully we found someone that she could talk with. In the US, there are psychologist that will provide therapy and accept payments based on your income. I will pray that you find someone that you can talk with and that you can learn to accept what has happend and forgive your grandfather and most importantly forgive yourself. Hugs.

Feels so god knowing people care thank you

Taarna - People do care. People that are focused on doing what is right -care. Once I was told that people who care about you will come from unexpected sources during moments of heartache. That was so true during this time in my life. Best wish for you.

My dear I believe you but More Importantly God Saw every thing There is a Place that Is a prison that will Last forever with fire and him suffering due to what he did to your daughter if he doesn't repent of his ways. but as for your Daughter Teach her About Jesus he will comfort your Child's Heart. If you Want to talk i do have a Word for you that may help in your heart ache an will put things in a way in proper perceptive

Dear Godslaoutreach- God has been a real strong leader in my life. There is no way I would have made it through the challenges without him. He showed me that I had to be strong on focus on doing what was right. I wanted to be vendictive and ugly, but He kept me calm and strong in my faith. God has been so good to me and my daughter. My daughter can laugh and carry on now. We have a very open line of communication and she know that I am here for her no matter what.

Her father has had less and less visitation by his choice. He is finding other priorities other than her which I am truly grateful for. I still feel like I am giving the lamb to the lion when her father does take her. There is nothing I can do but to pray and lean on God. I do have sole custody, but her father does have visitation rights. I felt better when it was supervised. I just have to do what is legal and keep myself able to help her. It is a long road, but God has been carrying me the whole way. Thanks for your inspiring post.

I Praise God for your response Thank God for all he has done in your life. I am GLAD yall are doing better and i know how you feel just pray nothing more happens and i will keep yall in my prayers :)

Goodness I am sorry you have had to go through all of this and especially what your daughter has and still is going through as the consequences of this traumatic series of events. I hope she is able to have some kind of a normal life though it's uncerain. I am so glad you will always be there by her side to do everything you can.<br />
Serenity~God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.<br />
She is lucky to have you, be strong for her and yourself,you have been through so much.

Dear Fislover, thank you for your beautiful words of inspiration. I do lean on the Lord and tell my children about the glory of Jesus. He was the only thing I had when I was going through this traumatic ordeal with my daughter. He has helped us through and now we have light at the end of a very dark and heartbreaking journey. My daughter loves the Lord and is excited about His blessings. Thank you for reminding me of the Serenity prayer. Hugs.

Hugs to you~

I need help! Is it uncommon for a child to clam up when cps comes to the door? Is it unheard of for an abused child not to divulge abuse to cps investigator when the person committing the abuse is in the next room? Why is it the child must remember exact dates the abuse took place in order to be heard when ready to talk? I AM OUTRAGED! I AM ALSO TERRIFIED! I AM PANICKING because in less than one week I have no choice but to send my two beautiful daughters back over to that hell! All anyone has been able to tell me is have them talk to a therapist. Why can they not be protected? I am a survivor of 16 years of domestic violence of this man! I was raped by him every other day for 16 years! And now my children? Where are their rights? I am broken....I know what he is doing, as a mother how can I send them back? Why is it my nine year old daughter not cannot be heard? Do they understand the intimidation factor? She wants to talk, nobody cares to listen. Ideas?<br />
<br />
<br />

I think it is unlikely that a child would clam up when returning to their "safe" house unless there is something to be concerned about at the visitation location. Investigators for the most part are not well trained in sexual molestation cases. The majority of the time investigators automatically think that a mother is trying to get back at the father...which is rarely the case. People are ignorant to think that a father would not molest his or her own child. In fact the person that is most likely to abuse a child is his or her father. The US Justice surveillance shows that children are more likely to be abused by his/her father. They are also more likely to be abused by someone they know. The stats are there yet investigators are in denial. There was one investigator involved in my daughters case. He resigned b/c his supervisor did not want to proceed with the case. He was my only hope and knew what the child had stated to him.

I pray that you find out what is going on. Find an experienced therapist that specializes in cases like this. Keep searching until you have a good match for your girls. The professionals have to disclose in order for investigators to listen. After dealing with one court appointed therapist, I don't have a lot of trust in those appointed by the court. I suggest you go out on your own first to find a good match for your daughter. At least a good therapist will help your daughters to speak up for themselves no matter what is going on. They will provide them with the self defense words that may help if the abuse happens again.

I always reinforced to my daughter that I will love her no matter what happens. I also always leave an open door of communication that Mommy will listen to anything you have to say. Mommy doesn't always know why you are happy, sad, crying or not talking unless you talk about what is happening. I always tell my daughter it is my job to keep her safe and happy and I cannot do my job unless she keeps me in the know.

I will never understand why investigators involved in some of these cases do not have a lick of common sense. Heck if I was raped and the man that raped me and threatened to kill people I loved was in the next room, I don't know that I could tell investigators about it and I am a grown adult!

Something has got to change. I think you have to focus on doing what is best for your daughters and within the confines of the laws. I have see and heard about too many mothers loosing their children to the abuser for trying to alleniate the fathers. You have to lean on the Lord and pray very hard to keep your own mind from going nuts. You have to keep your chin up and be stronger than you have ever imagined you could be. Therapy is the route to go. Introduce your reason for taking your girls to therapy that they have had a change in behavor and have said some things that are concerning you. Never let them know that you already have the assumption that their father is molesting them. You unfortunately have to play dumb. That is the hardest part. Best wishes. You and your beautiful girls will be in my prayers. Know that He is on your side!

My heart goes out to all of you Moms and babies.....<br />
Me and my baby....who is now in her early in her 30s....have been through soooo much of what you all have.....the ridiculous system, that now is STILL allowing and even encouraging relationships between the molestors and their victims....WHAT ??? Once a child molestor ALWAYS a child molestor....its just that their victims grow up and out....the molestor likes children.....dont ever forget that... <br />
I want to write a book about the last 27 years, since my daughter came home and told me what daddy did. She even testified, at age 5, in court, and her testimony contained not one single discrepancy .That is truth.<br />
Her father plead no contest to four FELONY counts, received a five year sentence, but NEVER DID A DAY! <br />
Four years later, CPS counseling recommended visitation for her abuser.<br />
Throughout highschool she lived in and out of his home.<br />
My daughter is married, with children, and appears to be doing well, as possible, I guess.<br />
God sees us through all.<br />
<br />
<br />
But things have never been and cant ever be the way they were before, we lost too much. <br />
That horrible pain, and hurt never goes away, it just gets pushed to the back....coming out only occassionally, or in the background,but that sorrow is too overwhelming.....<br />
<br />
I WISH I had some great insight for you innocent victims, and it is soooo very unfair. <br />
Enjoy all your blessings....make each day the best you can.....ask God's help to smile....<br />
God Bless us all....

chbtch55 Thank you for your post. It does put things in perspective that things have never been and cant ever be the way they were before, we lost too much.
That horrible pain, and hurt never goes away, it just gets pushed to the back....coming out only occassionally, or in the background,but that sorrow is too overwhelming....."

Your statement is so true. Picking up the pieces of my daughter's emotional roller coaster never seems to end. It stays to the side for short periods at a time but never goes away. She talkes about the way he made her feel and how scared she was. It is painful to hear about it, but I listen. I truly believe that once a molestor always a molestor. Sick people like that never change. They are sick. We just have to continue to pick up the pieces of our victims and carry them through this world. I have to believe that some day, some way people in "power" will believe what is happening and do something! Prayers for peace.

I am the mother of a daughter, a niece, and 2 neighborhood girls that were molested by my ex-b/f. I stood by him when the 1st two children (at the same time) came out....he denied it too (of course), and made excuses of how they came from dysfunctional homes and that this was typical of children to point the finger to someone else, rather than the abuser---which I guess through self-deception I bought. Luckily, I finally left him about a year later---our relationship was filled with DV (Domestic Violence) and I finally "heard" his threats that he was going to kill us. About 3 1/2 months after we seperated for good--my 12 y/o niece came out and said that he had abused her on 2 different occasions ( to the best of my ability that is pin pointed between the ages of 5-7 y/o)----I knew then it was certainly not a coincidence. Especially since none of my family liked him anyway (because of the DV) and I hadn't told them about the accusations. ****If any of you were in a DV relationship you how we keep secrets about our abusers.**** When my niece came out, and I knew that my niece, and the two other girls were telling the truth, I started fighting for custody. Well, thru Forensic Interviews they were able to substantiate my nieces claim. Then, he appealed it and this lady who heard the case, unsubstantiated it ba<x>sed on his "consistent to deny" and my nieces "inability to recall specific details"! After that, a judge court-ordered my 3 children: 7y/o, 4y/o, and 2y/o to spend 8 hr's each weekend with him----with his mother (whom had witnessed the DV and his threats to kill us w/o ever intervening). It was the most stressful, sickening thing that I have ever experienced. Talk about having your hands tied. Well, here we are 3 yr's later, my daughter---who had also made comments that sounded innappropriate---just now has come out with what her "dad" did to her. It tears me up. So on her journey into Kindergarten she's having interviews with CPS, Forensic Interviews, and therapy-----which is absolutely heartbreaking to me.<br />
<br />
Needless to say there are a whole lot of trust issues that this mother has to work through. There are a lot of fears that I know have to be irrational---when it comes to other men, but the torment that comes with the thought of trusting someone with my kids is......poisonous. God Bless all of you....I definitely want to be a positive ripple to help change these laws that do not protect the victims. Don't give up!

Dear CRP3, I truly appreciate your ability to write such an emotional post. Thank you for sharing your success story of getting away from the domestic violence. I know your heart is broken with the situation that you are going through now. I have a very hard time trusting people with my children. I am skeptical of most men. This is just oneof those things in life where we placed our total trust in someone that has been so traumatic upon discovery. God is GoOD and he does provide. Time does make way for healing. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your girls.

