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My Daughter Was Molested By Her Father

 

I am the mother of a molested child.  My daughter has come a long way and so have I.  It has been quite an eventful journey with many bumps and twists in the road.  We've lost so much, but gained so many wonderful things during the process.

My daughter began to disclose things little by little when she was 3 years old just after her father and I separated.  The breakup of our marriage was my idea.  I was tired of him not working and being inconsiderate.  He refused marriage counseling and any counseling on his own.  We had been apart for about two weeks when the story began to unfold.  Our daughter was still seeing her father every day.  He didn't work, so he would keep her during the day and I would pick her up on my way home.  One night, I went to tuck her in and she pulled down the covers. She was naked and said, "Lick my pee-pee Mommy". I was horrified inside, but remained calm. I asked if anyone had licked her there and innocently she stated that "Daddy licks me there and it tickles". She then jumped up to put on her panties and PJ's and told me goodnight.  I was in shock and couldn't bring myself to say anything.  She was still giggling when I turned off her bedroom light. 

The following day,  I informed my husband about what our daughter had told me.  He claimed that they were playing like they were "pets" and he was a dog and licked her leg. I still thought that was odd and I couldn't imagine licking our daughter in even a playful manner.  He looked like he was being honest and he was a little strange so I told him not to do that again. 

Then less than 6 months later she came home from his house walking funny. I thought she had hurt her back. Then I noticed blood in the potty. I took her to the ER and they found a red mark on my daughters rectum. The hospital contacted DFCS and the police indicating that it was a case of possible child molestation.  I was in total shock.  The social worker from the hospital had a laundry list of questions for me to answer and all I wanted to do was to hold my child.  They didn't allow me to see her until after the interview.  The social worker claimed I was "belligerent and overly distressed".  The staff at the hospital acted like I was the criminal when I spoke about the the situation when my daughter told me her father had licked her.  They couldn't believe I didn't file a police report after that.

Four days later I took her for a follow-up appointment with the advocacy center and they noted the mark on her rectum was now a bruise. My daughter was acting very strange at the hospital. She was terrified her father was going to see us. She kept trying to talk me into hiding under the chair with her. She insisted that i wear a jacket over my head and that we not sit next to the windows in the waiting area.  I asked for a private waiting room due to my daughters high level of anxiety and we were able to sit in a more enclosed location. Every time someone would walk past the room, she would jump thinking it was her father and I would reassure her that he did not know we were there. When we went into the examination room she made sure the door was locked.  She was very hesitant to show the nurse and doctors her vaginal area.  Then again I was asked a multitude of questions and was directed to cooperate with police and DFCS (Department of Family and Children Services).

On our way home, my daughter begged me not to tell her father where we went.  He was still living with his grandmother and didn't have a clue as to where we went.  I hadn't told anyone.  She claimed that he would kill us if she told.  I asked her what she "said" and she claimed that she told her daddy's secret.   When we turned into our neighborhood she began to scream "Don't go down our street. Our house is cracked up with fire because I told". I reassured her that we would be fine and our house would be fine. Each time we left home and returned this would happen for almost a year. It got increasingly worse the more she disclosed to the therapist. She thought black women had been burned by their fathers since they had told their daddy's secret!

One night my ex husband, her molester poured gasoline around our home.  The gas was old and smelled like bleach.  He was possibly scared off by a neighbor.  His sister had called to tell me he was distraught and was threatening to kill my daughter and I.  She had already contacted the police.  I saw two people in my front yard near the house so I contacted the police as well.  He was not there when the police arrived and therefore it was my word against his.  The officer noted the smell of gasoline and bleach around our home.  His sister filed a police report regarding the threats he made.

Later I learned through talking with my daughter and through therapy the threats to keep her silent were more traumatic than the sexual acts. He shot holes in a portrait of me and told our daughter that's what he'd do to mommy if she told their secret.  My daughter was horrified to hear everyday sounds like a toilet flushing, a car horn, a garage opening, a door closing.  She was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.  He killed animals with his bare hands and shot them with a pistol in front of our daughter.  He burned her baby dolls and toys while she watched and said that is what would happen to her if she told.   My daughter felt sorry for African Americans because she thought they had been "hurt by their daddy's and told their secret".  She feared black people because of this.  She was terrified of police and thought they would take her to jail because she had told her daddy's secret.  My daughter was a mental mess for an extended period of time.  She was attending therapy twice a week for several months.  Then weekly therapy for several years.

The police investigation was a total nightmare.  The event occurred I assumed in the county in which he lived in.  The hospital reported it to the county in which I lived in.  The county I live in does not have a child friendly environment to conduct the child sexual abuse interviews.  The sheriff informed me that I would have to take my daughter to police headquarters for the interview.  I declined and explained I would be taking her to the other county since they have a dedicated facility with trained professionals to handle the situation. I also explained my daughters fear of law enforcement officers and her fear of blacks. I was then told I would be arrested for interfering with a police investigation.  Needless to say...I took my daughter for the interview at the county police department. 

My daughter had to go in a room with a dark African American male that weighed at least 375 pounds for her interview.  The officer said that she didn't disclose anything.  I stated that I wasn't surprised, because I would be terrified too.  He was in uniform with the handcuffs showing and his pistol was located in the front of his belt.  He stated my daughter cried the entire time.  Again mentally my daughter had to suffer.  The same officer interviewed the father and noted on the record, "the father denies all allegations and claims he never touched the child inappropriately".  I'm not sure what allegations he was talking about since none had been made other than from the hospital which to me was concerning medical evidence. 

Months later my daughter wanted to tell the police all about it.  Perhaps she had gained some empowerment through therapy and wanted to let it be known what her father had done.  So I contacted the police and they had me meet an officer in the local grocery store parking lot.  After the officer spoke with her a bit, he asked that we meet him down at the station.  My daughter was nervous again when we passed the jail and entered the police station.  During the interview my daughter disclosed that her father "hurt" her "with his stick and it was like skin and had hair".  The detective didn't think this was enough to go on.  Keep in mind my daughter is just 4 years old disclosing this type of info.

The police screwed up their investigation and the criminal case never went to trial. Most of my family thought since he wasn't prosecuted, it was a lie. The judge indicated my daughter was too young to testify. The judge indicated I managed to antagonize every individual involved in this case.  I held people accountable and attempted to let them know how things or situations would make my daughter feel.  I was doing my best to protect her mental well being.  She had already been through PURE HELL!  By the way...the father's lie detector test came out that he was somewhat deceptive.  His personality tests indicated that he is attracted to young girls and boys and thinks about sex more than the normal individual. 

It was a really bad situation. The sick man didn't get to see his daughter for almost 2 years.  The initial reunification took place at a therapist office that was appointed by the court.  This therapist was told by the guardian ad litem (court appointed) that the mother was just upset over the divorce and was trying to "get back" at the father.  I was allowed to be in the initial reunification meeting and I had a recorder to tape the conversation.  Our daughter (5 years old at the time) confronted her father.  She stated, "You hurt me in my pee-pee with your stick and you need to say you are sorry."

Her father looked at her and said, "I'm sorry, (long pause) but I don't think I hurt you".  Our daughter said "yes.  you did." and then her father again denied the allegations.  The therapist stated, "We don't know what happened to you, but we need to move past this and forget about what ever it is that is bothering you".

My daughter looked at the lady with a sad face.  I spoke up and said, "No we don't need to forget about it.  We need to get to the root of the problem and move forward from there.  It isn't something that should be dismissed."

The therapist then informed me that it was her job to unite the child with the father as told by the guardian ad litem attorney.  The judge had ordered this therapist to see if the child had any behavioral or emotional concerns when reunited with her father.  It was obvious that the guardian ad litem didn't know what she was doing or she was trying to demolish the case on purpose. 

The guardian ad litem had noted that I was a racist because my child was fearful of African Americans even though I had gone to great lengths to explain how her father had burned the baby dolls and our daughter thought African Americans had been burned by their fathers for telling "the secret".  The guardian ad litem was African American and during her interview with the child, the child was "uncomfortable". 

During the case the court appointed therapist was called to testify and stated that the interaction between the child and father was "normal".  Never mentioned the allegations that were presented by the child.  My attorney questioned the therapist about this and the therapist denied that it happened.  Luckily I had the recorded conversation to prove the therapist has just perjured herself. 

The judge ordered supervised visitation for almost two years.  The supervising agency was okay.  I wasn't thrilled with them allowing the father to interact with the child while they went outside or did household chores.  Initially the supervision took place at the supervisors home and then eventually they went to the father's grandmother's house where the father lived.  The visits increased in hours and frequency over the two years.  Now the father is allowed to see the child unsupervised.  

After almost $78,000 later the father is allowed the freedom to do as he pleases while the child has no rights.  It is like giving to lamb to the lion every other weekend from Friday night until Sunday night.  The judge stated that the child is young enough to get the proper treatment to overcome the abuse.  The judge did acknowledge the abuse and that the child in fact does suffer from PTSD. 

My daughter attended therapy routinely up until the recent past.  I only take her to the newly court appointed therapist when there is a change in her behavior or concerning statements.  Recently my daughter asked me "if a truck ran over my brother, would it kill him".  I told her it depends where it runs over him and how big the truck is.  She then stated, "What if my dad's truck ran over him"!

Of course I was alarmed and took her to therapy.  The therapist informed me that these are "normal questions that an 8 year old asks".  I don't believe it for one minute.  This is not normal.  Still there is nothing I can do unless my daughter makes and outcry to someone other than me.  If her father used such horrifying terror tactic's in the past, there is no telling what he is threatening her with now that she is 8 and it isn't as easy to pull the wool over her eyes.  The therapist tells me that once a child has made an outcry and is put back in the same situation, she will be less likely to make a 2nd outcry for fear of having to see the abuser again. 

It will be my responsibility to see that my daughter gets the proper therapy and that I pick up the broken pieces when all is said and done.  I have a lot riding on my shoulders and meanwhile the abuser walks free and denies anything ever happened.  He is the funny, kid friendly easy go lucky kind of guy that's why it is hard to imagine he'd be the type to molest children.  I do believe that the truth shall prevail but I hate that it may come at the sacrifice of another child or our daughter again.

My family still isn't talking to me.  They think that the allegations were false since he was never prosecuted.  I had an abusive family in the fact that my mother and step father were alcoholics and my real father was never a big part of my life due to his drug abuse.  Still I cannot understand my aunts and uncles taking my ex-husbands side.  I guess it is easier to believe that a mother would lie rather than to believe a father would hurt his own fleshing blood!

