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My Daughter Was Molested By Her Father

 

I am the mother of a molested child.  My daughter has come a long way and so have I.  It has been quite an eventful journey with many bumps and twists in the road.  We've lost so much, but gained so many wonderful things during the process.

My daughter began to disclose things little by little when she was 3 years old just after her father and I separated.  The breakup of our marriage was my idea.  I was tired of him not working and being inconsiderate.  He refused marriage counseling and any counseling on his own.  We had been apart for about two weeks when the story began to unfold.  Our daughter was still seeing her father every day.  He didn't work, so he would keep her during the day and I would pick her up on my way home.  One night, I went to tuck her in and she pulled down the covers. She was naked and said, "Lick my pee-pee Mommy". I was horrified inside, but remained calm. I asked if anyone had licked her there and innocently she stated that "Daddy licks me there and it tickles". She then jumped up to put on her panties and PJ's and told me goodnight.  I was in shock and couldn't bring myself to say anything.  She was still giggling when I turned off her bedroom light. 

The following day,  I informed my husband about what our daughter had told me.  He claimed that they were playing like they were "pets" and he was a dog and licked her leg. I still thought that was odd and I couldn't imagine licking our daughter in even a playful manner.  He looked like he was being honest and he was a little strange so I told him not to do that again. 

Then less than 6 months later she came home from his house walking funny. I thought she had hurt her back. Then I noticed blood in the potty. I took her to the ER and they found a red mark on my daughters rectum. The hospital contacted DFCS and the police indicating that it was a case of possible child molestation.  I was in total shock.  The social worker from the hospital had a laundry list of questions for me to answer and all I wanted to do was to hold my child.  They didn't allow me to see her until after the interview.  The social worker claimed I was "belligerent and overly distressed".  The staff at the hospital acted like I was the criminal when I spoke about the the situation when my daughter told me her father had licked her.  They couldn't believe I didn't file a police report after that.

Four days later I took her for a follow-up appointment with the advocacy center and they noted the mark on her rectum was now a bruise. My daughter was acting very strange at the hospital. She was terrified her father was going to see us. She kept trying to talk me into hiding under the chair with her. She insisted that i wear a jacket over my head and that we not sit next to the windows in the waiting area.  I asked for a private waiting room due to my daughters high level of anxiety and we were able to sit in a more enclosed location. Every time someone would walk past the room, she would jump thinking it was her father and I would reassure her that he did not know we were there. When we went into the examination room she made sure the door was locked.  She was very hesitant to show the nurse and doctors her vaginal area.  Then again I was asked a multitude of questions and was directed to cooperate with police and DFCS (Department of Family and Children Services).

On our way home, my daughter begged me not to tell her father where we went.  He was still living with his grandmother and didn't have a clue as to where we went.  I hadn't told anyone.  She claimed that he would kill us if she told.  I asked her what she "said" and she claimed that she told her daddy's secret.   When we turned into our neighborhood she began to scream "Don't go down our street. Our house is cracked up with fire because I told". I reassured her that we would be fine and our house would be fine. Each time we left home and returned this would happen for almost a year. It got increasingly worse the more she disclosed to the therapist. She thought black women had been burned by their fathers since they had told their daddy's secret!

One night my ex husband, her molester poured gasoline around our home.  The gas was old and smelled like bleach.  He was possibly scared off by a neighbor.  His sister had called to tell me he was distraught and was threatening to kill my daughter and I.  She had already contacted the police.  I saw two people in my front yard near the house so I contacted the police as well.  He was not there when the police arrived and therefore it was my word against his.  The officer noted the smell of gasoline and bleach around our home.  His sister filed a police report regarding the threats he made.

Later I learned through talking with my daughter and through therapy the threats to keep her silent were more traumatic than the sexual acts. He shot holes in a portrait of me and told our daughter that's what he'd do to mommy if she told their secret.  My daughter was horrified to hear everyday sounds like a toilet flushing, a car horn, a garage opening, a door closing.  She was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.  He killed animals with his bare hands and shot them with a pistol in front of our daughter.  He burned her baby dolls and toys while she watched and said that is what would happen to her if she told.   My daughter felt sorry for African Americans because she thought they had been "hurt by their daddy's and told their secret".  She feared black people because of this.  She was terrified of police and thought they would take her to jail because she had told her daddy's secret.  My daughter was a mental mess for an extended period of time.  She was attending therapy twice a week for several months.  Then weekly therapy for several years.

The police investigation was a total nightmare.  The event occurred I assumed in the county in which he lived in.  The hospital reported it to the county in which I lived in.  The county I live in does not have a child friendly environment to conduct the child sexual abuse interviews.  The sheriff informed me that I would have to take my daughter to police headquarters for the interview.  I declined and explained I would be taking her to the other county since they have a dedicated facility with trained professionals to handle the situation. I also explained my daughters fear of law enforcement officers and her fear of blacks. I was then told I would be arrested for interfering with a police investigation.  Needless to say...I took my daughter for the interview at the county police department. 

My daughter had to go in a room with a dark African American male that weighed at least 375 pounds for her interview.  The officer said that she didn't disclose anything.  I stated that I wasn't surprised, because I would be terrified too.  He was in uniform with the handcuffs showing and his pistol was located in the front of his belt.  He stated my daughter cried the entire time.  Again mentally my daughter had to suffer.  The same officer interviewed the father and noted on the record, "the father denies all allegations and claims he never touched the child inappropriately".  I'm not sure what allegations he was talking about since none had been made other than from the hospital which to me was concerning medical evidence. 

Months later my daughter wanted to tell the police all about it.  Perhaps she had gained some empowerment through therapy and wanted to let it be known what her father had done.  So I contacted the police and they had me meet an officer in the local grocery store parking lot.  After the officer spoke with her a bit, he asked that we meet him down at the station.  My daughter was nervous again when we passed the jail and entered the police station.  During the interview my daughter disclosed that her father "hurt" her "with his stick and it was like skin and had hair".  The detective didn't think this was enough to go on.  Keep in mind my daughter is just 4 years old disclosing this type of info.

The police screwed up their investigation and the criminal case never went to trial. Most of my family thought since he wasn't prosecuted, it was a lie. The judge indicated my daughter was too young to testify. The judge indicated I managed to antagonize every individual involved in this case.  I held people accountable and attempted to let them know how things or situations would make my daughter feel.  I was doing my best to protect her mental well being.  She had already been through PURE HELL!  By the way...the father's lie detector test came out that he was somewhat deceptive.  His personality tests indicated that he is attracted to young girls and boys and thinks about sex more than the normal individual. 