I am the mother of a 14 year old son that suffers from depression, anxiety, ADHD, and has had severe behavioral issues. He just recently came to live with me after the good old Illinois Family court system gave his father/my ex-husband full custody of the two children. Oh and by the way the ex was indicated for braking my sons arm when he was 7yrs old while in a drunkin rage at a little girls 7th birthday party we were attending... And he was not arrested(only indicated but never put in the central registry) About two months ago he had a suicide attempt and while in the emergency room he came out that his father had "sexually abused" him.
After his stay in the behavioral health hospital we went to the police....since we hadn't heard from DCFS yet it had already been an entire week.,so much for them having to make contact in 24 hours. The police took his statement and a few days later said they wanted us at the Childrens Advocacy Ctr for an interview. We set that up and everyone was stunned at his explaination that for a two year period between the ages of 7-8 his father molested him. They called him to the police station as they also did with my daughter as they said they were going to put a safety plan in place(what a joke). They released me ex-husband with my daughter because he didn't admit to molesting my son and in there words "not to toot their own horns but they are very good at their jobs and they can get people to confess if they did it" he admitted to braking the arm 7 years ago (this is the 1st time he ever admitted that he did this... he used to only say it was an accident)! So about a week later he calls and ask me why did I let our son charge him with this? That he never hurt him or me... Well I don't know if he has a selective memory or what his deal is but I am well aware of all the times I caught his fist with my face! So I told him that I believe our son and he hung up on me... go figue.
So, I got a call from the DCFS investigator yesterday who has call to tell me that there were too many inconsistancies with my sons story(gee it was 7 years ago) and it was going to be ruled as "unfounded"! And, she also said he has alot of emotional problems! Really. I mean really. YES he has emotional problems his father raped him for two years! This is I told her. She said well she is not charging him as she believe the father and that my daughter and the police don't believe my son either. What is that all about? She told me straight up on the day of the interview that there was enough credible evidence from my sons statement. I cannot believe that these people can look themselves in the mirror. And, I did tell her that I will be contacting he boss (whos name I got from someone who unfortunately is going through an abuse situation with her 3yr old granddaughter). She was a little surprised that I knew his name. She again said she was ruling it as unfounded and I said "we'll see about that"! I do believe that I have the responsibility to this beautiful boy to be his advocate and at this point do everything I can to expose this dispicable system and contact anyone and everyone who will listen to him and his "truthful account of what happened to him", if that includes the media so be it!
I am so discusted right now I don't even know what way is up.
Thank you for posting your daughters story and to all who have posted back to you. You and the victims who I know will all be survivors are an inspiration to me!
God Bless you all.
Teresa McCafferty
Mother of a son molested by his father
And yes my son is telling the truth and I believe him with all my heart and I will use my real name... and I will not back down from obtaining justise for my son!

My grandaughter told me things that her dad has done to her we took her to the hospital and had taken photes of the area where she was very red and tfiled a report investigaters talked to my babygirl and the father and mother.they did not even ask me about the things that i wittnessed and saw her do it makes me sick to even think what he has done..The investgaters have come to the conclution that there is not enough information to persue charges the child is 3 years old and very smart and knows right from wrong i am so pissed off at our court system the dad does not pay child support and still thinks he has rightswe are fighting this all the way i will do everthing in my power to protect my granddaughters and the mommy

In july this year, I threw my ex partner out of my home. When I got with him and after the "courting" stage where we discussed our past , got to know each other, my partner made a revelation that his then sixteen year old eldest daughter had made a "false" sexual abuse allegation against him. Looking back he was very angry when he said this to me. Maybe I was "dickmatized", but looking back now, I do not see how this could not have been forgiven. My ex had brought his two daughters over to Britain to live with a wife who they did not know he was married to (before their mother sent them from Jamaica to Antigua to live with him for schooling). If I were in his position and I had became estranged from said wife because of her "bad" ways, I could forgive my daughter for feeling alienated.
The eldest daughter had become promiscuous, but she was of legal age when I met her and it's her "thing". She was using contraceptives, etc. Looking back now, my ex was only trying to alienate me from the daughter because new allegations were going to come up. They did, but the case was closed. The eldest daughter left my home due to what I thought was my fault. We never got on, even though I admired her inquisitive, fighting nature.
For a self proclaimed "family" man, my ex hardly put any effort into parenting the younger daughter. It took eight months for me to encourage the then 12 year old to bathe regularly and groom. Every night I had to tell her to bathe. It never came naturally. Then there were the at least twice a week letters home from school pertaining to her disruptive behaviour. I had to set boundaries and teach her ethics. Her behaviour was highly inconsistent, even the "bad" behaviour. My ex talked badly about his estranged wife the children's mother. I asked him to take accountability for his part in each relationship breakdown, even if he was only 5% to blame. Which woman wants to hear her partner bitching about his exes?
I may be stupid, but it took me a while to realise that the daughter only flipped out around me. If she heard a key in the door she would go from 100 on the richter scale to one. It was that much of a change. My ex saw one of her flip outs. He left for work, just saying that I was to make sure she tidied her wrecked room.

Anyway, it turns out that the father was having a long term affair behind my back and was using his child as "woman bait". Another incident that as a man who was apparently thoroughly appalled by his eldest daughter's alleged promiscuity, when he heard that she had cut a very risque tune at a studio (which he brought home for me to hear, full of smiles and pride), I knew then that my ex was at the very least a narcissist who would take the glory for his eldest daughter's potential fame.
One time when I left the younger daughter at home with a twenty minute window before her father came home from work (5.30) and saying that I would be back for nine, I came home at eight o'clock. My whole apartment was in darkness, both daughter and father were in the respective bedrooms, in bed, but on turning on the lights, it was obvious nobody was sleeping. I asked what the hell was going on. Who shuts up their family home at eight o' clock to go to bed, but not to go to sleep? Me like a fool suggested that my ex and his daughter partake in family therapy as they were obviously suffering some kind of post traumatic stress from the marriage breakdown. My ex just looked at me with rage.
It is only after the break up and what i now know to be his deliberate alienation of his youngest child from me that I now know (without me actually witnessing it) that this man is practising ****** on his daughter. Why? I have recently been in touch with the elder daughter who did not even know that her father and I had split. her immediate reaction was "where has my father gone with my sister"? She then proceeded to tell me that her father abused her (including penetrative sex) from the age of six up until she left my home. The penetration stopped when they came to England in 2007 as she made a deliberate ploy to acquire boyfriends and lovers in order for him to get off her back. She is angry with her five years younger than her sister for not talking about the abuse, but telling only her that their father is abusing her. Hence the extreme moods and behaviour.
This is why the man has run away to the other side of London with his daughter. he needs to for his sick ends plus as woman bait. He is a serial cheat, liar, lazy and in every story he tells he is either the hero or victim. The woman he lives with now has a lovely four year old daughter who he has no compunction hugging and posing with on Face Book. Never have i sen this man indulge in ANY tactile behaviour with his own blood!
When the eldest daughter told me that the father asked her for Anal Sex, a lightbulb went off in my head. It was his obsession. Not being judgmental, but it is not my thing. But he would always "try" until I thought that he only wanted the "front" to get to the back. Looking back now he sexually humiliated me. I have phoned the social services in the part of London where i now know they live, but from the tone of one of the social workers , I can tell that that she thinks that I am a bitter ex, wanting to split up the new relationship. She did not think it was strange that the man "overshared" information at the beginning of the relationship. It was obviously a pre emptive strike on his part to get me on edge about his daughter and to disbelieve anything she said or suspect her motives. I believe her, I believe her, I believe her. It is only now that I know why children are discouraged from reporting this horrible phenomena. My ex's eldest daughter is strong. However his youngest daughter has been groomed to be like him. Plus he has convinced her that her birth mother does not love her. So anywhere he goes, any affair he has she will follow and cover for him. I have written a letter to his poor unsuspecting girlfriend, explaining a pattern of behaviour she would have been aware of by now.Her child is in danger too.
As well as abuse, we have to make adults and children aware that abusers don't all sit in greasy armchairs "getting off". We have to be made more aware of narcissism. Also if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it is a duck. You do not have to wait to see the actual act to know something is going on. I have no doubt that my ex has already anticipated a visit from the social services. He knows he is a snake. it wasn't until I started thinking like one that the scales came of my eyes. No doubt he has gaslighted his girlfriend and is making her feel guilty for indulging in an affair with a taken man. Like me she is not stupid, just kind. I hold no hope that she will believe anything in my letter. If she does she will have to face the wrath of both him and his groomed daughter. I can only pray or help the elder daughter out of her rage so she will be ready for her sister when she realises that what is happening to her is wrong. The only thing I do now know is that he cannot just pick up and leave this woman when he gets tired of her. She can disbelieve me now, but if he does all of a sudden change, she cannot say she never knew. So whilst his daughter was not safe with me, she will ironically be safer with the woman who he cheated on me with, unless he is really careless. God Bless all the children.....

We're going through this nightmare as well. The civil case is over but will the damage caused our granddaughter and family ever be healed?
We continue to be appalled by the "system" that is supposed to protect our children.

Hopefully you've been able to gain some closure. God bless your daughter and you for sharing your strikingly similar real life story.

I have been able to move forward with my daughter's healing. There are stil times that her behavior is concerning. She is still in therapy (8 years now). Things that remind her of the abuse come up from time to time, and I am there to help her through it. It is all I can do sometimes not to just throw my hands up. It is an ongoing progress, and thankfully she is ahead of where she was.

I do think that there will be closure one day, but right now there are so many things pending. She wants her father to admit to others what he has done. She wants him to apologize to her and I'm fairly certain that neither of these things will ever happen. I almost feel like if he did these things she has asked of him, she would be that much further in her healing.

I don't want to scare you, but I will say that it will take a lot of time. My daughter was not only sexually abused, but she was tortured. He would burn her dolls and shoot a pistol to make her affraid of telling. These acts I believe were worse than the abuse and have impacted the amount of time it will help her to heal. While she is not fearful of certain things or noises anymore there are still times that she is alamed by other things. It will take time, patience and lots of love. It will get better and easier to sleep. May God bless you all.

