I Was A Carer To My Husband And I Had An Affair

I WAS MARRIED FOR 22YR......... TWO BEAUTIFUL BOYS 15 AND 20. WHERE DO I BEGIN.......? I MARRIDE A MAN I SUPPOSE THAT I WAS NEVER IN LOVE WITH.. MY FIRST BOYFRIEND .. SO YES I WOULD SAY IT WAS LUST .. NOT LOVE.. I HAD NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND AT H SCHOOL SO WHEN I MET MY HUSBAND I WAS VERY SHY AND HE WAS VERY CONTROLING AND JEALOUSE .. BUT A GOOD FATHER TO THE BOYS .THE SIX MONTHS AFTER WE HAD GOT MARRIED WAS THE DAY I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNET AND HE WAS ALSO TOLD HE HAD  .. M.S AS THEY CALL IT SO LIFE BECAME VERY HARD FOR US ALL .. I LOST A HUSBAND AND I BECAME A CARER .. TO EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE ...I HAD JOINED A BOWLING TEAM FOR AN OUT LET AND MET SOME LOVELY PEOPLE.. ONE PERSON IN PARTICULAR .COUPLE .. AND I WAS ATTRACTED TO HIM THE VERY FIRST TIME I SAW HIM ............ AND THAT WAS ALL IT WAS .. I KNEW HE WAS MARRIED AND WOULD NEVER GO THERE ...THEY CAME INTO OUR GROUP OF FRIENDS .. HE DID NOT PLAY .BOWLING AS HE WORKED AND SHE WAS THE ONE THAT JOINED OUR TEAM
OVER THE YEARS WE ALL WOULD GO OUT AND WE HAD A GREAT GROUP OF FRIENDS .. AND WE WOULD GO AWAY TOGETHER ........NO WE WERE STILL ONLY FRIENDS AT THIS TIME BUT THE ATTRACTION GREW .. WE GOT ON SO WELL AND YES WE PROB FLERTTED WITH EACH OTHER .. ( long story but i was single by the time we got together)

HE WAS SO LIKE ME .. HAPPY GO LUCKY .. LOVED LAUGHING AND ENJOYING LIFE..HIS WIFE A HOME BODY DIDNT HAVE VERY MANY FRIENDS AND WAS VERY INTO BEING A GRANDMAR. I WAS 40 AND HE WAS 52
I WAS VERY LONELY AND VERY SAD ... IN MY LIFE .I HAD A HUSBAND THAT HAD MS... HE HAD HAD IT FOR 20YS IN OUR MARRIAGE AND I HE WAS SO ANGREY HATEFUL AND COULD NOT EXCEPT THAT HE HAD AN ILLNESS.......OUR SEX LIFE WAS NILL ..I WOULD SAY NO TO SEX.. THIS WAS ON MY PART ( THE ILLNESS HAD EFFECTED EVERYTHING . SO IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT IN THAT AREA) AND I DIDNT LOVE HIM AT ALL BUT I FELT I HAD NO WAY OUT OF MY LIFE ... HOW DO YOU LEAVE A MAN THAT IS IN A WHEEL CHAIR ... . ANYWAY .. AT NIGHT I WOULD CHAT TO FAMILY ON HOTMAIL .. AND ONE NIGHT I GOT A REQUEST TO ADD THIS MAN TO MY LIST OF FRIENDS .. SO I DID .. AND THIS IS WHERE IT BEGAN A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP ....... HE BECAME SOMEONE I COULD TALK TO .. CONFIDE IN .. WELL ONE NIGHT HE MUST OF BEEN DRINKING AND HE SAID SOMETHING THAT SHOCKED ME .. BUT I ALSO WAS VERY FLATTERED HE HAD SAID WHAT HE DID ..AND FROM THEN ON IT BECAME VERY SEXUAL TALK ...... AND IT FELT SO EXCITING . IT FELT GOOD .. I HAD NEVR FELT THIS WAY .. EXCITED ABOUT SEX .. AND IT WAS ONLY TALKING ... ANYWAY ONE NIGHT WE MET AND HE KISSED ME FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME ........ I JUST MELTED IN HIS ARMS ....... I HAD NEVER FELT ANYTHING LIKE THIS FOR ANYONE .. IT BLEW ME AWAY AND THE REST IS HISTORY ........ IN THE LAST YEAR AND A 1/2 THAT WE WERE TOGETHER WE SPOKE ALMOST EVERY DAY .. WE WERE ALMOST LIKE A COUPLE .. WE WALKED AT NIGHT .. SWIM ..WENT AWAY ON DAY TRIP MOTORBIKE RIDES .SPEND A NIGHT IN A HOTEL ROOMS ..WE HAD A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER . I EVEN FLEW DOWN TO MEET HIM AS HE WAS COMING BACK FROM A TRIP .. AND WE MEET UP .... WE DID EVERYTHING SHE AND HIM DIDNT DO ... WE HAD BEEN TOGETHER FOR OVER 3YRS .. AND I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM .........(his life with her .. was movies coffee .. and yes they went away together alot .. as he worked for an AIRLINE office .. but he would say ..they just did the normal .things married couple did ..THEY DID STUFF TOGETHER BUT IT WAS ALSO .. LIKE LIVING ALONE .. AS THEY HAD BEEN MARRIED FOR SO LONG THEY HAD LOST THE ART OF TALKING AND SHE WAS NOT OUT GOING AND HE WAS).