I know the truth and I will continue to support my daughter in anyway that I can.  Hopefully she will grow to be a happy and healthy person.  I can live with the fact that I believed my daughter and I have done and will do everything I can to protect her.

I am the mother of a molested Child.  It is difficult to imagine how I made it this far and am still able to have a successful career, a loving relationship with another man, and most importantly I have a happy daughter.

peacepaige peacepaige 36-40, F 122 Responses Sep 15, 2009

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My heart goes out to your poor daughter, please escalate this issue to the Supreme Court, write as many governors and judges and state attorneys, write letters to everyone and get your ex husband away from your daughter please to give your daughter a chance. All that your daughter is going through is torture and the mistrust she will have with everyone because she was never believed and brought back to get abused. My heart is breaking, just breaking reading your story, go out of state and get help, write the president please.

I have written many letters. I have received responses and get the fact that I would need at least 250K to continue to fight. I am thinking of going to law school. It would be less expensive than hiring my attorney or another attorney to help present the case to a higher court. Thank you for the support and encouragement.

I am so sorry to hear his story. I have a very similar story. I don't want to post it here but if you would like to contact me via email that would be fine. It is always nice to have ppl to speak to when going through such a horrible thing.. Best wishes..

As long as the little girl is safe and happy, that is all that matters.

I hope the sicko father rots in prison.

He had no problem "playing" with his daughter. Therefore, he should have no problem "playing" with the other prison inmates too.

One day he will pay for his actions. He won't be prosecuted in this case at this point due to the mishaps by the county investigators. They really demolished the case before it even went to court. I know that we will all be held accountable for our actions when we meet our maker. He will pay for his crime eventually.

I agree. There had and still has been so much wrongdoing many people did. It makes me so glad that they will have to answer to God on Judgment Day. The so-called justice and law systems may not do everything but God sure will clean up and correct everything. No wonder He is perfect.

Your experiences are so like my own it is unreal. I too was called an angry ex, bunny boiler, vindictive etc. All friends took his side because of `lack of evidence`, `unreliable witness`. The usual excuses that come out in favour of these abusers.It makes me sick to think so many go through this and the victims are ignored and brushed to one side like silly tale tellers. It is so cruel and unjust. My daughter was three when she disclosed that her father abused her. I had just left him due to domestic abuse. I was there for her. I went to the Social Services and told them. Hoping that at least MY DAUGHTER would get some justice. Alas this was not to be. No prior record, minor abuse, unreliable witness excuse, basically he got away with it. I was told that they believed her but could not do anything.Not even a slap on the wrist, but hey that’s the UK for you, ‘peado paradise they might as well rename it that there are so many victims but hey put the kettle on and get the broom out and shove it under the carpet. Sorry but I get so angry. People should be able to talk about it. It is wrong here that victims get stigmatized and told to get over it.

So, as I was saying, my daughter was abused, he got away with it, I was left to pick up the pieces. Or should I say smashed fragments. I got no help regarding counselling with her, even though she was quite disturbed and difficult to cope with as I had another child, younger not abused to shield from the abuse disclosure. When you have an abused child disclosing in front of their younger sibling this makes it very tricky, so I had to separate my younger child often as she went into trances recalling abuse, self harm. I begged for help with her, I never got any help. She was abusive to her sibling, and very mean with him. It broke my heart listening to her screaming with nightmares. I had been there too. I could not honestly tell her the nightmares would stop because I knew better. I just told her that he could not ever harm her again. I dealt with it the best I could deal with it. No I was not a perfect mother. Yes I did shout when her disturbed behaviour lent her to putting bleach in our drinks when she turned 9. I was scared for me and my family. I begged again for help with her after this incident only be referred to a therapist who told me that she thought my daughter was a liar and had not been abused but was manipulative child with a serious problem. I was furious. How dare she say that about my poor damaged baby I thought. I did not take her back there. I was so gutted for my daughter that somebody would not believe her. Like I was not believed.
Years of this went by, me asking for help because of her behaviour, setting fires in the house, lying, hitting herself, lying about being hit at home when she was doing the hitting, biting scratching breaking everything, death threats, self harm. I always took the light approach because of the abuse. I encouraged her to pursue her wishes and praised her for doing well and told her I was proud of her school achievements.
She went to secondary school, did well, then on to college. This is where she changed again. She met up with a girl a year older, (bad influence, attitude), started bad mouthing me on the internet when she did not get what she wanted saying she had flashbacks to get her own way or out of trying to burn the house down or stealing things that were not hers. Siblings belongings, money, scratching siblings name into furniture or writing in marker pen on new furniture to get sibling into trouble, I am talking 17 yr old here not 12. The behaviour was getting too much and I suggested she went to the doctor to be referred for some help because I could no longer help her. This resulted in a year of hell from her. Slagging me off on the internet, bad mouthing her sibling, who had put up with being in the background to her problems and was now getting depressed himself due to her lying and slagging him down on the internet. It was like she did what ever she liked said what ever she wanted yet had not one jot of empathy to how her words actions affected him or me. She did not care and was increasingly distant to us.
Out shopping one day after getting me to buy her a top she `had to have`, she turn round coldly to me and said `I will always put my friends before you, you are nothing.` This scared and upset me really because we were out having `good times` and this was out of the blue and context. Maybe a one off, scared treading on eggshells as usual with her, I did not bring it up again. Benefit of the doubt and all that.
Wrong, what she did over the next couple of months, I cannot even get my head round.
The ‘friend’ I mentioned, (bad influence, attitude), always seemed to have some hold over her. I cannot put my finger on. Anyway this person managed to convince my daughter that I somehow deserved domestic violence and that her father had not abused her and I was some entity from the depths of hell.
Well, I found out that this girls parents were ‘friends with the ex, child father and had been keeping tabs, or should I say stalking, me and my children for some time, using their daughter to do this. Yes, I know this is so sick. I told my daughter what I had found out and she came up with some bizarre accusation that my youngest had been having contact with the father for some time. She even told me to kick my son out over it. Complete lies and stirring on behalf of her ‘friend’.
Over the next couple of months I was being informed of her being in the same circles as her abuser. I was so worried for her safety I had considered moving again. I had moved many times after he had stalked us down.(I was scared for my children safety as he had threatened to kill us prior to me leaving. After 13 year of looking over my shoulder and moving in the dead of night to protect my family, I had said enough was enough, I was sick of running. I had decided the law should protect us for once. I was sick of not being able to put down roots, make friends, gain employment because of the situation. The children were older now and not so venerable now I reckoned. How wrong was I?
After leaving one day for a weekend with her friends, I was informed by a neighbour that they witnessed my daughter had tried to set fire to the side of the house. I looked and sure enough soot all over the side of the house. The smell of smoke a few days earlier my daughter blamed on younger kids on the street. I then got an email with a link to posts she made about me and my son on the internet. More horrible insults and slurs. I could ignore but about my son. That was not really on. The setting the fires again. She was now 18 an adult. I text her to pick up a form to get rehoused as I knew she was in the area of the housing office. She had also mentioned that she wanted to `move on` as she put it. I could no longer risk her in the house and she disrespected us so why be here I thought the sooner she gets her own place the safer we all would be. Maybe she would find some happiness doing her own thing in her own place. Waiting on the list would take a year tops I told her.She was due to leave for university in September anyway.
I was then accused of kicking her onto the streets. Completely untrue, she went to stay at her other friends. She never spent a night outside it was complete rubbish. She turned up with the police, for what god only knows to pick up her teddies after telling me on the phone she never wanted to see my face again. All over being told to get a form to fill in.
She has since gone on to meet up with her abuser. This guy who is a complete stranger, his family who always insinuated that 'he was not the daddy' when they saw the kids and other ignorant remarks about me. Part of why I left him too.The person who denied being her father, who never paid maintenance or put a stitch of clothing on her back and who she disclosed at 3 had abused her, then refused to part with Christmas presents because of her 'telling'. I have the solicitors letters stating this. It was so pathetic you would not believe. A guy that made her so petrified after telling that she would pee her pants and hide below the seats on the bus just going through the place we used to live. This went on for up to 5 years after the fact. She was always terrified if she saw a postal van, because she thought he would jump out of the van and get her because she told (his workplace). I could never have a man in the house or move on with a new relationship because she was terrified of men and would behave bizarrely in front of them.
She is currently posting hateful lies about me and denies this monster was responsible for abuse, which she now claims was ‘planted in her head’. This is complete nonsense, as a fact I tried to force him into visits after I split because he had an older child he had nothing to do with after a previous relationship he was in. I did not think he had the right to just disown our children too. This was until my daughter said what he had done. She is making out that she was beat up, I never laid a finger on her, or her sibling, she is slandering my family on the internet. The fact is he actually pasted her for wetting her pants and scared her so much that she pooed herself.I did speak to the health visitor over this asked for help and said I was leaving him over it, and was told why would you want to take your children's dad away from them over a mistake. If I had anywhere to go I would have left that same day..
Now in his grasp, she is denying him doing any wrong doing and claiming to have been emotionally abused neglected, crap childhood, never got anything she wanted, the list goes on. This is completely untrue. She was spoilt. I do not get how she sits slagging me off with that monster who did what he did to her, all he ever gave her was a bag of empty yoghurt pots as a gift(seriously), he never gave her anything toy wise or clothes wise. I had to beg for formula at the health centre because he spent all his wages in the pub. That is how caring a father he was. I am devastated by this. I cannot believe that she has put herself and her sibling at risk by having contact with him. I am also angry and disgusted by it.
I have never got over not being able to get justice or help for my daughter. This haunts me and I do not think that I will ever get over it. I tried to be there for her when the abuse was disclosed. I understand that her contacting him is an act of spite (she was always that sort of child, sounds cruel to say but I know what she was like), and I worry that he will harm her, and now she has nobody to protect her from him.
Has anybody else had any sort of similar experience. I cannot do anything now. I thought I was ‘there’ for her but she turned our world upside down and I cannot understand her behaviour. Her sibling is so depressed over all this you cannot imagine what it has done to him this as well as the ex and family stalking him on the internet. I want to scream. I feel I lost the child I tried so desperately to protect. I think what did I do wrong? I do not understand this. We are living in hell at the moment. I think maybe the counsellor was right about her now and I am worried and question myself about believing her in the first place. Three year olds do not say what she said for no reason, plus the social services agreed, the child protection people believed her account too.What is so wrong about believing and trying to help your child when they disclose these horrific things. Everything we went through, thrown back in my face again and again after trying to do the right thing and support her.Can I have advice of anybody please. If anybody knows about a situation where the abused goes back to the abuser? I cannot make head nor tail out of it.