It was a really bad situation. The sick man didn't get to see his daughter for almost 2 years.  The initial reunification took place at a therapist office that was appointed by the court.  This therapist was told by the guardian ad litem (court appointed) that the mother was just upset over the divorce and was trying to "get back" at the father.  I was allowed to be in the initial reunification meeting and I had a recorder to tape the conversation.  Our daughter (5 years old at the time) confronted her father.  She stated, "You hurt me in my pee-pee with your stick and you need to say you are sorry."

Her father looked at her and said, "I'm sorry, (long pause) but I don't think I hurt you".  Our daughter said "yes.  you did." and then her father again denied the allegations.  The therapist stated, "We don't know what happened to you, but we need to move past this and forget about what ever it is that is bothering you".

My daughter looked at the lady with a sad face.  I spoke up and said, "No we don't need to forget about it.  We need to get to the root of the problem and move forward from there.  It isn't something that should be dismissed."

The therapist then informed me that it was her job to unite the child with the father as told by the guardian ad litem attorney.  The judge had ordered this therapist to see if the child had any behavioral or emotional concerns when reunited with her father.  It was obvious that the guardian ad litem didn't know what she was doing or she was trying to demolish the case on purpose. 

The guardian ad litem had noted that I was a racist because my child was fearful of African Americans even though I had gone to great lengths to explain how her father had burned the baby dolls and our daughter thought African Americans had been burned by their fathers for telling "the secret".  The guardian ad litem was African American and during her interview with the child, the child was "uncomfortable". 

During the case the court appointed therapist was called to testify and stated that the interaction between the child and father was "normal".  Never mentioned the allegations that were presented by the child.  My attorney questioned the therapist about this and the therapist denied that it happened.  Luckily I had the recorded conversation to prove the therapist has just perjured herself. 

The judge ordered supervised visitation for almost two years.  The supervising agency was okay.  I wasn't thrilled with them allowing the father to interact with the child while they went outside or did household chores.  Initially the supervision took place at the supervisors home and then eventually they went to the father's grandmother's house where the father lived.  The visits increased in hours and frequency over the two years.  Now the father is allowed to see the child unsupervised.  

After almost $78,000 later the father is allowed the freedom to do as he pleases while the child has no rights.  It is like giving to lamb to the lion every other weekend from Friday night until Sunday night.  The judge stated that the child is young enough to get the proper treatment to overcome the abuse.  The judge did acknowledge the abuse and that the child in fact does suffer from PTSD. 

My daughter attended therapy routinely up until the recent past.  I only take her to the newly court appointed therapist when there is a change in her behavior or concerning statements.  Recently my daughter asked me "if a truck ran over my brother, would it kill him".  I told her it depends where it runs over him and how big the truck is.  She then stated, "What if my dad's truck ran over him"!

Of course I was alarmed and took her to therapy.  The therapist informed me that these are "normal questions that an 8 year old asks".  I don't believe it for one minute.  This is not normal.  Still there is nothing I can do unless my daughter makes and outcry to someone other than me.  If her father used such horrifying terror tactic's in the past, there is no telling what he is threatening her with now that she is 8 and it isn't as easy to pull the wool over her eyes.  The therapist tells me that once a child has made an outcry and is put back in the same situation, she will be less likely to make a 2nd outcry for fear of having to see the abuser again. 

It will be my responsibility to see that my daughter gets the proper therapy and that I pick up the broken pieces when all is said and done.  I have a lot riding on my shoulders and meanwhile the abuser walks free and denies anything ever happened.  He is the funny, kid friendly easy go lucky kind of guy that's why it is hard to imagine he'd be the type to molest children.  I do believe that the truth shall prevail but I hate that it may come at the sacrifice of another child or our daughter again.

My family still isn't talking to me.  They think that the allegations were false since he was never prosecuted.  I had an abusive family in the fact that my mother and step father were alcoholics and my real father was never a big part of my life due to his drug abuse.  Still I cannot understand my aunts and uncles taking my ex-husbands side.  I guess it is easier to believe that a mother would lie rather than to believe a father would hurt his own fleshing blood!

I know the truth and I will continue to support my daughter in anyway that I can.  Hopefully she will grow to be a happy and healthy person.  I can live with the fact that I believed my daughter and I have done and will do everything I can to protect her.

I am the mother of a molested Child.  It is difficult to imagine how I made it this far and am still able to have a successful career, a loving relationship with another man, and most importantly I have a happy daughter.

peacepaige peacepaige 36-40, F 130 Responses Sep 15, 2009

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This is my story too.<br />
<br />
My daughter just turned 3. The police, CAS, family and friends believe what my daughter has just begun to disclose however the physical exam came back inconclusive. The child **** I know is on 2 computers I have and 1 he has, cannot be obtained without a warrant, which they cannot get because of lack of evidence. He has the right to presumed privacy. She and my son(5) are terrified and have no rights.<br />
<br />
He hasn't seen them in months, that is why they feel safe enough to start talking. There is a Court order for him not to communicate with us but that is for spousal abuse charges and breaches. This condition will soon be lifted. The spousal abuse charge was acquitted, "he said, she said" and the police failed to test the gun is shot off.<br />
<br />
He is now living with a woman with kids. I can't think of all the kids he will be around, I can only concentrate on keeping mine safe. He will, some day, have some kind of access. The children trust this will never happen. I am in constant fear for them. He has threatened to kill me many times but ... "he said, she said." <br />
<br />
May God Bless Us and All going through such horrific times.<br />
<br />
Christine Brown, Proud Mother of K & R

Dear Proudmomofkr - It saddens my heart to hear your story. I encourage you to lean on the Lord. This seems to be a repeated issue. While in court, the sherrif that interviewed my daughter actually thought he was "trained" in child molestation cases. The sheriff attended an 8 hour course on child molestation. Seems that criminals have more rights than innocent children. You and your precious children are in my prayers. Knowing that you believe you child will help her to begin the healing process. Child play therapy was very beneficial for my daughter. It can be very expensive, but it is so worth it in the end. <br />
<br />
There will be better tomorrows. I feel your pain and am keeping you in my prayers. One day you will look back and be proud of standing up for your child and everything will be worth it. Hang in there. Cry when you need to and celebrate small milestones. When dealing with a sick person you never know what they are capable of doing. I left for days at a time. It was easier with one child and she was not in school at the time. I pray for your safety.<br />
<br />
If things have happened that he has breached the court order, maybe the judge can order a longer length of time for him to stay away. I am so amazed that in this day and age that people do not realize how often this happens. It still makes me ill to know there are mother's out there that condone this type of behavior from their husbands/boyfriends. Your children will be okay because of you. It may seem like there is no resolution. Just continue to support and love your children. There are brighter tomorrows. I am living proof! Best of luck Christine. I'm here if you need my support!