Reading your story was like reading my own life.. My daughter was also abused by her father and nothing was done! I too was looked at as if it were me who was crazy and just making it up to get him out of our lives.. I can tell you now that not in 100 years would I ever say such horrible things about anyone unless it were true! My daughter was 3yrs old at the time too, it makes me sick even to this day to think about it and my daughter is 9 now! I had left her father when I was 2 months pregnant because he was violent and i was in fear of my daughters life, I knew if i stayed with him I would miscarry. He said he didn't want a bastard child round him and for us to stay as far away from him as possible.. I don't know why I didn't realize it then but when I was well into my pregnancy he had text me saying he was going to kill my father, the black bastard he would call him, he also sent me a disturbing text saying "I bet you are hoping for a boy so you can teach it all you know". He was always calling me a **** when I was with him so I knew what he meant by that disgusting remark! When I was in the hospital after having my daughter he came with flowers to see her, but when he seen my father was there he stormed out! a few weeks later he wanted to see her so I let him come see her, after a month we were back together but it only lasted a week as he kicked us out at 11pm mid November because I wanted to cook something to eat, I swore I would never go back to him and I never have! a year went by, in this time his family had been keeping contact with us but he hadn't tried to see her at all until my mother decided she wanted to move back to Ireland from the states, then his family were taking me to court for custody of my daughter! He didnt get custody but got access every saturday night. It was a constant battle with them because my daughter was comming home with marks on her from where someone was smacking her, and finger marks on her legs where it looked like someone was squeezing her. Every time i went to court I was seen as the jealous ex girlfriend and just making it up! Then when she was 3 I was getting us ready to head off to do shopping with a friend when I looked over at her sitting on the sofa playing with her vagina. I didnt pass much remarks on it because kids at that age can be curious about their body, but i did tell her to stop doing that and that it is naughty, she replied with "daddy does it to me all the time", I was in shock and didnt know how to take it, I dont think i even answered her at that time, i just didnt know what to think, was she saying what i think she said or is there a perfect explination for it? I had met with my friend shortly after and had told her what had just happened and she advised i contact the doctor, so i did and was advised to go straight to the hospital, so off we went to the hospital. At the hospital the doc had asked her several questions and she had told them what she told me, and not only that but she said her daddy does be looking for spiders up there. The doc said that it was hard to make out what she was trying to say but there was definately a ring of truth about it. Well I can tell you now that I broke down, I was a mess! I couldnt believe this was happening to my baby!! I just wanted to save her! I fought in court for 3 years, my daughter seen therapists and social workers, but apparently she was too young for them to get a proper evaluation of it. I was seriously depressed at the time, i just couldnt get my head around how someone could do that to a child, a father of all people, it is so sick! so i lost my case, 3 years in court for nothing.. he walks free after what he has done to my daughter! at 6 I told her she had to start seeing her daddy again or i would get into trouble, so she went, forgetting who this "daddy" was because it was so long since she seen him, but early this year she took it upon herself to never see him again, and she refused to see him. I was concerned as to why she didnt want to see him, I still have my concerns because early this year she would cry her eyes out saying she just didnt want to go, please mammy dont make me go! When I asked her what was going on she had said he called her a ****, and that when she was at his mothers he had picked his mother clean off the ground by her hair because she had given my daughter a chicken sandwich. My daughter also witnessed him picking his ex fiance up off the ground by the throat! Months had passed and with still being concerned that he might have sexually abused her I had asked her in the car if she would ever want to see her dad again? she said she never wants to see him. so i asked her was he being bad to her, did he do anything to hurt her. she said that she didnt realize who he was when she had to go for access and when she seen him she felt the fear in her stomach because she remembers bad things that happened. I asked what they were and she said she didnt want to talk about it because it's too disturbing, so i asked if it had anything to do with why i took him to court when she was a little girl, she replied "lets just say he's a pedo". I felt the sickness again! I still feel sick! I promised my daughter i would never speak of it again because she said she just wants to forget about it and that she feels free now that he's not in her life anymore. With that promise I am now left that I cant go and report what she has told me.. or can i? I cant break my daughters trust, I should be greatful he has gone and hasnt tried to contact her in a year now and that my daughter is happy. I was so concerned that she would end up troubled over the whole thing but she seems to be doing great, i just hope it doesnt affect her in later life. Unfortunately I havent gotten over it, I cant trust another man! I have been single for years now and wont even look at a man because of what happened to my little angel! We moved this year and life is good now, we can finally start thinking and planning for the future without having to be worrying about him touching her. It's horrible how us mothers cant protect our children and how the courts and officials think we are "out to get" the fathers! It would take a very sick and twisted person to lie about something like that!

I know how you feel. You are blessed that she is not seeing him anymore. I still have to turn over my daughter every other weekend to the monster. Often he doesn't get her for the entire weekend b/c he is working or has plans. My daughter loves when she gets to stay home with her "family". I think everything comes back to her when she is forced to visit with him the entire weekend.

He still lives with his grandmother, but that doesn't make it any easier for my daughter. This is the same grandmother that my daughter told about her father had hurt her "pee-pee" and the grandmother washed her mouth out with soap and told her never to talk about that again. None the less my ex has visitation every other weekend if he so chooses. I am forced to follow the court order. It is tough. You are very blessed to have the ability to move on from the monster and to start a life without the abuser in the picture.

My daugher comes home sick after each visit. Most of the time her tummy is upset and she has a headache. After several hours of being back in her "safe house" she feels better. It is a constant struggle when he is picking her up for the weekend. I have resorted to telling her that if she doesn't go then I will be introuble by the judge. We have open conversations and I ask her if she had fun and is everything okay.

The therapist have warned me about asking direct

...questions regarding the abuse. Still in the back of my mind, I am concerned. How can I not be after the abuse and the terrior that he has done. My daughter is happy 2 hours after she returns home until a few hours before she has to return to her father's care.

I pray for your and for your daughter. Keep strong in your faith. God will be on your side always. Hugs.

I believe that this post was a godsend. My oldest daughter recently turned 4 on September 15th. I have two daughters and i h recently, within the last 4 months, called the police about suspected sexual abuse by their father. Three weeks ago they had their psych interview at the child assessment center. My youngest said nothing happened. I expected that, she is easily scared and has phobia of nearly everything. My greatest concern was my oldest the four year old. She adores her father, no worships him. I knew she would protect him. And i told that to the interviewer. Needless to say when the interview was over, i was informed that she confirmed my suspicions, but that she also said that mommy and aunt and grandma did it too. The interviewer the detective and the social worker all said the case was inactive because no real evidence. And if i wanted to push it they would have to go after everyone. I oneself and my family r innocent of anything, but i couldn't bare the thought of changing the loss of my reason for living! They have a medical exam on the 5th in terrified they will find something, in terrified that they wont!!! I've been spending all my spare time looking up advocates, attorneys, groups, past cases, treatment, y the fathers do this,signs of a molester, signs of being molested, the best therapy is everything i can think of! The more i learn the more afraid i become! Some fathers have won custody because they think the mother plants stuff in their kids head!!! In some other cases they still get visitation rights. When i found out i flipped, i grabbed a knife i keep for protection and wanted to cut off his sister had to stop me. Idk if u guys felt it...but something inside me...broke..snapped...i have been with the father of my children on and off for 10years. Since i was 14 and he was 16. I feel betrayed, i know what my babies r feeling. I was sexually abused by my step father for years and my mother still insists he never touched me. I can't stand the thought of sex my boyfriend and i broke up a few days ago because he wanted sex and doesn't understand that ...ugh its just so disgusting to me now....i watch my babies like a hawk...i insist to them all the time how they are good girl, that they could never do anything bad, that mommy will always protect them, but without saying anything, my oldest keeps doing and saying extremely disturbing things, and she has chewed off all the hands private parts and mouths of her barbies. Please help me. No one is helping me! The people I've told either say i should have done something sooner how could i when i didn't know!? Others say he's not in their lives now that should be good the hell it isn't!!!! I owe it to my children, and selfish or not to myself, to protect them and other children!!! My mother did nothing. I refuse to let my babies be hurt or leather think they r alone!!!

I spent over $100K trying to protect my daughter from seeing her abuser and he was awarded every other weekend and a week in the summer. It didn't back fire b/c he was suing me for sole custody; however it very well could have gone the other way and I would never see my daughter. There was medical evidence that my daughter had been molested, she told therapist and the guardian ad litem attorney and multiple investigaters. Still the father only had 3 years of supervised visitation and now sees her without supervision. It can cost you everything. Just know that by you believing your children, you are doing the best thing possible for them. You are not in denial that it happened. If the children are not with their father, then I do think you should let it go. The impact of coming out now could make it worse for your children. They could possibly be with him 100% of the time.

You know that one day he will have to pay for his crime and it will be a life in hell. God will not let him slide by. Just know that you are doing the right thing by believing in your children and getting them the help they need. I encourage you to speak with someone about your abuse as well. I don't think anyone ever gets over being abused. I've watched my mother and aunt suffer PTSD from sexual abuse for years. I didn't pinpoint their mental states until after my daughter attened therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD. My mother and aunt have suffered for years because they told their mother and yet were forced to be exposed to the abuser.

See a therapist that you feel comfortable with. This will also help you to help your children. You need support and comfort right now too. Don't forget to take care of yourself so that you can be the best you can be for your beautiful children. I am praying for you to have peace. Hugs.

Any help or advice that anyone can offer would be greatly greatly apreciated!!!!!! Thank u all for your stories...i don't feel so alone now. I know how to prepare my babies a bit. Thank u.

If there is a disclosure, call police first. Then seek a medical evaluation at a chldren's hospital. Your child should see a licensed therapist to deal with the emotional and mental impact. You should believe your child! Continue to love your child and be prepared to sacrifice a lot of your time, energy and money. Pray a lot. Know that the road will be long and tough. You will feel like the criminal instead of the parent that is trying to protect your child. You will be questioned more than the abuser. You better be clean and free from anything that could look suspecious. You willl have the fight of your life on your shoulders. You have to believe in yourself and do what is RIGHT regardless of the pain your feel. Praying for you and your child.

I hear your frustration. My daughter and I have lived parallel lives with you. She was 3 1/2 when it started. Her pediatrician sent me to the emergency room, there injuries were documented along with statements from my daughter that included horrible details. Then after the investigations at the County abuse agency with police, it was brushed away as unfounded injuries possibly occurring from father wiping daughter after going potty. The little girl tells me daddy doesn't use toilet paper when he wipes me he tickles me. Sessions with psychologists yielded the same results for us. Unfounded molestation, angry mother obstructing their job to force daughter to forgive father. After $150k. I have been bullied into giveing 50% visitation to father. My insides have died, I will never be the same again. My recourse today is to empower my little girl. Mentally I tell her what daddy did to her is wrong and dont let him do it to her anymore. physically i tell her to scream kick bite run away to protect herself when anyone ever tries to hurt her again. Also very importantly, I tell her it is not her fault. She has told me he touches her still. But he is smarter now and not leaving any marks or causing scarring or blood. When I told the psychologists about 2 more reported occurances they say I like to make up drama. I don't know what to do anymore.

Dear Badtimes1 - I feel your pain and frustration. I cannot imagine any mother that would drag a child through false allegations. If I ever meet a mother like that, I think I would have a fight on my hands. Their is only 1 in 5,000 cases where a mother lies about this. Never will I understand why the justic system (or lack there of) chooses to think a mother would want to spend tons of money and endless hours taking a child to therapy for a lie. It doesn't make sense and doesn't add up. Still mothers that are trying their best to protect continue to be persecuted. I do believe that our children will be okay some how and some way.

I think beilieving in their disclosure is the most important part of the healing process. Children don't talk about sexual acts at such a young age unless they are truly exposed to that type of abuse. I have never wiped a childs rear end to make it bleed or bruse, but yet the investigator's say this can happen. They are idiots and it was such a frustrating process. I didn't want to believe that my high school sweetheart and then husband would abuse our child or any other child. It was horrifying for me to speak with investigators that pointed at me to say I was lying. I don't know what would make anyone make false allegations.

You are doing the right thing by empowering your little girl. That is all you can do at this point. When she tells you things, I know you feel like your heart is going to pump right out of your chest. I recorded conversations with my daughter. She would start talking and I would just listen and sometimes say, "and what else happend, and how did that make you feel". In court, the judge said that he couldn't determine what conversation occurred before the disclosures. I still have the taped conversations. One day, when my daughter is older, I will mail copies of it to the abuser and to the rest of my family. No one has a clue what a real mother goes through unless they have been in a situation like this. It is tough to protect the child when we are forced to give the lamb to the lion on a routine basis. Prayer has helped me a lot along the way. My daughter is 11 now and appears to be okay.

