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Confused

hi all, I am in a very big dilemma or even trying not to see or see what is there. Wondering if if anyone can shine some light and advice on the situation. I'm 31 and he is 51 we started working together recently and from my point we hit it off very well. We got along right from day one. He became very touchy with me at first but since I was not responding to it he moved back a little. I wanted to respond but was scared to do so. He went away on a business trip few weeks back, and kept emailing me and calling and asking if next time I will go with him. I eventually said maybe and his response was "that's what I wanted to hear". There were other comments that were made towards me through out. Well everything changed yesterday we went out for lunch and during that time he started to talk about his marriage and how him and his wife are different and totally opposite of each other. How they just don't do things together anymore etc. He asked if I wanted to have more kids (I have two and he has three) I am in a marriage as well that is not working the way it should. he told me that I am an attractive woman. After lunch he dropped me off at the office and told me to go home while he went back to work. I know being TOW is not an easy thing and it can change everything. But I'm trying to figure out his intentions... maybe I am a little naive and perhaps don't want to see what is really there. but in your honest opinion from all your experience do you thing that he wants something else rather then a business relationship. I told him yesterday that I wanted to leave my position as I don't think I am the right person for that. He said that I can't leave him now and he knows that I am the right person and he wants me to work with him and he is willing to pay me more if I were to stay. I do find him attractive and being with him is great. He also said that he will bring these things for me as he got it for his wife and she didn't't want them.  I want to pursue this further but what should my next move be and is he really interested? Thanks A

aryanna aryanna 31-35, F 20 Responses May 22, 2010

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He wants what you can give him. He wants sex outside his marriage. Simply that, if he can get it.
He will nurture you teasing and testing various ways in a World of discovery (for him) to find out what your responses will be in certain situations until he eventually cracks his nut.
I am not warning you away but merely letting you know, what I know, he is doing. If you fancy a fling you may enjoy it, but then again may not either. This is all besides the effect such a relationship may have on both marriages if you do go on with it.
One thing is sure, if you stay where you are and the advances continue then an affair will undoubtedly prevail, so be prepared.

Not judging you or anything I would leave him alone he wants more from you than to work for or with him worse case senerio suppose you took him up on his offer & he said it's not working out & fires you then what you got used abused manipulated & your husband divorces you you need to focus on your own marriage do what is best for your marriage you can't trust men or women who cheats on their spouse lying goes with cheating he lies to the women who made vows to him how important are you leave him alone

it will be okay :)

Stay away. Extra pay is not worth yourself esteem. Guys only cheat because they find someone who is willing to cheat with them. You have kids, think about them. They need a mom who is going to be there (mentally) for them. If it goes sour, what then? He's not leaving, you are. You get used to that extra pay and when you don't have it, then what? Stay away from him, remember you have more to lose than he does.

Run!!!!!!!!!!!! I fell right into a relationship like the one you might be headed into and let me tell you that once you are in, it is almost impossible to break away. Your emotions get involved and then you can't break it off. It has been a year for me and the man I am seeing makes it clear that he will never leave his wife but still I stupidly take whatever time he offers me and let myself feel awful and hurt and used. If you haven't been physical yet, please please hear me and do NOT go any further. It almost always ends in disaster.

This is not a good idea, aryanna. I have a feeling that you're going to get in over your head with this guy. If you want a roll in the hay, pick up someone in a club and do what you want, and then don't see him again. Don't do this with your boss at work... it's just too foolish.

Have you considered that he maybe going through a middle age crisis? He wanted more out of life at this time in his life and is now trying to grab it with a woman that is receptive to his advances. <br />
A relationship with him may be exciting and fun. And if that is all you are looking for then you probably will not be disappointed. However, if you are looking for a larger commitment you may be hurt. <br />
Have you considered he has a lot to loose financially if he left his wife for you? Do you really believe he will leave her for you? There are twenty years differences in your ages, you still have a lot to experience to even close to the mental experience he has. When you are 41 he will be 61 the age close to retirement and you will be in your prime. You will desire to get away on weekends, go on vacations, and maybe even go to parties. He will want to start slowing down and spending time less active events. At 51, he will be 71 and you will still be in your prime. You are an adult, the choice about starting a relationship with him is yours, just remember all choices come with a price, and only you can determine if the price is worth it. It your marriage is in the dumps, you may desire to seek marriage counseling, it helps in about 35% of al the problem marriages. <br />
From my heart, I wish you the best in your life.