Our family is going through the same things with the courts. My granddaughter accused her father of snapping her bra, she was going on 12 and making a remark about it. Later he touched her breasts when she was in bed. Her mother knew that he is a very abusive man, emotionally, mentally and some physically, but wasn't sure it the one incident was an accident. He did it again and he was reported to CPS. A detective came out and spoke to the child and decided in the end there was no proof. The Family Court gave my daughter temporary custody with viistation rights with the older girl and the boy and the triplet sister of the victim. Last week was the firt time he was allowed to visit with the other 12 year old and he told her his side of the story *which I believe he shouldn't be speaking about), then he showed her how he "really touched her sister by taking his hand and rubbing her chest right above her breast" he then stated that he had snapped her older sisters bra and the victims and would also snap hers when she wore one, he stated it was a joke". My daughter called CPS again and we are now waiting to see if they will do anything or let it all go again.<br />
<br />
My daughter got in trouble the first time because the Social Worker said she didn't call the very first time, well my daughter had a difficult time believing that he would touch her children and wanted to be sure it wasn't just an accident. This time she called soon, but now they will probably just say she is a vindictive wife etc. Who knows.<br />
<br />
My youngest daughter was molested several times at two different baby sitters when she was 3 and 3 1/2 and I went to the police and they said she was too young etc. etc. and just let the molester get away with it. Nothing has changed in the justice system for the past 30 years.<br />
<br />
I am praying that this time in our case the father will be punished and have no visitation rights to any of the children. He buys off the oldest, who we suspect he also molested and the boy.

Dear Bernadetty- I will pray. There has not been a lot of progress in the justice system for way too long. I think the more they are educated on this sickness, the more they are likely to believe and have the decency to conduct a case. The officials are too busy passing out their own judgements before a case is heard. I know it is hard to fathem, but the fact is this has been happening to innocent children for thousands of years. It is wrong and will contnue to happen if the officials do not face it. It really bothers me that officers of the law are supposed to protect the innocent; however, so often in cases such as this they don't. Same goes for the judges. At least make a judgement that the child should not be alone with the suspected molestor until the child is old enough to testify. I hope that justice is served in this case. I will continue to pray!

If I was you, I would kill the perpetrator and go to jail, as long as my daughter would go to a relative.

I wouldn't subject my daughter to future abuse. My family wanted me to keep my mouth shut about the abuse. His family knows he did it and some even apologized, but they think since he was molested he has an "excuse". None of my relatives or his would be a good environment for my daughter to be raised in. I can live with knowing I did everything legal that I could to protect my child. He will meet his maker and then his true punishment will be his fate. I can live with that. Personally I am terrified of jail. I have always been an upstanding citizen and probably wouldn't do well having my freedom revoked.

Thank you for sharing your heartwrenching story. I am glad you and your daughter are doing better now. When I was 10 years old, my nightmare began in the form of my brother's father-in-law. My family was not supportive of me at all. My then 29-year-old sister even told me that if this man tried something other than what he was already doing, it would be MY fault. Thank you for believing in your daughter. Your children are blessed to have you as their mother.

Awe. Thank you so much for your kind and personal post. I appreciate your words, "that my children are blessed to have you as their mother". I feel very fortunate to have my children and I hope that one day they can look back on this and respect my efforts. I believe in protecting what I created. I feel blessed having gone through such a tragic time, but to come out with the sunshine on the other side. My life is much brighter since I cleared out so much darkness and hurt from so many. God is good!

I am so sad to read your story. God bless you and your child. I do believe you. My best friend of 23 years is going thru this now, and even with all the child said, they do not believe her either,she is only 3 1/2 and has been molested by her father for quite some time. The system is so messed up. No one listens to the children and these monsters continue to abuse. Such a shame.

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful post. I will pray for your friend and her daughter. Some day justice will be served to those that have done such cruel acts to innocent children!

WoW, congratulations. I don't think I have an awful lot I can add to your life in a good way, which makes me sad. I only know that you (and people with stories like yours) are the reason I am still alive. More than the love of my life, more than success for myself, more than my family: you are examples of what human beings have the power to do, and can do when they really give life their 100%. You have given so much for 1 person to live as positive, happy, fulfilling a life as she possibly can. You may have had to take the heat for her, but when you really look at it it's taught you everything you needed to live more than just a humdrum life. I'm willing you don't take rubbish from anyone, don't deal with timewasters, and give everything you've got to people who are trying to be a force for good in this world. That is how you have the support network I know (really hope) you have. That is how you got through. Don't ever stop being you, ok? Remember things you enjoyed once, and keep finding more things you enjoy now. Your work is not yet done, and maybe the job you believe you have to complete will never be done. I hope that's not your main concern anymore, because when the time is right he will get his come-uppance. <br />
<br />
Best wishes my dear, from the other side of the pond - and thank you once more for being a lantern in an otherwise dreary place.<br />
D9

Thank you so much desperation9. I feel like my work to protect my child/children will never end. Hopefully I am able to continue to help others that are in need. My daughter has come such a long way. My hope is that her story helps others stay focused on what is really important in this world. Raising a child is a challenging task and when you are faced with unforseen circumstances it can be quite frustrating. I never lost sight of doing what was right. Thank you for reading, sharing and commenting. Take care.

Then, congratulations indeed :-) You are an inspiration to us all, and I hope your story and the wise comments of others here will be a bastion of hope for others in your situation. Fare well, keep your back straight and head held high.
Lots of EPlove,
D9

I told my daughters story to let others know there is hope. I'm glad you understand that is my reason. It wasn't to air our dirty laundry, but to let others know this is a real thing and there are things you can do to protect children. Thanks so much for your kind words.