I will keep you and your precious little girl in my prayers. Some day these monsters will have to pay for the crimes they have committed. We have fought a good long fight. I will keep fighting for what is right for my daughter just as you will. God has the real punishment. I know it is hard to have faith when you have been beaten down so much. Just know that when you have given it your all, there is still God to lean on. Hugs to you and keep loving her and believing. Continue to pick up the pieces and carry her through. Just don't forget to take care of yourself in the process.

Recently new developments have occurred. I am in court again. My friend told me to believe in The Lord with all your heart and don't rely on your insight. I am fighting again. He continues to molest her up into 2013. Maybe I have a chance to keep her safe this time. Someone must believe her and help me protect her. I will be dragged through the mudd again. I need to keep trying to protect her. It is the only and right thing to do for her, no matter the consequences to me. I may loose her either way.

I am so sorry to hear about this. Trust in the Lord for sure. Praying for you and for your daughter. I am so proud of you for doing whatever you need to do to take care of your daughter and to protect her from further harm. Some people would give up at this point, but not you. Your daugher is very blessed to have you for a mother. I wish you all the best and will keep you and your daughter in my prayers. Hugs.

Your experiences are so like my own it is unreal. I too was called an angry ex, bunny boiler, vindictive etc. All friends took his side because of `lack of evidence`, `unreliable witness`. The usual excuses that come out in favour of these abusers.It makes me sick to think so many go through this and the victims are ignored and brushed to one side like silly tale tellers. It is so cruel and unjust. My daughter was three when she disclosed that her father abused her. I had just left him due to domestic abuse. I was there for her. I went to the Social Services and told them. Hoping that at least MY DAUGHTER would get some justice. Alas this was not to be. No prior record, minor abuse, unreliable witness excuse, basically he got away with it. I was told that they believed her but could not do anything.Not even a slap on the wrist, but hey that’s the UK for you, ‘peado paradise they might as well rename it that there are so many victims but hey put the kettle on and get the broom out and shove it under the carpet. Sorry but I get so angry. People should be able to talk about it. It is wrong here that victims get stigmatized and told to get over it.

So, as I was saying, my daughter was abused, he got away with it, I was left to pick up the pieces. Or should I say smashed fragments. I got no help regarding counselling with her, even though she was quite disturbed and difficult to cope with as I had another child, younger not abused to shield from the abuse disclosure. When you have an abused child disclosing in front of their younger sibling this makes it very tricky, so I had to separate my younger child often as she went into trances recalling abuse, self harm. I begged for help with her, I never got any help. She was abusive to her sibling, and very mean with him. It broke my heart listening to her screaming with nightmares. I had been there too. I could not honestly tell her the nightmares would stop because I knew better. I just told her that he could not ever harm her again. I dealt with it the best I could deal with it. No I was not a perfect mother. Yes I did shout when her disturbed behaviour lent her to putting bleach in our drinks when she turned 9. I was scared for me and my family. I begged again for help with her after this incident only be referred to a therapist who told me that she thought my daughter was a liar and had not been abused but was manipulative child with a serious problem. I was furious. How dare she say that about my poor damaged baby I thought. I did not take her back there. I was so gutted for my daughter that somebody would not believe her. Like I was not believed.
Years of this went by, me asking for help because of her behaviour, setting fires in the house, lying, hitting herself, lying about being hit at home when she was doing the hitting, biting scratching breaking everything, death threats, self harm. I always took the light approach because of the abuse. I encouraged her to pursue her wishes and praised her for doing well and told her I was proud of her school achievements.
She went to secondary school, did well, then on to college. This is where she changed again. She met up with a girl a year older, (bad influence, attitude), started bad mouthing me on the internet when she did not get what she wanted saying she had flashbacks to get her own way or out of trying to burn the house down or stealing things that were not hers. Siblings belongings, money, scratching siblings name into furniture or writing in marker pen on new furniture to get sibling into trouble, I am talking 17 yr old here not 12. The behaviour was getting too much and I suggested she went to the doctor to be referred for some help because I could no longer help her. This resulted in a year of hell from her. Slagging me off on the internet, bad mouthing her sibling, who had put up with being in the background to her problems and was now getting depressed himself due to her lying and slagging him down on the internet. It was like she did what ever she liked said what ever she wanted yet had not one jot of empathy to how her words actions affected him or me. She did not care and was increasingly distant to us.
Out shopping one day after getting me to buy her a top she `had to have`, she turn round coldly to me and said `I will always put my friends before you, you are nothing.` This scared and upset me really because we were out having `good times` and this was out of the blue and context. Maybe a one off, scared treading on eggshells as usual with her, I did not bring it up again. Benefit of the doubt and all that.
Wrong, what she did over the next couple of months, I cannot even get my head round.
The ‘friend’ I mentioned, (bad influence, attitude), always seemed to have some hold over her. I cannot put my finger on. Anyway this person managed to convince my daughter that I somehow deserved domestic violence and that her father had not abused her and I was some entity from the depths of hell.
Well, I found out that this girls parents were ‘friends with the ex, child father and had been keeping tabs, or should I say stalking, me and my children for some time, using their daughter to do this. Yes, I know this is so sick. I told my daughter what I had found out and she came up with some bizarre accusation that my youngest had been having contact with the father for some time. She even told me to kick my son out over it. Complete lies and stirring on behalf of her ‘friend’.
Over the next couple of months I was being informed of her being in the same circles as her abuser. I was so worried for her safety I had considered moving again. I had moved many times after he had stalked us down.(I was scared for my children safety as he had threatened to kill us prior to me leaving. After 13 year of looking over my shoulder and moving in the dead of night to protect my family, I had said enough was enough, I was sick of running. I had decided the law should protect us for once. I was sick of not being able to put down roots, make friends, gain employment because of the situation. The children were older now and not so venerable now I reckoned. How wrong was I?
After leaving one day for a weekend with her friends, I was informed by a neighbour that they witnessed my daughter had tried to set fire to the side of the house. I looked and sure enough soot all over the side of the house. The smell of smoke a few days earlier my daughter blamed on younger kids on the street. I then got an email with a link to posts she made about me and my son on the internet. More horrible insults and slurs. I could ignore but about my son. That was not really on. The setting the fires again. She was now 18 an adult. I text her to pick up a form to get rehoused as I knew she was in the area of the housing office. She had also mentioned that she wanted to `move on` as she put it. I could no longer risk her in the house and she disrespected us so why be here I thought the sooner she gets her own place the safer we all would be. Maybe she would find some happiness doing her own thing in her own place. Waiting on the list would take a year tops I told her.She was due to leave for university in September anyway.
I was then accused of kicking her onto the streets. Completely untrue, she went to stay at her other friends. She never spent a night outside it was complete rubbish. She turned up with the police, for what god only knows to pick up her teddies after telling me on the phone she never wanted to see my face again. All over being told to get a form to fill in.
She has since gone on to meet up with her abuser. This guy who is a complete stranger, his family who always insinuated that 'he was not the daddy' when they saw the kids and other ignorant remarks about me. Part of why I left him too.The person who denied being her father, who never paid maintenance or put a stitch of clothing on her back and who she disclosed at 3 had abused her, then refused to part with Christmas presents because of her 'telling'. I have the solicitors letters stating this. It was so pathetic you would not believe. A guy that made her so petrified after telling that she would pee her pants and hide below the seats on the bus just going through the place we used to live. This went on for up to 5 years after the fact. She was always terrified if she saw a postal van, because she thought he would jump out of the van and get her because she told (his workplace). I could never have a man in the house or move on with a new relationship because she was terrified of men and would behave bizarrely in front of them.
She is currently posting hateful lies about me and denies this monster was responsible for abuse, which she now claims was ‘planted in her head’. This is complete nonsense, as a fact I tried to force him into visits after I split because he had an older child he had nothing to do with after a previous relationship he was in. I did not think he had the right to just disown our children too. This was until my daughter said what he had done. She is making out that she was beat up, I never laid a finger on her, or her sibling, she is slandering my family on the internet. The fact is he actually pasted her for wetting her pants and scared her so much that she pooed herself.I did speak to the health visitor over this asked for help and said I was leaving him over it, and was told why would you want to take your children's dad away from them over a mistake. If I had anywhere to go I would have left that same day..
Now in his grasp, she is denying him doing any wrong doing and claiming to have been emotionally abused neglected, crap childhood, never got anything she wanted, the list goes on. This is completely untrue. She was spoilt. I do not get how she sits slagging me off with that monster who did what he did to her, all he ever gave her was a bag of empty yoghurt pots as a gift(seriously), he never gave her anything toy wise or clothes wise. I had to beg for formula at the health centre because he spent all his wages in the pub. That is how caring a father he was. I am devastated by this. I cannot believe that she has put herself and her sibling at risk by having contact with him. I am also angry and disgusted by it.
I have never got over not being able to get justice or help for my daughter. This haunts me and I do not think that I will ever get over it. I tried to be there for her when the abuse was disclosed. I understand that her contacting him is an act of spite (she was always that sort of child, sounds cruel to say but I know what she was like), and I worry that he will harm her, and now she has nobody to protect her from him.
Has anybody else had any sort of similar experience. I cannot do anything now. I thought I was ‘there’ for her but she turned our world upside down and I cannot understand her behaviour. Her sibling is so depressed over all this you cannot imagine what it has done to him this as well as the ex and family stalking him on the internet. I want to scream. I feel I lost the child I tried so desperately to protect. I think what did I do wrong? I do not understand this. We are living in hell at the moment. I think maybe the counsellor was right about her now and I am worried and question myself about believing her in the first place. Three year olds do not say what she said for no reason, plus the social services agreed, the child protection people believed her account too.What is so wrong about believing and trying to help your child when they disclose these horrific things. Everything we went through, thrown back in my face again and again after trying to do the right thing and support her.Can I have advice of anybody please. If anybody knows about a situation where the abused goes back to the abuser? I cannot make head nor tail out of it.

I appreciate your post and want you to know that you did the RIGHT thing for your daughter. You believed in her and tried to put her back together again. It is what a loving and caring mother is supposed to do. I have heard of cases where the abused child goes back to the abuser and especially when the abuser is the child's father. In the victims mind they try to deny the abuse so that they can have a "relationship" with their parent. I've also heard of cases where abused daughters go to their father's (sexual abusers) for a loving and sexual relationship. It is a very sick and mind twisting thing. I am asking that you ignore the post on the internet. Just love your daughter from a distance. One day she will wake up and smell the roses. She is an adult now and you have gotten her this far.

Sometimes no matter how much you try, the victim has some deep mental issues that can only be resolved after professional help. Don't question yourself nor your actions. You know a 3 year old should not know a thing about sex and especially sex with their fathers. Still believe and never question your actions. You tried your best to get her help and to protect her from further harm. You were successful at that.