IT BECAME SO SO HARD ....... AS I COULD NEVER RING HIM .. I COULD EMAIL HIM .. BUT I NEVER HAD THE SAY IN WHEN WE SAW EACH OTHE . HE HELD ALL THE PLAYING CARDS ... HE WOULD LEAVE ME .......... AND GO TO HER ....... IT HURT SO SO MUCH .... BUT I COULDNT LET HIM GO ..... I HAD OVER THE YEARS TRIED TO BUT WE ALWAYS GOT BACK TOGETHER.......... WE WERE A TRAIN REACK WAITING TO HAPPEN ..
IN THE TIME THAT WE WERE TOGETHER ..... THE GUILT WAS HORRIFIC BUT I LOVED HIM AND I COULDNT LET GO ........ HE SAID HE HAD FEELINGS FOR ME ....... BUT ALSO HE HAD SAID RIGHT AT THE VERY BEGINNIGN HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE HIS WIFE .... DID HE LOVE HER .......... WELL THEY HAD BEEN TOGETHER FOR 32Y OF MARRIAGE .. SO I SUPPOSE HE CARED FOR HER BUT HAD LOST THE LOVE ....... IM NOT SURE ... I GUESS SAVING FACE AND SPLITTING UP A HOME WAS ALWAYS MORE INPORTANT TO HIM ...... I SAW PARTS OF HIM I DIDNT LIKE ALSO ..... .. AND I WAS SOMEONE THAT YES I ADVENTUALLY LEFT MY MARRIAGE ........ AND WAS ON MY OWN WITH TWO BOYS .. I LEFT WITH VERY LITTLE ............ MY HUSBAND GOT MOST OF IT BECAUSE HE COULDNT WORK ...... BUT THAT WAS OK .. AS I DIDNT WANT HIM AND I TO GO THROUGHT A NASTY DIVORCE .. IT WAS BAD ENOUGHT LEAVING A MAN THAT WAS LIKE THAT ...
WELL ....... THE DAY CAME WHEN WE WERE CAUGHT .. SHE HAD HAD HER FEELINGS THAT HE WAS PLAYING UP ... HE HAD A DAY OFF AND WE HAD HAD A COFFEE THAT MORNING AND HE WAS GOING TO GO SWIMMING THAT AFTER NOON AND SAID HE WOULD COME DOWN AND SEE ME AFTER WARDS .. WELL IT TURNED OUT HE CAME STRAIGHT DOWN TO MY PLACE AND BEFORE LEAVING HE HAD ASKED HIS WIFE ........ HOW DID HE LOOK .. IN THIS NEW SHIRT .. IT WAS BLACK .....I LOVED HIM IN BLACK ...... BANG .THAT WAS THE START OF IT ..... AND HIM NOT TURNING AROUND IN THE STREET TO GO THE OPPERSIT WAY TO THE POOL ....... SHE HAD BEEN WATCHING .. AND CAME DOWN TO MY PLACE ...