I appreciate your post and want you to know that you did the RIGHT thing for your daughter. You believed in her and tried to put her back together again. It is what a loving and caring mother is supposed to do. I have heard of cases where the abused child goes back to the abuser and especially when the abuser is the child's father. In the victims mind they try to deny the abuse so that they can have a "relationship" with their parent. I've also heard of cases where abused daughters go to their father's (sexual abusers) for a loving and sexual relationship. It is a very sick and mind twisting thing. I am asking that you ignore the post on the internet. Just love your daughter from a distance. One day she will wake up and smell the roses. She is an adult now and you have gotten her this far.

Sometimes no matter how much you try, the victim has some deep mental issues that can only be resolved after professional help. Don't question yourself nor your actions. You know a 3 year old should not know a thing about sex and especially sex with their fathers. Still believe and never question your actions. You tried your best to get her help and to protect her from further harm. You were successful at that.

Some victims have to hit rock bottom in order to be able to shake the pain. You have done what you needed to do as a mother. Focus on yourself and move towards a positive light. Life doesn't last long so enjoy yourself and your other child. Don't all her to pull you down. Keep your chin up and move on. You can love her from arms length but don't let her manipulate your world anymore. She can fin for herself and you have to concentrate on yourself. Now is your time to find healthy relationships and do things that you enjoy. You have sacrificed a lot of your life in order to help her cope, and now it is your time to shine.

You did the right thing for the right reason. Don't ever question that. You have done all you can for her. It is time for you to let go as hard as that may be, but you cannot afford the pain and anguish. You have to find yourself and form happy relationships. I am praying for you and wish you all of the best. Hugs. Reading your story breaks my heart. Just know there are better tomorrows ahead.

I hear your frustration. My daughter and I have lived parallel lives with you. She was 3 1/2 when it started. Her pediatrician sent me to the emergency room, there injuries were documented along with statements from my daughter that included horrible details. Then after the investigations at the County abuse agency with police, it was brushed away as unfounded injuries possibly occurring from father wiping daughter after going potty. The little girl tells me daddy doesn't use toilet paper when he wipes me he tickles me. Sessions with psychologists yielded the same results for us. Unfounded molestation, angry mother obstructing their job to force daughter to forgive father. After $150k. I have been bullied into giveing 50% visitation to father. My insides have died, I will never be the same again. My recourse today is to empower my little girl. Mentally I tell her what daddy did to her is wrong and dont let him do it to her anymore. physically i tell her to scream kick bite run away to protect herself when anyone ever tries to hurt her again. Also very importantly, I tell her it is not her fault. She has told me he touches her still. But he is smarter now and not leaving any marks or causing scarring or blood. When I told the psychologists about 2 more reported occurances they say I like to make up drama. I don't know what to do anymore.

Dear Badtimes1 - I feel your pain and frustration. I cannot imagine any mother that would drag a child through false allegations. If I ever meet a mother like that, I think I would have a fight on my hands. Their is only 1 in 5,000 cases where a mother lies about this. Never will I understand why the justic system (or lack there of) chooses to think a mother would want to spend tons of money and endless hours taking a child to therapy for a lie. It doesn't make sense and doesn't add up. Still mothers that are trying their best to protect continue to be persecuted. I do believe that our children will be okay some how and some way.

I think beilieving in their disclosure is the most important part of the healing process. Children don't talk about sexual acts at such a young age unless they are truly exposed to that type of abuse. I have never wiped a childs rear end to make it bleed or bruse, but yet the investigator's say this can happen. They are idiots and it was such a frustrating process. I didn't want to believe that my high school sweetheart and then husband would abuse our child or any other child. It was horrifying for me to speak with investigators that pointed at me to say I was lying. I don't know what would make anyone make false allegations.

You are doing the right thing by empowering your little girl. That is all you can do at this point. When she tells you things, I know you feel like your heart is going to pump right out of your chest. I recorded conversations with my daughter. She would start talking and I would just listen and sometimes say, "and what else happend, and how did that make you feel". In court, the judge said that he couldn't determine what conversation occurred before the disclosures. I still have the taped conversations. One day, when my daughter is older, I will mail copies of it to the abuser and to the rest of my family. No one has a clue what a real mother goes through unless they have been in a situation like this. It is tough to protect the child when we are forced to give the lamb to the lion on a routine basis. Prayer has helped me a lot along the way. My daughter is 11 now and appears to be okay.

I will keep you and your precious little girl in my prayers. Some day these monsters will have to pay for the crimes they have committed. We have fought a good long fight. I will keep fighting for what is right for my daughter just as you will. God has the real punishment. I know it is hard to have faith when you have been beaten down so much. Just know that when you have given it your all, there is still God to lean on. Hugs to you and keep loving her and believing. Continue to pick up the pieces and carry her through. Just don't forget to take care of yourself in the process.

Recently new developments have occurred. I am in court again. My friend told me to believe in The Lord with all your heart and don't rely on your insight. I am fighting again. He continues to molest her up into 2013. Maybe I have a chance to keep her safe this time. Someone must believe her and help me protect her. I will be dragged through the mudd again. I need to keep trying to protect her. It is the only and right thing to do for her, no matter the consequences to me. I may loose her either way.

I am so sorry to hear about this. Trust in the Lord for sure. Praying for you and for your daughter. I am so proud of you for doing whatever you need to do to take care of your daughter and to protect her from further harm. Some people would give up at this point, but not you. Your daugher is very blessed to have you for a mother. I wish you all the best and will keep you and your daughter in my prayers. Hugs.

Any help or advice that anyone can offer would be greatly greatly apreciated!!!!!! Thank u all for your stories...i don't feel so alone now. I know how to prepare my babies a bit. Thank u.

If there is a disclosure, call police first. Then seek a medical evaluation at a chldren's hospital. Your child should see a licensed therapist to deal with the emotional and mental impact. You should believe your child! Continue to love your child and be prepared to sacrifice a lot of your time, energy and money. Pray a lot. Know that the road will be long and tough. You will feel like the criminal instead of the parent that is trying to protect your child. You will be questioned more than the abuser. You better be clean and free from anything that could look suspecious. You willl have the fight of your life on your shoulders. You have to believe in yourself and do what is RIGHT regardless of the pain your feel. Praying for you and your child.

I believe that this post was a godsend. My oldest daughter recently turned 4 on September 15th. I have two daughters and i h recently, within the last 4 months, called the police about suspected sexual abuse by their father. Three weeks ago they had their psych interview at the child assessment center. My youngest said nothing happened. I expected that, she is easily scared and has phobia of nearly everything. My greatest concern was my oldest the four year old. She adores her father, no worships him. I knew she would protect him. And i told that to the interviewer. Needless to say when the interview was over, i was informed that she confirmed my suspicions, but that she also said that mommy and aunt and grandma did it too. The interviewer the detective and the social worker all said the case was inactive because no real evidence. And if i wanted to push it they would have to go after everyone. I oneself and my family r innocent of anything, but i couldn't bare the thought of changing the loss of my reason for living! They have a medical exam on the 5th in terrified they will find something, in terrified that they wont!!! I've been spending all my spare time looking up advocates, attorneys, groups, past cases, treatment, y the fathers do this,signs of a molester, signs of being molested, the best therapy is everything i can think of! The more i learn the more afraid i become! Some fathers have won custody because they think the mother plants stuff in their kids head!!! In some other cases they still get visitation rights. When i found out i flipped, i grabbed a knife i keep for protection and wanted to cut off his disgusting...thing...my sister had to stop me. Idk if u guys felt it...but something inside me...broke..snapped...i have been with the father of my children on and off for 10years. Since i was 14 and he was 16. I feel betrayed, i know what my babies r feeling. I was sexually abused by my step father for years and my mother still insists he never touched me. I can't stand the thought of sex my boyfriend and i broke up a few days ago because he wanted sex and doesn't understand that ...ugh its just so disgusting to me now....i watch my babies like a hawk...i insist to them all the time how they are good girl, that they could never do anything bad, that mommy will always protect them, but without saying anything, my oldest keeps doing and saying extremely disturbing things, and she has chewed off all the hands private parts and mouths of her barbies. Please help me. No one is helping me! The people I've told either say i should have done something sooner how could i when i didn't know!? Others say he's not in their lives now that should be good enough..no the hell it isn't!!!! I owe it to my children, and selfish or not to myself, to protect them and other children!!! My mother did nothing. I refuse to let my babies be hurt or leather think they r alone!!!

I spent over $100K trying to protect my daughter from seeing her abuser and he was awarded every other weekend and a week in the summer. It didn't back fire b/c he was suing me for sole custody; however it very well could have gone the other way and I would never see my daughter. There was medical evidence that my daughter had been molested, she told therapist and the guardian ad litem attorney and multiple investigaters. Still the father only had 3 years of supervised visitation and now sees her without supervision. It can cost you everything. Just know that by you believing your children, you are doing the best thing possible for them. You are not in denial that it happened. If the children are not with their father, then I do think you should let it go. The impact of coming out now could make it worse for your children. They could possibly be with him 100% of the time.

You know that one day he will have to pay for his crime and it will be a life in hell. God will not let him slide by. Just know that you are doing the right thing by believing in your children and getting them the help they need. I encourage you to speak with someone about your abuse as well. I don't think anyone ever gets over being abused. I've watched my mother and aunt suffer PTSD from sexual abuse for years. I didn't pinpoint their mental states until after my daughter attened therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD. My mother and aunt have suffered for years because they told their mother and yet were forced to be exposed to the abuser.

See a therapist that you feel comfortable with. This will also help you to help your children. You need support and comfort right now too. Don't forget to take care of yourself so that you can be the best you can be for your beautiful children. I am praying for you to have peace. Hugs.