I wish i would have had a mother like you when i was a child and molested. <br />
My mother was like everyone else in your story and just brushed it off. <br />
Also she was to worried about her drugs to be bothered..

In TheRough - I am so sorry you didn't have the support of your mother. I had a friend that didn't have her mother's support either. Seems like a pretty common thing that I cannot begin to understand. My mother was never supportive of anything I did in my life so it was no surprise that she wasn't helpful through this. Sometimes I think it is more than "the weak" can handle. You are strong and because of your pain it has made you a real person. Please don't hesitate to inbox me if you need someone to talk to. Don't loose sight of the fact that you were brave enough to speak. That takes a lot of guts and strength. Take care honey.

Hello,<br />
<br />
I read your story and it was de ja vu for me. It's like my past came back to me while reading what you wrote. I was six years old when my father started molesting me. He would pick me up from school and tell me to take a nap. When I would wake up, my underwear would be off. He did really horrible things to me that I don't even want to go into details. At the age of ten, I remember going to school one day and hearing the teacher speak about sexual abuse. I was then very concerned and decided to tell my mother. My mother's initial reaction was that she was very hurt. She called my aunt over and they decided to call the police. The police came along with an ambulance and took me to a nearby hospital. To make a long dreadful nightmare short, my mother ended up turning on me. She told me that I was a liar, and that I liked what my dad was doing to me. She sneaked my father back into our home even though there was a court order. She dragged me by my arm and said "tell me in front of your father what he did to you, if you cannot tell me that means you are lying". I was so scared that I started to cry and did not say anything out of fear. Many nights passed, and I slept in my closet out of fear. My mother kept calling me names and putting me down. She told the whole family that what I said was a whole lie and that I made it up! The whole situation was so messed up that I had no choice but to accept that justice was not going to be served. I had to accept my father back into my life like everything was normal. Thank god that he never touched me again, but to know that my mother did not protect me still bothers me up to this day. I am now 30 years old and still suffer from nightmares. I hate wearing certain clothing because I dont want any man to look at me. I try to lose weight, but I end up gaining because I don't want anyone to look at me in a sexual way. I am married to a loving husband who understands what I am going through. I also have a 2 year old daughter who I love to death. To anyone who has read my post, thanks for reading. At least I can share it with someone who will believe me ..Thank you

Dear anjimom11581 when I read your post tears streamed down my face. I want to hug you and tell you that I DO believe you! I am totally on your side. I applaud you on your inner strength to make it out of that situation and to make it this far in life. I'm thrilled that you have a good man in your life and that you have a child. I know what happend in the past was a total nightmare, but not having your mother's support was an additional blow to your character and self-esteem. I think you are a very strong woman and you have been since the day you told! It doesn't matter what other's think it is what you know. They can deny, but you know. My prayers are with you. Thank you for sharing and do know that I believe you. Hugs.

I feel so sad for all this little kids .I can't believe judges don't believe this babies. Babies can't lie. Plus what kid that age would be know all this stuff about licking and that "daddy hurt me with his stick " unbelievable from the justice side. Well if it could be called justice

Dear rosaura05 - so true. Thank you for your post. A 3 year old couldn't make up stories like that. I don't think a person could fathom making up stories like that. When my daughter called her father's penis a stick, the ignorant investigator had no idea what she was talking about. No mother thinks to tell her 3 year daughter to call a man's part a "penis". It really sickens me how society in general do not support victims like this. Just sick. I still have hope that one day people will do what is right for the victims.

Im a 19y old boy 4m south asia... M shocked, feeling sou saa & wana kill animals like dat...! M very shocked bcz all of u r american!!! My parents wants dv lottery 2 go us, my dream is 2 live in us, us iz 1 of d best country.. But dis iz d justice of d best country!!! I was sexually abused by a relagious master, my lover was sexually abised by her uncle for many years... We couldnt do anythng... We couldnt even thnk anythng b4 being n adult... Its still remains her secret, in our country females have 2 tollarate it.. Why!?? Bcz dis iz bangladesh, females r nothing here!!! Even u can b teased in a road infront of people, but if u say somthng.. Dat'll b bad 4 u!!! Cz u r a girl!!!! Ur parents would say don go out, wear a borka...!!! Wtf!!! R femals rnt human!!!??? Wats wrng wid my society!!! I just feel ashamed to b a boy!!!!! BUT when i just read ur story, wats d diffrnce dare!!! Dey have justice dat doesnt work & we dont have justice.... Both r d same.... Hummmm, hope u guys get justice... Im praying for u..

Im a 19y old boy 4m south asia... M shocked, feeling sou saa & wana kill animals like dat...! M very shocked bcz all of u r american!!! My parents wants dv lottery 2 go us, my dream is 2 live in us, us iz 1 of d best country.. But dis iz d justice of d best country!!! I was sexually abused by a relagious master, my lover was sexually abised by her uncle for many years... We couldnt do anythng... We couldnt even thnk anythng b4 being n adult... Its still remains her secret, in our country females have 2 tollarate it.. Why!?? Bcz dis iz bangladesh, females r nothing here!!! Even u can b teased in a road infront of people, but if u say somthng.. Dat'll b bad 4 u!!! Cz u r a girl!!!! Ur parents would say don go out, wear a borka...!!! Wtf!!! R femals rnt human!!!??? Wats wrng wid my society!!! I just feel ashamed to b a boy!!!!! BUT when i just read ur story, wats d diffrnce dare!!! Dey have justice dat doesnt work & we dont have justice.... Both r d same.... Hummmm, hope u guys get justice... Im praying for u..

I can't imagine living in a place where there is no justice nor protection of a human's body. After reading your post, I realized that I am so fortunate to live in a place where at least I had the opportunity for justice. It failed, but at least I was able to do the best I could. So sorry to hear about your situation. I do believe that even if it is "the way", the hurt is still the same. I hope and pray that you have someone that you can talk with and share your pain with. God is always listening. I will pray that you and your family are able to come to America. I sit and complain about things here, but I do believe this is the best place to live. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing your experience and thank you for opening my eyes on something deeper. Take care of yourself.