Some victims have to hit rock bottom in order to be able to shake the pain. You have done what you needed to do as a mother. Focus on yourself and move towards a positive light. Life doesn't last long so enjoy yourself and your other child. Don't all her to pull you down. Keep your chin up and move on. You can love her from arms length but don't let her manipulate your world anymore. She can fin for herself and you have to concentrate on yourself. Now is your time to find healthy relationships and do things that you enjoy. You have sacrificed a lot of your life in order to help her cope, and now it is your time to shine.

You did the right thing for the right reason. Don't ever question that. You have done all you can for her. It is time for you to let go as hard as that may be, but you cannot afford the pain and anguish. You have to find yourself and form happy relationships. I am praying for you and wish you all of the best. Hugs. Reading your story breaks my heart. Just know there are better tomorrows ahead.

As long as the little girl is safe and happy, that is all that matters.

I hope the sicko father rots in prison.

He had no problem "playing" with his daughter. Therefore, he should have no problem "playing" with the other prison inmates too.

One day he will pay for his actions. He won't be prosecuted in this case at this point due to the mishaps by the county investigators. They really demolished the case before it even went to court. I know that we will all be held accountable for our actions when we meet our maker. He will pay for his crime eventually.

I agree. There had and still has been so much wrongdoing many people did. It makes me so glad that they will have to answer to God on Judgment Day. The so-called justice and law systems may not do everything but God sure will clean up and correct everything. No wonder He is perfect.

I am so sorry to hear his story. I have a very similar story. I don't want to post it here but if you would like to contact me via email that would be fine. It is always nice to have ppl to speak to when going through such a horrible thing.. Best wishes..

My heart goes out to your poor daughter, please escalate this issue to the Supreme Court, write as many governors and judges and state attorneys, write letters to everyone and get your ex husband away from your daughter please to give your daughter a chance. All that your daughter is going through is torture and the mistrust she will have with everyone because she was never believed and brought back to get abused. My heart is breaking, just breaking reading your story, go out of state and get help, write the president please.

I have written many letters. I have received responses and get the fact that I would need at least 250K to continue to fight. I am thinking of going to law school. It would be less expensive than hiring my attorney or another attorney to help present the case to a higher court. Thank you for the support and encouragement.

My 10 year old was touched by her father 2 weeks ago and we went to the cops and he's stell walking the streets my family and friends are upset. Don't understand this crap they want to take are guns but want make these cops do their jobs. Almost to the point to take care of this my self

I am so sorry to hear that you are in a tough situation. My heart goes out to you. If we take the law into our own hands, then we too are criminals and it could cost you everything. Consider yourself blessed that you have the support from your family. Cops are not well trained in this area and it is a shame. When children are hurt and their is no protection from law enforcement, we as mothers feel it is our priority to protect and serve. It is an uphill battle and you are the one that is often criticized the most. Keep your heart and mind in a positive direction. Lean on others for support. Pray A LOT! Just make sure you do what is legal so that you can continue to provide care, love and support to your child. Hugs.

I can't believe he got away with it after all of that and a judge is allowing him to be alone with her. Nothing could ever prepare a mother for what they will face after their child opens up to them about sexual abuse, asking the person they trust most in the world for help and protection this broken legal system won't let mothers provide. I admire your courage and strength. It's clear to me I'll have no choice but to find the strength to live with sending my son to be alone with his father, after I promised him I would do everything I could to protect him. Right now, I can't even think of it, but we go to court tomorrow after my lawyer tried today to get a continuance (first one requested) pending subpoenas of medical records, forensic interviews, DCFS records, therapy records, and a custody evaluation. The judge rejected her reasonable request. I do not think this is an indication the judge will apply good reasoning in tomorrow's hearing.

Dear mominbrokensystem - I pray for a successful hearing in your son's favor. It is a difficult road and one that no mother can ever prepare herself for. Remember if you testify to concentrate on your son's behavior changes, disclosure and how he feels. Since you are going forward, you are doing everything you can to protect your child. He will one day know the choices you had to make to stay within the confines of the law. Don't be discouraged yet. Your son still has a chance. Maybe your son is old enough that he can testify. My daughter was only 3 at the time of disclosure and when the case finally went to court she was only 6 and the judge didn't want to talk with her. I thought that was a cop-out on his part. He didn't want to hear her go through the horrifying details, because he already knew he would do his standard ruling - supervised visitation for several years followed by unsupervised visits. I wish you all the best. You all will be in my prayers.

I found out last year that my daughters father raped her 14 year old half sister, and had been molesting her. She told her counselor he touched her in "a bad place" and a CPS worker...and you know what they did? Nothing. The 14 year old has been in and out of the mental hospital. They didn't feel like the girls would make good witnesses so they dropped the case. It's heart breaking. It's the next worst thing to a parent loosing their child to death. My prayers are with you. What kind of world do we live in?

Dear mbrown78 - This is yet another case of neglect by our "system". CPS workers are not trained well in the sexual abuse area. Often times these folks have less than a 2 year degree or some on-line social work degree that never gives them the experience of dealing with cases such as this. It is a shame that a 14 year old suffered and is still suffering. I will pray for your daughters. It is truly heart breaking that the system has failed them. At least they have a mother that believes them and is doing everything she can to care for them. Hopefully she will find comfort in the good things in life and that she is old enough to not have to suffer anymore abuse from her father. I pray for all of you.

I too am a Mother of a molested daughter whos' turning 7 this year.
the sexual abuser was/is her father.
and I like you went thru the same things however didn't make it to court. I was also terrified of him and how clever he is at lying and conning the systems.
He use to brag that's what he's best at.
It's best to believe our daughters regardless of what age they tell us and be crusified as witches than be a woman that ignores a child's plea for help even if it's not those exact words but via questions like 'why does daddy have to wipe the poo from high up inside my bottom hole mummy?'
Thank You for your story.
It's good to know that i'm not the only one surrounded by a pathetically inapt system that protects abusers and not children.
Not many people have believed my little girl. and he still prances around like a show pony pretending to be the poor father vicitim who's ex wife was just angry that he left her for 10 other women. it's amazing how these creatures can get away with and be given rights all because our babies weren't battered bruised or bleeding or old enough for 'authorities' to believe little ones.
I just wish every day to hear that he's dead.
And I will keep wishing this.

I am terribly sorry to hear that the "system" once again failed to protect our children. I do believe that the monsters will have a heavy price to pay when they meet their maker. It brings forth the fact that less than 2% of the cases of child molestation are made up by vindictive mothers/ex-wives. I truly believe that the courts do not know what to do with these cases since ****** has been occurring for hundreds of years. I'm not certain that some of these judges see these cases as being wrongful. It is a pathetic system and I believe that the individuals that let these cases go unfounded will too pay for their sins. Thankfully there are mothers like you and me that will do the best we can to foster healing for our abused children. There will be a time that we all will reap what we sow.

In the court system, the children are treated like property, not human beings. You keep doing what you are doing. It's all you can do right now. At least she knows that you are her safety net... her security. The older she gets, the more she will become vocal about it. That will be his downfall. Hugs and wishes for all good things to you.

Thank you for the sweet comment. I will just keep on doing all I know how to do and that is taking care of what comes daughter. She is an amazing example of how a person can go through such a rigorous healing process, but stay so grounded and still have very happy moments. I appreciate your well wishes. Back to you as well. May life be good to you!

i was a molested child myself yrs ago from my own flesh in blood to and i couldnt tell anyone about it cause no one believe me so i never went to a therapy for my mental mind. to be honest with you i know how she feels and how you feel and to tell you the truth about how i got over it, i really dont know how or when it happen, but the only one thing that is now helping me to get through my life is god, ever sence i found him and heard more about him and open up myself to him, he gave me my life back he made me feel peace again and he gave me courge to live again showed me that i shouldn't be afraid of life, that in time there will be justice and healing in the spirit.i tell this its the truth what i say to you that you and your daughter will find peace joy happiness and faith in your lifes if you believe in god to heal both of you he will show you what he can do for god protects his 39 yrs old and i just got over this about 3
yrs ago it does not control me anymore in my life im free from my past for the lord has free me from it you and your daughter will be to free from it for god will see to it in jesus name amen......

I am so sorry to hear you too had to suffer, but I am so very thankful that you have Jeasus in your heart and Him laying his healing hands upon you. You will certainly be added to my prayer list. Praying and surrendering myself to God was truly the only way that I managed to get through this painful experience. My daughter knows Christ and she is very good about praying on a daily basis. She knows that God heals and this pain is too much for her to carry alone. Thank you for your inspirational post. Take good care of yourself and God Bless you.

You must remember molesters come from all walks of life. Judges, lawyers, politians, religious leaders, police officers,right on down to the clerk at the mini mart. Its a system peppered with those in denial and those that are commiting or know someone commiting molestation. Its about self preservation who wants to squeal on a fellow judge or on a fellow perp. Everyone has secrets they want to hide and this is the dirtiest secret of them all. I remember this mom who hid her daughter for years out of the country under an assumed name with her parents. She spent all that time in jail to protect her daughter when the system failed to protect her from a father who had molested his older daughter judge refused her testamony she would scream and fight the worker and they blame the mom for poisoning the childs mind against the father. I cannot imagine listening to my child scream Don't make go begging for your help and there is nothing you can do. I never would have gone to court or the cops I just would have made him go awaywithout a trace. I respect each of the choices that were made. Having been on the recieving end and God bless my grandmother for moving away and him being too lazy to pursue visitation. I use to visualize doing horrible things to him. I wanted to punish him for what he did. I vowed when my daughter was born I would never allow it to happen to her. If it did I would have had no hesitation about removing that person from the face of the earth. Those that do this are a waste of space and should be permanately removed from society.

Wow...I'm going through the same thing. Judge stated I'm making false allegations and I supposely have a Mental Illness and coaching my daughter.Now that Judge got a Report from my daughter's Therapist that speicalizes in Sexual Abuse Children stating my daughter disclosed what her father did to her and that my daughter does not seem coached.Judge dismissed it because Therapist is an Intern.Now Judge is stating my daughter is a liar,she's only 4 and she's exploring her sexuality.Children tend to make up stuff like this.Sorry but I believe my daughter she is a mess violent,agressive,self inflicting and extremely anger.Now she has to go back to her fathers and not only am I concern so is her Therapist and the center.I asked for my case to go to Trial...I pray thaty daughter will get her justice...It breaks my heart what we parents have to go through to protect our children and we're the ones struggling with the aftermath of the abuse.My daughters hits me,yells at me,cusses,throws things and injured my back,by jumping on my back.She has violent nightmares,doesnt like taking a bath,she has rectum problems and doesnt like to sleep.There is an open case but I have a feeling its going noway like the others.My daughter came home with ripped underwear,seriously.I'll keep each and one of you in my Prayers.What hurts the most as a parent is seeing the pain and there is nothing you can do because no one will listen.I Pray that one day our Children will get their Justice and put these monsters behind bars.

