Will He Ever Leave Her?I am the other woman in what I feel is the most incredible relationship I have ever experienced in my 40 years of life! At the time that I met him I had been in a 6 year relationship, married for 5 of them. He was in a 15 year relationship, married for 10 years. Neither of us have children with our spouse. We are both in the same field and the attraction was instant. He and I shared our frustrations with our current relationships, and agreed that taking it any further than just talk would be the end of what we had with our spouses. His relationship with his wife had been on the rocks for the past 5 years, but because he is a procrastinator and works out of town often, just moving to the other bedroom in the house seemed to be sufficient prior to meeting me. I on the other hand, fell hard for him and once that happened, I couldn't stay in my situation at home. I was honest with my spouse and promptly moved out prior to our relationship becoming sexual. Though I was cheating on my husband, my heart was with the other man and I honestly felt like I was cheating on him by even staying in the same house with my husband. I wanted to prove my love to the other man at any cost. A mutual working relationship brought us even closer together and allowed us to work out of town together a few days of the week for about 3 months. (he has not lived at home because of this job for the past 3 months) Both of us grew deeper and deeper in love. He completes me both physically and mentally. I have never felt so passionate, beautiful, sexual and loved by one person. We talk about our lives in the future and day dream about the house that we will have, and growing old together. Everything is perfect with one exception. He is a procrastinator. I can honestly say... I don't think that I am being naive when I say this. He has yet to move forward with his divorce. I have moved out of my house, am in the process of selling it and have just filed for divorce. And he (though he is living in another town because of his job right now) has still not moved any closer to leaving her that he had before he left 3 months ago. They don't speak, They haven't had sex in the past 6 months and they haven't kissed in the past 9 months. And he sleeps in a separate bedroom from her. It is clear that the marriage is over, but I think that his procrastinating nature is going to drive a wedge between he and I. She doesn't know about me, but has asked him if he has a girlfriend. He denies it. Says 'he doesn't want the divorce to be about our relationship. I am not the cause of their problems.' And though I agree with that, I still want to shout out loud to the world HE IS MINE! He is very open about our relationship with our work friends, so I don't worry about him trying to keep me on on the down low... I am just frustrated with him not acting on it. He occationally has to come home for the weekends and they never speak. They are basically unhappy roommates. But because neither of them talk, nothing ever happens. He doesn't want to deal with her and clearly she doesn't want to deal with him. So... this explains how the past 5 years of misery have continued.
I have been honest with him about my feelings. I don't feel like it is a one sided relationship, but I do feel that it is unfair that i have continually tried to prove my love to him by moving forward and it seems like he is in the same place he was when I met him 5 months ago. Am I being unreasonable by expecting this? I know it has only been 5 months, but I feel like he is just sitting still and reaping the benefits of a relationship with me. Do I give him an ultimatum? I don't know that I could follow through with it if I did. I feel like a nag and try not to but I also think that if I don't say something to him about it, this could last indefinately... I am not willing to do that.
Someone tell me if I am expecting too much. I try to embrace the fact that he is strong willed and can "put things off" that are not fun to deal with, but how long is too long for me to wait for this without getting angry or upset? I know that pushing him to do something will only make him push back. I do love him, and can't imagine my life without him. I just need some advice. My life with him would be nearly perfect if we could just get past this major milestone. Unfortunately... it's a big one.
sunny0607 36-40 15 Responses 0 Aug 30, 2010