You are 31 years old and married with children!! Are you really THAT naive? The guy is a first class jerk who wasted no time in coming on to someone young enough to be his daughter for goodness sake!! Sure age doesn't matter that much but vows should and you've both made them.. I don't think people really listen to the wedding vows that they say "I Do" to. If he were that unhappy with his wife he would have already left her!! Seems from his actions at the restaurant that his wife probably is aware of the kind of man she's married to and has chosen to stay with him despite it. My husband (Legally still at least) has been living off and on with another woman for convenience and because I couldn't take living with a cheat who continued to cheat after swearing he wouldn't.) I let him come back homes several times in the past but it never felt right again and he continued to lie (which I cannot Stand! so I kept making him leave and eventually just gave up trying to salvagean that we had and figured out I am better off alone that with someone I have to worry about where he is and if he's lying. I think I have the best in the situation... she has to take care of him, wash his clothes, cook for him and be where he expects her to be. I take care of myself and don't have anything to worry bout but me. He still cares for me and anytime I need anything he's there for me...(I know he's had to lie to her about what's happened to some of the money he's given me) He still says he loves me and still tries to talk me into romantic interludes. I find it upsetting when he does as I"ve told him I will not be the other woman with my own husband. I haven't bothered to divorce him as i"m in no rush to find anyone and he doesn't really want me to.. He keeps telling me I shouldn't divorce him so that I can draw his Social Security when I'm old enough to retire.. We have three sons and were married 21 years when this all first started. It's been 12 years and he still does not want a divorce and has no plans to marry this woman. In fact, she waits on him hand and foot and he drinks to excess any time he feels like it and is abusive to her in many ways,.She is on disability and get p pain meds which he takes most of despite her being in pain... (Sounds like a real prince, huh?) The thing is, he's just like everyone else.. he has lots of flaws but does have good points... I just can't stand the flaws long enough to enjoy the good points. (Most of his problems have to do with addiction to alcohol. (which he had overcome for over 10 years and also he takes pain medication much more than he should) and he also started gambling. He's just let his addictions take him over and she feeds them,, in fact like I said she gives him most of her pain meds which she really needs.. she also will let him bring his drinking buddies around and she'll cook for all of them.. anything he wants he gets and still he calls me to check on me and see if I need things and tells me he loves me so if I were you, I'd get away from this guy and the job and put my energy into trying to make my marriage what it should be or at least the best it can be.

Here is a little update to the story. nothing was happening since last time I wrote. Well this past week it was my b-day. He asked where I was going and I told him what place, he then said that one of his friends his this place uptown and if we want (my friend and I) he will arrange it for us. So I agreed and he made the reservations for us under his name. When he emailed me to confirm the reservations I asked if he will stop by to say hi as he said he will be around the corner having dinner with his friend. He said maybe. Well we get to the restaurant and about 10 minutes after getting to our table he comes over and gives me a kiss on both cheeks and says happy birthday. chats for few minutes and goes off to sit a table diagonal from ours which he can see us at all times. As the night continued he came over one more time and chatted with us to see if we like the place etc. when we were ready to leave the waiter said that he covered all of our wine.... there was a lot of it.. so when leaving the restaurant we went over to say bye and say thanks he then introduces me to his friend and his wife, who by the way did not look impressed. He also kissed me on the cheek right in front of her. on our way home he texted me and asked if I like the place. We texted each other few times during the night. I don't get his behaviour at all. I could perhaps understand it if we worked with each other for a long time but it has only been two months. He said he is taking me out for lunch this week as he couldn't last week. I don't really want to go now since he covered off a very large bill last night. Any opinions?