Reading your story was like reading my own life.. My daughter was also abused by her father and nothing was done! I too was looked at as if it were me who was crazy and just making it up to get him out of our lives.. I can tell you now that not in 100 years would I ever say such horrible things about anyone unless it were true! My daughter was 3yrs old at the time too, it makes me sick even to this day to think about it and my daughter is 9 now! I had left her father when I was 2 months pregnant because he was violent and i was in fear of my daughters life, I knew if i stayed with him I would miscarry. He said he didn't want a bastard child round him and for us to stay as far away from him as possible.. I don't know why I didn't realize it then but when I was well into my pregnancy he had text me saying he was going to kill my father, the black bastard he would call him, he also sent me a disturbing text saying "I bet you are hoping for a boy so you can teach it all you know". He was always calling me a **** when I was with him so I knew what he meant by that disgusting remark! When I was in the hospital after having my daughter he came with flowers to see her, but when he seen my father was there he stormed out! a few weeks later he wanted to see her so I let him come see her, after a month we were back together but it only lasted a week as he kicked us out at 11pm mid November because I wanted to cook something to eat, I swore I would never go back to him and I never have! a year went by, in this time his family had been keeping contact with us but he hadn't tried to see her at all until my mother decided she wanted to move back to Ireland from the states, then his family were taking me to court for custody of my daughter! He didnt get custody but got access every saturday night. It was a constant battle with them because my daughter was comming home with marks on her from where someone was smacking her, and finger marks on her legs where it looked like someone was squeezing her. Every time i went to court I was seen as the jealous ex girlfriend and just making it up! Then when she was 3 I was getting us ready to head off to do shopping with a friend when I looked over at her sitting on the sofa playing with her vagina. I didnt pass much remarks on it because kids at that age can be curious about their body, but i did tell her to stop doing that and that it is naughty, she replied with "daddy does it to me all the time", I was in shock and didnt know how to take it, I dont think i even answered her at that time, i just didnt know what to think, was she saying what i think she said or is there a perfect explination for it? I had met with my friend shortly after and had told her what had just happened and she advised i contact the doctor, so i did and was advised to go straight to the hospital, so off we went to the hospital. At the hospital the doc had asked her several questions and she had told them what she told me, and not only that but she said her daddy does be looking for spiders up there. The doc said that it was hard to make out what she was trying to say but there was definately a ring of truth about it. Well I can tell you now that I broke down, I was a mess! I couldnt believe this was happening to my baby!! I just wanted to save her! I fought in court for 3 years, my daughter seen therapists and social workers, but apparently she was too young for them to get a proper evaluation of it. I was seriously depressed at the time, i just couldnt get my head around how someone could do that to a child, a father of all people, it is so sick! so i lost my case, 3 years in court for nothing.. he walks free after what he has done to my daughter! at 6 I told her she had to start seeing her daddy again or i would get into trouble, so she went, forgetting who this "daddy" was because it was so long since she seen him, but early this year she took it upon herself to never see him again, and she refused to see him. I was concerned as to why she didnt want to see him, I still have my concerns because early this year she would cry her eyes out saying she just didnt want to go, please mammy dont make me go! When I asked her what was going on she had said he called her a ****, and that when she was at his mothers he had picked his mother clean off the ground by her hair because she had given my daughter a chicken sandwich. My daughter also witnessed him picking his ex fiance up off the ground by the throat! Months had passed and with still being concerned that he might have sexually abused her I had asked her in the car if she would ever want to see her dad again? she said she never wants to see him. so i asked her was he being bad to her, did he do anything to hurt her. she said that she didnt realize who he was when she had to go for access and when she seen him she felt the fear in her stomach because she remembers bad things that happened. I asked what they were and she said she didnt want to talk about it because it's too disturbing, so i asked if it had anything to do with why i took him to court when she was a little girl, she replied "lets just say he's a pedo". I felt the sickness again! I still feel sick! I promised my daughter i would never speak of it again because she said she just wants to forget about it and that she feels free now that he's not in her life anymore. With that promise I am now left that I cant go and report what she has told me.. or can i? I cant break my daughters trust, I should be greatful he has gone and hasnt tried to contact her in a year now and that my daughter is happy. I was so concerned that she would end up troubled over the whole thing but she seems to be doing great, i just hope it doesnt affect her in later life. Unfortunately I havent gotten over it, I cant trust another man! I have been single for years now and wont even look at a man because of what happened to my little angel! We moved this year and life is good now, we can finally start thinking and planning for the future without having to be worrying about him touching her. It's horrible how us mothers cant protect our children and how the courts and officials think we are "out to get" the fathers! It would take a very sick and twisted person to lie about something like that!

I know how you feel. You are blessed that she is not seeing him anymore. I still have to turn over my daughter every other weekend to the monster. Often he doesn't get her for the entire weekend b/c he is working or has plans. My daughter loves when she gets to stay home with her "family". I think everything comes back to her when she is forced to visit with him the entire weekend.

He still lives with his grandmother, but that doesn't make it any easier for my daughter. This is the same grandmother that my daughter told about her father had hurt her "pee-pee" and the grandmother washed her mouth out with soap and told her never to talk about that again. None the less my ex has visitation every other weekend if he so chooses. I am forced to follow the court order. It is tough. You are very blessed to have the ability to move on from the monster and to start a life without the abuser in the picture.

My daugher comes home sick after each visit. Most of the time her tummy is upset and she has a headache. After several hours of being back in her "safe house" she feels better. It is a constant struggle when he is picking her up for the weekend. I have resorted to telling her that if she doesn't go then I will be introuble by the judge. We have open conversations and I ask her if she had fun and is everything okay.

The therapist have warned me about asking direct

...questions regarding the abuse. Still in the back of my mind, I am concerned. How can I not be after the abuse and the terrior that he has done. My daughter is happy 2 hours after she returns home until a few hours before she has to return to her father's care.

I pray for your and for your daughter. Keep strong in your faith. God will be on your side always. Hugs.

We're going through this nightmare as well. The civil case is over but will the damage caused our granddaughter and family ever be healed?
We continue to be appalled by the "system" that is supposed to protect our children.

Hopefully you've been able to gain some closure. God bless your daughter and you for sharing your strikingly similar real life story.

I have been able to move forward with my daughter's healing. There are stil times that her behavior is concerning. She is still in therapy (8 years now). Things that remind her of the abuse come up from time to time, and I am there to help her through it. It is all I can do sometimes not to just throw my hands up. It is an ongoing progress, and thankfully she is ahead of where she was.


I do think that there will be closure one day, but right now there are so many things pending. She wants her father to admit to others what he has done. She wants him to apologize to her and I'm fairly certain that neither of these things will ever happen. I almost feel like if he did these things she has asked of him, she would be that much further in her healing.

I don't want to scare you, but I will say that it will take a lot of time. My daughter was not only sexually abused, but she was tortured. He would burn her dolls and shoot a pistol to make her affraid of telling. These acts I believe were worse than the abuse and have impacted the amount of time it will help her to heal. While she is not fearful of certain things or noises anymore there are still times that she is alamed by other things. It will take time, patience and lots of love. It will get better and easier to sleep. May God bless you all.

In july this year, I threw my ex partner out of my home. When I got with him and after the "courting" stage where we discussed our past , got to know each other, my partner made a revelation that his then sixteen year old eldest daughter had made a "false" sexual abuse allegation against him. Looking back he was very angry when he said this to me. Maybe I was "dickmatized", but looking back now, I do not see how this could not have been forgiven. My ex had brought his two daughters over to Britain to live with a wife who they did not know he was married to (before their mother sent them from Jamaica to Antigua to live with him for schooling). If I were in his position and I had became estranged from said wife because of her "bad" ways, I could forgive my daughter for feeling alienated.
The eldest daughter had become promiscuous, but she was of legal age when I met her and it's her "thing". She was using contraceptives, etc. Looking back now, my ex was only trying to alienate me from the daughter because new allegations were going to come up. They did, but the case was closed. The eldest daughter left my home due to what I thought was my fault. We never got on, even though I admired her inquisitive, fighting nature.
For a self proclaimed "family" man, my ex hardly put any effort into parenting the younger daughter. It took eight months for me to encourage the then 12 year old to bathe regularly and groom. Every night I had to tell her to bathe. It never came naturally. Then there were the at least twice a week letters home from school pertaining to her disruptive behaviour. I had to set boundaries and teach her ethics. Her behaviour was highly inconsistent, even the "bad" behaviour. My ex talked badly about his estranged wife the children's mother. I asked him to take accountability for his part in each relationship breakdown, even if he was only 5% to blame. Which woman wants to hear her partner bitching about his exes?
I may be stupid, but it took me a while to realise that the daughter only flipped out around me. If she heard a key in the door she would go from 100 on the richter scale to one. It was that much of a change. My ex saw one of her flip outs. He left for work, just saying that I was to make sure she tidied her wrecked room.

