Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Don't You Women Get It?

Don't you women get it yet? Most married men are not going to leave their wife for the other woman. These men want the best of both and as long as you're giving it to them that's how things will be. These men are just missing that spark that passion that their marriage has lost. And they want he excitement of someone new. Oh at first, they really think that they're in love, but as time goes by they realize that they aren't as it becomes more routine.

When the other woman starts pressuring the married man to leave his wife, normally he dumps her. All these men want is the thrill of being with somebody new and to know that they're still attractive to other women. They want the stability they have with their wife and the excitement they have with the other woman they want the best of both.

Why would you want to be second best? If they're lying to their wife, don't you think they're lying to you to? Of course they are!

Now I'm not saying all married men are like this. but  I am saying that you deserve better! Why do we as women put up with this? I myself put up with this for over eight years. My married man did marry me, but he has cheated on me too. Do you really believe you are the difference? I did! Even though he promised to never bring strife into our marriage and never cheat on me, the fact is he did!

These men are very good at lying and deceiving. They're good looking charming and have all the qualities that a woman would want. They are manipulators. All they care about is themselves and what they can get for themselves. They're going to tell you what they think you want to hear. As long as he keeps you right there wrapped around his finger. He will keep leading you on as long as you keep letting him!

Every single story here is the same! The OW is usually the one that has to put up with all kinds of bullshit. Constantly being stood up. Always waiting by the phone and forever changing her schedule to accommodate him! All for what? To either keep doing it because she is in love or end it because she deserves so much more than this. Either way, The OW usually gets the short end of the stick!

All the other women all say that the sex is incredible. What is it that makes it so incredible? Could it be because he's forbidden and a  bad boy? Or maybe his wife just finally trained him right?

If you happen to be lucky enough to have your MM leave his wife and family, it can be even worse. Once his wife and family find out about you, you have now become the enemy it's all your fault. You're a terrible homewrecker the kids will never like you and the wife has nothing nice to say about you. They usually end up alienating the married man too. The children listened to their mother and the horrible thing she has to say about the father and the woman that took him from her so their opinion is not very good of your relationship. They tend not to want to be around you and if they are they usually just want something from you.

Things that aren't issues to a normal couple, end up creating problems for the new relationship. Family functions don't usually go very well. You end up fighting with your spouse over the stupidest things. So I ask you, is he really worth all that? And if he did it to her you can bet he'll do it to you! Of course there are always exceptions to the rule, and we all hope we have that exception but the truth is we can't all have that exception.

So all you other women stand up for yourselves demand respect and get a man you deserve!
totallytea totallytea 46-50, F 170 Responses Oct 3, 2011

Your Response

Cancel

I read this article again because it's just so good. You really have a way with words and all of this is so true. I will NEVER hook up with a married man. I've made that mistake before in the past and I'll never do it again.

Thank you for saying this, about time someone did!!!

Moreover, will the OW be able to live with the fact she caused so much pain, family fights, tears, costs (therapy, books, drugs, moving, lawyers), children trauma?

Sleeping at night will be hard, because they can't undo so much grief. Atonement unattainable.

A lot of truth in what you are saying. The trill is the major drive in the other woman. She also brings to the table a level of excitement that might not be there in the marriage.

I get it now!!!! After every lie he has told, I get it now. I was in fact the other woman, along with two other women. Now I understand why his wife waited and planned her perfect escape.

This right here^^^^should be a stickie on the I Am The Other Woman forum!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So true. Wish I could heart this a thousand times

Wow. That is exactly what I needed to hear. One year with my MM and doesn't get an easier.

As a man i agree with everything you have written about us In my experience and from what i have seen with in my friend circle every one of us who had or currently having an affair wants nothing but a new vagina .In the beginning we all think that we will just have a one night stand with some one in the search of that we do all kind of crap we tell our sad story's one of my friend even told one women that his wife was dead and women being women always fall for this and once we have the sex we crave for few more time by the time we are over it the women starts telling that "I fell we have something between us"(or some crap like that) now you can't dump her because you don't know how she will react what if she flips and tells your wife ,so you keep it going for a while just when you think of breaking it up wife finds out now you can't let the other women go because if the wife leaves you you are gonna be alone so you drag the other woman into the mess and you keep her in it until you are sure that your wife is gonna take you back once you are you give a speech about how you are gonna give your marriage a second chance if the wife leaves you then go with the other women but keep both options open one way or another it always works out fine for us .Sorry for being a pig but that is the truth .

Thanks for the honesty, I imagine it is true of most men, not all though.

Actually most of the men in this situation are just the same most as in 99.9%
because no good men will put himself in this position .

In he affair I had he was the one who started with he "I love yous" this was before there was any sex even.

In the beginning we all think that we will just have a one night stand with some one in the search of that we do all kind of "crap "-We do all kind of crap just to get in some ones pent.

Sorry but that's not at all the way it happened with me. He was my best friend before we had an affair.

Thank you for that lucifer8984. I really needed to hear a mans' perspective as this is what I feared he has been doing to me. I'm on the verge of sharing pictures of us w his wife. I shouldn't be the only one whose world has been ruined while he lives with zero consequences. Right?

i'm sorry for what you are going through

4 More Responses

Add a response...

Apparently, you are the one who doesn't get it. Why the hell would I want him, his laundry, his insecurities and problems...all the time. I get the BEST of him and you can have the rest, honey.

Gypsy1978 - your answer made me laugh out loud. So are you saying that all you want is sex and nothing else? (because most people have their odd little ways, don't they?)

Phenomenal sex is wonderful...and certainly a plus. But if you think that sex is the only thing that happens between TOW and a MM...well you have never been in an affair. I'm not laughing out loud....but I am shaking my head a bit :)

No you are right. I don't do affairs. But you said ".....I get the BEST of him and you can have the rest, honey" (i.e. him, his laundry, his insecurities and problems...all the time). It's up to you if you want to have "phenomenal sex" but he still goes back to his wife, doesn't he? Or???

You STILL aren't getting it, hon. The day that he doesn't "go back to his wife" will be the day that I am not with him either. As much as you want to believe that all "Other Women" are only out to steal your man...it just isn't true for many of us. It isn't all about the sex for either of us.

Dear Gypsy1978, please don't make assumptions on my behalf. And tell me what my beliefs are. But you haven't answered my question and I left you the freedom to answer it according to YOUR belief system. So........you're not "only out to steal my man" (by the way, you wouldn't stand a rat's chance in hell of stealing my man away from me.) is maybe not what I, Stephaniebis thinks, is it?

So....apart from the sex, since it "isn't all about the sex", or his "........insecurities/problems/laundry", what are you actually getting?

Go ahead - enlighten me.

Intelligent conversation. Enjoyable outings together...sometimes just us...sometimes with mutual friends. The knowledge that when we are together there isn't anywhere else he would rather be (or he would be there). My personal space and independence. Knowing that our financal profiles are not combined (i.e. someone else isn't affecting my credit-worthiness or debt) Being able to see or not see him when or if I want. Basically..."How can I miss you, if you won't go away?" I am a person that values my solitude as much as I value our together time. Sometimes I enjoy just putting on music, lighting candles and sinking into a bubble bath...alone. Or sitting with a novel and a tray of good cheese and wine and crackers and relaxing without 900 interruptions. Or even 1. And occasional romantic getaways and phenomenal sex. That is what I "get out of it".

Gypsy1978 thank you for a sincere answer. I'm not going to sit here and moralise and at least your answer was honest, even if your behaviour is disrespectful of his wife and what SHE wants - i.e. she maybe wants what you want too from her man.

This is another woman, and you are a woman too.

Don't you care about our female sisters?

Yes, my answer was honest and I appreciate you acknowleging that. Immediately after stating you weren't going to moralize you immediately called my behaviour disrespectful toward his wife and played the "female sisters" card. I fail to see how this is not moralizing on your part. But to set the record straight (since you obviously don't know his wife) she is basically a wonderful woman. We repect her by not "dishng her behind her back" or doing anything that would rub the affair in her face. She is thrilled with her life as the wife of a corporate lawyer and all that entails...the society events...the big house and parties...the nice things and the large bank account. It is very possible that she does know about us and looks the other way. We are two completely different women. I am a minimalist. I prefer the outdoors. Love to hike and camp and fish, as well. The person he used to be, too (when he was younger)- before he entered the corporate world. He is happy. I am happy. She is happy. None of us want to change the status quo. Honestly, I can't see why this is such an issue for you.