If yOur going to do this you get whAt you deserve what goes around comes around you will reap what you sow

If you go down this road you will reap what you sow what goes around comes around suppose your husband is doing the same thing your doing would you appreciate it would you be heart broken men don't respect women that they cheat on their wives with rember this if they cheat with you they will cheat on you

Seriously, if you want to make YOUR marriage what it used to be when you fell in love, go to www.MarriageBuilders.com. It'll take some work, but it WILL happen if you decide you want to fall back in love with you husband, no matter how impossible it seems.<br />
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Think about it - wouldn't you rather be head-over-heels in love with the father of your children, instead of a stranger? Can you imagine how great life at home would be?<br />
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Give it a try - it' can't hurt :-)

I hate to tell you this but this man is just looking for a good time in the sack cause maybe his wife is in menopause. He probably goes home and kisses his wife hello and asks he what is for dinner. Men may have affairs but they love their wives. Sex is different to men than women. To men it is getting off. To women it is more emotional than that. Women read more into it and think Love. Do not waste valuable time on this man. Quit that job and go far away from him. When you do that you will feel a relief and be proud of yourself It is sometimes easy to get a crush on an older man that gives you attention. He is flattered too. HIs ego swells and so does something else. He will not respect you and will expect you to be there at his beck and call. When holidays come around he will be home with his wife while you sit alone at home or drive by his house. Please get away from him.

Ugh, well, to answer your question, yes... of course he's interested. Interested in what is more of the question... You can hit it off with guys who will call you attractive! Does not mean to try and pursue a MM, while you yourself are married with children. Your marriage isn't what it should be? MAKE IT WHAT IT SHOULD BE! This is classic beginnings of broken marriages. Lack of effective communication. He seems rather manipulative, which kind of made me cringe. I really hope you don't get tied into an adulterous relationship... they're no cake-walk. Good luck!

At first I was thinking your relationship related to mine. She's 30 I'm 50. She is a widow and I have never been married. But then I read the whole thing. My advice run don't walk away from this jerk. These are the guys that give us all a bad name. Work on the marriage that you have and if it can not be saved then end it and then start looking. This guy is a classic user and will never leave his wife because it will be way to expensive.<br />
What kind of business man his he is he always above board, straight and honest or does he play the edges tells alot about a guy.

If you weren't around, he would be making the moves on someone else. And no doubt is anyway.

Only you can make the dicision to follow your heart but I will tell you my experience and maybe it will help you see more clearly. Last year when I was 34, I fell for a coworker that was 50 and we were both married and both unhappy and we began a emotional relationship because we never had sex but we both thought we were in love. My husband had been away during my relationship with this man and about 2 weeks before he was due to come home, this man tells me that he wants to make it work with his wife. Don't get me wrong because I was at fault too and we both didn't know what we wanted at first but I fell in love and it crushed be and destroyed my marriage and he stayed with his wife. Married men don't leave their wives! Protect your heart because it has taken me over a year to get over him and I'm still not completly over him. I truly loved him. Alot happened because his wife found out and I had told my husband plus we still work together. Just remember, Married men don't leave their wives!

If it were a question to me I would suggest to fix the marriage you have or end it before even considering another one. If it is just a thrill ride your interested in then you can find that anywhere with no strings attached. <br />
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In such a situation as yours, someone will definitely get hurt badly, are you ready for that or are you ready to accept the consequences for that? <br />
For every action there is a reaction and this can lead to a very lasting one given that both parties have children involved.<br />
Nothing personal, just saying..