My daughter is 15 months & has been being abusted by her father since about 3/4 months. I had the gut feeling in the back of my mind bc everytime he would dress her after her & I showered she would be crying hard. I jst though that he didn't have a bond with her like I did so she fussed. including when he bathed her or everytime I came home she'd be crying. I ignored my mothers intuition & the signs. Then the sores began at about 6/7 months. I had put her to bed & left to one of my girlfriends house to hang out with her bc her bf wrkd 3rd shift & she hated being alone. When I returned my daughter was in bed next to him only wearing a diaper crying severly. I could not comfort her as I always could when she fussed. The next morning when I went to change her diaper she has a dark red sore that appered to be so raw that inside of her vagina looked like there was blood. I told her father, my bf, about it the second I seen it explaining I had to take her to the hospital. It could be an infection from a allergic reaction, sever diaper rash ect. He became angry & said I'm not taking her any where and insulted me. I thought that he was jst over reacting bc he thought I was a stupid mello dramatic mother. Although deep down I felt other wise. But bc he was 26 & very attractive, adored by his family, and came frm a relationship of five yrs & she had a son who he helped raise although the mother never left him alone with him I felt this could not be possible. And he had watched infants for relatives in the past & the never had concerns they voiced. The signs, abuse & her extreme distress became more apparent. Finally at 9months I witness him sexually injure her at that point I went forward with evrything. The officer seen the scratch on her vagina frm this sadist. But bc it was not a penatrating sore like I had seen at least 5/6 times in the past. the case was dropped & he later petioned for full custody & was awarded secondary custody & placement. When the screwed up legal system awarded this monster awarded him joint custody I "got bck to gether with him" stopped wrking, stopped attending church, taking to my friends ect. bc I was so fearful of him hurting her again! Eventually he began telling the sick thing that he always had in the past of sexual content. In court he pleaded that I was schizophrenic & bi polar & that I jst heard things in my head & hallucinated evrything that went on in that house. No one believed that **** they jst assumed I was lying bc he was not prosecuted. Anyway I'm sick of it he has been molesting my daughter still the couple of times I had to go to appointment & he refused to let her stay with my mother or bring her with. I have numerous AUDIO recordings of him molesting her. He no longer leaves sores he jst repeatedly brain washes her EVRYDAY asking her if she want him to lick her *****. On the recording this takes place. He says it as he always does among other sick things. I jst recieved my first nanny came but broke down & told him I have recorded him molesting her, cheating on me with our own daughter!!!!! I turned the recordings in to the police out of desperation knowing that if he finds out he wont let me into his house there for the nanny cam cant be set up. The evidence of him telling her sexual things while acting it out is under his breath, It is not crystal clear but can be made out. I do have clear audio of him saying things of sexual nature but no suspicious sound of activity taking place. He now turns the tv on to drown out the sound since I told him I knew & had repeated the things he was telling my daughter when I left the room prior to the times I ever left her alone with him since we returned to his house after the courts awarded him joint custody. SOME ONE IF ANYONE HELP!! IN ANYWAY POSSIBLE IT CONTINUES AS OF NOW THE LAST TIME HE MOLESTED HER WAS TWO DAYS AGO!!!

Dear Angeloff220, Keep praying and find a support network. It is very sad and traumatic what you and especially your daughter have suffered. I too was accused of being mental unstable. I think it is hard for people to believe a father would hurt his child in such a horrific way. It happens everyday and folks burry their heads in the sand. At least you know what he is doing and you have stood for what is right. Keep trying, but remain within the limits of what the law allows. You being behind bars would not be at all helpful to your daughter. I do believe all offenders get caught eventually. Too bad their are so many ingorant people out there in denial of sexual abuse. I will pray for you and your precious child. Take care of yourself as best as you can so that you can be there to help your baby through this.

My daughter is 15 months & has been being abusted by her father since about 3/4 months. I had the gut feeling in the back of my mind bc everytime he would dress her after her & I showered she would be crying hard. I jst though that he didn't have a bond with her like I did so she fussed. including when he bathed her or everytime I came home she'd be crying. I ignored my mothers intuition & the signs. Then the sores began at about 6/7 months. I had put her to bed & left to one of my girlfriends house to hang out with her bc her bf wrkd 3rd shift & she hated being alone. When I returned my daughter was in bed next to him only wearing a diaper crying severly. I could not comfort her as I always could when she fussed. The next morning when I went to change her diaper she has a dark red sore that appered to be so raw that inside of her vagina looked like there was blood. I told her father, my bf, about it the second I seen it explaining I had to take her to the hospital. It could be an infection from a allergic reaction, sever diaper rash ect. He became angry & said I'm not taking her any where and insulted me. I thought that he was jst over reacting bc he thought I was a stupid mello dramatic mother. Although deep down I felt other wise. But bc he was 26 & very attractive, adored by his family, and came frm a relationship of five yrs & she had a son who he helped raise although the mother never left him alone with him I felt this could not be possible. And he had watched infants for relatives in the past & the never had concerns they voiced. The signs, abuse & her extreme distress became more apparent. Finally at 9months I witness him sexually injure her at that point I went forward with evrything. The officer seen the scratch on her vagina frm this sadist. But bc it was not a penatrating sore like I had seen at least 5/6 times in the past. the case was dropped & he later petioned for full custody & was awarded secondary custody & placement. When the screwed up legal system awarded this monster awarded him joint custody I "got bck to gether with him" stopped wrking, stopped attending church, taking to my friends ect. bc I was so fearful of him hurting her again! Eventually he began telling the sick thing that he always had in the past of sexual content. In court he pleaded that I was schizophrenic & bi polar & that I jst heard things in my head & hallucinated evrything that went on in that house. No one believed that **** they jst assumed I was lying bc he was not prosecuted. Anyway I'm sick of it he has been molesting my daughter still the couple of times I had to go to appointment & he refused to let her stay with my mother or bring her with. I have numerous AUDIO recordings of him molesting her. He no longer leaves sores he jst repeatedly brain washes her EVRYDAY asking her if she want him to lick her *****. On the recording this takes place. He says it as he always does among other sick things. I jst recieved my first nanny came but broke down & told him I have recorded him molesting her, cheating on me with our own daughter!!!!! I turned the recordings in to the police out of desperation knowing that if he finds out he wont let me into his house there for the nanny cam cant be set up. The evidence of him telling her sexual things while acting it out is under his breath, It is not crystal clear but can be made out. I do have clear audio of him saying things of sexual nature but no suspicious sound of activity taking place. He now turns the tv on to drown out the sound since I told him I knew & had repeated the things he was telling my daughter when I left the room prior to the times I ever left her alone with him since we returned to his house after the courts awarded him joint custody. SOME ONE IF ANYONE HELP!! IN ANYWAY POSSIBLE IT CONTINUES AS OF NOW THE LAST TIME HE MOLESTED HER WAS TWO DAYS AGO!!!