I know what you are going through and it is the most dreadful darkness. I am thankful that you know the Lord. Prayer is the biggest thing that helped me to get through this tough time. Hand it over to Him, because once you have done all that you can, it is the Lord's will. I know watching your daughter act out the anger is tough. I know comforting her after a nightmare is tough. There is no one that knows this dep pain more than you, a mother that is watching her daughter suffer and you can't do anything to keep it from happening. The judge makes it tough to be the supportive parent and to do what is right for your child. If I was a judge in a case like this, I would have to rule on the side of caution. I really believe that most common folks do not think a parent could molest their own child; however, the department of justice data shows that the majority of these cases are true and it is more likely that a parent or a close family friend or family member is the molestor. My heart breaks for you and the pain you are suffering. Please get yourself some counceling to help ease your pain. Sometimes it is good to talk with a pastor or someone that you never allow the courts to know. You have to get out the pain so that you can be strong for your daughter.

Do whatever you can that is legal to protect your child. Document concerning behaviors and inform the counselor. I highly recommend you take your daughter to speak with a certified therapist. I don't know why it is but judges think credentials make or break these cases. I guess it would be the same if you took her to see a PA instead of a MD. I am praying for you and your precious daughter. This time will pass and one day you will be proud of yourself for fighting for what was right. Give your daughter that one on one time and have loving conversations with her. She may like puzzles or games. Be there for her and try not to be so hurt by her words or behaviors. A 4 year old does not know how to express themselves about something that is so terrifying and dark. I'm praying that you two will be safe and make it through this challenge soon.

Reading your story was like reading my own.. My daughter was 4.5 when her father sexually abused her. He threatened her too. GAL tore me apart and still tries to destroy me in court.
Court today and judge ordered he gets her every other week through summer. She'll be 7 in a month.
I know he'll do this again

I am so sorry to hear this Elm1979. Often I feel that judges minimize the affects sexual abuse for our children. They lean too much on the side of "rights" vs. the side of caution. It makes no sense when a child makes an outcry to officials/physicians and therapists and the child is placed back in harm's way. I hope you know our good Lord and that you can lay your worries upon Him. You have to lean on Him or you will go insane from the worry and fear. It is a horrifying experience each time you have to turn the lamb over to the lion. I know. I have been there and still continue to worry. I can't say it gets any better over time. Now I know this is what I have to do and I just have A LOT of FAITH. I'll pray for you and for your precious little girl.

Wow, this is really sad. I am to going through something simaliar. My daughter informed me a month ago that her father was touching her innapropiatly when she was in preschool 3/4 years ago. Her dad has a past of 6 DWIs. The last one that happened in 2010 was on Easter and he should have had my two girls, but they decided to stay with me. He has a history of dating young girls, I myself are 9 years younger than him, he is I his 40's. He's not a good looking man, he lives with his mother and sister and her kids and can't drive because of the DWIs. He's taken them to party's at houses where they don't know where they are, they've claimed he has got into fights with people there at these houses, someone could easily take them to a room and hurt them, they are 8 and 9 very petite girls. He had an ignition interlock because of the DWIs and has had the girlfriend blow into it so they could drive home he's also asked the girls to blow into it as we'll. I contacted CYFD ( Children Youth and Family Department) about the drinking and driving and interlock concerns and they informed me to buy my daughters a phone so they can take a picture or call me when it happens. My 8 year old informed me she woke up in bed with min and another woman. My 8 year old isn't like by his mother or sister so a majority of the time my oldest will stay with his mom for a sleep over and before he moved with them, he'd have my 8 year old alone. As this is where it all July of 2011 My husband, mother in law and kids were on a vacation. While in the lobby my now 8 year old grabbed my husband in his private area. My husband and I pull he to the side and asked her why she has done that and she said her dad told her to do it because she wants my husband to go the jail, than they was supposed to go back with him and tell him so he could call the police on my husband. So when we got back to town I immediately called our county police and filed a report. We had a safe house interview and they dropped the charges because they said my daughter told them she was told to touch him in his butt, she didn't use the word "private part" and they questioned him and he said he didn't do it.. So from there on I went to court and got sole and physical custody and he is only to see them one day a week. He was ordered to pay a lot in child support. He has picked the, up irregularly on the day he is supposed to, he took me back to court and the judge denied him having more time. My youngest has always been hesitant when having to go. Recently she tells me he touched her in her private part when she was in preschool. She is now going to 3rd grade. I had her talk with her school counselor and she informed me to file a CYFD report, CYFD advised me, to contact the police because this was so long ago they cannot assign a caseworker. So our day came again in the safe house, dealing with a different detective from a separate department. The detective gets a statement from me, and my daughters and they say its a weak case and they are going to ask him if he did it and if he says no they they will close the case. The detective called me and told me to allow the, to return to his care, so they went in their scheduled day, and today I am served with being in contempt of court for not allowing him to see them during his scheduled visits. The detective advised me not to sent them, I hope she has my back in court. If not i will end up in jail. In the mean time, my anxiety is high, alone time panic attacks, and I feel so alone. I know I have to leave it all in our Lord's hands, its hard not to's so sad that there are so many related cases, I hope when we go to a mediation they can interview my children, because they have to hear it from them........I wonder why so many people get away with stealing a child's innocence.

My best advice is to always follow the court orders regardless of how you feel and what you have been told by someone other than the judge. The judge will have the final say so and you want to be in good standing with him/her. It could turn out horribly for you if you do not allow the father to see them as directed on a court order. I have seen mother's loose custody all together and the judge stated that the story was not as believable since the mother had interfered with the court order visitation. Be careful. You must get yourself some counseling as well. I am praying for you and your beautiful girls.

My sister went through the same thing!!!! my niece accused her father at the age of 4. They had a taped accusation from my niece. All the therapist did was mess the up the case!!! instead of helping her they made things worse!!! They made her believe that her father did nothing and they tried to reunite them. after almost 3 years they ended up accusing my sister for coaching my niece. no one wanted to charge him or accuse him of doing anything!! even after he said he did touch her inappropriately !!! what is wrong with these people??? my sister had no more money to keep fighting the system!!! now my niece is almost 8 and the courts granted overnight visitations!!!! he thinks its ok for him to help her bathe!!! after all this, wouldn't he refrain from doing this??? do we have to wait until he does this again and rapes her??? sicko!!!!

Some therapist feel it is their job to unite the abuser with the victim. What a crazy thought. We don't encourage raped victims to unite with their abuser. It is no different regardless of the relationship. I have read many books and articles on this reunification thing that therapist are doing. What many children feel is that they must allow themselves to continue to be victims. They told the truth and nothing was done; therefore, they will be abused again. People that are this sick do not stop. They have a mental problem that does not have a cure. It is an awful thing. Continue to believe your niece and love and support her. I pray for all of you as you head down the same road that my daughter and I have. It is heartbreaking at times, but do hang in there. She needs all the true love she can get. Hugs.

I am so sorry you are going thru this. As a parent of molested children I am horrified that no actions were taken in your case. My daughters were molested by my ex husbands stepdad and the abuse went on for quite some time, they were also sexually abused by their step uncle but he was never charged as he was a minor. My childrens stepgrandpa went to prison for 26 yrs. The girls lived with their father when this occurred and ny oldest came to live with me 7 months ago and I am battling for custody of my youngest daughter who is disabled. My issue with my ex husband is the abuse occurred with his stepbro first and was substaintiated thru cps and he continued taking the kids to his mom for childcare with the stepbro still in the home and the end result was they were molested again by someone in the same home. My ex does not grasp how uncomfortable the girls are now to go to his mothers home even though neither molesters is there anymore but to them its still the same environment. He forces them to go there and ignores their pleas to be kept away from her. She is still with the molester even though he is in prison and she cannot deny he molested them he admitted guilt and wrote a very detailed admission and she will reprimand the girls if they say anything negative about him in her presence and tell them papaw loves them and is sorry for what he's done, he's sick and he's praying to god everyday for help. To me its inappropriate. Cps has been called on my ex numerous times. He has has allowed a male roommate to beat my youngest with a belt and leave bruising, she has come her with hand print bruising on her thigh from her dad grabbing and squeezing when she was throwing a fit. He hasn't had running water in his home in nearly a year and has had the gas disconnected so he is unable to even cook in his home. Cps states while they frown on bruising it is not always considered abuse. And about his utilities being shut off they stated they can only make him provide a minimum of care and as long as she eats it doesn't matter what she eats and if he has a jug of water he is not depriving her of water. He has also allowed our disabled child to be hit by 2 vehicles because of inadequate supervision. The first time he left her unattended in his vehicle in a parking lot and she knocked his truck out of gear and she got scared tried to get out and her legs were ran over which resulted in plastic surgery to one of her legs and the second time she was hit it was because she was walking down the street at night alone in her pajamas. Cps did nothing and in their reports they state there is emotional and environmental factors due to parents seperation. We have been divorced since my youngest daughter was a yr old and she is 10. My oldest even told the caseworker she feared for her own life as well as her sisters because she was terrifed he would end up beating one of them to death. I have hired an attorney and I am fighting for custody of my youngest. We have sent inquiries to him to fill out that stipulated he answer questions in regards to our case and 90% of the answers were lies that can be documented thru a paper trail. He even claimed my youngest has no disabilities, when she has cerebral palsy, seizure disorder, is suppose to be recieving ongoing therapy that she is not recieving due to physical issues, and she has learning disabilities and recieved a disability check for her every month(which he lied about as well.) He signed documents under penalties of perjury. I'm a nervous wreck as I had to send my children to him for his half of the summer 3 days ago and we go to court in a week, so I'm afraid he will hurt them before. I'm also afraid he will get away with continuing to neglect/abuse my youngest as it seems cps us worthless and will do nothing to ensure her safety. I have done all I can to make contact available I bought both children their own cell phones so they are able to call me at anytime if they need help. I was inspired to tell my story after reading so many of yours and I commend you for believing your child and supporting them so deeply, as I am doing with my sweet girls. Remember justice will eventually prevail, keep using your voice and spreading awareness. It may not be now but our voices could help get stricter cps guidelines in place for child abuse. That is my goal and I'm working with a private child safety advocate so I will be able to use my voice and spread awareness whether it be on a site like this or public speaking events. All children deserve civil rights and most are denied because until they are 18 they are viewed by the court as property and not human beings. Keep advocating for you children and supporting since the "system" will not. Hugs to each who have witnessed their innocent babies hurt and wrap them in your love they will come thru I have faith!