He wants to have fun, and you like the attention, so you are basically being seduced by him. He knows EXACTLY what he is doing, and it's not his first time doing it. He is playing games, and knows that if you work together, you'll be "sucked in" for good. It is very appealing to get this kind of attention, and feel like you are attractive, needed, and appreciated. It's normal, and that's how 99% of the affairs start. 99% also end up with a heartbreak, because the woman usually gives it her all, while the man is just enjoying a little side dish, and gives his family his "all". <br />
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Do NOT allow someone to be your priority, while allowing yourself to be their option.<br />
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Please read the following (links), so you know how the affairs evolve and progress, and how they end. --- http://www.helium.com/items/883712-being-the-other-woman<br />
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Then go to www.MarriageBuilders.com, and read the "Infidelity" section, to find out how to PREVENT an affair, if you feel like you're getting sucked into one and it's out of your control.<br />
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Believe me, we all speak from experience...<br />
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And read the stuff below, as well:<br />
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When you carry negative beliefs about love, relationships, and yourself, you inadvertently end up choosing partners and relationships that reflect these things, not challenge them.<br />
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When you have little or no boundaries in relationships, you open yourself up to, at best, being taken advantage of and at worst being abused. It’s like wearing a sign saying ‘Kick me, disrespect me, do as you please. I’ll still be here’. We all need limits, otherwise we have no opt-out point.<br />
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Having little or no foundations as a basis for a relationship means that you love and trust blindly, and choose to stay in a relationship for illusionary reasons. You love, and choose to love and stay, before you actually have evidence that suggests that you should.<br />
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When contradicting words with having inconsistent actions, it shows that neither has any real meaning. When we listen to words and ignore real actions, we dine off illusions.<br />
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Betting on “potential” means that you ignore someone’s consistent behavior, and decide you know better, rather than adjust your ‘vision’ and ‘expectations’ to something more realistic, just because it doesn’t suit your agenda.<br />
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Over-thinking and over-discussing, to the point of not actually doing anything, means that you render yourself immobile, by stalling to make a decision and delaying taking action.<br />
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Loving people unconditionally even when they have little or no love, care, trust, and respect for you means that you love without any care for yourself in the hope it’ll be reciprocated.<br />
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Projecting our vision of things, and sticking with it even when we have real evidence contradicting our views, means that we have ‘fake’ relationships.<br />
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Expecting things & qualities from people that we either aren’t, don’t have ourselves, or should be providing for ourselves, means we create unrealistic expectations, and are therefore setting ourselves up to fail at relationships.<br />
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Accepting lies, ridiculous statements, and outrageous behavior means you invite illusions into your life, live in denial, and don’t value honesty.<br />
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If we choose partners that respect our boundaries and act with love, care, trust, and respect as part of their general character, these people are far more likely to yield a decent relationship because it’s not a stretch to behave decently – it’s part of their core behavior because, they act with integrity and strong values in all areas.<br />
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Getting out of the comfort zone is painful, and for most people there first has to be a very painful experience, followed by a huge crisis, before they say: “I can’t go on like this”, “I can’t live like this any more”, etc.<br />
That which you don’t hate, you learn to tolerate.<br />
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The No Contact Rule will stop you from ruling out all your options by fighting the compulsion to make him, the relationship, and your pain, the only option.<br />
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Chasing someone who doesn’t love you back, or doesn’t want you in the way that you want them, or even recognize your value, is exhausting. Get your energy, your sanity, your self-esteem, and your power back - so that you can live.<br />
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By engaging in this “getting a guy to make you the exception” behavior, and making them the exception by creating different rules or removing limits, you end up living inconsistently with your own value system, as well as create inner turmoil that fuels your unhappiness.<br />
Many people operate off the ‘they have their good points’ concept, and even if it’s 10%, they ignore the other very worrying 90%…<br />
Let’s be real – it’s pretty ‘exceptional’ for someone to radicalize themselves, and take such a massive leap in character.<br />
I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. However, maybe it’s time to worry about why you need someone so lacking in basic character and relationship decency.<br />
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Life is full of problems - we deal with the hurt from the past and with current issues. If we start worrying about problems that might happen in the future, but most likely won't, then our lives will be full of problems (most of them not even relevant). We have only one life and we should use it to enjoy it and be as much carefree as we can.<br />
Just make a decision to not worry about things that haven't happened (another betrayal or affair). Just make a decision to not worry about what happened in the past, and you can no longer change no matter what you do (ex-betrayal or ex-affair). If the present is good, just relax and feel the beauty of life. You never know what the future brings. While you worry about one thing, worse things happen or everything could turn out to be great.<br />
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10 LESSONS TO BE LEARNED FROM TIGER WOODS’ SCANDAL<br />
