I Love My Married Lover

I am in love with a married man. Yeah I know stupid. I met this man a few years ago and he sparked my interest almost immediately but we were both married at the time. I am currently divorced and he is still married living with his wife. We both work in the same line of work but different companies but see each other almost daily at meetings. Our relationship grew from being "co-workers" to lovers a few months ago. He knew the very first time we made love that I was going to fall in love with him and I knew the same about him and falling in love with me. I saw it in his eyes as he did mine. The passion in our love making is unbelieveable. When we are together we both feel as if nothing else matters we laugh and talk on very deep levels and have a complete open relationship. We can say anything we feel to each other and neither gets upset. I actually spend more time with him  than his wife does largely do to work.

 The only issue we have is work, do to the line of work we are in our love for each other has to remain unknown to all! We are being questioned by other colleagues basically when we look at each other, others are picking up on it. We act the same as we always have at our meeting your basic hello how are you but people still see it. He plays golf with some of our colleagues and has been questioned by several about us. He has asked what makes them think we are having an affair and they say the look in both our eyes when we look at each other and I am questioned by our colleagues and different colleagues than him, so as far as any question of him loving me or me loving him is a moot point as far as I am concerned. Our line of work has us all over our town and surrounding areas so we have to hide all the time to be together so we are not seen by anyone it would destroy our reputations in our work industry. He hates this worse than anything because when other men ask me out on a date he wants so badly to say she's mine and he can't and he says when other men flirt with me it tears him up inside. I know crazy considering he goes home to his wife every night.

He is in the process of exiting his marrage. I have never even suggested he leave his wife when he told me he was thinking about it I secretly thought to myself yes I want that more than anything but my response to him was " I will not and can not give you any advise on that". I am sure he knows my deep down desire even though I have never told him that. I won't give him any advise on that because I do not want him to blame me someday for any reqrets he may have. I have told him that if that is what he wants to do that we should continue in an exclusive relationship on a "dating" type level just to be sure this is what we both want. I have also told him I am not sure I ever want to get married again only because he has mentioned marriage to me. Even when he does divorce his wife in our line of work we could never ever let anyone know unless we were married so we will have to remain hidden yet still. I love him so much it hurts and I want the whole world to know but yet I am afraid to remarry someday. He even suggested a prenuptual agreement if that would make me feel better. He says within the next 2 weeks him and his wife will be separated but we will still have the issue of work. I know one of us find a different Job right? Basically we have both been with our employers for a very long time and with both of us basically starting over in life alone and single we need our incomes and it would take many many years to get back to the pay scale we are both at today.

I know the odds are against this type of relationship but for some reason I don't think so in this case I feel as if I have found my soul mate in life as does he. I am hoping I am not fooling myself here and really hope that many of the stories I have read are not what is going to happen to me with him not leaving his wife. I guess in a couple of weeks I will know if he has excuses why I can not come to his house or he can not come to my home and spend the night.
friendwithbenefit friendwithbenefit
46-50, F
13 Responses Jul 28, 2010

I'd also would like you to keep us posted my situation started out similar to yours the whole working together and keeping it a secret,good luck sweetie I wish you the best

Him and I broke it off I see him all the time we talk on the phone but we agreed even though we know we are soul mates and we still love each other to this day it was for the best. Maybe someday we will have what we both want each other but until then we both have to accept he is married! His wife had a feeling something was going on with him and made several threats that would have destroyed him financially career wise and everything else! He did not want to break it off nor did I but it was for the best! I miss him dearly but like I said we still see each other almost daily and still talk on a personal level not just a professional level!

You guys may be soul mates but not all soul mates are meant to marry each other since we have many types who enter our lives to teach us a few lessons or heal us. I don't like giving answers to these scenarios because they hurt but from all these situations I have seen and heard from other people, they usually lead to disappointment. It's harder to move on because you see him at work daily, and this happened to my aunt until he relocated. He chose home. 98% of men, go back to their wives and if he has children, that's even worst. He will never leave his family. Right now, you are in a love triangle no matter how much he bashes his marriage. If it started in 3's, then sooner or later it's gonna end with 3's. This is a universal law! Could you be the exception? You will see in a few weeks and be sure to post back! I have seen this scenario many times though. Please be strong and move on. Wish him well and find your new partner. It's not you at all, it's his own fears and insecurities of being alone in the world. Many men (and women) want to have their cake and eat it too. Sure he may be in love but you deserve more than being the second woman. You are presented with a choice here: To be the other woman or to be number 1? You choose and accept your choice. Good luck!