Well Gypsy1978, seen in that light, what can I say? Maybe that we have different views of respect. And I'm not so sure as you are that you obviously know his wife either. So leave you all to your married trio and hope you never get a knife in your back or a gun shot, when she notices, or just happens to get angry.

Wow I went away for months and still the ranting?

No AdorablyBroken, expressing myself. Look up the definition of ranting. It's negative and rude. By the way, I stand by my opinions, regardless of how much you feel that it is "ranting". Honesty will always win out in the end. Please go and read the statistics on passion killing - yes, some men and some women get passionate (i.e. get out their guns/knives) when they realise that they've been had. And it's not something that "won't happen to me".

rant
rant/
verb
gerund or present participle: ranting

speak or shout at length in a wild, impassioned way.
"she was still ranting on about the unfairness of it all"
synonyms: fulminate, go on, hold forth, vociferate, sound off, spout, pontificate, bluster, declaim
___________
Dear, I learned my lesson years ago. I have my own life and now if I sleep with a married man it's with his wife's knowledge and consent.

I am not shouting. I don't need to, although it is true that some people will never hear the truth because they are deaf to it. But you are most certainly correct that I'm passionate about giving the truth about the situation, having witnessed it with women who knew better than that. So feel free. I will just hope you won't pay the price, like some other women did, sometimes with their lives.

Perhaps you need to look of the definition of "OR" because it says 'speaking OR shouting' what am I supposed to be paying the price for? Do you not know how to read? As I said I don't do cheating or help anyone cheat, I learned my lesson.

now if I sleep with a married man it's with his wife's knowledge and consent.
Fine by me, if you call that honesty.
I sometimes wonder about peoples' marriages, quite frankly.
And it's "look for", not "look of".
Bye.

Yes I mistyped something, it happens.
I happen to be polyamorous, there are plenty of people who are also, many of them are married. Just because it's not your preference doesn't make it dishonest.

Well maybe their marriage vows were different to the norm then. Usually, marriage vows are "faithfulness, commitment, till death us do part" - or at least something along those lines. Maybe there are still a few things I wish to add. Guess what? At the end of the day, he'll still go back to his wife. Because somewhere, marriage and the vows within it, still mean something. That's why he returns. (And yes, I know that there are exceptions to the rule, i.e. maybe it's about financial security, social status, the children, professional reasons.....but he still is free to LEAVE HER).

Whatever. I enjoy discussing with you anyway.

If you require monogamy from your partner that's fine. It's not a breach of commitment or being unfaithful to be polyamorous. There is no lack of commitment, there is either a commitment to more than one person or the commitment stays solely with the original partner but both partners agree to allow another person to temporarily enter their relationship based on a set or predetermined rules. As to faithfulness it's just as much an act of faith to believe your partner will be monogamous as it is to believe they can be with someone else and still love you.

You seem to be misunderstanding what I am talking about if you are talking about someone going home to their spouse. In polyamory that isn't an issue, there are multiple kinds of polyamory, there is relationships involving more than 2 people all committed to each other, there is two people who have a core relationship but provisionally see other people on the side (with everyone's knowledge and consent before hand), there are flings and open marriages where a person is brought in just for one night or a weekend. In none of these situations does the person ever leave the spouse, they might go out on a date with the other person with out the spouse there but they are still in a relationship with the spouse and the spouse knows where they are and what they are doing.

I would say that marriage is far more than vows, vows mean nothing, they are promises and that's just words with a pretty meaning. It's the emotion behind those words that makes a marriage. If you are familiar with the Irish Claddagh ring it has a heart being held by two hands with a crown on top of the heart. Each piece of the ring means something, the hands stand for friendship, the general liking of your partner. The heart is for love and the crown is for loyalty, now you could say that loyalty/honor means forsaking all others and if everyone agrees to that is what is means to them, for me loyalty means being honest and not betraying what you have built with that person. This is what a marriage should be built on, but there is room for interpretation.

If a polyamorous person is with someone who is married and at the end of the day the person goes back to their wife, then its because that is what everyone agreed to. As for me personally, I have a loving and wonderful man I go to bed next to everynight but we are actively looking for another woman to join our relationship full term, she would come home to us everynight (or most nights anyways). I also had a man I was dating briefly, he actually went out to dinner with my partner before being allowed to take me out, so everyone could talk and make sure we were on the same page on where this would go and what was expected, ultimately it went nowhere but if it had everyone would have been okay with this because they knew about it before hand. My partner has been with another woman since being with me and I am okay with that because there are rules set in place for such things.

Basically it boils down to no one is perfect and I believe that it is naive to think one person can be your everything and that it ruins relationships to try to be someone's everything because you will end up resenting them when you fall short.

Well! Thank you for the information. It throws some light on other people's relationships, that's for sure. Sincerely, I do appreciate this input. Although it is not my idea of a relationship, whatever.

16 More Responses

I love your comment even though I'm sorry you had to experience what you did. And, I am sorry to hear that. I left my married man that will still tell the next woman he is single for the simple reason of being used to being dishonest. If he got away with it once, he'll do it again, and again, until someone else is in his clutches.

The great thing about getting away from a man like that is, after taking a little time for yourself, you can meet someone who is honest and single and great and have a real relationship you can feel PROUD of and happy to be in because you deserve it.

I just find it disturbing that some married men will stop at nothing to get to the woman he wants. Just know this ....the man you love is supposed to make your life better...not more complicated.

Or worse. Or suicidal.

Update: Its been three months since my last post. That day in October we made an agreement to revisit the status of our relationship in 90 days. We haven't had the discussion because there is no change. I know he doesn't want the obvious pointed out. Interestingly I'm feeling stronger, not much stronger, but definitely better. I actually went out recently to a singles function...it was interesting, slightly uncomfortable but hey I didn't get sick to by stomach like I thought I would! I never talk about these things with him but he seems to sense something is different. I believe, hope, I'm gaining a little control of my emotions and thus my life. Thoughts?

I'm sorry but I know a lot of married women who have lots of sex and had lots of passion with their husbands and they still found out there was other women. The men were fine in their marriage no fighting. Just that the men were insecure or selfish. In reality they lie to the other women to get them in bed. They have no feelings for them. They do love their wives and children and don't want to leave. They just want a ego boost.

Strange kind of love.

That isn't the way to get an ego boost. I completely understand why it's done.

you got that wrong. If a single woman wants a married man for an evening..then you're just the service. If she likes you for longer than that, it's because you're pursing her relentlessly...which mean you like her.

Johnasa, I get the ego boost issue. I think that's what my MM is doing. What kills me is that he (and possibly others) rick losing everything for this temporary ego boost! All the while the woman they got it from has been left damaged and permanently ruined and devastated. How is this worth it? I wish my MM would wake up and quit doing this. Better yet, I wish I would wake up one morning and just be sick of him once and for all.

U can be done. Its hard but u will feel better in time and wish you gave him up a long time ago.

2 More Responses

i am with a married man for nearly 2yrs. Never in my wildest dreams that i will end up to be the other woman, which at first i am the one who first to judge women who goes out with married men. Unfortunately, i end up being one, we started as friends, he was just an ordinary person to me in the past, we met at the parties with a common friends and sad to say me and his ex wife were friends and work on the same profession. That encounters happened from 2003, until the year 2011 when he approached me and made a conversation with me on his wife's bday party. He was a piece of crap for me before, eventhough he was good looking but looks never catches me. I ignored his sweetness and gave no meaning about it. After that event i havent seen him for 8 months, then we met again.

I never thought seeing him again will change my whole life. His kindness towards me has turned my world upside down. And the start of a good friendship ends up living on the same roof at present. Everytime a married men opened up about their problem with me i always took it as a problem and advice them to go to a marriage counsellor instead of me listening those messy stories about their married life. But with him and only to him my mistake was i gave him the opportunity to tell his story. I always see myself as a good catch and vulnerable since among the crowds we have in the community im the one who is single, fun loving and pretty.