Anyway, it turns out that the father was having a long term affair behind my back and was using his child as "woman bait". Another incident that as a man who was apparently thoroughly appalled by his eldest daughter's alleged promiscuity, when he heard that she had cut a very risque tune at a studio (which he brought home for me to hear, full of smiles and pride), I knew then that my ex was at the very least a narcissist who would take the glory for his eldest daughter's potential fame.
One time when I left the younger daughter at home with a twenty minute window before her father came home from work (5.30) and saying that I would be back for nine, I came home at eight o'clock. My whole apartment was in darkness, both daughter and father were in the respective bedrooms, in bed, but on turning on the lights, it was obvious nobody was sleeping. I asked what the hell was going on. Who shuts up their family home at eight o' clock to go to bed, but not to go to sleep? Me like a fool suggested that my ex and his daughter partake in family therapy as they were obviously suffering some kind of post traumatic stress from the marriage breakdown. My ex just looked at me with rage.
It is only after the break up and what i now know to be his deliberate alienation of his youngest child from me that I now know (without me actually witnessing it) that this man is practising ****** on his daughter. Why? I have recently been in touch with the elder daughter who did not even know that her father and I had split. her immediate reaction was "where has my father gone with my sister"? She then proceeded to tell me that her father abused her (including penetrative sex) from the age of six up until she left my home. The penetration stopped when they came to England in 2007 as she made a deliberate ploy to acquire boyfriends and lovers in order for him to get off her back. She is angry with her five years younger than her sister for not talking about the abuse, but telling only her that their father is abusing her. Hence the extreme moods and behaviour.
This is why the man has run away to the other side of London with his daughter. he needs to for his sick ends plus as woman bait. He is a serial cheat, liar, lazy and in every story he tells he is either the hero or victim. The woman he lives with now has a lovely four year old daughter who he has no compunction hugging and posing with on Face Book. Never have i sen this man indulge in ANY tactile behaviour with his own blood!
When the eldest daughter told me that the father asked her for Anal Sex, a lightbulb went off in my head. It was his obsession. Not being judgmental, but it is not my thing. But he would always "try" until I thought that he only wanted the "front" to get to the back. Looking back now he sexually humiliated me. I have phoned the social services in the part of London where i now know they live, but from the tone of one of the social workers , I can tell that that she thinks that I am a bitter ex, wanting to split up the new relationship. She did not think it was strange that the man "overshared" information at the beginning of the relationship. It was obviously a pre emptive strike on his part to get me on edge about his daughter and to disbelieve anything she said or suspect her motives. I believe her, I believe her, I believe her. It is only now that I know why children are discouraged from reporting this horrible phenomena. My ex's eldest daughter is strong. However his youngest daughter has been groomed to be like him. Plus he has convinced her that her birth mother does not love her. So anywhere he goes, any affair he has she will follow and cover for him. I have written a letter to his poor unsuspecting girlfriend, explaining a pattern of behaviour she would have been aware of by now.Her child is in danger too.
As well as abuse, we have to make adults and children aware that abusers don't all sit in greasy armchairs "getting off". We have to be made more aware of narcissism. Also if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it is a duck. You do not have to wait to see the actual act to know something is going on. I have no doubt that my ex has already anticipated a visit from the social services. He knows he is a snake. it wasn't until I started thinking like one that the scales came of my eyes. No doubt he has gaslighted his girlfriend and is making her feel guilty for indulging in an affair with a taken man. Like me she is not stupid, just kind. I hold no hope that she will believe anything in my letter. If she does she will have to face the wrath of both him and his groomed daughter. I can only pray or help the elder daughter out of her rage so she will be ready for her sister when she realises that what is happening to her is wrong. The only thing I do now know is that he cannot just pick up and leave this woman when he gets tired of her. She can disbelieve me now, but if he does all of a sudden change, she cannot say she never knew. So whilst his daughter was not safe with me, she will ironically be safer with the woman who he cheated on me with, unless he is really careless. God Bless all the children.....

My grandaughter told me things that her dad has done to her we took her to the hospital and had taken photes of the area where she was very red and tfiled a report investigaters talked to my babygirl and the father and mother.they did not even ask me about the things that i wittnessed and saw her do it makes me sick to even think what he has done..The investgaters have come to the conclution that there is not enough information to persue charges the child is 3 years old and very smart and knows right from wrong i am so pissed off at our court system the dad does not pay child support and still thinks he has rightswe are fighting this all the way i will do everthing in my power to protect my granddaughters and the mommy

I am the mother of a 14 year old son that suffers from depression, anxiety, ADHD, and has had severe behavioral issues. He just recently came to live with me after the good old Illinois Family court system gave his father/my ex-husband full custody of the two children. Oh and by the way the ex was indicated for braking my sons arm when he was 7yrs old while in a drunkin rage at a little girls 7th birthday party we were attending... And he was not arrested(only indicated but never put in the central registry) About two months ago he had a suicide attempt and while in the emergency room he came out that his father had "sexually abused" him.
After his stay in the behavioral health hospital we went to the police....since we hadn't heard from DCFS yet it had already been an entire week.,so much for them having to make contact in 24 hours. The police took his statement and a few days later said they wanted us at the Childrens Advocacy Ctr for an interview. We set that up and everyone was stunned at his explaination that for a two year period between the ages of 7-8 his father molested him. They called him to the police station as they also did with my daughter as they said they were going to put a safety plan in place(what a joke). They released me ex-husband with my daughter because he didn't admit to molesting my son and in there words "not to toot their own horns but they are very good at their jobs and they can get people to confess if they did it" he admitted to braking the arm 7 years ago (this is the 1st time he ever admitted that he did this... he used to only say it was an accident)! So about a week later he calls and ask me why did I let our son charge him with this? That he never hurt him or me... Well I don't know if he has a selective memory or what his deal is but I am well aware of all the times I caught his fist with my face! So I told him that I believe our son and he hung up on me... go figue.
So, I got a call from the DCFS investigator yesterday who has call to tell me that there were too many inconsistancies with my sons story(gee it was 7 years ago) and it was going to be ruled as "unfounded"! And, she also said he has alot of emotional problems! Really. I mean really. YES he has emotional problems his father raped him for two years! This is I told her. She said well she is not charging him as she believe the father and that my daughter and the police don't believe my son either. What is that all about? She told me straight up on the day of the interview that there was enough credible evidence from my sons statement. I cannot believe that these people can look themselves in the mirror. And, I did tell her that I will be contacting he boss (whos name I got from someone who unfortunately is going through an abuse situation with her 3yr old granddaughter). She was a little surprised that I knew his name. She again said she was ruling it as unfounded and I said "we'll see about that"! I do believe that I have the responsibility to this beautiful boy to be his advocate and at this point do everything I can to expose this dispicable system and contact anyone and everyone who will listen to him and his "truthful account of what happened to him", if that includes the media so be it!
I am so discusted right now I don't even know what way is up.
Thank you for posting your daughters story and to all who have posted back to you. You and the victims who I know will all be survivors are an inspiration to me!
God Bless you all.
Teresa McCafferty
Mother of a son molested by his father
And yes my son is telling the truth and I believe him with all my heart and I will use my real name... and I will not back down from obtaining justise for my son!

I am the mother of a daughter, a niece, and 2 neighborhood girls that were molested by my ex-b/f. I stood by him when the 1st two children (at the same time) came out....he denied it too (of course), and made excuses of how they came from dysfunctional homes and that this was typical of children to point the finger to someone else, rather than the abuser---which I guess through self-deception I bought. Luckily, I finally left him about a year later---our relationship was filled with DV (Domestic Violence) and I finally "heard" his threats that he was going to kill us. About 3 1/2 months after we seperated for good--my 12 y/o niece came out and said that he had abused her on 2 different occasions ( to the best of my ability that is pin pointed between the ages of 5-7 y/o)----I knew then it was certainly not a coincidence. Especially since none of my family liked him anyway (because of the DV) and I hadn't told them about the accusations. ****If any of you were in a DV relationship you how we keep secrets about our abusers.**** When my niece came out, and I knew that my niece, and the two other girls were telling the truth, I started fighting for custody. Well, thru Forensic Interviews they were able to substantiate my nieces claim. Then, he appealed it and this lady who heard the case, unsubstantiated it based on his "consistent to deny" and my nieces "inability to recall specific details"! After that, a judge court-ordered my 3 children: 7y/o, 4y/o, and 2y/o to spend 8 hr's each weekend with him----with his mother (whom had witnessed the DV and his threats to kill us w/o ever intervening). It was the most stressful, sickening thing that I have ever experienced. Talk about having your hands tied. Well, here we are 3 yr's later, my daughter---who had also made comments that sounded innappropriate---just now has come out with what her "dad" did to her. It tears me up. So on her journey into Kindergarten she's having interviews with CPS, Forensic Interviews, and therapy-----which is absolutely heartbreaking to me.



Needless to say there are a whole lot of trust issues that this mother has to work through. There are a lot of fears that I know have to be irrational---when it comes to other men, but the torment that comes with the thought of trusting someone with my kids is......poisonous. God Bless all of you....I definitely want to be a positive ripple to help change these laws that do not protect the victims. Don't give up!

Dear CRP3, I truly appreciate your ability to write such an emotional post. Thank you for sharing your success story of getting away from the domestic violence. I know your heart is broken with the situation that you are going through now. I have a very hard time trusting people with my children. I am skeptical of most men. This is just oneof those things in life where we placed our total trust in someone that has been so traumatic upon discovery. God is GoOD and he does provide. Time does make way for healing. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your girls.

My heart goes out to all of you Moms and babies.....

Me and my baby....who is now in her early in her 30s....have been through soooo much of what you all have.....the ridiculous system, that now is STILL allowing and even encouraging relationships between the molestors and their victims....WHAT ??? Once a child molestor ALWAYS a child molestor....its just that their victims grow up and out....the molestor likes children.....dont ever forget that...

I want to write a book about the last 27 years, since my daughter came home and told me what daddy did. She even testified, at age 5, in court, and her testimony contained not one single discrepancy .That is truth.

Her father plead no contest to four FELONY counts, received a five year sentence, but NEVER DID A DAY!

Four years later, CPS counseling recommended visitation for her abuser.

Throughout highschool she lived in and out of his home.

My daughter is married, with children, and appears to be doing well....as well, as possible, I guess.

God sees us through all.





But things have never been and cant ever be the way they were before, we lost too much.

That horrible pain, and hurt never goes away, it just gets pushed to the back....coming out only occassionally, or in the background,but that sorrow is too overwhelming.....



I WISH I had some great insight for you innocent victims, and it is soooo very unfair.

Enjoy all your blessings....make each day the best you can.....ask God's help to smile....

God Bless us all....

chbtch55 Thank you for your post. It does put things in perspective that things have never been and cant ever be the way they were before, we lost too much.
That horrible pain, and hurt never goes away, it just gets pushed to the back....coming out only occassionally, or in the background,but that sorrow is too overwhelming....."

Your statement is so true. Picking up the pieces of my daughter's emotional roller coaster never seems to end. It stays to the side for short periods at a time but never goes away. She talkes about the way he made her feel and how scared she was. It is painful to hear about it, but I listen. I truly believe that once a molestor always a molestor. Sick people like that never change. They are sick. We just have to continue to pick up the pieces of our victims and carry them through this world. I have to believe that some day, some way people in "power" will believe what is happening and do something! Prayers for peace.

I need help! Is it uncommon for a child to clam up when cps comes to the door? Is it unheard of for an abused child not to divulge abuse to cps investigator when the person committing the abuse is in the next room? Why is it the child must remember exact dates the abuse took place in order to be heard when ready to talk? I AM OUTRAGED! I AM ALSO TERRIFIED! I AM PANICKING because in less than one week I have no choice but to send my two beautiful daughters back over to that hell! All anyone has been able to tell me is have them talk to a therapist. Why can they not be protected? I am a survivor of 16 years of domestic violence of this man! I was raped by him every other day for 16 years! And now my children? Where are their rights? I am broken....I know what he is doing, as a mother how can I send them back? Why is it my nine year old daughter not cannot be heard? Do they understand the intimidation factor? She wants to talk, nobody cares to listen. Ideas?