I know how hard it is for you because, I'm trying to deal with my own daughters sexual abuse. My daughter is now seventeen and the disclosure came five years ago, she has just agreed to counselling. We went to court two years ago and he didn't get any form of punishment apart from some programme that would help him deal with his illness, in my mind these people will never be cured. The worst thing in my daughters situation is that she idolises him,and I know that is all part of the manipulation and games that he played, I just hope that my daughter comes through this a healthy and happy young woman.

Dear Cahtyorr, It is a very sad thing to watch your daughter go through such horrific pain and yet be brave enough to disclose. It is even more of a mental blow to us mom's when our child idolizes the abuser. It is such a mental nightmare for everyone involved. I don't think any of these sick people can be truly 100% healed. They may not repeat offend after they have been convicted or the abuse has been publically disclosed; however, they still think about it.

I pray that both of our daughters can live a healthy and happy life. It is a never ending healing process. I think it will always effect who my daughter is. Having PTSD at such a young age has made my daughter a nervous child. Hopefully this is something that will calm in time. We are supporting our daughters and they are learning by our example. I am thankful my daughter had me for a mommy and not my mother. She would have never been heard/believed or if she was heard, she would have been scolded to silence. Thinking of you and your daughter.

Hi there, thanks for sharing this story it must have been a hard thing to write about, I am sickened by what he did but one thing you can always count on I think is that as John Lennon said, instant karma is going to get him so you know I hope youre daughter mainly is ok this must have been horrific for her, no little girl should have to go through this anyway I hope everything is ok with you now and once again thanks for posting

MRMORRISON - Thank you so much for your thoughtful words. It was very difficult to write about, but I believe after I wrote this, my mental health drastically improved. It was kind of like putting all of my thoughts on paper for me to reflect and to realize just how far my daughter and I had come. I feel for my child, but am proud that I am able to do what I can to ease her pain by getting her the counseling and keeping her as safe as possible. I wrote about my experience after several of my friends and collegues suggest I do something that may help others that are going through or have lived through something like this. I feel if my post has helped one person, then my mission has been accomplished. If I am able to help more than one, then I feel it is a blessing. Praying each day that children are safe, well fed, warm and most of all feeling loved. When my family turned their backs on me for publically discussing this experience, I thought I was alone in my battle. Yet every day I received a phone call from friends, neighbors, distant relatives (great aunts or 3rd/4th cousins and co-workers. I was surrounded by a fantastic support group that I didn't even know I had.

I had always leaned on my immediate family and never realized the pain that they caused. They sonsitantly swept family issues under the rug. My grandmother always sugarcoated things so never did anything seem all that bad. My mother, aunts and my sister were molested. I didn't know that until I went through this with my daughter. You learn so much when you just listen to others. I was amazed by the inadequacies and traumatic events that would have "stained the family name" had they ever been released publically.

I am proud that I did what was right and had no intentions of sweeping it under the rug. My daughter is my responsibility and my priority! I have a fantastic marriage with my 2nd husband and we have added 2 boys to our lives. My daughter loves the new family that we have created and seems well adjusted. There are some bumps here and there in the road, but I keep her involved in counseling. This is a lifelong process of healing. Maybe I'm just looking at it as "lifelong" because I will be there to support my daughter for as long as I live. Thanks again MrMorrison and to everyone that reads this posting.

You're very welcome, I just wanted to say how happy I am now that you have a new happy family and I wish you and your family all the best in the future

I am living the same nightmare. I wish I could talk to you.

Send me a message with your phone number. I will be happy to talk with you.

I have been dealing with a sociopath ex husband for 7 years after a ten year marriage. The court system is pathetic, and the kids are never the focus. Our countries' children have no voice, and we as parents cannot help them. It is a sick and sad world, and my heart breaks for you, and everyone who endures the abuse of their babies at someone's hands whom they are supposed to trust. I once told my daughter that my favorite quote was, "having a child is making the decision to wear your heart on the outside of your body for the rest of your life." Yesterday after she told me her father molested her, and she is sure he molests my son who he has custody of, that she does not want to ever have children. I, as a devoted mom, teacher, brownie troop leader, am happy she made this decision and hope she never changes her mind. The more I have done to protect my children, the worse it has become, thanks to our courts. I am scared to react to this information because the father never loses, no matter the lies, actions or my documentation. It seems the court wants to shut me up, and it might be working. I wish you all well in this battle we call life. With love

athought - I know what you mean about the more you do, the worse it becomes. It can be frustrating especially when you have to put forth so much emotionally, financially and mentally. I truly believe the number one key is believing your children and supporting them no matter what. I spent almost $100,000 and the end result was supervised visitation temporarily and he gets to have her every other weekend. It doesn't matter how much you try to prove the evidence, b/c the courts always look at someone as being innocent until proven guilty. In the end, if you do everything within your power to support and love your children, you will have succeeded. I will pray for you and your children. Keep devoting yourself as a mother, teacher and brownie troop leader. There are so many children who only receive love from their friend's mother's, teachers and brownie troop leaders. Love your children and be their role model. Hugs.