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-things-you-can-learn-about-cheating-from-the-tiger-woods-saga/<br />
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1. Cheats are image obsessed<br />
A lot of people who cheat, you would never have guessed at their capacity for duplicity, and often it’s not because you’ve been making a lot of assumptions, but because they have carefully cultivated an image amongst those around them. The key to the ’success’ of the Cheater is to not be found out by those around him, and to have his ‘reputation’ damaged. In fact, they can often cope with being caught, as long as no-one else finds out. Often they believe they can talk their way out of the situation, and even attempt to silence those around them so they can keep up the facade.<br />
Many wonder why someone gets married if they’re not the committing kind. Because it suits them to cheat, but having the appearance of stability relieves some of the pressure, especially for public figures. They may have a huge capacity for deceit, and appearing stable and ‘normal’ is important to their image.<br />
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2. Never assume that the woman who ‘gets’ him has won<br />
So many readers wonder ‘Why her, and not me?’ . If you’ve ever lamented why your ex left you to go back to his wife/girlfriend, or why he left to go back to the woman he cheated on you with, ask yourself if anyone else really wins with a cheat that hasn’t changed? Where is the comfort in knowing you ‘won’, albeit he’s still shagging around? The only person who’s in a win-win situation is the cheat. To every woman who has ‘lost’ her Cheater to someone else, one day you’ll realize you made a lucky escape.<br />
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3. Power can be a dangerous thing as you can become narcissistic and assume you’re invincible<br />
I haven’t the remotest interest in golf, but I know enough to respect Tiger’s sporting achievements, although that’s as far as it goes. But he, like a lot of men who find themselves with a lot of power, doesn’t know where to draw the line and thinks he’s getting away with ‘it’. Powerful people who have run away with themselves, believing the magnitude of their power and money makes them invincible, and then find themselves being a cheat taking more risks, will actually enjoy the thrill and the knowledge that they appear to be outwitting everyone around them.<br />
They’re playing truant on the persona that everyone else knows, and of course, they’re playing hooky on their relationships.<br />
Cheaters are passive-aggressive – they let you think that they’re in a relationship with you, nodding their head, agreeing, and making the right noises, and then they sneakily go ahead and do exactly what they want to do.<br />
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4. Those who doth protest too much have more steps to fall down the ladder of pride<br />
In Tiger’s case , who knows who is responsible for cultivating his lily-white image? There are many PR wheels turning around him, and the press projects a certain image. However, much like those who doth protest too much about how nice they are, what a family person, good, generous, whatever, when you keep saying it or feel the need to keep putting it out there, when you take a fall of disgrace, you take a long fall. With the guy that’s an “out and proud” assclown, even though he’s undoubtedly wrong, it’s not really that surprising when he cheats, but the ‘good ones’ are a mega surprise, and will invite even more speculation and outrage.<br />
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5. A guy that wants to cheat will cheat<br />
You can put all the sex on a plate that you want, cater to his every need, and attempt to never put one foot wongly in front of the other foot. But a guy who gets his thrills from being on the down low, shagging around, will soon get bored even with the woman he believed was perfect for him and might make him change his ways. Just ask Halle Berry…<br />
They don’t need a reason to cheat – they just do it because they can, and they believe they are bigger and cleverer than those around them. They’re reactive, and just like when I talk about how Mr. Unavailable’s are reactive and might like strawberry ice-cream at 12pm, hate it at 3pm, and then say it’s the most amazing thing at 6pm, the Cheat is just riding with the feeling, living in the moment. For them it’s “out of sight, out of mind”, and they lack empathy for the people they have the capacity to hurt the most.<br />
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6. The habitual cheater will actually keep doing it for as long as they can get away with it<br />
Let me be real – if he hadn’t got busted, I doubt he would’ve turned up, with a cap in hand, making a confession. Whilst some get sloppy in the hopes of getting caught, so that they can end their main relationship and be ’set free’, someone who’s cheating with a number of people is doing it for kicks. Should they be caught, the main relationship will temporarily seem attractive, because with it being in danger of being lost, the fear of being out of control gets mistaken for the desire they experience with the chase. With the habitual cheaters, when they say they’re sorry, what they really mean is that they’re sorry they got found out.<br />
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7. Where there is one woman ready to be a booty call mistress, there are often others<br />
Or at least women claiming to be the ‘others’…<br />
If they can cheat, they can cheat on you. Never assume that you’re the only person he’s cheating with and that he’s just dishonest with his wife/girlfriend. To cheat, they have to lie to everyone around them. If you’ve ever thought that being one of several women is attractive just look at the prideless mess that is the women flocking around professing to be Tiger’s mistresses. I would be embarrassed to admit that I was one in a long line!<br />
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8. When the cheat gets caught, the illusions built up around them come down like a house of cards<br />
The duplicity involved in being a cheat means that when they are caught, everything built around them comes crashing down, removing the very foundations you believed your relationship to be built upon. Everything gets called into question, and what makes their behavior so devastating is that you’ve both been operating under different sets of circumstances – you think you’re together, but they’ve been flying solo.<br />
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9. To be a cheat, you need to be a good liar and very deceitful<br />