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I think it is unlikely that a child would clam up when returning to their "safe" house unless there is something to be concerned about at the visitation location. Investigators for the most part are not well trained in sexual molestation cases. The majority of the time investigators automatically think that a mother is trying to get back at the father...which is rarely the case. People are ignorant to think that a father would not molest his or her own child. In fact the person that is most likely to abuse a child is his or her father. The US Justice surveillance shows that children are more likely to be abused by his/her father. They are also more likely to be abused by someone they know. The stats are there yet investigators are in denial. There was one investigator involved in my daughters case. He resigned b/c his supervisor did not want to proceed with the case. He was my only hope and knew what the child had stated to him.

I pray that you find out what is going on. Find an experienced therapist that specializes in cases like this. Keep searching until you have a good match for your girls. The professionals have to disclose in order for investigators to listen. After dealing with one court appointed therapist, I don't have a lot of trust in those appointed by the court. I suggest you go out on your own first to find a good match for your daughter. At least a good therapist will help your daughters to speak up for themselves no matter what is going on. They will provide them with the self defense words that may help if the abuse happens again.

I always reinforced to my daughter that I will love her no matter what happens. I also always leave an open door of communication that Mommy will listen to anything you have to say. Mommy doesn't always know why you are happy, sad, crying or not talking unless you talk about what is happening. I always tell my daughter it is my job to keep her safe and happy and I cannot do my job unless she keeps me in the know.

I will never understand why investigators involved in some of these cases do not have a lick of common sense. Heck if I was raped and the man that raped me and threatened to kill people I loved was in the next room, I don't know that I could tell investigators about it and I am a grown adult!

Something has got to change. I think you have to focus on doing what is best for your daughters and within the confines of the laws. I have see and heard about too many mothers loosing their children to the abuser for trying to alleniate the fathers. You have to lean on the Lord and pray very hard to keep your own mind from going nuts. You have to keep your chin up and be stronger than you have ever imagined you could be. Therapy is the route to go. Introduce your reason for taking your girls to therapy that they have had a change in behavor and have said some things that are concerning you. Never let them know that you already have the assumption that their father is molesting them. You unfortunately have to play dumb. That is the hardest part. Best wishes. You and your beautiful girls will be in my prayers. Know that He is on your side!

Goodness I am sorry you have had to go through all of this and especially what your daughter has and still is going through as the consequences of this traumatic series of events. I hope she is able to have some kind of a normal life though it's uncerain. I am so glad you will always be there by her side to do everything you can.

Serenity~God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

She is lucky to have you, be strong for her and yourself,you have been through so much.

Dear Fislover, thank you for your beautiful words of inspiration. I do lean on the Lord and tell my children about the glory of Jesus. He was the only thing I had when I was going through this traumatic ordeal with my daughter. He has helped us through and now we have light at the end of a very dark and heartbreaking journey. My daughter loves the Lord and is excited about His blessings. Thank you for reminding me of the Serenity prayer. Hugs.

Hugs to you~

My dear I believe you but More Importantly God Saw every thing There is a Place that Is a prison that will Last forever with fire and him suffering due to what he did to your daughter if he doesn't repent of his ways. but as for your Daughter Teach her About Jesus he will comfort your Child's Heart. If you Want to talk i do have a Word for you that may help in your heart ache an will put things in a way in proper perceptive

Dear Godslaoutreach- God has been a real strong leader in my life. There is no way I would have made it through the challenges without him. He showed me that I had to be strong on focus on doing what was right. I wanted to be vendictive and ugly, but He kept me calm and strong in my faith. God has been so good to me and my daughter. My daughter can laugh and carry on now. We have a very open line of communication and she know that I am here for her no matter what.


Her father has had less and less visitation by his choice. He is finding other priorities other than her which I am truly grateful for. I still feel like I am giving the lamb to the lion when her father does take her. There is nothing I can do but to pray and lean on God. I do have sole custody, but her father does have visitation rights. I felt better when it was supervised. I just have to do what is legal and keep myself able to help her. It is a long road, but God has been carrying me the whole way. Thanks for your inspiring post.

I Praise God for your response Thank God for all he has done in your life. I am GLAD yall are doing better and i know how you feel just pray nothing more happens and i will keep yall in my prayers :)

Feels so god knowing people care thank you

Taarna - People do care. People that are focused on doing what is right -care. Once I was told that people who care about you will come from unexpected sources during moments of heartache. That was so true during this time in my life. Best wish for you.

Hello,

I am a gay man, living in Pakistan and i am 25 years old now. I was 9 years old when my grandfather started molesting me. Of course i enjoyed the sensations and went back and forth to him for the next 2 years until he died. For a long time i took equal responsibility for it, as i would go to him myself not realizing that a mere 9 year old does not really realize what this was and was only just responding and enjoying the sensation and affection. Around the age of 19 it sort of resurfaced and started messing me up. I told some friends who kept saying that i should go for therapy and would make me understand that i could not protect him, and i shouldn't. I hated him for what he did, but i just could never bring myself to hate him enough. At some point at that time i realized that in order for me to move on from this i had to forgive him for what he did to me, not for him, but for my father. And that helped me move on from it. I was able to deal with other things in life and carry on. It was a wrong justification, but i did what i did at that point to help myself.



What i did not realize was how this molestation affected my life. After he had molested me and he died, i looked around for gratification of a similar kind in other places. Older cousins, servants, and other people took advantage of me. I ended up ruining my relationship with my eldest brother, by hinting at doing something with him in a childish letter i wrote to him (he loved me, but that attempt changed everything and i lost that support which i would have perhaps needed now in life). And eventually it all transpired into sex addiction which plagues me still. And affects my relationship with my loving and understanding boyfriend all the time. It's only recently that i have started acknowledging my addiction problem, and where it is rooted. Which brings it all up again. I need therapy and i don't yet have the money for it, shrinks are very expensive here. And i keep thinking that i am 25 right now, and at a stage where perhaps i could still take charge and control my life. I feel if i let it slip by another few years then it will control and haunt me for the rest of my life. I don't know what to do, how to help myself. I can't concentrate on work too long without thinking about sex. And i am an artist, and very passionate about what i do, but many times this thing controls me and makes me feel like **** about life. Makes me feel like a loser. I have achieved much in life as a young artist, but i know i could have done so much more.



I also remember that once while i was being molested by my grandfather, someone had seen. Either my parents or uncle...or someone from the family. This is something i have never told anyone. Not my best friends, not even my boyfriend. And i have grown up thinking that my parents have known yet they did not do anything to protect me. But i am not sure if that really happened. It is so vague. It kills me to think that my parents would not do anything about it and i want to turn around and give them a hard time for it. But i am so unsure of it all. I don't know if they did see anything or knew anything. And all my life i have only just tried to protect them from this fact, because i keep thinking if i was to tell my father that his father molested me it would really upset him and possibly cause some sort of instability.



There. I just had to share it all.

Dear Fazriz- I am terribly sorry to hear that you too have suffered at the hands of someone that is supposed to love and protect you. It is not your fault that you were exposed to sex in this manner, but it is now up to you to pick up the pieces and carry on. I know that therapy is grossly expensive. I had to borrow tons of money to get my daughter the therapy she needed. Looking back, it was probably the best money I ever spent. I was just about to loose my daughter mentally, but thankfully we found someone that she could talk with. In the US, there are psychologist that will provide therapy and accept payments based on your income. I will pray that you find someone that you can talk with and that you can learn to accept what has happend and forgive your grandfather and most importantly forgive yourself. Hugs.

Dear peacepaige,



My niece is re-living this story right now in Bay Minette, AL. The law, the judge, the "child protection" workers are all sure that my niece is lying and coaching the child. How do you coach a three year old to graphically describe a sexual event, not once, but many times over? How do you teach her to make her dollies do things to each other that she has never seen in your home? Like you, her 'father" was restored "his rights" to visit overnight, unsupervised by a judge. When the mother protested and pointed to the doctor's reports of physical evidence of molestation, she was told, like you, that if it was indeed taking place, the child was young enough to be treated! SHE was threatened with jail time, while he has never even been arrested. We live is a VERY SICK society, with rules and laws made by MEN to protect other MEN! But the most troubling part to me is that the judge and caseworkers saying this are WOMEN!



My question is how can anyone believe that there is ANY part of being exposed to a *********, no matter who he is, and ESPECIALLY her father? And anyone who says ********** is "curable" or sexual abuse is "treatable" is either a ********* themself or has NO idea what this is all about.

Dear Diogenesdaughter - Very sad to hear that this is still happening. I too am from the SouthEast. I really believe that judges are so immune to sexual molestation and violence of every kind because they hear about it day in and day out. I do think they really believe that children will learn to outgrow the pain or forget about it. Meanwhile your niece is like I was. She is trying to do everything by the system and yet she is the one that is treated like a criminal. You niece will be picking up the pieces for her daughter in years to come and if she doesn’t take care of her child, then she will be the one in trouble. It is an awful thing to go through.

I am so thankful that your niece has your love and support through all of this disappointment and anguish. It was very difficult for me not to have the support from my family when I needed it most. No 3 year old can be taught to say certain things. They will say that “Mommy told me to say that” if indeed the mother taught the child. This only happens in less than 5% of cases and the judges and court appointed guardian ad litem attorneys are ignorant enough to go for this small percent of the cases. The guardian ad litem attorney in my daughter’s case was a female as well. I have often wondered if she was molested and has anger towards other victims since no one protected or believed in her story. People are really sick and we live in a very sick world. Sexual abuse victims suffer for years and even after years of therapy, victims still have enormous challenges.

I will pray for your niece, her daughter and you. The legal system is a true nightmare. I still owe my attorney almost $30,000. There was no reason for me to have to spend so much money to utilize an attorney for the case. My ex only spend about $10,000 for a defense attorney. Sexual abuse cases go unreported so many times because people do not have the backbone to stand up for what is right and knowing the strenght and financial cost of bringing a case to court. Your niece should continue to focus on doing what is right no matter the sacrifice. Hugs to all of you.