IN THE TIME WE HAD BEEN TOGETHER I HAD CONFIDED IN A GIRLFRIEND THAT I NEW HAD BEEN IN A REALIONSHIP WITH A MARRIED MAN FOR 10YS SO .... I FELT I COULD TALK TO HER ABOUT HIM AND ME ......... SHE WAS SOMEONE TO TALK TO WHEN I FELT SO SAD ABOUT WHAT I WAS DOING .... YES I HAD SO MUCH GUILT BUT ... WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE .. THAT WILL NOT STOP YOU DOING THE WRONG THING ... I HAD FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN .... AND HE WAS SOMEONE THAT GOT ME THROUGH A SAD AND HORRIBLE PART OF MY LIFE ..............
WHEN WE HAD BEEN CAUGHT ........... AS THE PERSON I WAS ( I WAS SOMEONE THAT WAS VERY HONEST CARING .. AND FOR ME TO OF CHEATED .. THIS WAS NOT ME AT ALL) .. I FELT I HAD TO TELL THE FRIENDS .. THE LAST TWO THAT DIDNT KNOW .ABOUT THIS ... WE MADE UP A GROUP OF 6 ....... SO .. ME .. MYGIRLFRIEND HIM AND HIS WIFE ALREAY NEW .. AND THE OTHER COUPLE ..DIDNT ....THEY. HAD BEEN SO GOOD TO ME .. IN THE TIME I WAS WITH MY HUSBAND .. THEY HELPED ME GET THROUGH SO MUCH ... SO I FELT I WAS THE ONE TO TELL THEM THAT I HAD .......... BEEN SEEING ...... THIS MAN .. AS NOW OUR GROUP ....... WOULD END .....I WANTED TO BE THE ONE TO BREAK THE NEWS TO THEM .......NOT HIS WIFE .....I THOUGHT I OWED THEM THAT MUCH .. SO TO CUT ALONG STORY
SHORT ....... I DID ...... AS HIM AND HIS WIFE WANTED IT KEPT QUIET .. MORE HIM , SO HE AS I SAID TO KEEP FACE .. HE HAD TOLD HIS WIFE WHEN SHE CONFRONTED US THAT WE HAD BEEN SEEING EACH OTHE FOR ONLY 6MONTHS SO IT WOULD BE EASIER ON HER .. BUT I THINK MORE FOR HIM .. . ANYWAY ......OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS ...... THINGS BECAME SO BAD .. AND MY GIRLFRIEND AND I BECAME .. THE DIRTY ONES .. FROM THE TWO FRIENDS THAT DIDNT KNOW .. SO IN THE END .....SHE TOLD THE WIFE EVERY THING .. HE BECAME VERY ANGERY AT ME ......... AND THE OTHER FRIENDS .. WERE VERY HURT I HAD NEVER TOLD THEN ABOUT WHAT I WAS DOING .. .. AN AFFAIR IS NOT SOMETHING YOU GO AROUND TELLING .ABOUT ...I COUDNT OF ...... ANY WAY ..
TODAY .. I LOST MY FRIENDS ....AND THE MAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH ...... AND THE SHAME AND GUILT IS KILLING ME .......AND IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE HAS DIED .. AS I NEVER GOT TO SAY GOODBYE ....TO HIM ......... I CRY ALL THE TIME .. FOR WHAT I HAVE DONE ... TO ALOT OF PEOPLE ... BUT I ALSO KNOW ....... HE BECAME MY LIFE LINE IN A VERY UNHAPPY MARRIAGE ... AT LEAST IM FREE AND SINGEL......
THERE IS ALWAYS SO MUCH MORE TO A STORY AND AN AFFAIR .. AND YOU CAN NEVER WRITE IT ALL ........ HIM AND I BECAME LOVERS BEST FRIENDS ..WE HAD SPOKEN ABOUT IF THIS EVERY HAPPENED THAT WE WOULD NEVE HATE EACH OTHER ..IF WE BROKE UP ... WELL THAT HAS HAPPENED HE HATES ME SO MUCH FOR MAKING THIS SO MUCH WORSE FOR HIM........ HE HATES ME SO MUCH FOR TELLING MY FRIEND EVERYTHING .. AND SHE TOLD HIS WIFE.......... HE WANTED TO SLIP BACK INTO HIS MARRIAGE LIKE NOTHING HAD HAPPENED .... I LOOK BACK AND I SEE HIM NOW AS A MAN OF MANY WORDS .. HE HAS THE GIFT OF THE GAB ........ A LADIES MAN ......I WAS VERY VUNRABLE IN MY MARRIAGE ..AND I FELL FOR HIM ............ .EVERY ONE SAYS IT ..TO ME ..... BUT ME BEING ME .......... I JUST KNOW WE WERE BOTH TO BLAME ... I WAS IN A VERY SAD .. AND UNHAPPY MARRIAGE .. WHEN HE CAME ALONG .. AND I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN ............ AS FOR HIM .......... HIS MARRIAGE WAS NOT WHAT IT SEEMED ..