No matter what story gets spun to you about why they’re cheating, don’t be fooled and trick yourself into believing that you’re involved with an honest cheat – there’s no such thing! They don’t just lie to you, they lie to themselves! Some people cheat and quickly realize that they’re not cut out for the stress of leading double lives. They’re still in the wrong, but they get out and attempt to sort out their trouble. Others realize that they have a great capacity for having their cake and eating it too, and come up with more and more ways to have cake. They don’t feel guilty – they do what works for them, saying and doing what they need, to get what they want. They let you think that there are possibilities where there are no possibilities. Often they believe their little fantasies, but in reality they often know that unless something catastrophic happens, they’re not leaving their main relationship. The guy who has mistresses dotted all over the place, is just someone getting his rocks off with cheap thrills.<br />
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10. Often the clue to our relationship behavior lies in our past<br />
There has been some talk of Tiger’s own late father cheating on his mother, something he seemingly deplored. And yet, clearly he hasn’t dealt with his issues, or learned from these experiences as he’s ended up doing the very thing he’s supposed to hate. Interestingly he’s said that his mum was the boss of the household which certainly feeds into the idea of playing hooky and passive aggressively showing who’s really in charge, which is exactly what Tiger (and anyone else who cheats) has been doing to his wife. Many of us learn our relationship beliefs from our parents and obviously if they are negative, they can leave us with a nasty hangover that feeds into an ongoing pattern. Maybe he’s afraid of permanency? Maybe he’s afraid of being bored? Maybe he’s afraid of feeling owned, tied down, whatever. The cheater can really only address their behavior and beliefs that feed into this deceptive relationship behavior. Until then, they’re fooling everyone, including themselves. Often it takes major consequences to bring about change – maybe the recent embarrassment will be enough.<br />
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“CHEATER”<br />
The Mr. Unavailable that cheats is a special breed. This guy has made it down the aisle or appears to be in some form of committed relationship (or at least his partner thinks so!). But this doesn’t make him any less emotionally unavailable.<br />
The mistake that the Other Woman makes with these men is assuming that because these men appear to be committed to someone else, that these are the type of men that commit, and that they’ll eventually commit to her.<br />
The trouble with The Cheater is that he is very good at distancing himself from the reality of his behavior. I’m not claiming that they don’t realize that they are sticking it to someone else, but for most cheaters, it gets rationalized so that they don’t get to feel too bad about themselves. Trust me; if they faced the reality of what they were doing to the person that they’re cheating on, and what they’re doing to the Other Woman, they’d bail out far quicker. It’s the ability to delude themselves and romanticize the situation that keep things ticking over for so long.<br />
Men, just like women, are privy to the same pressures from their peers, family, and societal expectations. They find themselves trying to do not what they want to do, but what they believe they ought to do. So you’ll often find that The Cheater can be a high achiever, or certainly aspire to the great things in life and in some jobs. They seem to be men that appear to have all of their bases covered, are settled, and can climb the career ladder quicker.<br />
The Cheater will play the dutiful boyfriend or husband, but after a while, he needs to distance himself from what appear to be the shackles of his relationship. He needs to blow off steam. He needs to believe that he’s still got the magic. He needs to escape.<br />
Whatever it is that causes him to find himself as The Cheater, he becomes like a little boy playing truant, believing that he’s getting one over on everyone around him, and outwitting them all. He thinks he’s really clever, and he actually convinces himself that he behaves as he does because it’s in everyone’s interest to protect them from the truth. In reality, he’s just excusing himself from the responsibility of his behavior, much like he’s decided to excuse himself from the responsibility of his relationship.<br />
You may wonder what runs through his mind and whether he intentionally goes out of his way to deceive the women he entangles in his web. I think at the beginning, and certainly for the first few months, maybe even a year, he believes what he is saying about wanting to be with you and wanting the time to be right and yada, yada, yada. In reality, he is too caught up in the thrill, the excitement, the escapism, and having his ego massaged, to actually genuinely concern himself with the finer details.<br />
He’s just reacting to his urges and his instincts and unless he’s a total bastard, sometimes he feels genuinely conflicted about what he’s doing.<br />
He’s like a scared little boy who doesn’t know how to make a decision, because he is afraid of betting at the wrong table, and he would rather have both than have just one that he’s not sure of. He likes cheating or should I say, he likes the results of it, and as the Other Woman, you fit in really well with his life because you quickly adopt his schedule, making things so easy for him. He’s getting what he wants from both of you.<br />
Do not make the mistake of thinking that one of you is giving him what he really needs. Don’t get it twisted! No matter what crap he tells you about his problems at home and how he didn’t see himself doing it, that situation at home works for him. You have no idea what his true experience is, and at the end of the day, whether he’s got a girlfriend, living together, married, kids, waiting for them to go to college, waiting for a kid to go to school, waiting for her to get over depression, waiting for her inheritance to come through - it works for him. No matter what he says, it is an excuse to continue the charade because the reality is that there are two types of men - men who cheat, and men who won’t The latter are men who meet you they’re in a relationship, but their conscience and morals won’t allow them mess around on either one of you, so they sort out their lives and take a chance on being with you.<br />
The Cheater cheats everyone around him, while the Other Woman tends to focus on him deceiving others to be with her. She doesn’t spend enough time considering that he has to deceive her, too, in order to deal with his other life.<br />
They learn very quickly to leave out important parts of their lives because they don’t want to set you off on a “When are you leaving her?” tangent. There is no escaping their deception, and what you have to accept is that they deceive everyone including themselves, so very little truth comes out of their mouths or actions. They mean what they say as much as you can mean anything when you have a total disconnect from who you are.

