I can't believe this happened, but I have recently become the OW. However, my circumstances are pretty unusual. I am 47, have been married for 22 years to my college sweetheart. My daughter just started college, and I have a 15 year old son.

The day before my daughter's high school graduation, I discovered, confronted and received confirmation that my husband is bisexual. He had been cheating on me (quick hookups with men that were only about sex) and lying to me for years. We have been going to a therapist all summer, and I have come to understand that as awful as all of this was, he didn't do it to hurt me. It's just a part of who he was, and I'm not judgmental of him. And he was lying to help preserve the marriage. We have come to an understanding and have worked hard to keep our marriage and our rediscovered intimacy intact.

In an effort to enter my husband's world, I suggested that maybe we could try a 3some, with a bisexual man who could please us both. My husband placed an ad, and we got responses over 40 responses, many from guys who I thought were completely unacceptable ("You are so picky!" complained my husband), but the response from one man was my favorite from the beginning. He was older than the average guy, had experience with couples, and from the photo he sent, he was extremely sexy and totally my type.

There was just an electrical attraction between me and the MM from the moment he walked in the door. (My husband wasn't turned on by him, for which I am grateful.) I have since learned that my MM is not bisexual... in his prior experience with couples, both men had focused on the woman. It was clear that wouldn't be the case this night, so he did have some minor sexual contact with my husband, but he didn't really want to. Just felt like he had to in order to be a part of this scenario. I'm sure he would be happy to never repeat that part of our 3some again. Nonetheless, that night I felt like a kid in the candy store. Two beautiful men who both wanted me.

After it was over and he left, seeing the obvious (I was weak at the knees after the MM gave me a smoking good-bye kiss) my husband said, "if you want to meet alone with him, I'm okay with that." My husband gave him my cell phone number and we began texting. We have since met by ourselves twice and it is making me happier than I ever thought possible. My husband knows, likes him as a person, and completely approves. He knows whenever MM comes over during the day ("tell him I said 'hi'" said my husband, the first time MM came over), and asks me how it went afterwards. Yes, it's strange, but it's also comforting too... that I'm getting all of this and I'm not lying or cheating on my husband.

Apparently, MM and his wife had once tried doing a couples sex thing, and she really didn't like it On the night of our 3some, he told her he was going to a poker game. No, MM's wife doesn't know what is happening between us, but this isn't the first time he has done something like this. So if they get divorced, I don't really think it will be my fault (my therapist agrees). Clearly, something is going on between them that has nothing to do with me, or else he wouldn't be looking elsewhere. I don't think either of us want to split up with our spouses over this. But we have incredible chemistry when we are together.

I used to think that monogamy was the only way to go. 47 years of believing something takes awhile to disassemble. But now I honestly believe it's not natural to be with one person your whole life... so few animals in the animal kingdom stay with one partner their entire lives. My MM and I have talked about it, and I truly believe that as long as he is still going home to his wife and she is still #1 for him, they are having a good sex life, he and I are being safe, and he's getting something from me that she doesn't give him which makes him happy... well, if she doesn't know about it, then is she truly being hurt? 3 months ago I would have said yes, but now I don't think she is.

It took me awhile before I realized I was the OW. I don't think poorly of his wife, but I also don't really want to hear about her too much. (Just like I don't tell him much about my kids... it's not so sexy.) I find myself thinking about my MM entirely too much... he gives me more pleasure than my husband ever did (because my husband is bi, and has stronger attraction for men, there are certain things he just doesn't want to do with me). But my MM and I are also becoming good friends too. It started off just being about sex, but it has quickly developed into something a bit more. My heart jumps the minute I see a text from him... I feel like I am 15 again.

I have no idea how long things will last between me and my MM. It's probably doomed from the beginning, but I will always be grateful for the gift he has given me... reminding me that I am beautiful, desirable, and capable of so much.

Please don't flame me... I am new to all of this and just sharing my story.
Calliekita Calliekita
46-50, F
Aug 22, 2014