Sometimes hearts do not know about marriage.<br />
Marriage was invented for lawyers.<br />
You do not need contracts to keep people in relationships if they have fallen in love with another.,<br />
I believe married men can fall out of love and in love with another.<br />
Human beings are not built to be with just one person for the rest of their lives.<br />
Who ever said if he cheated once he will cheat again ,,,the wife that was cheated on,<br />
Grow up people. Move on...if he loves you and you love him....find a way

I work at a bank and met a guy who was married and has a now 3 year old daughter.... One day we exchanged numbers innocently because we both shared an interest in soccer and I was going to text him about the score on a game. Anyway, One day he came to the bank in the drive thru and I remember that I had his number so I text him and teased him about something.....that is where it all began. He would text/call every other day and we began forming a special friendship....we began confiding in each other about different things, started sharing interests and sometimes would talk about hypothetical situations. He one day asked me 'If I wasnt married, would you date me?'. I obviously said 'No....don't be silly, you're married'. Hypothetical questions continued like this and while they did, I thought to myself ....he and I will remain friends and that is what the great thing about this friendship is, we are open and honest with each other but no strings attached. However one day, I guess things changed. He knew I was going to be at a community event and he showed up, when he saw me ....he couldnt stop making flirting/sexual remarks about me. We started flirting to an excessive degree and our phone calls crossed into phone sex. I went to his work one day after that (he is self employed) and we indulged in oral sex, thinking that although we were doing something wrong, none of it was planned, we intended to be friends and that was it or at least i planned that. I even tried to keep my guard up, distance myself but after getting closer... I warned him that if he hurt me, I would never speak to him again. He promised he would never do that. <br />
Anyway time progressed, we got closer.... he came over to my place sometimes, we would kiss, hug etc but not have sex. Right around Christmas, he and I went Christmas shopping and had lunch together....I admitted to him that I was falling for him and that I was scared of that feeling. I knew he felt the same. Later that night, we slept together for the first time and it was amazing. We were so connected not just because of the sex but emotions, understanding and respect.<br />
A few days later, his wife saw a few text messages from me, none of them confirming that we had had an affair but inclined that we were more than friends. She threatened him with divorce and even said she wanted to call me and ask me my side because she didnt believe him. (He lied and said we were just friends...which I didnt mind because I never once asked him to leave his wife and especially his daughter) Anyway, the wife called me and I covered up for him and told her that it was my fault....I flirted with him too far and shouldnt have. She actually was not angry with me, she said she wanted my side and the truth. Unfortunately because I loved my guy, I lied to her because i would do anything for him and especially because he loved his daughter and didnt want to jeapordize losing her in a divorce and custody suit. However she knew my number now and I couldnt call him from that number so I called the phone company and changed my number. I knew she was probably checking his cell phone records and I was right. <br />
Even though he had been caught, we still continued to talk. For 2 weeks, we argued because of the tension he was experiencing at home and then right around New Years, we met up again and things started back up again. It helped I had changed my number but we still knew that the wife would keep an eye on the cell phone records so I blocked my number everytime I called him and he would text me if he needed to say something. <br />
We are now 3 months after all of that and know that we love one another and want to be with one another but I have never asked him to leave his wife/daughter because I know losing his daughter will devastate him. Although I hurt when I cannot talk to him (mainly in the evenings and on Sundays) ...I am willing to sacrifice what I want, for his daughter and his ability to be there everyday for her. <br />
However a few days ago, I started to get calls from a blocked/restricted number. I didnt answer but told my married guy...he was worried that an ex boyfriend was stalking me (i had problems with an ex before) and said I should answer and not be afraid. I still didnt answer despite what he had said. I was feeling it was his wife but I didnt tell him that. The next day, he called and said that his wife knew I had changed my number. I guess she was looking at phone records again and tried to call my old number and after realizing that I had disconnected it, saw the new number he was text messaging frequently and called that number. She has no confirmation or proof that the new number belongs to me seeing as I did not answer. I dont even know if he knows it was her calling me.<br />
He is obviously feeling tension again at home and said that we cannot continue like this, yet he told he loves me, wants to be with me, craves to make love to me every day, cannot stop thinking about me..... BUT we both know that if he and the wife get divorced, he can say goodbye to his daughter and I know if that happens, he will be miserable. However he is miserable at everything going on right now, he feels he is being watched like a hawk, he feels trapped inside a cage because of that.<br />
We are still talking although he is trying not to call as much and finding it, extremely hard. I dont know if we will ever be able to let one another go... we are deeply in love. Where do we go from here? We both cry on the phone everytime we talk.

