Guilt Is Not My Problem. It's...

Is it a coicidence that this is a pattern or do I deliberately choose to be attracted to un-attainable men?

I have met a few guys that I am attracted to and know that I would sleep with them immediately, if given the opportunity.  I guess, they know this too, since I usually end up getting what I want!  I saw his picture and I instantly knew he was a "player" (for some strange reason, I can spot them, yet I am still attracted to them).  However, after I met him, I thought he was a dork.  He wasn't playing the cool-cat-part I had envisioned.  He was acting self-conscious and it didn't seem like he was being himself.  Yet, when he came on to me, I couldn't resist his smooth moves and caved.  I slept with him within hours of meeting him.  After seeing him off and on a few more times, he told me we couldn't see each other any more (right after he got what he wanted).  When I asked why, he casually said, "Oh, I didn't tell you?  I have a girlfriend".  After the anger of feeling tricked simmered down, I continued to see him because I didn't feel like I was responsible for his actions.  I wasn't the one cheating and I wouldn't have if he didn't trick me into it already.  I have been seeing him for over 2 years now.  I know he has had at least 2 "girlfriends" since we've been together and maybe more that he's slept with.  I know I don't have a connection with him and I would never be able to trust him as a boyfriend or husband.  I can't explain it, the sex and passion is great - Better than my past boyfriends.  So, I stayed in this "thing" for over 2 years, guilt-free, thinking that great sex is all I want and I can emotionally separate myself.  On the other hand, I am 40.  Never been married, never had children.  I always thought I would have 2-4 by age 28.  I've never been into my career.  I think I just always wanted to be a housewife with a faithful husband and children.  The fantasy seemed out of reach this late in the game.  WIth the encouragement of my friends, I finally gave online dating a try.  Although I am still very reluctant to succumb to online dating, the first and last guy I met was almost too good to be true.  He was attractive, had a great career, was really sweet to me, and most importantly, he was really into me.  Maybe he liked me a little too much because after the first date, I felt smothered by him.  I told the cheater that I wasn't going to see him any more because I was going out with this new guy.  So all of a sudden, the Cheater starts to call and be sweet to lure me back in, and it worked!  The new guy is almost everything I thought I wanted, but I pushed him away for the Cheater.  Why?!  I think it is because I know what I like and know what I want and the end result doesn't matter to me, but the person does.  After 2 years, of course I love the Cheater and care for him, but I am also not fooling myself into thinking that it will lead to marriage, why am I still with him?  Am I scared of a commitment or do I just want to good sex?
arendelle arendelle
36-40, F
1 Response Jul 26, 2010

Oh honey! Get thee to a shrink! You are definitely avoiding true intimacy & commitment. I do believe that true love (and even pregnancy) are possible after 40. So don't sell yourself short! Is there any way to salvage the relationship with "Mr. Nice Guy?"