I felt very special to him and no one knows about us. I didnt even know that i was already on the situation and i considered it as a friendship gesture. Its been years that he wasnt happy with his wife, i pity him because he was always quiet whenever his with the crowd because his wife restricted him to talk, and she always runs everything in the house and he lost his part as a man in their house. I felt sorry to him and he said the house has been so quiet and they were not talking anymore. I suggested him to give themselves time to fix their relationship for there still a chance. He wants to left her but he told me he can still stay for another 2yrs for his son to go to paris (he is 18).

Then one day he went to visit me and told me that his wife dumped him and he went home with all his clothes on the luggage. He doesnt want to left their home and i said to stay and settle things on the right direction. The pride of both parties finally decided to part ways.

He left and live to his friends house. Then somebody told his wife that he was seeing me and brutally gossip that i was the reason of their separation. I was devastated and the news escalated on the entire community and i ended up saving myself and the close minds were already closed. I ended off sick from work due to pressures, locked myself at home and i felt that i have a disease that people were avoiding me..I told him to stopped seeing me and he wasnt allowed to visit me. I felt all alone and my friends left me. He was the only one who never quits on me, he spend all day and night waiting for me to came out the house.I felt devastated never went out on my room and couldnt take any food, i was so numb. Then he called up my landlord asked for a favor if he can borrowed the spare key on my rented house.I saw his face and started crying in front of me and looked at the state of me who were dehydrated and frail..I couldnt take anything through my mouth all i can remember was he gave me water from his mouth. I was crying and telling him to go away. He hug me so tightly and cried out loud that he loves me so much and he will never left me. He took care of me and got back on my feet but still never came out the house because the people outcasted me.

Now it is nearly 2 yrs being together, it was very hard at the start but i ended up accepting everything. Eventhough the people sorrounds us not totally accept us but we dont care as long as we both know our plans for the future and the responsibilities of our actions. Hard to face the life of being labelled as an accidental homewrecker and the other woman...But i know by heart i did mean to be and i honestly dont want to be on this position..I am 31 wks pregnant and just looking forward to our little one to come out..this is my story

joje76

So true...

Reality check!!!!

I know right, more like a gut punch. So he is due at noon to talk. I have no problem saying how I feel, my problem is I love him. I just want to wash him out of my head, to feel nothing for him. I want to walk away because that is what this relationship deserves.

If you really mean it, then do it.

I know it is unforeseeably hard and painful but, the longer you are in it the more pain you will feel in the long run.

I WAS the other woman years ago. I ended it, I cried like a baby for at least two weeks. Then found anger toward him for lying to me and so on, and somehow, got on with living.

I have loved very very few, and that jackass was the very fortunate recipient of my devoted love.

Well, again, maybe you need to feel more pain to motivate you, some kind of an ultimatum?

Mine was when we discussed his family situation and he point blank stated that he can not and would not leave his wife and child for me. Understand, that all along he was insisting they have marital difficulties and are discussing separation, ETC and so on.....

That was MY BREAKING POINT.

Good luck dear.
Luna.

I'm praying for strength. I have 10 minutes .... maybe amnesia will strike!!! When he walks through the door I won't know who the hell he is.

It is the hardest thing to do! You are in love, but you can't have him. Please stop wasting time. If he loves you he will be with you.

Walk away with your head held high - you can still do it.

2 More Responses

I'm just realizing how awful this feels. After a year things have started to deteriorate in my relationship with a MM. This weekend was the first time we had actually gone somewhere together. One day in I was asked to leave because his family decided to come join him. I felt like s**t, like the OW. But, I AM the OW. Nothing more.

These men are just missing that spark that passion that their marriage has lost. And they want he excitement of someone new. .....

Or maybe they wanted two (or three) women in the first place, but most countries don't allow that because of their legal system. It IS changing in the US, and it is actually legal, more or less, to have multiple wives. About the only guys doing it, though, are in Utah in the Mormon areas...for those people who kept the old Mormon religion instead of changing it to get rid of the multiple wives part of it.

Some countries you CAN have multiple wives (or husbands), and for many people it works out very well. For example, you have three wives, and everything is above board, everyone knows about it, and the wives are all treated fairly.

Then you have places (like most of the US) where it is unacceptable, so the guys that are able to have multiple girls, have a wife and then have secret mistresses...no one really knows what is going on, and some of the women may be getting way more, or way less, than their fair share of time and financial commitment, which is not the best way to do things.

I'm all for changing laws and attitudes regarding marriage, so that people can marry who they want to marry. I do not like it when religions, governments, and individuals want to try and control other people. Work on your own life, instead of trying to mess with other people's attempts for happiness.

You do as you see fit and I'll do the same! If you don't like my experiences then don't read them! I'm not messing with anyone's attempt to be happy! I am simply stating how things are in the real world!

Hi

I am also in the same situation, i have recently started dating a married man, i am a married woman myself but my marriage has been nothing but physically and emotionally abusive so he has become a shoulder to cry on and i have been the same for him since he also has problems with his wife . The thing is i have fallen deeply in love with him and i don't know what to do, i don't want to lose him and he feels the same way about me. will he leave his wife for me?

Only the two of you can answer that question. It isn't all it's cracked up to be. So be careful what you wish for.

I am also the other woman of a married man I found out he does not just have me but other women like me to I have a bbm pin of one of this other - other woman do u think I must inv her and tel her what he is all about or just leave it all together him and her so she can find out for her self? I feel cheated and bad he lies about everything , I snooped on his phone and got the shock of my life to see all the picks and the msg he did not delete before he came to me bcs he knew I do not check his phone, I know him for six years and never moved on but now I will.

I personally wouldn't want a man like that, but if he's doing it to his wife, you can bet he's going to do it to you!

its so weird because I read this and I am like yea...you are so right.. however, in reality... I am this girl. I dont even want to be with my married man. The relationship has messed me up emotionally. Sometimes I feel like i cling on him to try and learn how to be better at spotting charming sociopaths. I even told me MM..who swears he is only in love me..dont even tell me that anymore..I never say anything back when he trys to turn on them snake eyes and express his lying love for me. However, I say that and then we will be cuddled up in bed when we can get together. I beleive I truly have developed caring feelings for him. I 100 percent could never be in a committed relationship with him..I just dont know if I could see myself without his friendship.

hi to all.........am in a big trouble confusion frustration dunno wat to do.....my marriage life wasnt good i started wrkin........n a wrk place i met a man who was already married but i dunno it.............later he approached me and purposed.........i also accepted trusted him he made me to divorce and later he simple married without registering and said wil intro in my family to my parents later i too believed..........i loved him alot..........i had one boy kid with my ex hubby............he looked him lik our own kid.......after a yr we got prob and i felt insecure with him.....coz he was well attached with his family and weekends outing tours and many occasions.........i am depressed i missed many good time and festivals and many things due to married a man...........he started telling excuses to b with his family...........nw we had girl baby 5mnths old............he s actin to me but wat to do hav to run my life still after all this am lovin him......but he needs his family but sometimes he wants me to b n his favour am confused..........am living with myparents support dunno hw to copeup with him...................plz giv me a idea how to handle this guy.............

Seen some situations like this play out. I don't necessarily believe that all OTHER WOMEN want the MM to leave his SO although a lot certainly do want that. Sometimes they are both married to other people. Right or wrong everyone has their own reasons for doing it and I doubt winning a popularity vote is in their top ten list of concerns. No one can use you unless you let them.

Same thing happened to my mother and father. They were married, he left my mother for the other woman but he also refused to legally divorce my mother while lying to the other woman saying that my mother didn't want a divorce. Now that they are finally divorced he has still not married his mistress this has been going on since I was born and I'm 20 now, she's an old woman now. Still waiting for my father to marry her, it's quite sad. He cheats on her and in the past has even tried getting back with my mother and asking could he come home ect. I'm sure she probably doesn't know that though cause he lies to her. I despise my father, he's a low life and I cut off contact with him. I had asked him a few years ago first time I ever asked him for a dime in my life to help pay for college, but he couldn't do that. Ignored my messages and I just got rid of him. If you're still not an adult after all these years I doubt you'll ever be one.