I know that my child is much better off than she was years ago. She is now 12 years old and has made significant progress towards mental healing. There are setbacks from time to time, but we manage those as they come about. I pry for your sweet little girls. I pray that they will be in your care as you know how harmful the abuse has been on them both mentally and physically. I know that the "system" we have to operate within is not fair to the abused children. I continue to advocate for abused children and to have our system be more understanding for our kids. It is sad that anyone has to suffer at the hands of abuse. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

If the therapists don't listen make sure you tape the sessions and warn them that if they send the child back to the abuser after the child complains that you will sue their *** big time. Therapists and so called experts get away with this type of behaviour because unlike the molested children they don't have to bear the consequences. What happened to first do no harm, believe the child and work from there, it's not the child's responsibility to make their own case.

Annie2006, I did tape the therapy sessions. I used a personal recorder. During the first unification session, my daughter said to her father, \"You hurt me in my pee-pee spot and you need to say you are sorry.\".

He said, I don\'t think I hurt you. Then my daughter repeated what she said about hurting her \"pee-pee spot\" and the therapist said, \"We don\'t know what happened to you, but we need to move past this and forget about what ever it is that is bothering you\". I am happy that I had it on tape for the court to hear b/c the therapist denied this statement in court. She should have been arrested for purgery, but I think she was terrified of the case. It is a shame that people are not accountable for their actions. Everyone will have to answer to their maker one day. I just pray for every mother that has to go through this with their child. It is a lot of painful heartbreak so you have to be up for the battle and have the determination to make life a better thing for your child and others.

Hello....i just told my mother that i was molested. How do i comfort her? I dont know what to do or say

zlopez23, please find comfort and healing for yourself first. Sounds like you may be handling this better than your mother right now, but she should be the grownup here. Please seek help for yourself. Know that you have done nothing wrong. Maybe you mom feels a lot of guilt for you being abused. Please ask her to get some counceling for herself through a therapist or someone at her church.
I know there was a time where I felt weak after my daughter first disclosed. It wasn\'t long afterwards (like the next day) when I knew I had to be the adult here and take on the battle. I knew she needed me more than anything so I had to be strong for her. I cried every night wondering why I hadn\'t noticed how she acted when her father was around and how she clung to me saying please don\'t leave her alone with him. I felt a lot of guilt. Some how I found the strength to get myself together to help care for my daughter. Maybe your mom will come around really soon. But for the time being, you have to take care of yourself here. You should speak the truth and if you mom cannot deal with it, you must find a trusted adult to work with you. I\'m so sorry you are having to go through this. I will keep you both in my prayers.

That bastard should be castrated and hung. Ill be the first to tell you, I have a twisted mind, and I get off on some pretty sick ****. But if anyone EVER touched my little girl I would dismember them with my bare hands. I could not imagine the sickness it would take to do that to your own toddler daughter. He deserves to suffer with every breath he has left. That poor child.

The only thing is who would care for my little one if I was to go to jail for doing something horrifying. I have to believe that he will get his one day. In the mean time, I\'ll do what I can for my daughter. Believe me, I wanted to do horrible things to him, but I knew my child would be left in the hands of those that cannot be trusted any more than her father. Its sad, but I do believe in final justice.

I am also the mother of a molested child. She was molested by her grandfather. Fortunately I severed all ties after she revealed that he had licked her private spot at age five. But I fully understand the adverse system you have had to deal with and all the harm this has caused your daughter. My daughter had very similar problems for years. My family reacted the same way yours did.

Then suddenly one day last year I received a telephone call from a young lady who had also been one of my father's victims. Knowing that her father and mine were friends I had phoned her father to warn him. She just wanted to tell me that the abuse stopped after that, but she also was very traumatised by it.

You are to be commended for your assertiveness with all these stupid people and for keeping records. I cannot tell you enough how much my heart goes out to you and your daughter for all you have suffered.

Dear perseverer - thank you so much for sharing your situation and for having faith in me. It has been a long road, but we are seeing things progress. My daughter is now 12 and has come a long way. She lets me know when she is feeling scared, ashamed or hurt. I continue to have her in therapy because I think this is a lifelong healing process. My family still has not reconnected and I can live with that. Afterall, they were not there for me nor my daughter during the most challenging time of our lives. I really believe that it hit too close to home for my mother, sister and aunts. I believe they were all sexually abused and were told to hush. It was swept under the rug while the abuse continued. They all struggle from alcoholism, depression, hoarding and financial ruin. I understand so much more about the painful past many women in my family had. I was not abused and perhaps the molestor knew I was strong willed and would not tolerate abuse of anykind. I pray for my family every day. I am so proud of you for taking your daughter out of the situation and for believing in her. I know this other young lady that contacted you is looking for support and to feel believed. You are a wonderful person. I know these two girls will have a healthier mind, because you have helped them. God bless.

I admire your courage, but your story brings me no hope. My granddaughter was just molested by her father. Initially, when she was three months old, there were allegations of another 6 year old child who stated he touched her in her private part. Nothing was done by her mother, and he got away with it. Since then we have battled custody, until about 2-3 months ago when he got alone visitation after 5 years of fighting this custody. Gradually I believe, it started to happen what we feared the most. He finally molested her. We don't know how to appeal this. The judge we have on our case has given him every opportunity in the world to this point. He has lied in court, and always comes with a shirt and tie looking like he is the best father in the world. Appealing does not look like hope to me after reading your story. I truly feel that the idea that a parent should be part of a child's life at any cost is not always the best, but that is what the state of Colorado believes. I hate the fact that they do all these supervised visits so the child can bond with and trust the parent. I think this teaches my granddaughter to trust a child molester. This teaches her that no matter how he betrays her, is ok, and should still continue to trust him and put herself in that situation. When she is older, I fear she will believe this as well. The law does not make sense at all. The mothers that try to protect their children are totally alone. I feel for my daughter and for you and every mother out there that is in this situation.

I am so sorry to hear another situation in which the laws have been broken and the criminal is off the hook. I do think that supervised visits is very misleading for children. It takes so much for a child to open up about what they have been through to only be forced to see the sick person again and again. Supervised visits force a victim to look and talk with the very person that hurt them. It is like taking a rape victim to have a friendly visit with the very person that rapped them. It is just crazy to think this is a good thing. Prayers work and have lots of faith in our good Lord. At least your daughter and grand daughter have you to lean on for support, encouragement and love. I will pray for all of you.

OMG, I write this through tears not for me, but, your daughter.I, too, am a mother of a daughter that was molested by her father at age 3. He was sentenced to 7 yrs. The system is soo messed up.. the people that are to protect the children and families are the worst to deal with {Department of Children Services}, How i found out a yr later about my daughter being molested due to the fact her father, my ex husband was in a Treatment Center and before they could "graduate" the program they had to write about things they were sorry for and about the people they hurt... When his counslor read this she notified the authorities and DCFS. I found out through a telephone conversation with DCFS telling me what happen here i am trying to comprehend what is being said, etc so i tell her "OMG my brain feels like mud i cant think straight" she asked why does your brain feel like mud.. i yelled what do you mean why, etc..... i said your telling my baby has been molested how am i to feel? then she asked so you didnt know nothing about it? i said hell no, if i had known she would of never been left alone with him.. I felt as though i was on trial.. horrible Fortunately the State Police were involved and where soo understanding and soo very upset with DCFS for jumping the gun and interfering in their case... We were referred to The Guardian Center they were awesome... Thanks to the State of Illinois Victims of Violent Crimes, We have since relocated to another state and he will be getting out of DOC next yr. DCFS, tried to tell me also, that he will be able to have supervised visit.. So, I informed her in no certain terms that she will play h""l if she thinks for one minute i would ever let him near our daughters again... and that they will need to get a jail cell ready because they are gonna have to arrest cause it isnt gonna happen... I blamed myself for so long about what happen, It was my {our} place to protect our children for any harm, never in my wildest dreams did i ever think that the one who was suppose to protect her was the one who would hurt her.. She is now 9, and she stills sleeps with wanting me to hold her hand... thats fine...she had never mentioned anything that happen to her, i am hoping she doesnt remember. she does occassionally ask where her dad is so i tell her in prison but dont mention the real reason why. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR BABIES AND FAMILY... I SAID A SPECIAL PRAYER FOR YOUR BABY GIRL.....

Thank you so very much for the prayers and for sharing your experience. It is terrifying when the discovery happens. I was treated like the criminal by the social worker at the hospital. She told me that I was overly emotional. I thought to myself that she must not have children and must not know what it feels like to love someone. My child was clearly hurting and needing me while the social worker was busy trying to analyze me! It was nuts. I'm glad that is behind us and my daughter is well on her way down the healing road. I know it is a lifetime of healing and recovery from PTSD, but she has been able to be a "normal" child. He is seeing her less and less often now. Thanks be to God. I will pray for you to be able to keep your daughter away from him until she is old enough to protect herself. Hugs.

Thank you for your story! stay stong! your daughter needs you,

Littlea7777 - Thank you for reading. I always pray that if my daughter's story can help someone, then it has been worth sharing it with the world. I feel stronger than ever. It took some dark days to realize just how precious and beautiful life really is. Thank you.

I knw u probably wont read this coz its been 3 years but all I want to say is never tell ur daughter that every man is like that piece of ****

I do not believe every man is like her father and would never tell her that. I have married a wonderful man that takes really good care of our children. I too had to learn that we can heal and move on from nightmares such as this.

i am going through a very similar situation and I don't know what to do. My daughter is 4 (was 3 at the time) and says that her daddy "put a nut in her butt" refering to a anal beads.
My daughter and son went to their daddys house for his 45 day summer visitation and when they came back my daughter suffered from PTSD and had bad bruises on her back and butt so i took her to counselling. While she was there she made the outcry to her that her daddy had hurt her on her butt. CPS was called but no investigation was done becuase they asked him if he did it and he said no! The amicus the court appointed is a joke and just wants the case to be over already since he was already paid upfront. We are going to a a court counselor now but she said that she can't come right out and ask her what happen and that I can't talk to her about it either. She is barely 4 and doesn't have a clue what is really going on. She keeps telling me that her daddy said that he is sorry and wont hurt her anymore. I just don't know what to do at this point to get them to believe her! I will die believing that this happened to her because i know my daughter and her actions tell everything! Does anyone have any advice to give me on how to handle this since this is really just the beginning of this for us?

Dear superman 1233, thank you for opening up to your personal life to share what is going on. My best advice is to not gain conclusions and especially in front of court appointed therapist and guardian adlitems. You should stick to, "My daughter has told me x, y, z and I'm not sure how to process this information. I don't know what to do." I know you know what is happening, but for some reason we look like we are on the crazy side if we have facts and have drawn our own conclustions. The therapist take offense to us making conclusions that they have not had time to render yet. Take your daughter to therapy with a play therapist that specializes in PTSD and vicitims of molestation. It will eventually come out when you least expect it. The therapist cannot come out and aske, but perhaps she should ask why does daddy tell you he is sorry. I wouldn't think you should suggest that to the therapist though. It is an awful thing to be facing. Know that you and your daughter will be in my prayers. Also know that your daughter will be okay as long as you believe her and she continues with therapy. Hang in there and make sure you have a good support network.