My daughter began projectile vomiting as early as 1 when my exhusband would pick her up.I had her to the pediatrician when it progressed to her waking from sleep during the night and vomiting.She was given a CT.Clear.Her behavior got increasingly worse.There was abus bothe physical and emotional to my son and I, not her so I assumed she was ill.He was obcessingly controlling over her.He stared at her with a strrange adoration.It irked me.As she grew her behavior, the vomiting and her overall demeanor were alarming.She was loving towards me then would slap me and run off.Very hard to control.When I decided to divorce when she was 3 things changed.This little girl loves her daddy and he was even more contolling and obcessive.A custody battle ensued.She came down with 3 sever uti"s form age 3 to 4.All were treated by our dr.When she was 5 she had another one and was becoming very sexual.She would sidle up to me or my son and try to make out with us.She would touch my sons or nephews privates or butt.I spoke with her and she would laugh.I tried talking toher about good touching and bad touching and she said no and shut down.Then on a trip to our cottage, my mother asked me to look at her walk.She was walking with her legs spread and her rear end up in the air.The baby never complained once about pain.I took her to the bathroom.After a minor struggle, I was in shock and gasped.I held her and hugged her.I was sick.Her vaginal area was so swollen and infected it spread down her thighs.She had a fever and her vaginal area was producing puss and blood.I got in the car and drove her to the ER.I called my ex saying I was getting to the bottom of this.He immediately accused my 11 year old son who is a straight A good boy.I asked him straight out as we drove.He said no mom I swear, I hate him.I know he hurt her.At the ER she had no uti but a severe infection the doctor couldn't even touch.She got topical and anti biotic but my ex came in the room at all of these visits and wouldn't leave.One dr asked me why he was so controlling.BUT NOONE called dcfs with any concerns!When the infection cleared she broke out in another uti.I had her blood tested and so on.Nothing.Treated again for severe uti.At 5 and 6 yrs old she began wetting the bed again.She started throwing her underwear out in the outside garbage bin.When I found a pair they were crusty with brown fluid.I bagged them and the dr said she must have an infection but DID NOTHING TO REPORT IT.I called the school psychologist.They said she is well adjusted and fine.Now, 8 yrs old, my millionaire ex husband took me to court over andtortured me over and over and over to get custody of her.Finally he told a judge I tried to murder her.Ordered a 7500 forensic dr and wanted me to go per se in a trial against a forensic who didn't believe a word I said after ONE visit.After ONE visit and with my ex having a criminal background of assault and domestic on me.She said he was remorseful and that I was exaggerating to maintain custody!!!Even with all the dr notes.I was given limited, supervised visitation.I had to move 7 hrs away to be with my mom because I had evaporated over 26,000 in legal fees and got laid off from my job.I am told I can't even try to fight for modification for 2 yrs unless I have at least 35,000 to fight him in courts.School ignored me.Dr's never filed.DCFS said it's a custody battle and won't touch it. SHAME ON THE LEGAL SYSTEM!!!!!!

disgustedmomof2 - No words can describe how sorry I am that you have had to suffer. I totally feel your pain. I did have one attorney tell me that if I kept fighting for sole custody that I would lose my daughter and have supervised visitation. This is a mother's worst nightmare. I think it is truly easier for folks to believe that someone is insane verses to believe that a father would molest his own children. Clearly your daughter was suffering from PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am a believer in that one day our children will look back and know the fight we foght to try to keep them safe. Perhaps these children will be the generation that changes how the legal system looks at these cases. Very few mothers make false alligations, but it is those 9% of cases that cause our children to endure more abuse. I would like to get a hold of some of those mothers so they could hear what they have done to the rest of us.

Hopefully you are able to attend some type of counceling and that you surround yourself with loving and supportative people. I lost many so called friends and my family because I fought. Find peace in knowing that you did what you could to protect your children and that you did not fail them....the courts did. One day your children will have a say in where they reside. I pray for you to have some type of peace. Stress and saddness can make you so sick. You have to keep your chin up and live for the day when your children can come around and celebrate life with you. I know these words are not very helpful, but I wish that I could give you a big hug and let you know that tomorrows will be better. Prayers to you and your children.

I also meant to add she hits herself in the face calling herself stupid and saying she wishes she would die. All I got her to admit was that daddy washed her privates with a rag when she was 7.She simply refuses to out him.

I also want to say that I am praying that one day your daughter will open up to someone that can do something about it. You know the truth and you just continue to love her and believe in her. Hugs.

I molested by my grandfather when I was younger. I got to see both possible responses to hearing this news. My dad didnt want to believe me and refused to even look at me for weeks.My mom was the peace keeper. I dont know if anyone fought for me as much as your fought for your daughter, everyone was worried about the family as a whole and to be honest i kind of felt like I was scarificed for the good of the family.<br />
What happened to your daughter is horrible, and how the legal system failed her is disguisting, but when your daughter looks back on this she will see how much her mother loved her and how you fought to do everything in your power to look out for her. I greatly admire you for risking isolation from the family inorder to protect your daughter!<br />
I pray your daughter and family continue your healing process!!! God bless <3

Thank you so much for your thoughtful words. I am sorry you didn't have the support you needed. I pray that you are healing. Thank you for knowing that I went down a road very few would choose. I don't regret it. Hopefully we can encourge mothers and fathers to do what is right regardless of the sacrifice. Our children are only children once and they wattch and learn from us. Thank you for sharing your story Christy0590. You are a light in my life. Hugs.

I am the daughter being molested and the who survived and moved on. My father molested me for years starting when I was seven and ended in the last year of elementary school. My oldest brother also molested me for three years. My mother finally got full constant custody of us and i was never alone with him after that i am now twenty. I never told a soul and am just now coming to terms with it. I am telling you this that you daughter will become better as long as she has your unconditional support, tell her every day that you are there for her and no matter what she comes first in your life always. I go to college and have a full time job with a loving boyfriend who knows of my past and supports me. I have slight anxiety attacks if I think on it for to <br />
Long but I know I am stronger then my past and I will always remember the unknowing support from my mother who would tell me every day that I was the most important thing in her life and she will always be there and I will always come first. Though she did not know it my mother gave me the courage and strength to move on and become a confident , level headed young woman. And I know you willmdomthe some for your daughter. Just remember to tell her that no matter what you will always be on her side and she will always come first.

Thank you so much sandrasue for sharing your thoughts. I will do as you said and remind my daughter each day that she is the most important person in my life and that she comes first. I am happy to hear that you had the love and support from your mother and that you have done well for yourself. Take good care of yourself and I wish you the best in college, your career choice and in love. You deserve it!

I started telling my mom around 3 years old. She would slap my face and said I "had a dirty mind" and that "he didn't do that. He's a good man." <br />
<br />
I wish my mom would have believed me. I'm in my 30s now with kids of my own. At the first whimper of anything like that, I would do anything for my kids. <br />
<br />
Parents like you are rare. I commend the protection you have for your daughter. Despite telling my mother, showing my mother the marks on my body, her hearing it at night, she ignored it all for years. From birth until I was 15, and then she left. She left when I was 15. <br />
<br />
You are trying so hard to save your daughter. I wish there were other mothers like you in the world.