This is so true.

Of course we all understand that the men in our lives aren't going to leav for us, save the naive few. We know that liars are liars and cheaters are cheaters. And we don't expect much more. But what we end up with is a man that we have strong feelings for. A man that we love, in many cases. Many of us don't know how we got where we are. But yet we are here. We are all, mostly, aware that we deserve better. But emotions aren't rational-- even science will tell you that-- so here we are. And we stay because we can't leave. It's not that any of us have good arguments against what you say, it's that we don't and it doesn't matter. This is where we want to be.

Very well put! I couldn't agree with you more.

Anyone else having issues with EP not notifying them of responses to this or other posts?

Yes ab I don't get a lot of notifications and that's why it takes so long for me to reply sometimes.

I haven't gotten a notification at all since like Jan.

I have to say, the idea of being a wife is not appealing to me. Yes, the husband stays with them generally. But for what? The mortgage, the household chores, the in-law visits.....i.e., all the crap parts of life. I was married before and I didn't like it. It was all the blah parts of having a man in your life and none of the fun parts. Even sex wasn't good any more after we got married.

I'm now divorced and in a long live-in relationship with a man, and there is almost no sex. And we still have the boring parts of life, without the fun parts.

So, I've decided that for me, single and dating is the way to go. I want a man in my life, but I want my own place.

And the thing is - at my age, nobody really attractive is still single. I'm not deliberately looking for married men - but I don't necessarily rule them out. It's because of the numbers. Most people are married.

TheTruthIfItKillsMe - it may just be that many married people are not happy, and some are. It's the same for singles - there are moments when life is great and moments when it isn't. You can't be on a high all your life!

She's back!

So happy you noticed.

As long as she behaves it's ok with me.

Wow steph we agree again. Let's not make this a habit. lol

Did she delete a bunch of messages or something? All I see if yours TotallyTea

No she didn't. It was me. I was using my phone and it kept telling me it didn't post. Sorry, I deleted the duplicates.

Thank you Totallytea. The following thought of mine crossed my mind. If he doesn't understand his wife, why will he understand another woman (we're all females, aren't we?). Another idle thought. Last summer, a guy in a committed relationship asked me very openly to sleep with him. He was about 30. His girlfriend was at home looking after the babies or toddlers. It still makes me laugh (although it isn't funny) that she could trust him out on his own, and that the 30 year old guy had no idea of my age. Maybe I should have brought a walking stick or something (to hit him over the head with, for example).

You must look amazing! I have to admit I still get my share of attention. Just last night I was riding my Harley and a guy pulled up and yelled hey sexy. I will be 50 soon. We are a new generation of women and age doesn't seem to matter anymore.

Great totallytea. And thank you for the compliment. I think it's what we believe in our hearts that's important. There's nothing wrong with being sexy at any age - or at least attractive and keeping to our own values. It is, as you say, a new generation of women and some of those men out there are going to have to put up with self-assertive women who will still dare to be attractive until they drop! Keep on looking attractive - you never know who might be there for you. (:o)

I posted a little while ago about walking away.. I did.. I lasted 3 days.. 3 days of crying and letting him go.. when the past and hurt of days past was gone.. all I wanted was him. He is a part of my heart and my soul and I just.. how do you leave a love like that? So for now im leading a double life.. we have agreed to start dating from the beginning.. and eventually we will blend our lives a little more.. il always be afraid he will never leave.. but for now im young and busy.. and .. how do I throwaway my soul mate. It broke him when I left.. how silly is that that I stay for him because I cant bear his hurt? The cycle never ends.

I think the cycle ends when you choose your wellbeing first. Not his. He isn't hurt enough to leave his wife. When and if he does, will you still trust him?

You are wasting the best years of your life! Absolutely do what is best for you. Screw him! He has it all. Think about you and put you first always. I know ours easier said than done.

Update? You were so right.. couldn't get my head and my heart to see eye to eye.. they still dont.. but.. my head is rational and has my best interest at heart whereas my heart just loves him too much. Everything was always about him and he kept taking me for granted.. I told him that I was raised to believe if you cant live without something you fight for it because a little pain now for a lifetime of happiness (assuming he ever actually left) is worth it and if you truly truly care about someone you stand by them unconditionally. But he never fought for me.. I dont doubt his love is real. But its not enough. He wanted to be friends for awhile.. knowing full well that its biologically impossible for us to be friends. I told him I cant.. its too hard. Maybe one day. Maybe. So I told him I will always love him. That I wish him all the very very best.. and that if his situation ever changes.. my number and email and Facebook will be the same. What did I get? No reply. But. I do have a dinner date next week with someone new :) possibility is everything and whilst im not ready to date.. its a step in the right direction. Finally. x

Awesome! I hope you stay strong. It will be a constant struggle for awhile. We are all here for support. You can do it. xoxo

12 More Responses

Add a response...Please help. I am struggling and need advice. I met a man a few years ago at the place I was working. We always flirted but he seemed to flirt with a lot of women and made it clear he talked/texted women all the time. He was up front about being married and I never thought anything about our friendship other than that we were just friends, although I was really attracted to him and him obviously to me. We started to get even closer last year and things began to turn towards becoming physically. He told me his marriage was falling apart and that he didn't know if he could stay with her. It was a dead marriage but he has 3 teenage kids and they are the only thing keeping him there. I had planned for a long time to move out of state so when we did finally become physical, this decision was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I left only a month after we first had sex, which was the most incredible, mind blowing experience of my life. We are soul mates. We are in love. He feels the exact same way that I do. He plans to leave his wife. Once I moved away we both realized that we are meant to be together. I couldn't stand to be away from him so I flew in every few weeks and stayed in a motel so we could be together. I didn't see my friends or family. I just spent every minute with him possible. Our hearts broke every time I had to leave. So after 6 months, I moved back in with my parents. He and his wife are separated but still living together. They have not be together physically since we started a physical relationship but he can't leave her because he has no money as he has financial problems and he can't afford to pay his mortgage, let alone another apartment or place of his own. I tell him I will wait for him forever if I have to but it is so hard. We are together almost every night. When we make love, it is like the first time, every time. What we have IS different than the typical MM and OW. He wants to spend the rest of his life with me and i with him. He is a lot older than me, I am 23 but says he will have more children with me. I can't wait. But there is this small part of me that has doubt. When will he actually leave his wife so we can be together? Is it true, once a cheater, always a cheater. He told his wife he is not with another woman and she believes him. Will he do the same to me? I see the lies he tells her and his children. Says he's at work all night when he is with me and part of me wonders if he will do that to our children. I am truly in love with him and he says we are soul mates and he married her because he was young and didn't know what he was doing and now he knows and he knows we are meant to be together. I am afraid that i will be waiting for a long time for him and that he will change his mind or find someone else that doesn't ask him to leave his wife. I am being patient with him. I don't pressure him at all. Am I blind? Please help.

Please don't waste your youth waiting for a MM. If he wanted to be with you, he would. Even if he does leave his wife, from what you said about him talking and texting women, I wouldn't trust him. You are young. Live life a little. Don't regret all the things you could have and should have done. If he truly loves you he will leave her. Tell him you don't want to see him anymore. Don't answer his calls and if he really wants to be with you he will make the changes necessary to be with you. If he doesn't, then you are much better off knowing now and not many years down the road. Trust me, he isn't the man you want or need in your life. Be careful what you wish for because it might just come true.

Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I have thought these things over and over in my mind. He promises me that we will be together as soon as he can afford to move out. I truly believe we are soul mates and so does he. I have no doubt that he is in love with me. He makes me feel like the most amazing and beautiful woman on earth. He can't be with his wife because he feels he would be cheating on me. It's so backwards and confusing for both of us but we can't be apart. What if he is really the only man I will ever feel this way about and I leave him and the relationship. Won't I regret that for the rest of my life? At least if I wait for him and he does leave I am giving our love a chance. I miss him every minute we are apart and he misses me. I am so lonely without him. How can I possibly cut him out of my life when I feel this way.