AS FOR NOW IT HAS BEEN ALMOST 2MONTS AND HE WOULD BE STILL LYING HIS WAY TO SAVE HIS MARRIAGE ..
I HAVE EMAILED HIM TO SAY HOW SORRY I WAS THAT I BETRAY HIS TRUST.. IN TELLING MY GIRLFRIEND ABOUT HIM ....... AS SHE WAS THE ONE THAT ENDED UP TELLING HIS WIFE EVERYTHING ....AND ALSO SPOKE TO THE FRIENDS THAT HATE ME SO MUCH NOW .. I STOOD UP TO MY MISTAKE ..AND I HAVE LOST SO MUCH FROM THIS ... I HAD TO END UP TELLING MY BOYS ........... THAT WAS SO SO HARD BUT THEY NEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG .. THIS HAS EFFECTED ME SO MUCH .. YES I KNOW SOME OF YOU WILL NEVER UNDER STAND HOW YOU CAN HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH A MARRIED MAN ... AND NEVE UNDRESTAND AND WILL CALL ME A **** AND A HOME REACKER ........ BUT GOD UNTIL YOU HAVE BEEN IN THIS SITUATION .. DONT YOU EVERY DARE TO JUDGE ...... SOMEONE ELSE ... IT JUST HAPPENED ...........I AM ME ...... WE ARE ALL HUMAN WE MAKE MISTAKES IN LIFE ...... AND IM PAYING FOR WHAT I DID ........ THE HURT AND SHAME IS KILLING ME ......... BUT WHEN I WAS WITH HIM ........... THE BLINDNESS TO WHAT YOU ARE DOING .... YOU CAN NOT SEE............ WHEN SOMEONE GIVE YOU ATTENTION AND LOVE .. WHEN IT IS MISSING IN YOUR LIFE ... AND BECOMES A LOVER AND A FRIEND ... WHEN SOMETHING FEELS SO GOOD ... DO WE STOP .......NO ........ ASK YOURSELF ....... IN LIFE WHEN .. SOMETHING FEELS GOOD ... OR MAKES YOU HAPPY .. YOU WANT IT AGAIN AND AGAIN ....... FROM
FOOD TO LOVE TO SEX ... WE ARE HUMAN .. AND THE HUMAN BODY CRAVES ........... LOVE .. AND FEELINGS OF GOOD THINGS .. SO THAT IS WHY ....... WHEN SOMETHING IN YOUR LIFE MAKES YOU FEEL HAPPY .. AND LOVED .. EVENTHOUGH ITS WRONG ........ WE DONT STOP DOING IT ........
SO PLEASE I KNOW I CAN SAY ...............DONT EVER GET INVOLVED WITH A MARRIED MAN ......... I KNOW YOU WILL BE SAYING I CANT STOP .....SEEING HIM .. YES I HAVE BEEN THERE BUT .............. THE HURT IN THE END IS SO HORRIFIC .. IT IS NOT WORTH IT ............... YOU LOOSE YOURSELF .. IN HIM .. AND WASTE SO MUCH OF YOUR LIFE IN WAITING FOR HIM ...........READ AS MUCH ABOUT BEING THE OTHER WOMEN .......... AND YOU WILL SEE A PATTERN START TO FORM SHAPE .. WE ARE THE LOOSERE IN THIS MESSSSSSSSS ....... THE MAN IS THE WINNER .. HE HAS HAD THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS ...... HE WILL GO BACK TO HIS WIFE .. AND TELL HER .. THAT WE MEANT NOTHING TO THEM .. HE WILL TELL HER HE LOVES HER SO MUCH ..
BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT ???? WE ARE THE WINNERS ........... YES IT WILL BE HARD TO MOVE ON ...... THE HURT AND THE PAIN WILL LAST FOR A LONG TIME TO COME ..
BUT WE CAN FIND LOVE ........AND HAPPENESS .. WITH A MAN THAT WANTS US ALL THE TIME ... AS FOR HIM HE WILL ......... HAVE TO LIVE WITH THERE OTHER HALFS ... FOR THE REST OF THERE LIVES ......... AND KNOW THEY ARE NOT HAPPY IN WHAT THEY HAVE .... AS MOST PEOPLE THAT DO HAVE AFFAIRS ..ARE NOT HAPPY IN THERE MARRIAGES .. THAT IS WHY IT HAPPENS ............
SO IN THAT .. THAT MAKES ME GO ON .........KNOWING HE WILL SUFFER IN BEING WITH SOMEONE HE IS NOT HAPPY WITH ........... OH THEY SAY THEY ARE ...IF THEY CAN LIE TO THEIR WIFES .. THEY LIE TO US ..............AND MOST OF ALLL TO THEMSELVES ...... DO I FEEL SORRY FOR HIS WIFE ................ YES YES AND YES .. SHE WAS THE ONE THAT DIDNT DESERVE ANY OF THIS........ BUT IM NOT THE ONE THAT WAS MARRIED TO HER ........ HE WAS ....... HE IS THE ONE THAT SHE SHOULD BLAME ..BUT THE WIFE WILL ALWAYS BLAME THE OTHE WOMEN ... GOD IF YOU ARE A WIFE READING THIS ...WAKE UP TO YOURSELF AND BLAME YOUR HUSBAND...... THEY NEED TO BE ACCOUNTIBLE FOR IT TOO... IF YOU BLAME US ... YOUR MARRIAGE WILL NEVER GET BACK ON TRACK .. BECAUSE YOU WILL FORGIVE HIM TOO EASILY AND HE WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL DO IT AGAIN ... THEY WERE NOT HAPPY SO THAT IS WHY THEY CHEAT ........ THEY WILL LIE ... SO SO MUCH TO MAKE YOU THINK THAT THEY ARE SORRY ..... YES THEY ARE SORRY ........... BUT ONLY SORRY THEY GOT CAUGTH .....
YES ME TOO............IM SORRY FOR ALL I DID ........ BUT I FACED THE PEOPLE I NEEDED TO .......AND TOLD THE TRUTH ... TO ALL ......... BUT HE IS STILL LYING
HOW AM I NOW .....STILL VERY HURT SAD ..AND YES I CRY ALL THE TIME BUT IT IS GETTING BETTER .. FOR ME .............. I FIND IF I AM BY MYSELF .......MY MIND STARTS TO THINK OF HIM .......... BUT I HAVE ALSO PUT A LOT OF THINGS DOWN IN A DIARY AND WHEN YOU LOOK BACK AND READ IT ........... YOU CANT BELEIVE WHAT SOME OF THE STUFF YOU DID ........OR WHAT HE DID TO YOU ...HOW HE TREATED YOU .. AND IT MAKES YOU SEE ...... THAT HE WAS NOT WHAT YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH ..THEY NEVER ARE .. HE WAS A COWARD AND A LOOSER ..........I STOOD UP AND NEVER HID FROM WHAT I DID ..HE WENT TO GROUND .. WHEN THERE WERE TIMES THINGS DID HAPPEN .. AS WE ALMOST GO CAUGHT A COUPLE OF TIMES ... HE WOULD HIDE AND I HAD TO DEAL WITH THE **** .. THAT IN ITS SELF SHOULD OF TOLD ME WHAT HE WAS LIKE .....I AM MOVING ON ..... AND I STILL TALK TO THE FRIEND THAT SPOKE OUT AND TOLD HIS WIFE .. SO SHE HAS BEEN GOOD TO ME ... SHE HAS STUCK BY ME ... A TRUE FRIEND WILL BE WITH YOU THROUGH GOOD AND BAD STUFF ..AND IF A FRIENDSHIP CAN STAND THAT ... THEN THEY ARE TRULEY A GOOD ..FRIENDS ...
