From English Class To Love

I met my MM in high school. I was a senior and he was my english teacher. I have always been way more mature than any of my peers. When I first saw him, I thought he was incredibly handsome and I was dying to get to know him. I was doing a special community service project that require A LOT of writing and I asked him to help me. We spent a lot of time alone in his classroom and we got to know each other a little bit. Through the year, he had a lot of health problems and missed school a lot for doctors appointments and other things.
When he finally came back to school, he gave me his email address and we started emailing several times a day, then we moved to talking on the phone. He gave me his cell phone number and told me I could text him. Before long, we were texting constantly! The first half of the summer we spent texting and talking all day every day. I finally convinced him to meet me somewhere so we could talk face to face.
We met at a public park in a nearby town. The first meeting really didn't go anywhere, but the second one produced our first kiss. The meetings just escalated from there. We never had sex, but we did everything else! We were in love. We both knew it, and we were both scared of it. At the end of the summer, I met someone a little closer to my age and I broke it off with my MM..regretfully. After that, all I could do was think about him and I did everything in my power to shut him out of my heart and life. I got married. Even on my wedding day all I could think about was my MM, how he made me feel. I missed him so much. I texted him to tell hm I was getting married and he texted back asking me if that was really what I wanted. I knew it wasn't, but, I went off on him. Called him names and cussed him out because he dared to question my actions. He was right though.
A year or so passed and we had no contact. I was pregnant with my first child and my husband (military) and I had orders for an overseas tour. We welcomed our son into the world and we moved overseas. After about 6 months overseas, I couldn't take it anymore and I made a trip back to my hometown for a visit. While there, I contacted my MM. It took him a few days, but he finally contacted me back. The love hadn't died, but his trust in me did. It took me several days to convince him to meet me again, but he finally agreed. I took my son with me because I know how much he loves kids. Once again the first meeting was kinda awkward, but each meeting after that was more and more "normal". We were so in love, but I had to go back overseas to my husband. When I arrived back in the foreign country, the first thing I did was email my MM and let him know I made it safely. The time difference was 8 hours so communications was very difficult. But, we managed for a while. He stayed up really late and I got up really early to talk online and use a webcam. That only lasted for a while...then, I discovered I was pregnant with my second child. He took the news kinda hard, but we both knew that we were so in love. Eventually, our communication kinda fizzled out.
I could not stop thinking about him. I wanted him, but we were both married and now there were two small children involved. I made up my mind to forget about him once and for all! I stopped replying to his emails and didn't return his messages. It hurt me so bad to hurt him again, but I felt like I had no choice.
Since I was pregnant again, I had to leave the foreign country early and alone with my son to have my daughter. I went back to my hometown and laid low until my daughter was born. The day my daughter was born, I sent him a picture of me and my two kids. He never responded. So, I quit trying to communicate with him. I knew he still loved me. Then, over Christmas 2009 I texted him again. I texted him several times a day for a week or so. I just told him how much I loved him and how I was tired of pretending I didn't love him. He finally texted me back and told me that he still loved me more than anything in the world, but that he was so scared to be hurt again. I had hurt him twice and he was very gunshy. I couldn't blame him for that!! So, we decided to take it slow. We texted and talked on the phone and emailed and IMed for a while. Eventually, we decided that we could not live without each other! Over the time that we had gotten back "together" my husband had been reassigned to a station in a different state. After we got reaquainted with each other, I had to make a trip home. While I was at home with my family, I snuck away several times to meet him. We made love for the first time, and the second while I was home. That sealed the deal. I knew from that moment on that I could not and would not live without him. I've seen him several times since then. He has come to the town that I now live in and we've met in secret.
However, once while he was down here, his adult daughter found out and harassed both of us. Eventually, she told his wife what was going on. His wife was pissed, but she didnt really care because their marriage was dead. He moved out of his house and into an apartment about an hour away from his home. He lived there for a few months and I visited him as often as I could. But, the financial strain turned out to be too much for him, so he moved back home. There is no doubt in my mind that he loves me and wants to be with me and I want him. But, right now we're kinda stuck.
My marriage is spiraling downward FAST! It actually started it's downhill run before my MM and I got back into contact. I don't want my husband to know that there is another man, but I want to get away and be with my MM. The time and distance between us is killing us, but I know we are strong enough to hold on and ride it out! I love him more than life itself, and he loves me likewise. The best part, he loves my kids. He wants to be the father figure in their life! WOW, what a guy!
HisSecret112 HisSecret112
22-25, F
1 Response Jul 22, 2010

Just a side note, my MM and I have been off and on for 7 years.