If he really wants to be with you, he will make the necessary changes. If he isn't willing to do that for you, then he isn't your soul mate. Many of these men are just wanting the best of both worlds. I know it's hard, but what if he is just leading you on? At least this way you will know for sure.

My advice to you is to get out and deal with the heartbreak now. If you wait any longer your heart will be crushed. You can spend years with a man and if he is not motivated to be with you/marry you because you are giving him what he wants, there is no need for him to do anything because he is having his cake and eating it too. Words are cheap. They mean nothing. Action on the other hand, can move mountains. Good Luck sweetheart.

1 More Response

THERE IS NO EXCUSE, TO CHEAT ON SOMEONE YOUR MARRIED TO.. IF THINGS AREN'T WORKING OUT, THEN TRY AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS GET A DAMN DIVORCE. IF YOU WANT EACH OTHER BACK THEN GET BACK TOGETHER... YOU CAN ALWAYS GET MARRIED AGAIN... STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR BEING SELFISH....

No one said it as an excuse, but honey love doesn't always make sense and we ALL are guilty of making decisions that aren't always in our best interest. People are human and until you are something more than that you don't have the right to judge anyone else.

I know the other woman looks like a home wrecker.. and a s**t and all these other horrible things. I know its easy to say if he is married stay away.. stay far far away and 'go find your own man'. I too have found myself in the spot of the OW. He wasnt someone new. he was a love from my past where things ended.. 'openendedly' we never had closure and we went our separate ways still loving each other. years later through the innovation that is social media we reconnected. at first it was all so innocent.. emails and texting.. but seeing each other in person that chemistry and spark was and is still there. now i must be honest and say in hindsight i have been lied to from the beginning. I can see that from the get go he has wanted what he has wanted and i dont believe i matter in the grand scheme of things. i would never ever be a homewrecker.. he told me he was separated and had things to finalise.. then every time we would get close something would always be wrong. now.. i dont see it ever ending.. he wont leave his child and this i do understand. he says he loves me and fornow must put his own wants behind the needs of his childs and his childs best interests. he assures me he is not reconciling on his marriage however they will stay separated under the same roof and i am to remain a secret. i love this man with every part of my being and soul but i dont know how to do what comes next. i feel i cannot stay for all the obvious reasons and more and i feel i cannot go because this man is and always will be my soul mate. do i stay but look to live my life and find someone to move onto? or do i go and grieve and remember the love we had and hope to find it again some day? he assures me we will have a future together and that i am not merely a 'statistic' in regards to how many MM actually leave for the OW. Im not looking for judgement or criticism. i am my own harshest judge and critic and nothing that can be said i havent already thought on my own. I need guidance and support to navigate this incredibly difficult time to come. i feel i know the right decision is to go. but how do i make it.

One of my friends was in your situation. They had been engaged and her future husband went to war. He was badly injured and was cared for by a young woman. He fell in love with her and broke off his engagement. Years later, my friend and I met her man again and of course he was married. They had an affair for 30 years - and he would NOT leave the wife and children. Even when his wife went into care, he stayed. (Which was maybe the only decent thing he did for his wife). My friend was discarded like a tissue when she was older and had years and years of therapy. The man finally died. Did she ever get the man? Yes and no. But she also got years of grieving and unfortunately, three abortions. In those days, when you weren't married and pregnant, you were absolutely discriminated against.

How you go? Believe me, you just break all ties with him. Don't look back.

(I'm an attractive woman of 60 - men still approach me with the "my wife doesn't understand me" crap.)

thank you. i really appreciate this more than you know. i guess im just holding onto the past and the 'what should/might have been' i dont know where and how to begin to move on from him. i know in my heart im getting there slowly. every day i close the door a little bit at a time.. the more my texts go ignored.. etc. he looks at me with such love in his eyes.. i almost walked away the other week.. he looked like a lost little boy.. he couldnt look at me he just shut down and didnt know what to say or do.. so i caved and i went back on my words and i stayed. id be prepared to try this again.. if he ever moved on from his family and we could 'walk in the sunlight' but im realising a whole lot of broken promises and 'forevers' that are turning into 'nevers' i just need support i suppose because like i said.. i just dont know where and how to begin.. but at least its a start that i see i have to.. right?

Yes it is. Remind yourself every day that you are worth more than that. He may be lovable, and can look at you with love (by the way, so can my little grandson!!!). Every day, remind yourself that YOU can be walking in the sunshine with a man of your very own and that look of love will be just for you.

Much better steph. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you Totallytea. What a generous reply.

2 More Responses

Thank you for your post. I know you have been the OW and it all makes sense. My husband cheated when my son was 4 weeks old. I lost 40lb within 2 months, lost half my hair if not more, lost any self confidence I have. He says he wants to work on it but how do I even begin to believe that when actions speak louder. He says he cheated because I didn't sleep with him during my pregnancy. We had an active sex life before but after 5 miscarriages and not much info as to why I was miscarrying I was scared to take that chance. He knew that because we lost a son in the second trimester and I told him I wouldn't sleep with him if wet got pregnant again. And if that were the case, why didn't he cheat when Iwas pregnant? I don't understand men and I want to move on but I've lost myself. Everything I felt good about myself is gone. And to all you
OW out there, It will happen to you if he leaves his wife for you. Don't play yourself like a fiddle. Don't be ignorant to that idea that things will be fantastic if he wants you and no longer his wife. I can tell you that reality will set in and hum drum of life and same BS will happen. r

Yes Jemsgirl. I sympathise with you. Unfortunately (and fortunately) as wives and partners, our husbands expect us to have sex when they want it, including during pregnancy. It doesn't mean that what you did was wrong, or that he was being very compassionate. If you still love him and he still loves you, you do still have a chance. You are still his wife - and a small son - but it's up to you if you still want him. I'd work very hard on my self-confidence in your place because that's important for yourself and for your little son. He'll notice - when everyone else does! Go on out there and make a few changes - hairstyle, lipstick or whatever. You're very young and life is still out there. So stuff him. Let him doubt himself a bit.

I don't want him to leave his wife and marry me. I didn't like being married when I did it the first time. Why would I want to do it again?!

This is not how everyone feels of course, but a majority do want more than what they have.

Omg. U WOMEN DONT GET IT!! If hes MARRIED THEN STAY THE HELL AWAY!!! Yall are a big reason they cheat. Women flirt and flirt. And like the idea that a married man is in to her! 90% chance is hes only in to you because u put out! Most men cheat bc of sex! Point blank! I have been on both sides! When I was younger i slept with a man who was married! But I'm older and married myself, and it FCKN hurts bad if your spouse cheats on u! Keep in mind all of you CARMA IS A *****! If u sleep around with a married man. Then one day after u r married, ur husband will cheat on u then u will realize how dumb u were wen u was sleeping with a married man. U will feel so sorry for the wife of the Man U slept around with!! THERE IS A REASON ITS CALLED MARRIAGE!!! Bc WEN U GET MARRIED IT A MAN AND A WOMEN THAT PROMISE EACH OTHER TO STAY WIT EACH OTHER TIL THEY DIE AND NEVER CHEAT AND STICK BY THEM FOREVER THRU WHATEVER! That means KEEP UR HAND OFF AND UR BODY OFF!!! It means STAY AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE! IT MEAN OFF LIMITS!!!! if tere weren't so many ****** in this world there wouldn't be that many men cheating!!

Such language! Don't blame the other women for your man being a dog.

Ur right I'm sorry for the language

Btw wen i was 17 and had the affair with a married man. I didnt know if was married with two kids until his wife came to my house and talked to me. I got called some bad names when I had no idea about the wife, when I did find out it was over! Yes my heart was broke bad. I thought we were in love. So I'm not judging women who didnt know about him being married, however when u found out u left, bc if u didnt then ur the kind i do judge. Trust me. If u were married like i am for 7 years now and ur husband cheats physically or emotionally you then will realize EXACTLY HOW BAD IT HURTS AND TEARS UR INSIDES OUT AND UR HEART IS IN BILLIONS OF PIECES, u cant sleep eat, all u wanna do is cry, U DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO, ur AT A CROSS ROADS, especially IF U HAVE CHILDREN WITH UR HUBAND LIKE I DO!!
TRUST ME WOMEN CARMA IS REAL AND IF U HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH A MARRIED MAN THEN ONE DAY U WILL HAVE TO EXPERIENCE THE PAIN THE WIFE HAD TO GO THRU!