XXX J

IT IS 3MTH NOW SINCE .. I HAVE SEEN HIM ..................HE HAS GONG BACK INTO HIS MARRIAGE LIKE NOTHING HAS HAPPENED .......... SHE HAS FORGIVEN HIM  AS ........ HE IS ONLY A MAN ............... WEAK ... AND MEN HAVE NEEDS ....AND THAT IS WHY HE HAD THE AFFAIR ... GOD IF SHE ONLY KNEW ............. ......... WHERE AS A WOMEN SHOULD KNOW BETTER ........... SO THE BLAME HAS BEEN ALL ON ME ............................. IT IS STILL VERY PAINFUL  FOR ME STILLL ............... AS HE  HAS   GO'S ABOUT HIS LIFE ...LIKE I DIDNT EVEN EXISIST ..AND THAT HURTS SO SO MUCH ......I JUST CANT BELIEVE THAT A MAN CAN ................. BE WITH A WOMEN .............AND NOT FEEL ANYTHING .......FOR HER ................ HOW DO THEY DO ...IT .................... PLEASE ........... IF ANY MEN READ THIS .............DO YOU FEEL ANYTHING FOR THE OTHER WOMEN .......OR IS IT JUST FUN AND GAMES FOR YOU ............................... I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW ................. .
jay133 jay133
41-45, F
3 Responses Jul 12, 2010

Not here to judge you at all. I do understand how easy it could be to get caught up in something like this. I hope one lesson you learned that you didn't talk about was don't tell your kids. There really is no reason for them to know. This will only lower their opinion of you & cause them pain. To often I see so many adults telling their children about their personal problems. Even if the kids are grown they just don't need to know everything about their parents personal life. When they can tell something is wrong that is normal. While I don't recomending lying as that can come back on you too, some things are just better left unsaid. best of luck in the future. We all make mistakes & life. The key is to learn from them & not repeat them.

Wow! What can I say...major mistake when dating a married man and you yourself is married is NEVER tell a soul. I am very sorry that this affair of yours had ruin so many lifes, but one must understand when dealing with married man it is the chance you are taking. Now, 3 yrs is a long time for an affair to go on so, I do understand the lost you feel. He brough you that happiness which you were seeking when your marraige itself was not working.<br />
Sounds like you had a great thing going but, somone got sloppy along the way. Take some time to think about this and maybe, you will find love again! Good Luck!

I feel so sorry you had to endure that type of pain of being dismissed by your friends. As myself it is a little different because my MM has left his marriage over a year ago and we are now together happy. From what I was reading the first mistake is that and don’t get me wrong I judge no one on anything, but when you started your affair he told you he wasn’t going to leave his wife, right there that was a red flag, because he was looking for someone on the side instead of looking for someone to find to be happy with, I’m not saying it’s right to date a married man or that it is wrong because we all make mistakes and we are all human when we are felling lack of love and feeling like we’re worth something, but when you date a married man or even a single man you look into the signs after a while if they truly want to be with you, if he is married and he says he wants out the relationship with his wife than I feel nothing is stopping anyone from leaving to be happy. When I met my married man we started out as friends and we we’re tex’n and emailing each other back and forwards all the time, and he has told me he wasn’t happy in his relationship as far as being shown affection and the sex was a big lack in his relationship, sure I felt sorry for him and I feel hard for him also but after time after that day came when we got to meet up* meaning he lived over 90 miles from me* I asked him was he sure he wanted to go throw with taking our affair to the next level, and when we did it was the best sex ever mind and body, and yes he left my house the next day and went back to his wife. But it had me thinking to myself because it was hard and it hurt to know that he was going back to being the husband to his family and I was the other woman. But I told him in time that if he really wanted to be with me and love me he would have to end that relationship because I didn’t want to be the other woman no longer, and he told me he wasn’t happy there and he wanted to start a relationship with me, so he left and long story short we are together happier than he was when he was married. My advise to you is that don’t beat yourself down hun, look at it this way, yes you gotten hurt but you also had good time being alive for the short time you we’re in that relationship. I know it’s harder than said but try not to even think about him, tell yourself look I’m not even going to say his name and it will fade away the pain and hurt that he left you feeling. You sound like a nice person and one day you will find that person that will love to have you around them just as much as you would enjoy them. It happened and you can’t change the past, but you can make your future, and you only live once and feeling sad and crying everyday isn’t a way to live. Good luck and I hope you feel better real soon.