OMG It happened to my daughters too. Father the perp. Police didn't believe me. He denied it of course. But thankfully had a guardian Adlitem who knew the forensic sexual abuse psychologist. So the girls never were allowed to see him unsupervised. Now PD reopened the case.Daughter will testify. More later. What helped me are psychologists ,antidepressants my family however supported me to this day. I am so sorry yours didn't. His father was an alcoholic and he was the scapegoat of the family. Hopefully more wives will stop the codependence and protect their daughters. I took mine to my parents. The following Monday am went to the domestic abuse office to get a restraining order. I was notified before the Sheriffs came. I went to a neighbors with my daughters so they wouldn't see them taking their father away.

Dear LeslieMe - I am so thankful that you were able to have a guardian adlitem that represented your daughter with her best interest. Most of all I am thankful that you realize how blessed you are to have the support of your parents and family. I've often hear that children will eventually heal from sexual abuse as long as they have a mother that believes them and a good support network. I will pray for you and your daughter as the case has been reopened and she will have to testify. I'm sure it will be difficult for her and I will pray for her to have the strength and courage to do the right thing. Take care and thank you so much for sharing.

I am so sorry to hear this. I went through and still go through this. No one believed me. My mom`s at the time boyfriend and a later step uncle molested me and did other sexual things toward me for at least 3 years that I can remember. I was 5 at the time. I didn`t tell anyone til I had a suicide attempt at 13. They all told me, including my mom, that I was a liar and attention hungry. How is it possible that TWO men molested me? Right? The things that family say are so hurtful especially when you are a child. I am still in therapy 10 years later after that suicide attempt and the molestation doesn`t bother me today. What bothers me is how unsupportive my family, police, and counselors were. Like it was my fault. Good thing I know better! Keep being a good, or should I said GREAT MOTHER because my mother disowned me and THEN 13 years after her at the time boyfriend molested me: SHE MARRIED HIM. Yup, they married last month. Sick.

Dear obviouslynot - I am terribly sorry to hear that you have been violated. I'm sorry that your mother didn't do everything within her power to protect you and allow herself to believe in you. God knows the truth and the truth will prevail. In time, I pray that you can lean on God and let go of the hurt and anger. Don't waste your beautiful life on those people that have let you down that should have supported you the most. Let go of the pain and focus on your own emotional healing. I will keep you close in prayer.

Thank you, that means a lot and I needed to hear it. I wish it was as easy to do as it is to read. But I will continue pushing myself to my full potential. God bless.

I'm proud of you. Keep up the good work!

I am so sorry for you!!! I am sorry this happened and god bless you be strong

1 More Response

Hello, <br />
I know this response comes long after your post, so I am not sure if you will read it. But I felt compelled to respond. I am terribly sorry for what you had to go through. With all of it. I am a survivor of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse at the hands of my older brother. If I've learned anything from my time in self exploration, research, and therapy, it's that victims don't usually lie. I think that this is a rule of thumb that most people should adopt. Aside from certain circumstances, people do not make these allegations up. Especially children.<br />
<br />
I disclosed to my family about the abuse just over a year ago and it was a disaster. So I just wanted to praise you for stepping up to the plate and being the best advocator and protector for your daughter. I didn't have that and I wish I did. My parents blamed me. Especially my mother. Even more so, she (my dad and all my family too) took the side of my brother.<br />
<br />
One day your daughter will realize just how much it means to have had a mother who stopped at nothing and fought against so much adversity in order to help her. It will mean more than anything to her. <br />
But I just wanted to comment as your story really moved me. <br />
God bless.

Thank you for sharing your story and fo posting it here. I am sorry that you had to go through the abuse and to be blamed for it. It is so sad when family turns away instead of trying to help with the healing process. I know this even as made you stronger and more in tune with yourself. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. May your heart and soul continue to heal.

Thank you. Yes, a lot more healing is in store. I think I will probably be trying to heal myself for a long time. It may never cease but I resign fighting that fact because I know it just is what it is. It's so sad that victims are left to clean up the mess made by perpetrators. It just isn't fair.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as well.

Thank you ") Going to get her back tomorrow please pray for her and me.

Praying for you to have a happy and healthy little girl returned to you. I know your pain all too well. I know you will enjoy catching up with your daughter. Cherish the moment together. Praying...

1 More Response

wow I can imagine how you made this far, I without a doubt would have out a bullet in him long ago...far better is to for a child to be raised with neither parent than to to face her attacker powerless to do nothing........but that is coming from one abused multiple times , I commend your courage while at the same time shrink from the consequences ,,,may the light be with you and the poor cild

I couldn't kill him. Who would take care of my daughter and see that she received the help to recover if I wasn't there. My mother and family didn't believe it and they would have told her to be quiet. My grandmother offered me a significant amount of money to keep my mouth shut, but I did what was right for my daughter. My mother was abused and never got help. She has suffered as an alcoholic for many, many years. God has a way of removing people from your life that never truly wanted what was best for you anyway. I am happy with the choices I made. My daughter has made huge steps towards emotional wellness.

is there any hope? are there any steps after court puts your child back into the arms of their abuser? what do i do now? now that i've done everything i can do to keep my daughter safe? therapy? of course...but what help is therapy if the abuse just continues? and will she ever tell anyone again if it happens again? this was hell for her! having to testify in court in front of his whole family! she disappeared behind the stand and couldn't talk for a whole day after. she couldn't even talk on the stand. the case was dismissed. and now what? now how do i keep her safe? further more...why doesn't the system seem to care? what can we do? i need to know there is hope. my poor baby....

I believe in the power of love and the power of prayer. As long as you believe your child, listen to her, allow her time to to have your full attention, love her and get her in therapy, I do believe there is hope. My daughter remembers things from time to time and wants to talk about it. I am very open with her and allow her time to release those emotions and feelings. My ex, her abuser sees her less and less these days which has helped my daughter's healing process. I do believe there is an end to the abuse and there is hope for healing. I pray every day multiple times that the healing process will continue and that he will not abuse her again. I think if you give up home, you have given the abuser all of the power and you have let the abuser win. Praying for you and your sweet baby.

<p>I am so sad reading all of these stories. God bless and care for every single one of you...all my daughter and also me we have been victims of the system. My daughter is 10 and today the Judge dropped our Protection Order because the Detective thought I lied to him and my daughter did lie to me and well that was it! After 6 years of fighting his alienation in court, stalking, getting busted for drugs using my daughter and losing her for an entire year and custody, alienated my Son from the home, Ive lost 4 jobs, he and his mother have destroyed us and on her birthday he raped her because she "allowed" my boyfriend of 5 years to join us dropping her off after her party because SHE "ALLOWED" my bf to go with us. She has been lying to him for so long he didn't even know that I was seeing him and he lost it taking it out on her his violence which is unspeakable and nothing a ten year old would describe. I called the police and reported to cps and to sex assualt response center. It took a week fot the police to finally call me and then another week until the interview and no request for an exam (here the only expert forensics can be ordered by police) I wasn't anxious to force her to do this expecially because she didn't disclose for 3 weeks and then 3 more weeks till the interview the detective that headed everything up wasn't there and relied on a tape and he didn't even speak to me about specifics he wanted no detail till after the interview he said! Wouldn't you want to know as much as possible before the interview? Anyway I asked about the exam and was told the police would order it but didn't. Then my daughter lied saying dad broke protection order because she missed mom when she was at school the detective thought I lied and wasn't credible I didn't lie about not one thing so the detective now say his recommendation to the prosecutor ends. I said called and left long messages on his answering machine asking him to review documents for which I was just now absorbing what has happened all these years and just registering and he took away his recommendation because my daughter lied. Am i wrong but doesn't lying go with the territory if you were having to lie to placate your abuser all the time doesn't it become automatic at this point? we have been dealing with the lying but still this should be recognized there is a huge file with the Courts with GAL the works who said give back to Mom not pinpointing the issues just get an evaluation by counsellor with i did at the time for an entire year she said "ship shape" no issues with my daughter! Well with the alienation I ve been through and suffered my ex and his mom were no lightweights when it came to protecting their secrets. After that she tried to disclose last year and the allegations were kind of weird outlandish but this was at the very least an indicator of something wrong. Grandmas the devil and she abuses my dogs poisons dad (ironically went to the hospital two weeks with stomach problems and text mom from hospital saying he was going to kill her wow anyway i got an attorney he said best make amends or face contempt for keeping daughter so I let the manipulator do it i let him manipulate me by acting concerned. this man isn't concerned he is a selfish pig who deserves to be put down sorry but true and his mom is worse than him. Anyway longwinded the judge removed the protection order told me file in family court and she didn't even give time for a safe plan or tell her whats up because this morning she was going to school i was going to my weekly court session as i am there all week and as far as she knows i will be picking her up. I had no idea this would happen. only 52 some percent of cases are prosecuted and only 2 percent are false allegations. you do the math. so the detective who thought i lied never ordered exam sat on the case is now telling me bring me evidence or i drop case. I had asked him for time to provide him document which i did and he avoided talking to me. the PA called after that and said no charges and i figured well doesn't mean he didn't do it but to the judge it means he didn't and no more restraints needed! No one even looked at the GAL report saying go back to mom. some investigation eh guys. anyway i went to the school they were already there i went directly to the classroom didn't sign in because dad was in the office and my daughter says "dads not mad" and was excited to go and walked off. i called her back and said what are you doing and the principal asked me if i signed in and i said no and he said loudly infront of the kids and everyone " you need to leave right not!" I said i am sorry but i needed to speak to my daughter. on the walk out he said i know how you feel and i said no you don't sir and apologized again and left. i get home and replay all gone wrong and grief for my excited daughter now being punished and i am afraid for her and me i love her so please pray for us thank you and bless all the brave ones who come forward maybe more like us can change some things one desperately hopes.</P>

I am praying for you and your daughter. God will answer. He always does. Sometimes we have to be patient and listen. Hugs. Thank you for sharing your experience.

thank you peacepaige! nice to know others care :) God bless you!

Today..I was watching a movie in where a girl was molested by her stepfather at the age of 12.
I got so disturbed after watching that and started googling for any such real news and came to know your story. But got shocked by reading many others story in the comments. I never expected that these many father/family members are doing this to their own kids. Iam really feeling very angry/sad/disturbed after reading. I am just not getting how the police and court are just ignoring the case when a molester say "No!..I didnt do it..!"..Thats so bad...:(...
I will pray all of you and for all your precious kids....

Many thanks for your post. It is a very real thing. Most of the time it is a family member or a family friend that molest children. It is an awful thing for children. So often people sweep the abuse under the rug and pretend it never happeded while the victums continue to suffer for years and years beyond the abuse.