Honey sorry your hurt and angry but all of us women r in this together as more times than not we all r falling for the lies on both ends. Lets not degrade each other when some MM are doing such a job!

Thank you. And I understand that. There are a lot of women they don't know that their boyfriend is married, and I don't think bad of them bc I was in that spot before. But I don't care who hates me for this or not, I will always believe and I know I am right, that NO woman should go after a married man. Even if he is telling her everything she wants to hear. Yes HES A JERK. But the OW needs to realize that she isn't the only one that's dealing with this. THE WIFE IS DEALING WITH WAY MORE THAN THE OW. you all may disagree but u will agree one day if you find yourself in the wife's shoes. I know the OW will be hurt and have a lot of pain. BUT the wife is in way way more pain than the OW(unless the wife is also cheating or she doesn't love her husband) but if she's like me and she adores her husband more than her own life then she will deal with way more. The OW will eventually get over it and find someone knew, the wife however WILL NEVER get over it. Marriage is much much more than just dating someone. Boyfriends come and go, but a marriage is suppose to last a lifetime. I am still with my husband, and it's been 3 years since I read emails and found out a bunch of crap he was doing. I'm on here now bc I'm scared he's talking to someone again, but I'm not sure. The thing is I KNOW THAT HE LOVES ME. And no I'm not being naive. I know for a fact he loves me, but he has a lot of deep issues from his childhood. His dad use was a full time preacher but very abusive behind closed doors, his mom finally had enough and divorced him and then got cancer and died when my husband was 17 years old. A deacon of the church sexually abused him when he was a very small boy. He has been through a lot.
Four months after I found out about what he did my 4 year old daughter died in a car accident we got in. She was his step daughter, but he was in her life when she was 2 months old. He was more of a father than her biological father. I, myself have been thru hell and back. So my heart was crushed when I found out what all he did then my first child died in my arms. I can't take anymore hurt OR ILL HAVE TO B ADMITTED INTO A MENTAL INSTITUTE.. Here in past couple weeks he's been showing signs of cheating so I'm extremely worried. And when I got on here and started reading some of the comments I got pissed. Bc men are mostly all about sex. But women can be so conniving, manipulative, sneaky and ect. I know bc I'm a woman and I know how women think. And I don't care if it's the presidents wife, no woman period has any business messin around with a married man.. And I meant what I said about carma bc I experienced it.. When my husband did all that I emailed the woman that's married to the man I slept with years ago and apologized a billion times and told her what happened to me, she replied back and said I'm glad it happened to you, she said nothing personal and I'm not being mean, but I'm glad you get to feel the pain I felt. And she was totally right. The OW thinks they have it bad but they don't.. The wives got it bad, as wives we have to worry about our new house we built together, our children WE MADE TOGETHER, our life we made together, our family that now has to be broken apart, our future was set but now we feel we don't have a future. Bc this isn't just a boyfriend that broke up with us, this is our husband that betrayed us and our trust. We will NEVER b able to trust him again or any man for that matter. I stayed with my husband and I promise you that It takes YEARS to fully get over it. And I will NEVER b able to forget

If a man wants to cheat, HE WILL! There is nothing anyone can do about it. You can not control another person. Yes it hurts, but you now have a choice. You can stay and put up with it or you can move on and find your happiness. Only you can make that choice.

I kno but Idk which choice I should make. My 1st child that died 3 years ago I had when I was 19. Her father wantd 2b n her life. So we did the evry other weekend thing &even tho I miss her terribly bad, its best for her in heaven Bc poor baby had suffered a lot goin back & forth. It was very confusing 2her. It caused many problems. So I dont want 2put my other two children through same thing shayna went through. My daughter Gracie's 5 and my son Brody's 2 &even tho they both are a huge momma's baby they also love their daddy very much. I must add that 3 yrs ago I left my husband aftr I found out what he did. I divorced him, we stayed divorced for 6 months. My brothers a lawyer so I had our divorce finalized one month after I kicked him out. During those 6 months we stayed in contact, I had dated a couple guys & he slept w/a few girls but actually dated one. The entire time he was dating her he kept texting me, driving me crazy, sending me flowers.( we slept 2gthr a couple time 2.)He did everything then that he shouldve done in our marriage. I was still so in love w/him & I kno he loved me then & loves me now. We remarried right after my daughter passed away. & been together ever since. My problem now is Ive seen a cpl signs of him cheating r talkn 2 sum1. Idk for a fact but I do suspect hes doin sumthn wrong. &even tho its been 3 yrs since he did anythn I still cant fully trust him or what he says. I askd him today bc he's all of a sudden questioning me & askin who I'm texting evry time I grab my phone (wen I wont b even textin period). He's made a couple comments like you better not be meeting no guy during the day. Or stupid crap like that. I asked him y is he actin like this all of a sudden, I havent givin him any kind of reason 2think I'm cheating. Then a flag went up wen he startd acting like he wantd 2 have sex w/me. Our first 3 yrs of marriage we had sex everyday sumtimes twice a day, but since then we do it once or twice a week. Which is not my fault. Hes always too tired.& I kno he's not lyin bout that, he really is tired. So I got use 2 him not tryin 2have sex but 2-3 times a week. &in this last week hes been wanting sex a lot. So after I asked him bout cheating we got in a small argument & he says "trust me I am not cheating, I wouldn't be with you if i was." But The way he said it sounded kinda offensive so it hurt my feelings. But then I cant help but wonder if he sayin that bc he knows he's guilty or he actually means what he said & is he questioning me bc he has a guilty conscious or just bein stupid!!! So I can't just jump up & leave until I kno the 100% truth but idk how 2find out 100% truth. I can go 2his job but can't go any further than the Parkin lot & I hav 2 kids so I can't go spy on him. I know this has nothin 2do w/ur aticle, but maybe sum1 can help give advice. Especially since there's a lot of women on here that are or was the mistress.

All I can say is go with your gut feeling. It is NEVER wrong. The truth will eventually come out.

No Hate: Content against another member or group of people (ethnicities, cultures, race, religion, sexual orientation, etc.) is NOT allowed.
Self-Policing: The community is self-policing, and you can flag any piece of content, or any member for review. Experience Project staff is not able to actively examine content unless it is brought to our attention using the flagging mechanisms.
Members Violating Any of the Above Can and Will be Removed from the Site without notice.

I don't know how many times all of us have asked you stephaniebis to refrain from posting negative comments. THIS IS A SUPPORT GROUP! We understand your point of view.

Oh gosh TT! I just flagged her again! I can't believe she's still on such a rampage.

