Checking Out Of Life For A While

Well, I reaching my crazy point the other day with this fake relationship I insisted on having this man (if you read the other story you will see). I had not heard from him in three days, and when I called his phone, a woman answered. I didn't say anything, thought I had the wrong number, so I hung up and called back. She answered again. I hung up and called back again. This time he answered. I was furious, sick to my stomach, extremely sad, and astonished all at once. It hit me that he didn't give a **** about me. It hit me hard. Like a Tsunami. I was disoriented for a moment, feeling all these things at once. Then I lost it. I started planning to hurt him. I called his phone about 100 times within the hour, because I wanted to say something, anything to him, but I could not. Each time I heard his voice, I wanted to vomit, and I hung up the phone. I am not devastated, I am just scared. Scared that I will forgive him again, and forget that he hurts me so bad and go back to that bad situation. I cut off my phone, I am contemplating dropping out of school, because I just can't see him, I can't be around him, for fear that I will either keep trying to make it work with him, or start to hate him severely because it is not working, and try to hurt or maim him. I feel very volatile, so I am checking out of life and going under the radar for a while. I don't want to do anything to further hurt myself or get myself into trouble, after making this stupid decision to be with this person in the first place.
timemovemeon timemovemeon
1 Response Jul 29, 2010

u need to diverge ur mind and take up a new hobby or sport. make new friends, hang out with friends.. they will help you come out of this **** hole..<br />
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Trust me, i am going through the same and i know how u feel. I get scared to call his phone cos i feel his wife will through tantrums at home and hurt him..<br />
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Well this is life, its upto us how we want to be treated.. do u deserve this? I dont think so.. u deserve to be loved equally and have a good life.. <br />
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Best of luck.