Update-Please Don't Judge Me........

I am doing something I never imagined I would do especially since my ex husband did this to me……..I am dating a married man.

We have been seeing each other for around 20 months now and have only grown closer as the months go along. He says I treat him better then he as ever been treated and we have a relationship like no one that either of us has ever had. I know he is my soul mate. You ever feel like when you meet someone that you have know them your whole life even though you physically didn't know each other that is how we are.

I love him more than I ever have anyone in my life even my ex who I was with for 23 years. I feel I know him better and he knows me even more than my ex did. We share things that I never have shared with anyone before.

He says one day he will leave but for now his 6 year old keeps him there. I do understand that. I have put myself in his shoes and know it would be very hard for me to leave my 7 years old, but he would still get to see them. He thanks me all the time for my patience but to be honest they are running out. I never wanted to pressure him but I find myself wanting to ask WHEN. I feel if he really loves me like he says then he would be with me.

I am on a emotional roller coaster all the time. We do everything when it is convent for him. I have been disappointed so many times that now I don't count on anything until he is at my door.

About 6 months ago he said he had to work through some things before he could be with me and he wants to bring all of him when he comes and he couldn't at that moment. When is that time going to be then. He says he doesn't have a relationship at all with his wife. They are more like roommates but at least he has that I have no one but my children. I feel I have been patience enough and I think it is time for us to really talk about a time frame. Am I being unfair? ..... Should I keep living like this? ... NO but I don't want to lose him I cant imagine my life without him.


I had decide that I was going to talk to him this coming Sunday and finally ask the question - When are we going to be together, but his wife found out.  I am not sure how, but she came in Monday morning and flat out ask him if he was seeing someone and he said yes.  Her response was ONE OF US HAS TO GO.  He is planning on moving in with me just not sure when yet but soon. 

I am feeling a lot of things about it.  I am excited cause I have wanted this so long.  I am sad for her cause I have been where she is.   I am sad for him cause I know it is going to kill him to be away from his 6 year old.  I am scared that this might make him mad at me and break us up.  He says we will be fine though all this.  That he was planning on this at some point but just not right now.  He said it had to happen at some point cause they have been roommates to long.  We are so close I can feel his pain. 

I do wonder though had she not kicked him out if he would have left.  I ask him and he said he didn't know.  Later he said you know the only thing that was keeping me there was his 6 year old.


The first step has happen he has left on Valentines Day.  We decided for now it is best he lives with his parents.  He says now we can count the days until we are together, which will be in a year.  I still have my fears though.  Just like this morning he is going over to spend some time with his 6 year old.  I am so scared his wife will talk him into working things out like she did when he left 10 years ago.   He says that cant happen things didn't change and they are never going to change and that we are going to be together.  Guess I am just thinking to much. 

The second and third steps are to come.........Second step is him telling his parents which he is planning on doing in June.  Third step is us together.    I well feel the best when we are finally together.  He says he is looking forward to that also.

sunsetandroses sunsetandroses
41-45, F
7 Responses Feb 16, 2008

I hope things go the way you want them to. From my experience being the ow then being his wife, things weren't the way he promised me they would be. My husband just changed the position on me from being the mistress to being the wife. He then got another mistress and I'm divorcing him. I'm not trying to be negative. I really hope things go the way you want them to.

have faith sweetheart... everything happens for a reason... leave the worrying to someone else... just enjoy this time of getting to know each other even better... hugs

His little six-year-old never asked to be born. I really wish you would have selflessly walked away and let this man get to work to repair the love that brings two people together to create another human being. But y'all didn't. He threw in the towel. You don't do that when a marriage hits bumps. you FIX things. Now, had you done a little research, you would've learned how, statistically, children convince themselves how THEY are they reason for why Mom and Dad divorced. An unstable home life and witnessing this "failure" of a marriage...stays with them for a lifetime and can model into their own unhappy marriages as adults.How do you feel about your role in all of this?

Statistics also show that children growing up in a house where they are aware that the parents are not in love, blame their selves for the parent staying together for them.

good to know!!!

I agree with this 100%
Besides, if you have tried all you can to fix your marriage, it doesn't fall on you when divorce happens. But it is very important to let the children know that it is not their fault. At this point they need some kind of counseling.

Good luck. Don't ever worry about being judged by others, just be true to yourself. Of course that's all easier said than done.

I hate to say this to you but he's going to keep stringing you along until he's tired of you.

I agree every dog that steals a man has its day of loosing that man to another dog

Good Story!

Feeling your pain.<br />
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Its situations like this where I think we put to much empasis on saying a person can have only one spouse. <br />
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Her response "ONE OF US HAS TO GO" sort of goes to the core of this arbitrary limit of one man, one woman. Even in the old testament the men had more than one wife.<br />
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Are humans really made to be monogamous? You have to wonder.<br />
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I'm the "other man" in my world.