I don't know if you still check this but read the comment I wrote about this very subject on the post by cagedkitty. on Aug 25th. It is on the top of the page today Aug 26th It is WAY to long to type again..LOL But it could give you some insight.

i can understand how you feel right now. even if the guy leave his wife for you, it will never be an assurance. what assurance can he give you that he will be faithful to you when all along he was being unfaithful to his current wife? please think this over. i am have been in the same situation as you are and although i am still recovering from the separation, because i am also the other woman, come to think of it, i know that i did the right thing.

hi , im 46 and been in my affair for 9 months now and i know where your coming from . yes i,m married with three daughters none of then at home , i started my affair because i was getting bored with my husband who i still love so dearly how come you might say but it can be done loving too people in a very different aspect . my guy and i have agreeded that there is to be no home breaking and we are a bit like you we see each other at wee kends in front of my family and friends at times. how we keep our composure i don,t now but we have had the odd comments or to like you at people looking at us but we take it over the top of our heads as i think its just paranode getting in the way.i really love my guy and he loves me he,s my soul mate i would,nt marry again as this affrair is a great buzz and sexual feeling we have for each other i dont what to change the way things are nor do i what any scandle between the two family so i,m being very carefu not to get caught. my guy and i sometimes drink together in our local pub and we are classed as good mates so we tell them haha but truthfully we have known each other for years but i never knew he was married cause he is never seen with his wife till i made the pass on him. thats how i found out i asked if he stil fancy this fling and he said yes but now its our fantastic love affair which if it was to end would kill me to get over it . i feel the affair should stay an affair and keep that secrect .we don,t far from each other. but i can only get to see him at weekends and he dosn,t do any computer stuff he only has his works contract phone so i have to be careful there to because of his phone bill as he wife my see i hope you still get to see each other secrectly but it will be a big decision for him to make if it was me i,d just wait till he walk on his own with out any help then no one can be to blame for the wrong decision and it will be less of a scandle for you. take care just be strong and wait till he makes his move. x caz

Cazbob<br />
I'm new to this and am not sure how to get back with you except by this right here. I will get back to you. I work as you can see my post and I am in the process of moving but I will get back to you. I am moving because my lover and I decided that we needed to be in an area that our work lives never take us too. It is so hard for us to be together and for nobody to see us. He has told his wife he is leaving and he also is looking for a place to live. We have decided that we need to remain in separate places until all things in his life calm down a bit. we are so happy together it is unbeleivable how happy we are. We have been together for a long time and this is a huge step for us both. I know in my heart this is right for both of us and I think the excitement will always remain on our relationship largely because of even after he leaves his wife we still have the same excitment due to our jobs. He helped me find a new condo in an area that our work never takes us and I am helping him find a home as well. This man is my soul mate I know it but yet I still do not want to marry again but yet I know that is going to be the only way him and I can show our love for one another everplace we go. But for now I am happy as so is he.

i would like to cahat to ou on this matter later as im with my husband at the moment and can,t do this when he is around will send another to you later if that ok get back to me plez.

Acutally i'm just 20 so everybody would say i've no idea what i'm talking about...i've been with this guy who has had a girlfriend fo 6 years. we started an affair-while he was always telling me we would fit perfectly together and that i was he's soulmate...and then he left her for me. i became the first-wasn't anymore the other girl...officially...but in his head and heart i still was he always told me about her and i was so stupid to think he would forget her and love me...but he didn't - it didn't work though we really were good friends and really in love...i think sometimes affairs should stay affairs because reality can never feel like the exciting fact of having sex sectretly and dreaming about having a nice future and being soulmates.

Acutally i'm just 20 so everybody would say i've no idea what i'm talking about...i've been with this guy who has had a girlfriend fo 6 years. we started an affair-while he was always telling me we would fit perfectly together and that i was he's soulmate...and then he left her for me. i became the first-wasn't anymore the other girl...officially...but in his head and heart i still was he always told me about her and i was so stupid to think he would forget her and love me...but he didn't - it didn't work though we really were good friends and really in love...i think sometimes affairs should stay affairs because reality can never feel like the exciting fact of having sex sectretly and dreaming about having a nice future and being soulmates.

Well..I must say u are the lucky one.. u found ur soul mate.. not many of us have yet found our mate. <br />
<br />
I am in the same situation as u are.. except that we no longer work in the same office. He said he would leave his wife cos they have had problems since donkey years.. He has been delaying this and i do not trust him anymore. I have become a nervous wreck. I am to blame cos i am person with brains and i didnt use it. I expected from him and that was a big disaster.<br />
<br />
I just hope this never happens with u.. will pray you get ur true love.. i know how it feels when he has to go back to his wife.. i feel dead from within.. dont want anyone to go through what i have, mentally.<br />
<br />
U take care of urself

This is the kind of fairytale hope that keeps so many women in relationships with married men. Everyone hopes THEY'll be the one to meet their soulmate and enjoy the fairytale "ever after" with the guy who was married to the wrong gal. <br />
<br />
It sounds as if you did everything right. You left your marriage. You didn't pressure him to leave his. Hope it works out for you both. I truly do.