8 More Responses

I'm new and I'm not really sure why I'm posting. I found this site on the hunt for...something..on the internet. I've never thought of myself as a home wrecker or a *****, but I guess I am the ow. Sort of. I met a man last year through work and we went out one night on business and had a blast. As in a mind blowing connection with someone. Nothing happened, but a quick drink for networking purposes turned into six hours with us both commenting that it was a weird old night and that we got on great and blimey wasn't that like a first date. I knew he was married with kids and I knew there was no intent in it but it knocked me sideways. Conscious of our work connection I didn't want to embarrass myself by doing anything, that was last night, today was a new day so if leave it be. He invited me for breakfast which I couldn't make and I knew he was due to leave the country at the end of the day. Yes, he lives 6000 miles away from me too.. We exchanged a few emails throughout the day just light chat but agreed we'd meet to say bye. Again nothing happened except he said he felt confused he was married and shouldn't be feeling like this, whatever this was, and didn't want to leave. We'd agreed this whole thing was weird and a little overwhelming. I left and yes, in true movie fashion, with the train signalman blowing his whistle, he kissed me and I hopped on the train. I cried stupidly after that totally overwhelmed by what had happened in the last 24hours and what I was feeling - not love just a huge bond with someone - who couldn't be mine and who knew if/when I'd see again. We text lots after that, and we'd speak on the phone. Our conversations were about everything and nothing, not filthy chat etc. each time 'the situation' came up with him feeling odd; having strong feelings towards me but equally feeling as though he has crossed a line but us emailing, texting etc everyday. He had a number of melt downs in that regard where he'd be in a real state about the situation. To the point where we'd barely spoken for a couple of weeks. Then he told me he was planning a last minute trip back to see his parents. On the one night he had in the same city as me we went out, he brought up the conversation of us and our situation. In summary he was honest, he made vows he felt he should keep, he's a dad, he can't be someone that has an affair or divorces. He said if we carried on how we had been he'd fall totally in love with me. He worried if he left and we married whether he'd do the same to me, wasn't he supposed to stay and work through this. Although he would stumble by saying he's never felt this way and has not stayed or been tempted in 17years. He said what he wanted and what he had to do were two separate things. It broke my heart hearing and seeing the anguish for him. We stayed in touch although the intensity of our conversations, and frequency, fluctuates. Today we're having a cool day. I know enough to know it's not me, it's the moral dilemma he struggles with, but the consequences are the same in that I am left desperately sad. I don't really know why I'm writing this. I see some quite hateful comments on here about these men not being real men and the ow are awful ***** and things. I think people forget that many of the ow are people too that just want to be loved and sometimes we get pulled in by a fantasy, but that can happen whether a man is married or not. Surely we've all dated someone that we've believed and really hoped could be the one! I don't see myself as a home wrecker, and I don't see him as an a***hole. I've never slept with him - although find him incredibly attractive - and he has never bad mouthed his wife or blamed bad/infrequent sex. So not all mm or ow fit the mould. I doubt I'll have my happy ending but I think there are other outcomes and maybe my story shows that to some people who view cheating/being the other person etc as diabolical, it's far from black and white.
It never occurred to me that my mm may think of me in such negative light!

You do deserved to be loved, just not by a married man. I'm sorry you dealing with this, but you should've never let it get to the point of him having feelings for you or you having feelings for him. Actually no married man should ever be alone with a woman.. Except for his own mother. Bc that's when temptation sets in. Especially if he and his wife is going thru a rough spot bc then he's vulnerable. And I don't want to hurt your feelings, but if he truly thought he could be falling in love with you then he would've left his wife.its possible he didn't wanna hurt your feelings so he told you something he thought u wanted to hear. I respect him for telling you all that and saying it has to stop then again I disrespect him that he allowed it to even get to that.. I know that it's NOT just the OW's fault. I know that both are at fault, the OW and MM. And sometimes it's the wife's fault as well. We get caught up in our busy life, taking care of kids is a full time job, then keeping house clean, cooking dinner. We attend to forget how our husband needs to feel loved, needed, appreciated just like we do.. It's a hard job on both sides. But nobody said marriage is easy, bc it's hard work for both husband and wife. I'm saying all this bc a lot of men that cheat usually is rooted from the home life.and just bc he cheats doesn't mean he doesn't love his wife, actually 90% of them do still love their spouse and doesn't want to mess their marriage up. If the OW starts telling the MM that he needs to leave his wife, 1. he will either break up with her, or 2. lie to her and say he will, BUT HE KNOWS HE NEVER WILL LEAVE HIS WIFE. the wife usually has the upper hand if it were to come down to a competition on who can win his heart. I know you hurting but please put yourself in the wife's shoes. Try thinking that your married to the man that rocks ur world, u been with him for years, now as years go by u age a little & ur not as hot & fine as u use 2b. So now u have a low self esteem.. now this younger & attractive, fun woman comes along, flirts w/ur husband, she starts makin him feel he's on top of the world & if the continue 2 talk they eventually have sex. Now if u can really imagine it then you will see where I'm coming from. It's not fair to the wife that has worked hard for years on her marriage for some girl/woman to come in and take it all away or try to. Like I said every single soul on this earth deserves to find true love. But it's NOT true love if that person is married. There are billions of people on this earth. There's plenty of "SINGLE" MEN to go around. So y try to pursue a married man? I honestly don't understand it?? U know this man is married, so y would u still text & talk 2 him.. In the long run you will get hurt. And he's right if he will cheat on his wife now, he would also cheat on u if y'all were 2get 2gther.. The article above is so true. Don't be so naive. You need to block him 100% out of ur phone, emails, and ur life. And move on and find a man that's single or at least completely divorced & not just separated. The longer u wait 2shut him out the more hurt you will be. The sooner u stop it the sooner u can move on to better. I promise u will find the perfect man for you one day, just be patient. "All things good come to those who wait,,,"

Thanks for your reply. I do understand your comments although I don't agree with everything. I frequently have lunch/dinner/drinks by myself with married men, it's nothing sinister but I work In a male dominated environment and am expected to to build relationships-with everyone. So this is quite common. I haven't been in a situation like this but I've been living the same way for 11 Years so I know this is a bit different.
You're right, marriage takes work although I would also say that we never know what someone's marriage is really like. I'm "Lucky" in that I'm not spun a yarn about how terrible home life is etc but people DO change and someone that did once rock your world when you met at 20 doesn't necessarily at 40. I'm just saying that there are many different variables. I've always taken the view that a marriage cannot be broken unless it's broken already. And there is or shouldn't be, any shame in divorce. Hopefully everyone who gets married means it when they make those vows, that forever will be forever but literally no one can swear to honestly love someone forever. No one knows how we will feel next year let alone next decade. In my opinion life is not a rehearsal and if a couple have moved on to a point where those feelings are not the same anymore, no one should stay just because they made vows, nor because they had children. A parents marriage is meant to be a role model so one without love, affection, desire, respect etc is not a good example. Nor is having an affair. Sadly the vast majority of human beings will not leave a relationship, married or not, unless there is someone else. People lack the courage and, frankly, who wants to be alone? Unless it's abusive (and even then) many people chose to stay. In fact many people chose to stay when they DO meet someone else because we are scared of making a decision that changes our environment sp much. Again I say this not in the context of me, but I really don't think I am naive, we live in a world or grey and I think to say a man will never leave, a man should honour his vows etc is a bit black and white. Life is complicated. In an ideal world we'd either be able to really love forever (of course some people do ) or we'd be able to identify our feelings and do the right thing before any other man or woman became involved. Sadly we're not.

Unfortunately you are in the relationship and can't see the reality of the situation. You obviously have never been married or had a family. If you had, you would realize how self serving and uncaring your comments are. If he is married, he is taken. Respect yourself and the wife and do the right thing. Regardless of what his relationship is with his spouse, marriage is a commitment. If he chooses to have a relationship with you, or anyone else, he needs to end his marriage first. Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you. I'm sure you would not want another woman tempting your husband....Please do the right thing. Let him work out his problems in his marriage ( either way). His wife is a woman who loves her husband and has feelings just like you. The heartache you will feel making a clean break pales in comparison to the excruciating pain his wife and family will feel if you go through with this.

thats giving it straight my mm had no children, divorced his wife, and we lasted 24 yrs. He adored me but I wanted out! Next MM hid his marriage for over 1 yr. Its all just BS and no sex is worth it but its not the sex but whats missing inside that we all look for. U can only find it in urself-not a man.

your statement does not apply to me, Im not alienated from his family nor is he.. so this is not always true none of it

I state that in my story.

No problem, just wanted the ladies to know. Good stories are never broadcasted.On days spent alone I had plenty of time to write and read. Ep is not a secret from my partner. I'm simply too busy and I'm always trying to read a little here, read a little there.. it seems there isn't enough time.. Im consumed with life, work and my family.. Somehow I'm trying to make time, trying to squeeze it into my day and it's only getting worse. My time is limited but I do get the chance every so often. Although it may not seem the same as our MM making time or sending that text or email. I now look at it in the same way.

I want to be able to spend the time but for now I find myself sneaking a peek as much as possible

I am with a mm and have been for many years been cheated on over and over thn I gave him his fantisey been with another woman n bed with him but then he looks at other women who r all dressed up and wants me to look like **** he won't let me ware make up but yet he looks at other girls while I'm sitting b side him. I feel no matter wht I do I'm always n the wrong no matter wht I can't do **** right. I want out but he won't leave. I'm not happy with myself cuz of the way he treats me...

