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I Am The Other Woman

Been With My Mmfor 30 Years

By: blueeyedtrouble
Written on August 19th, 2011
I am not even sure where to start  we have been together for 30 years and he told me from the start that he would not leaver her for me.  I accepted this.I was stupid, naive,18 and in love.  These days I still may be stupid but am not naive and still love him very much. I have been involved with his family all along, I have helped run his business, raise his children, I have lived in his household.  He is now several hours away and I do travel to see him some and he still comes to see me now and then we talk often. The spouse has  suspected something was going on several times over the years but we have always passed it off as her imagination. this time she overheard part of a conversation that was pretty damning and I have not heard from him since. I don't want him to get into any more trouble than he is already in but would like to know what is going on. Need some advice  How long do I let the silence continue? Do I walk away? How do I walk away ? what do I say when he inisates contact? worese yet what dod I do if he does not contact me?  I do have to deal with him some on a professional basis, should this be my point of contact? feeling numb
By: blueeyedtrouble
Age: 46-50 , Female
753 people have read this story

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    ladyblue848
    ladyblue848

    "this time she overheard part of a conversation that was pretty damning and I have not heard from him since."



    And there you have your answer. When push came to shove and the wife received confirmation that he was cheating on her and confronted him, he completely dumped you to comfort and reassure her, and try to salvage things with her. This should show you who his real love is. He is doing everything he can to keep her, and if that means completely dumping you then that is what he will do. That is how much she means to him, and how little you do. I don't mean to hurt your feelings, and my heart goes out to you, but hopefully you will see this as a wake up call. Once things have calmed down he may try to contact you and smooth things over to keep you around. Don't fall for it. Its obvious he puts her love and her feelings above yours.



    You can be a working, non-domestic, woman and still have a life with a man who puts you first and not second. There are men out there who want a woman like you for their number one love and wife so don't believe for a second that who you are means you can't have true love and be a man's priority, and that you are relegated to being a mistress.

    Aug 26, 2011
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    blueeyedtrouble
    blueeyedtrouble

    Update for those interested it is now Tue,23rd I have not heared from him I did attempt to call his work phone about an hour ago and no response. I texted his son who has been our go beteween at times and again no response. This may be the end of long and wonderful relationship I hope not I also hope she does not see his work phone if so he may be in trouble I left him a message saying call me if you can. Yes I know that he is just as much responsible as I am but I still don't want his life to be anymore difficult than usual.

    Aug 23, 2011
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    Lazyw2526
    Lazyw2526

    yeah i'm speechless. I did that for two years...TWO LONG YEARS.. 30???? I cannot even imagine.....

    Being the OW has been the most difficult thing ever in my life. Loving someone you cannot have is heartwrenching....AND getting out of the situation and staying out of it is even worse yet... I feel for you, yet you have got to know you stayed as the OW for 30 years.....He'll never be yours...ever...I hate to be so blunt, but thats the truth. Its a hard one to face, believe me, i know firsthand....I still love my MM and struggle with this everyday, but I have faced the reality of the situation. he loves another woman more than me. Period...It's black and white...It should be to you also..I'm just so sorry you spent so many years there...in that PLACE.... Good Luck to You.....

    Aug 20, 2011
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    totallytea
    totallytea

    Why in the world would you accept being the other woman for 30 years? Didn't you ever want more than being second best? Being involved with his family and wife didn't you ever feel guilty about sleeping with her husband? Why would you give this man his cake and eat it too? Do you want him to be with you? If you love him and it's obvious that you do, why would you want to share him? I just don't understand why you would be the OW for so many years? Are you happy with things the way they are?



    OK so let me address your questions now You don't say how long it has been since the last time you talked to him, but I would think he would find a way to be in touch with you especially if you deal with each other on a professional level. I would say a week.



    Do you want to walk away? You are the only one that can answer this question.



    When he initiates contact, find out what happened and what is going to happen from here on. If he doesn't contact you then yes, you should use work as a contact point. Unless you are done with this situation. Then you should just walk away.



    Really you are the only one that can make these decisions. We are here to support and give you our thoughts and past experiences to help guide you. I was with my MM for 11 years before I married him. He got divorced about 8 years into the relationship. I do know how you are feeling, but isn't enough enough? You deserve a man of your own!

    Aug 20, 2011
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      blueeyedtrouble
      blueeyedtrouble

      My last contact was Monday the 15th he had been talking to her on his phone and I called on the business phone he did not get his personal phone hung up and she overheard his flirtations comment it was enough to set off a call to me for a rant and rave.
      I don't have a job that would work with a full time realtionship I am a personal assistant to the owner of a large corporation and am on call 24x7,365 so yes in that sense I dont' want a full time relationship. Did I feel guilty about sleeping with him and knowing his family maybe in the begining. I quickly figured out the he was just not as married as she was. I was not the first and probably not the last. Even if it comes down to not having sexual relationship we are first ,last and always best friends. They have come close to divorce many times but when it comes right down to it she backs down and will not follow through and like I said he told me from the start he would not leave.
      You are right the decisions to be made are ones only I can make and I have put them off for far to long. I have dated throughout this relationship but I have not conected to anyone else as I have with him. I am not a domestic kind of gal nor am I domesticated I help run a multi-million dollar corpration and what I am serving for dinner is the last of my worries so I will let this ride until tue or Wed and see if he contacts me should be interesting thank you for listening and helping put things in persepctive

      Aug 20, 2011
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