I used to be the other woman as well. Our situations are quite similar. At the time, I was 31, and he was 43. My marriage, like yours, "wasnt it what it should be".. What ensued was a torrid full blown affair of 2 years, but eventually I broke it off when his TRUE colors shined through. He says he wanted to marry me, for me to leave my husband, etc.. But deep down, I knew that what i had was better than the promises he was offering. <br />
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Trust me.. What you are feeling right now, is pure emotion, but there is very little substance behind, no matter how real it feels. For a married guy to be hitting on a married woman, he knows there is a weak spot and he is exploiting it. Putting energy in this affair, will only make your situation worse, no matter how "fun" it may seem. <br />
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In the end, when you fall, and trust me, you will fall HARD, will be alot WORSE than elation you feel from this alliance. Know that.. <br />
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This guy, can not be trusted. He is filled with lies. If he truly wanted to leave his wife, because they no longer have anything in common, he would do so. But instead he is playing the cowardly role. <br />
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If you want a roll in the hey, just for memories sake, do not get entangled with THIS guy. You work with him. <br />
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Keep it professional. Or become his friend if you so inclined, but do not go any further. <br />
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If its attention that you seek, continue to play the cat and mouse game, of "take me, no, you can not have me".. thats probably the thrill in all this at least for him.. but harmless flirting is just harmless flirting. <br />
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Trust me.. I feel so much better at putting the energy into my less than perfect marriage, then fooling around on the side, with a guy who is just pretending to be my fantasy.

If you want some advice, here's some advice - if I can spare you the pain I am in, it woiuld make me feel so much better. i'm Married. I had a five-year affair with a man who I thought would "choose" me; life would be great, etc. and guess what - it never happens that way. It ended HORRIBLY and I'm a wreck. Who wants that to happen? I would like to help you

Don't take this any further than just a professional relationship. You're story is almost the same as mine...only I was dumb enough to think i could just "have fun" with it. I got sucked in. And of course he is "fond of me." <br />
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Mine has had all sorts of ups and downs with me...one moment he wants to take it back to just a friendship, the next he is wildly attracted to me. AND the fact that I work with him makes it harder to just walk away. He is now my boss (wasn't when we started up.)<br />
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If you really don't feel like you want to be in your job; leave. Do not stay for him. You have a rough road ahead if you pursue anything with this man...lots of high highs' and very low lows. And a lot of stress. And I hate to generalize, but at 51 he's not going to leave his wife. Mine is 50...he will never leave either or else he'd done so by now.<br />
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they want to have a nice time with us, and leave it at that. Unfortunately our emotions often get the best of us.<br />
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Good luck.