Your story broke my heart, you are such a brave brave lady not to mention your wonderful little girl. I too soon have to pass my four year old over to her violent father from Friday-Sunday fortnightly. I don't sleep with the thought of it. I have drummed it into her head that we never keep secrets and secrets are only good if they are going to be a Xmas or bday surprise and make someone happy in the end. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Surely your daughter is very near the age that she is aloud to voice her own opinion of whether she wants to continue spending time with him? Can't she just say no I don't want to go? Xxxxxxx

About 2am this morning I woke up to the blanket down at my daughters knees, exposing panties with shirt up on stomach, and Joe standing by bed with hands in his pockets watching TV. I woke my daughter and told her to go to her bed. After she sat for a minute, trying to wake up enough, he picked her up and brought her to her bed and came back and got on the computer which he had been on when I fell asleep earlier. I thought it was odd the way she was and the way he was and that he got back on the computer as if he had been there all along, I'm freaked out and not sure if this is something I need to watch out about or if my abusive childhood has caused me to be some over worried basket case. part of me is thinking she could have kicked the blanket down herself and the other half of me says take the girls and move out as fast as you can. I never want my girls in that sort of position but I didn't catch anything being done. I also don't want to think this person that I trust could do such a thing.<br />
I think I might start looking for a place to live separate. I want to be prepared. I want to ask him, I'm not sure how to approach it. I can't ask her since she was sleeping and I don't want to alarm her. I don't know if anything happened and how would she be able to say or know since she was asleep? I can't report it since I didn't see anything and she hasn't old me anything. Not only would it ruin him, even if it turned out nothing, but if nothing happened I worry about how she will feel and what it would do to her. I feel like I'm not making any sense too.

BYW he was doing some work on the computer, I have never seen him looking at child *********** nor have I ever seen any history of it on his computer or my laptop.

Another thing, this was in my bed. My daughter is 9, she likes to watch TV with me as we fall asleep sometimes. I have never had any reason before to be suspicious.

I think you should make sure you have evidence before you draw conclusions. The courts are tired of folks rushing in with nothing to show and delaying those cases that really need to be heard. I would simply ask your daughter if she is okay. I would read her the book, "Good Touch, Bad Touch". I would not ask direct questions like "Did Joe touch you in your private area?" Do more connecting with her. Hugs

wow you are absolutely amazing!!!! I was an abused child by my cousin and My family didnt believe me!!! it went on from when i was 2.5 until i was six! that is when i realized it was wrong and told someone.... it took my grandfather to actually believe me!!!! you daughter is a strong girl and you are a strong woman! i wish you and your child the best of luck in life!

Thank you proudmommy0302! I am terribly sorry to hear your story, but thankful that you did have someone to believe in you at such a young age. People are really sick and those that can't comprehend would rather deny things like this happens appreciate the well wishes. I wish for you a lifetime of happiness and success.

My daughter is 2 1/2 and is showing most of the signs of her being molested it would be from her father. What can u do if the system won't help. I don't know how you all are and where able to not go crazy. Any addvise please

If you are divorced or separated, it gets really crazy. There is one mother that posted here. She lost her 2 children to the molestor b/c she was trying to keep the father from seeing them. The courts ruled that he should have full custody. The mother ended up with supervised visits. It is an awful thing to go through. I prayed and I prayed A LOT! I surrounded myself with friends that truly loved and supported my daughter and I. My friends watched my daughter in times of need - like when I went to see the therapist or went to sit by the river to cry. I was always strong in front of my daughter. I had to be.

I never thought the outcome would be him to get visitation after a few years of supervised visitation. I never dreamed he would ever be able to see her again. We live in a different world now where studies have shown that even if a biological parent has been abusive to a child, the child is "better off" for having contact with their abuser. I would love to sit in a room with some of these researchers to find out where they drew conclusions from. I think you have to take each day as it comes and get down on your knees every day. I kept a journal and a calendar of significant events or disclosures. It was like living in a nightmare for 4 years. With each day that passes, the healing is that much further along. Sure there are some setbacks from time to time, but we take those in stride. My daughter still attends therapy.

Some mothers have not understood why I went by the legal system and didn't take matters into my own hands. I am not a criminal and I do believe that justice will be served if not here on Earth it will be when he meets his maker. You have to believe in yourself and do it for your child. I did get really depressed and angry. It was like going through the stages of a death. I read al ot and I did things that made me feel better like going to the river and just listening to the water. You have to find time for quiet. My mind raced a lot and I was not able to sleep soundly. I did my best to take care of myself b/c I knew she needed me more than anything. Show her lots of love and give her the time and attention she deserves. Hugs to you both. You will be in my prayers. You are not the only one who has been here before. Follow the rules and do whatever you can within the means of the law. After you have given it your all, you can live with knowing you did the best you could to keep your daughter safe and her mind sound. Prayers.

That was so hard for me to read and i am just horrified at our system. My daughter is 11 and she was molested by my husband this december and we are in may and still no arrest and now the investigator is going on vacation before he gets the da the dna and all the other evidence!! im at a loss of words for sure. Your daughter deserves justice and we are going to fight for my daughters as well as all the other children that havent had any! Your in my thoughts and prayers

I will be praying for you and your daughter. I pray for justice to be served, but I pray for you two to have peace through healing. Your daughter is so brave to come forward and you are her rock. The system is so delayed in cases these days. Seems like so many people don't follow the laws and the courts have a hard time fitting in the cases. I hopw your DA is more responsive and dedicated to your daughter's case. If nothing else, at least she has spoken and you have believed her. Surround yourself with those that truly love you both and will support you in this tragic time of your lives. God is listening. Hugs.

This is an amazing story of u as a mother and ur daughter... I too was molested by father and has been tormented for years with it.. I can only had swished to have a mother like u in my corner when my truth was revealed.. Ur an amazing woman and ur daughter will over come her emotional obstacles because of u.. God bless u both and I hope to hear one day he is prosecuted..

Dear Mijaloves - Thank you so much for your sweet comments. I am terribly sorry for what you have had to go through. I pray that you have a best friend or a spouse that supports you. I cannot imagine how you must feel. My daughter is on her way through the healing process, but there are setbacks every now and then. I too am glad that my daughter has me for a mother. My mother would have never believed me and definitly wouldn't have stopped her life to help me through such a traumatic experience. My daughter has my support in this and I will never regret doing all that I could for her. Too bad some mothers are not so selfless. Hugs to you. Continue to get support and put things into perspective. You are a cherished soul. Hugs.