It's so refreshing to see a mom who finally sticks up for their daughter. You are anointed by God. I am so thankful that he was able to lift the blinding veil of sin from your eyes. Unfortunately for me, my mother still refuses to stick up for me. When I was molested at 11, I told her and she did nothing. So I did nothing and forgot about it. Then 15 years later, after realizing that after achieving so much academically and socially, I was emotionally unstable and jumping from one bad relationship to the next. I became depressed and almost suicidal. Then God revealed to me what happened. I was molested by my step-father and totally suppressed the memory. My mom is still with him. When I went to confront her about it again as an adult, she still doesn't care to do anything about it. She is more concerned about herself. In fact, she went home and laid in the same bed with him that night after I told her. I feel like the molestation was already an abuse but the lack of protection from my mom and the denial of my feelings was even worse. This is the woman who gave birth to me. If she doesn't care, who will? That's when I decided to give my life to Christ. He is teaching me the things I was supposed to learn as a child, but it's still tough. I wish my mom was like you. I would be much more healthy. I really commend you. Thanks for sharing your story.

xoxo24- I am so sorry to hear about your experience with your mother. My mother was a very tough person. When I was in my early 30's, I asked her if she loved me and her response was, "I don't know if I know what love is".

That was just the craziest thing I had ever heard. After trying for years to please her and try to get her to love me, this experience I had with my daughter made it easy to let my mother go. I have to say that I truly believe that God brought me to the point of break so that I would not sacrifice my daughter's health and well being. I had learned so much through my mother's mistakes that have helped me to be a better mother. I will never understand why someone wouldn't believe a child or want to protect an innocent child from further harm. Children do not make up stories like this. I think what you have done takes a lot of guts. You have confronted her both when you were a child and as an adult. We can't force someone to do what is right. God is on your side and He believes in you. At this point, I think you should not waste your energy with trying to get your mother to do what is right, but to invest that energy in yourself. You are worth it. I am thankful that you didn't take your life. You are here for a reason. I pray that you use your experience to help others. You have so much courage and determination. I wish you all of the best. My prayers will be for you tonight. Thank you for sharing and for being so sweet. God is GoOD and He will see you through.

All the best to you!

ur story is truly sad i am resarching this because my daughters 4 and 6 told me yesterday that there dady was doing things making them give him orial and him to them putting his peepee in there peepee and butt, putting stuff from his peepee in there mouth and more i call the cops and filed a report and took my daughters to the er ao far i havent hurd from the police in what to do next i made him leave the house and told him not to come back are i would kill him we have been togeather 8 years and i never guessed he was capabile of something like this but i belive my children there is to many detils for a child to make up and expecialy 2 children ur story has helped me to know not to give up no matter what i pray for u daughter and u to have peace thank u for sharing this to people it is inspirang i hope i havethe same stranght as u do on my jurney to come

Dear katieoooo - My heart aches for you and your girls. Having one daughter go through this was almost more than I could take. Multiplying it by two is going to be very tough. You have already been a believer in their disclosers and that will be the most important step in their healing process. Remember to take care of yourself mentally and physically through all of this as well so that you can be strong enough to carry them through.

I highly recommend that you don’t go to anyone and announce that you “know” her father has been sexually molesting your daughtera. Instead go from the perspective that you are concerned that something is not right by the way your daughters are acting and the concerning statements that they have been saying. Never conclude or let folks know that you have concluded that he is molesting them. You have to act like you don't know what to do with this information. You will be looked at as being vindictive, coercing, and coaching your child. As hard as this may be and even though you trust your gut feeling, you have to look like a concerned mother that just wants to find out what is going on with her children. Secondly, take her to a certified and licensed psychologist that is approved by the state in which they are practicing. Continue to set appointments routinely so that your children become familiar with this person and is more comfortable with disclosure. Play therapy is an excellent mechanism for children to disclose such crucial information. Make sure the child psychologist has experience with child sexual abuse cases. Psychologist are mandated by the state to notify legal authorities if a child discloses information regarding abuse. The hospital that you took the girls to have probably contacted authorities. Rest assured that the authorities will contact you.

I pray that you have a better department for family services than I do. Often you will feel like it is your head on the chopping block. You must watch every move you make. Keep a journal. Consistantly write, I am doing what is in the best interest of my daughters.

I applaud you for believing in your daughters and taking actions to help them menatally and physically safe through this. I will keep you and your precious little girls in my prayers. Hugs!

i am truley sorry for you and your little girl i my self know a thing or two about the system not being there please tell me it gets better im sorry but how did you handle the missbehaving the peeing in the bed the screaming for no reason im at a lost we tryed cousling it only made it worse there is no physical evindce due to the fact he only touched her but i belive her like your baby she thought it was a game to be played i dont know all the details but i know this man is walking free due to her word aguest his but im more concered with how to make my child be her again







worried mother

cateyes61885 - I know that the behaviors demonstrated are related to PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My daughter was diagnosed with this by a psyciatrist. The fact is that you will have to be patient and allow your daughter some time to release the pain. My daughter would shudder and cover her ears when a toilet was flushed. I learned to let her out of the stall before I flushed it when we were in public restrooms. When we saw fireworks, we stayed inside the car with the radio on. She loved to see them, but became horrified when she heard them. It reminded her of her father shooting his gun at my portrait. _ he shot holes in a large portrait of me and told my daughter that is what he would do to me if she told. The hateful things that my ex did to our daughter was so traumatic. It took a long time before there were no accidents in bed, I could finally flush a toilet without having her get out of the stall, but it did happen. I comforted her when she was scared, I wipped away her tears when she cried and I held her when she was sad. I did whatever I could to ease her burden when the time arose. I fine tunned my motherly instinct during that very rough time so that I could salvage my daughter's mind, body and spirit. Today she can laugh, smile, run and play! Sure she still talks about what happed from time to time and it is usually when something has a particlar smell or some place sparks an emotion. I still do whatever I can to help her. She is truly amazing! I will pray for you and your daughter. It is a long road ahead, but at least you two are together. My heart aches for all of the moms that have lost their children to the molestors.

peacepaige, I have to say that everything that you've done for your daughter, and the way you handled the entire situation is admirable and inspires hope to others. I only wish I had a mother like you. My own was unsupportive and denied it completely when I finally decided to tell her I had been molested for years, saying that it was my fault that it happened to me. When I told her it would likely happen to my girl cousins, she again denied that our grandfather would do something like that. I don't understand why some people refuse to help their own flesh and blood. It's like sexually based crimes don't exist or something to these people so when it happens, they shrug it off or something. I hope that your daughter can grow up to live a normal happy life, and she probably will because she had someone like you to care for her.

Dear afsdesertfox - I am terribly sorry that you did not have the support you needed. I pray that you have been able to find support to begin your healing process. I do believe that people that are in our life and that are supposed to be protectors are held accountable when they meet their maker. I wonder what kind of relationship you have with your mother now. Seems like it would be difficult to be close. I haven't spoken with my mother in years. I miss certain things, but I know I was meant to go on and live a healthy life. My mother consistantly criticized me as an adult. I moved out when I was 16, fisnished high school (7th highest GPA in my class), worked full time, aquired academic scholarships for college, finsihed paying for college personally and with some help from my employer. I was never patted on the back by my mother. She always pointed out the defects as minor as they may be such as not wearing lipstick to my grandparents house or being 10 minutes late for an event.

I pray that you have found support along the way so that your healing process has initiated. It is very sad to hear that you didn't have the support that you needed during the time and that you were so worried about others being harmed as well. You know what actions should have been taken by your mother. Some victims that were not protected tend to disbelieve anyone else would/could be molested. You have a clear vision of right and wrong. I pray that you are having a happy life and that it is as normal as possible given the horrifying childhood experience. Sending you a hug! Thank you for your thoughtful comments and for sharing your experience.

Thank you all and my prayers are with yours. My daughter does well, except for the nightmares and behavior problems she exhibits upon returning from her father's visitation. I have other family and friends who have also dealt with these issues and faired much better – some got full custody and the courts even made a few of the fathers pay for all the childrens’ healthcare, unlike my ex who has never provided healthcare for his daughter. He is an awful father and to this is just a small piece of that evidence that I should have seen many years ago and left. It sickens me to know that he is working for a local well known catholic university and is around girls of all young ages and coaches my daughter’s girls’ soccer team. All in the hope that everyone will think he is a great father and he can try to malign me. If only they all knew.

I know part of the problem with my daughter's situation is that I am too basically destitute, my mother too now - all of our money and efforts to get the judicial system and counseling to help my daughter did not work. My ex and his family have great connections her in our city within the courts and law system. I wish my ex's new girlfriend and her twin girls all the best luck, but in reality know that when he does what he will repeat - as statistics say 100's of times before being caught and punished - to her children that she fairs better against his family. Perhaps she will fair better since she lives and works for the next state over from us. As far as I know my ex does not have connections to lawyers there?

I wanted to add about the computer I had analyzed - it was only the harddrive that was forensically examined and there is a chain of custody that explicitly shows that the system had not been active for many years. The forensic software today is much more advanced and is extremely reliable in reading deleted files and browser history, in performing password and even credit card/account setting scans, and exact times down to the second to when these files were created - no matter if someone tries to eliminate them. I am confident that this information that goes back 12 years now would be valuable for any case that would go to criminal court to illustrate past history of his type of preferred activities. So, I will not destroy or get rid of these, I will maintain storage of the other harddrives - just in case I can scrape up the money to get them analyzed or if I hear that there is another investigation into his disgusting activities. I don't think that it wise to ever tell a victim to destroy any possible evidence, especially when it is regarding a possible felony or misdemeanor.

I find it so hard to understand the idea that people want me and my daughter to keep evidence quiet for it might put a shadow of doubt on me. Or, as I was told by the forensic interviewer – when I asked for a copy of my daughter’s police interview – that they did not provide them because it might embarrass the children. This is disgraceful that my child – the innocent victim – would be treated this way. As if she was responsible for her father’s criminal activities. We are falling prey to previous times, when women and children were accused of being harlots and seducers after being raped or molested – they were responsible for the criminal crime not the perpetrator. Boggles the mind… I wish I had a great amount of money and could put forth a class action suit, with the millions of children and adults that have mistreated like my daughter, against the court system for age discrimination. It might be only way to get a clear and concise change to the family court dysfunction.

I hope all who read this and visit this forum – all the best and I do hope that karma is a bi***.

Karma will show these sick people reality. I will never be as financially secure as I once was unless I win a huge amount of money. It cost me $100K for the divorce/custody case. It was worth every penny I spent. Money comes and goes, but my daughters safety was my highest priority. I would do it all again if I had to. Life is about choices and I am not one to sit back and know that children are in abusive situations. I have a role as a mother. I have been given the responsibility to protect my child. I do hope that the court system quits worrying about the rights of the criminals and concerns themselves more with the future of our innocent victims. Karma!

OMG let me wipe my tears!! I am so sorry for you and your little girl! My daughter was molested by my adopted son, he was 15-17 and she was 1-3. It tore my whole family apart. I was married to her dad for 11 years and we had the white picket fence making close to 400 g's a year. Charges were pressed immediatly upon my daughter telling me. The perpurtrator (nicely put) was charged as a juvinile 3 months before he turned 18! I literally disowned him and my own mother adopted him! I am still livid about the whole situation. I lost my marriage and my whole entire family...mom, step-father of 20 years, brothers, aunts, uncles, etc....everyone took His side. I heard things like "he was experimenting" "it's water under the bridge" "how dare you disown your own son," etc... It's been 3 years since this has came to light and I have been in crises hosp. 10 times and the dr.'s put me on 6 diff. medications for ptsd, major depression and anxiety. Before any of this I didn't know depression existed only sadness. I have to keep thinking I am taking everything I used to be about and giving it to my daughter for the horrific thing that happend to her. I came so close so many times to getting revenge on this boy. I now only get 3,200 a year to live on. I lost every bit of me over this. The bright light of this whole story is my daughter is now 7 and is a very beautiful happy healthy little girl. I have to keep in mind I have died inside and will never be that happy sucessfull woman again but my daughter sure can. If I didn't "run" she would still be in this abuse! I only wish they would have meetings for families of abused children for support like they do in aa or na. This is just as rampid as alcohol or drugs!! I have 0 support in all of this. Well I have therepists who seem to understand but it's just not the same. I stopped praying after all of this went down due to the fact I raised him in church and thought he was a christian. But I surly am going to start praying for your daughter that someone intervienze and gets her away from that scum bag!!!!! They don't change. If that 5% does change the only change they can succeed at is to stay away from the kids. Makes me sick!

I would say that in all of the known plus undisclosed cases, sexual abuse may be more rampid than alcoholism. It is a total nightmare! The courts really have no clue as to how this impacts a child's life! As a parent that is dedicated to my child, I cannot understand why families of the victims turn their backs. I tend to believe that these family members have been victims themselves, are too ignorant to believe this coud actually happen, or find that denial is easier to cope with. I will never understand how a family can split on such a serious issue. The abuser tends to get more support from family members of the victims and from the court system. There is no place in a civilized society for uncivilized people. I believe that those that do not support the victims will be shamed when they meet their maker. Part of their souls already belong to the devil. I encourage you to still believe in God and continue to pray. All is not lost. You and your daughter are still together. Look at all of the positive things in your life. When I was so down and out, I thought of everything that was good in my life. Even if it was such a given as, "The sun came up today". You have to focus on the good to get out of the darkness. Depression is a state of mind so you have to feed you mind good thoughts. I know you have heard this before, but I am telling you this so that you can continue to care for your daughter in a healthy way. She needs you. Without your support, she could be subjected to more pain and undo stress. Be there in head, mind and spirit. Prayers for you both will be comming.

ty for taking the time to reply! I will continue to ponder what your saying to me and put it to practice more than what I've been doing. You are handling things in a great manner....again..ty! hugs!

this story broke my heart. i came across it through researching molestation cases on ep since i suspect my cousin's husband is or might be thinking about molesting his daughters. i feel so bad for you and your precious angel. for what is worth God will give that bastard what he deserves. therapist have lost my respect becasue of my own bad experiences with them. they aren't very reliable infact i believe they keep you from moving on forward so they could get more money out of you. you are your daughter's best therapist. not a stranger whom is paid for listening and giving advice. they've already shown you they aren't trust worthy. that devil will get what he deserves. best wishes for you and your angel. i'll pray for you.

There are a few good therapist out there who really care, but most just see cases like this as an increase in their income. The court appoints therapist that are not even trained to help children in cases like this. I pray that the cousin's husband is not molesting his children. I encourage you (which it sounds like you are doing already) to be close with these girls. I wouldn't let on with your cousing nor her husband about you thoughts. Make sure you can get in some time with these girls and tell them about good tough and bad touch. That is your role as a family member. Let them know that they can trust you to help them with anything in life. Maybe they will feel more inclinded to open up to you. I know you don't want to get in the middle, but someone has to be there for these children. God bless you. Thank you for your sweet words.

thnx for the advice. i'll keep it in mind. i hardly ever see them but when i do i'll make the effort to explain that to them. xoxo

Perplexed as I am on how this keeps happening? I am sure that everyone would be disgusted, no revolted at the real statistics of this type of abuse. My daughter and I went through the same thing, parent alienation, no disclosure, then multiple disclosures to Dr's, RN's, CPS and others with no resolution. At what point will our legal system take a child's voice and support it? Children are the only victims that ask for help to be protected from their abusers and are forced by court order to relive the terror over and over - for those with the power to stop it think they are too young to testify. Our family courts need to be shut down and rethought. My daughter is now 7 and her father is dating another girlfriend (the 2nd one) with 8 yr old adopted twins. He coaches girls soccer and still terrorizes our daughter. I know what he is now and hope he rots. His last girlfriend had 3 daughters close to our's in ages and she works for CPS. She presume that she was informed of my daughter's disclosures because she works in the same office that all 3 of the CPS cases were handled in. It disgusts me to know that he keeps getting involved with mother's with little girls. I wish I could terrorize him, like that country song about the guy who cheated and she destroys his truck. I mean after my ex vacated our house, I realized that he only took the computer tower - not the monitor, not the keyboard? Wondering why? I had one of the older computer hard drives analyzed to see what would cause him to do this... well what was found... over 70% of the images were ****. Tens of thousands of them and it was not considered child ****, but what is generally referred to as child erotica. Terrifying to see those images, of which the analyst showed me only 2 sites and was told not to visit any others. I could have vomited right there. Now every time I see him I see those poor little girls, I know they say they are 18 or older... but as a mom it is disgusting. I mean these images on this older computer were from when I was pregnant to when our daughter was an infant. He visited many, so many sites and some that revolve around deflowering virgins, bloody panties, stories and images of what was supposed to be daddy-daughter situations. I would love to paint his truck and car with these site addresses... or tattoo molester on his forehead for all to see. Don't worry - only fantasy. I have and will never be in trouble with the law, I've never even gotten a speeding ticket. I love my freedom, but my mothering instinct to protect my child raises the hair on my neck every single time she comes home and says or displays anything overly sexualized for her age. It feels really great to have a place to share these horrible issues and get support. My prayers are with all of you and I thank you so sincerely everyone's stories.

To lifesun4u - it is awful that the legal system continues to let children be abused time and time again. It made my stomach hurt to read the above statements about what your ex was looking at on the computer. The horrifying fact is that if you don't get rid of that computer, you could be blammed. Seems like cases that are cut and dry become very complicated b/c of the he said, she said. Children do not learn to lie until after they are 6/7! You cannot possilbly "coach" a child into saying they were hurt with their father's "stick" at the age of 3! I think of how many children there are that continue to be molested and that are holding in such deep pain.

I wish there was a secluded place for all of the molestors to live and to be tortured. Yes, when it comes to protecting my daughter, I will do anything, but I have to keep it within the law. He will get his punishment. I hope to see some of it while he is here on Earth.

Men that abuse their own children are more likely to continue to abuse time and time again. They are repeat offenders. They actually seek partners that have young children so they can groom them. If the legal system would just take a serious look at the cases and quit trying to protect the accused, there would be a better chance for our children to be safe. Glad you commented! Hope you are doing as best as you can. I feel your pain.

yes the justice system is a mess. i don't rely on justice from the justice system but from God and the law of karma. he will be punished in this life and far beyond his death. i saw this documentary called "to hell and back" and it really comfort me to know that their is justice. you can watch it on youtube

I was molested by my father. Once when I was 5. I told my mother immediately the next day, your daughter reminds me a lot of myself at that age. Scared and anxious all the time. This was hard for me to read. Well my parents seperated for 2 years and then he got "help". My mother took him back. He started up again and it lasted from the time I was about 8-16. I am happy to say I went to trail and I testified as a 17 year old. He has a 25 year sentence. I write him letters out of pity. Children everywhere are safer now. I wish the justice system would have worked as well for you. But even if it never does, don't worry-one day we'll all be judged. When we can't get justice for ourselves or our loved ones-that's when God steps in. And he can get it much better than you or I ever could. I will keep your daughter in my prayers. Place you trust in God. We can't understand everything about him-but I know he loves us more than anything and is much more trustworthy than any human ever could be.



~A Surviver

Dear stillstandingstrong - you are a real inspiration to me. I know that it was a horrifying childhood for you. Leaning on our good Lord has been the saving grace. I would have never landed on my feet after going through such a let down from the judicial system.

My daughter holds God close to her heart and mind. I still feel like I am giving the lamb to the lion when her father picks her up for visitation. The therapist say she would probably take the abuse again and not disclose because nothing changed after she disclosed the first time. Perhaps this was the same situation with you. I feel like my daughter would tell b/c she knows I will do everything in my power to protect her. Then maybe she would hold it in thinking that my hands would be tied once again. Almost sounds similar to your situation by what I read. Maybe you didn't tell b/c nothing changed. Or maybe you did, but your voice was not heard. I wonder what your relationship is with your mother now. I haven't had a civilized conversation with my mother since 2004. She didn't believe my daughter and thought that I should not bring it out in public. I have no respect for my mother and the others that did not support my daughter. They are just as sick as the molestor. I know if I had been molested and I told my mother she would not have believed me and would never put her hand out there to help.

It was very difficult to explain to my daughter why she was able to see her father without the supervisors. I told her the facts. I did all I could, but the judge felt like her father should be a part of her life. My daughter is 10 now and has come such a long way through the healing process. Sure she has her setbacks and emotional times. I ensure that she is comfortable talking with the therapist and others that we truly trust.

You are a real inspiration. You are so kind to share your story with us. God is good and he will take care of you. Thank you for the beautiful words about Him. Hugs!

Thank you for your advice i will put it to good use. i just want to say i am willing to serve time i have discussed this in depth with family & friends as i know the SYSTEM will continue to let us down. we need to stick together protest whatever it takes start a website i am currently studying law all for this to stop these sickbastards

Please keep me posted. I wish you all the best with your case and much success in law school. I am happy to hear you have a good support team of family and friends. There is not a place in a civilized world for uncivilized people. They will get their dues, but I just pray that their victims and future victims have someone they can trust to help them through this horrific abuse. Thanks for everything you are doing.

Plz plz plz contact me!!!! Id love to know what u have found!!!!