We have 7 kids together

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. 7 kids with a MM, must be like being a single parent.

You are an idiot! That's what you get! Might as well signed up for polygamy.

What is wrong with polygamy exactly?

1 More Response

Not sure what to do. Since I was 16 this man has been part of my life. We have the deepest connection. We have rekindled over the years. 16 he had a girlfriend, we went away to college -21 I was engaged, we met, 23 we met again, 29 we talked and briefly met again, 33-38 we met twice a year, at 39 we took a break as he was going through divorce, then he contacted me at 41, then it was over, then again he contacted me 2 months ago. We don't live in the same city. We grew up together. He has had a GF for 3 years, but I have always been the OW.. And yes he has been the OM. Our bond is so strong... We physically can't be together unless truly planned... This is my heart, and I don't know if it will ever be... When he reaches out I can't say no... Each time he needs to focus on his relationship I cry for days, my heart aches and then it heals up with another scar, and then he contacts me and it is ripped open again...

This is pretty much on target.

Totallytea is right I was married 29 years never cheated when wife left I knew it was over she dug to deep a hole. The same day I started looking. If the guy is really going to move on he would be separated from wife.

well this is very true I just want to mention one thing I am a Muslim snd in Islam we are allowed to have 4 wives now doesn't that make sense I can assure all men after marriage for some time start to look out because that is their nature, god created us that way and he made a solution for it not only for our own pleasure but also for the benefit of all human being, women are more than men in the world this is a fact so go figure, and it comes with condition and rule we have obey not an easy one for example we have to treat them equal in any thing and god told us it is nearly impossible but if you can do it try to treat them equal

While I am afan of the idea of polygamy and agree is leads to astronger marriage over all, I think it should ultimately be the woman's choice to say yes or no on whether or not they want to share the man who already said vows to them.

Yes if you and all parties are over 21 maybe 25 a better age are in total agreement it can work the same can besaid for 1 women & 2 or more men. It depends on the group.

**** you sudan.. is that all you learn about islam? no polygamy is not actually allowed in islam , its an act of proving god wrong if you read into quran the right way. and if it was allowed , it is definitely not for the reason that his nature loves women, it is allowed for severe cases when his wife can't bring children or too ill to be available as a wife.. if you want to tell people about islam , know what to say you *******, not something disgusting like what you said. men who don't treat women right are disrespectful of them and dehumanizing them. that's why once a cheater always a cheater, it's how they perceive women.

well first of all muslimhottie use a better word when you speack seconeded yes islam allows 4 wifes yes you r right it can be for many reason like illenes as you mentioned but it is also allowed without reason if the wife agree think about it islam allow 4 wifes so do u mean the 3 wifes should be ill or they cant bring childern !!! furthermore i never said men should cheat this is exactly why we allowed to marry 4

Another reason I am an atheist belevieing in false god or gods is so wrong. Religion was made as one person said was invented when the first con man meet the first fool. I believe it was to control the masses keep them in line so the rich and powerful can stay in power. Look where the religious leaders stayed. With the rich and powerful while the poor lived in hobles.

An atheist doesn't believe in God at all. So I'm confused bc u said its wrong to believe in false gods.. Which is true it's a sin. But how can u say what and whos a false god if ur atheist? If u know what they serve is a false god then does that mean you know who the REAL GOD is?? I do, I just wanted 2know if you do.

Your statement is totally wrong. First to say god made you this way is just an excuse. Nature makes the odds the human women has a harder time with child bearing then other animals so more are lost in child bearing. That's why there are more women then men just because usually men have higher libidos then most women they are more likely to stray. Have no idea why so many women fall for the crap you put out there.

No God did make us, now how we chose to live our life is our choice, God dont make us do the things we do. But nature didn't either. We did. How u grew up, how u were taught, how u were raised, how your parents are, all that has a huge role on how you are today.

5 More Responses

Hello Totallytea. What you have said is true about my situation and ive yet again ended it. Ive come here for support because I dont trust myself.

Good! don't trust yourself. Be aware of your feelings and be honest with yourself. Believe me when I tell you, you have to get out. You owe it to yourself. My story would take too many years to tell. He and I have been friends, best friends for over 20 years. We have worked together all this time. Although, I ended the affair years ago, I find myself still struggling to get free. He is still married. His kids are now grown and out of the house. Just two weeks ago, he called me to tell me that I still take his breath away. I tried to make light of it. He said "When someone who loves you tells you that you are beautiful, accept it". He almost had me for a minute. Now I find out that he moved out of his house last week. Guess what....He has a new Girlfriend. it is incredible, the effect this is having on me. It is how I felt when I first ended it. I have been crying for days. I cannot eat or sleep. I don't know why. This is horrible. My heart is breaking all over again. I have to see him every day. I cannot stand it. I believed for all these years that he loved me. I believed that we were not together, because we couldn't be. Now I know the truth. I think I always did, But, the lie is so much easier to believe. All of you that are involved with a MM, get out. Run and do not look back. Here is the truth. When a man really loves a woman, he will do anything to be with her. He will walk over fire. Do not waste another minute of your precious life on this dead end. Please, please get out.Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

They only love themselves. I'm sorry you are going through this. We are all here for support. You already know you are way better off without him. Be glad you didn't make a huge mistake. It will get easier. xoxo

Yep so true

Too bad it took you so long to find out. Move on don't even talk to him unless the job requires it

Things have changed since my post. I have not seen this man and I don't care anymore. I am tired of him and this stupid situation. He is still sending messages and knocked on my door. the only time i responded to him was earlier this week in text. I was not nice to him and have nothing more to say. Im glad you see the truth in your situation. No more making excuses for him. No more denial. I don't know whether he was so caught up in his own problems that he failed to see the world outside. You are not plain stupid you are human. Women are different to men. I don't know who these ultra strong women are - these women who can over come their feelings or switch them off. Is that strong even? Or just plain hard? Problem for me - and you is that we took this more seriously than they did. I now know that i was allowing him to live a kind of fantasy almost like an in between life. It was at my expense and his own. He needs to face up to his problems and I need to get on with my life and so do you.

I'm so sorry. hugs

3 More Responses

To all other womenwho do not know there man is married I totally understand but u are bond to find out and u do not sto just tell me what gives u the right to continue to purue this married man
And what makes u think u can even call yourselfs ladies . And I really hope that what u all dish out comes back seven times over for u and him becsuse my ( not friend) it will he eill tire of u ss doon as u dnt do as he wants

The heart wants what the heart wants. Wishing ill on people is not the way to be. Try extending a helping hand instead of judging. If you can't do this then please don't post here.

To say that is why married men get away with it. Start using common sense and reasoning.

That is the most selfish, immature statememt. With all due respect. When u grow up you will understand that having some values and character are what life is about. Not being selfish and destroying another woman.

WTF?!? Why can't you crazies leave TT alone?

Whats a TT??

Oh sorry you mean totallytea

3 More Responses

Great article! I get so tired of the OW acting like she has some sort of insight into this man that the wife does not. The OW is a victim just like the wife. The MM will tell her lies to keep stringing her along and allows her to believe she is more special than the "frigid" wife. Let this be a lesson to any woman who is planning on being with a MM! These men do not have the capacity for real love and they are using you just like they are using their wives. Yes, I am woman and I am ANGRY FOR A REASON!!!!

The other woman is not a victim. Just a selfish creature with no morals or decency

I'm the wife. Everything you said is 100% accurate. The OW in my situation tormented me for months. Leaving me Facebook messages about my husband, claiming to be a friend. She even told me she was having an affair with my husband's friend. Once she was in my life and I felt comfortable with her the details of my relationship unfolded. When she found out he was in a traditional relationship (he told her we had not had sex in years) she freaked. Sent me tons of pics, even sexual ones. I have lost everything, my heart, trust, self esteem, my family. No one wins anything. Cancer, death, anything is better than this.

I am sorry that OW was such a *****! That is not always the way. Most women dont know he is married and leave when they find out. The culprits r the cheaters and the ones they do damage too r they ones to be concerned about.

lorraine - my MM told me he hadnt had sex in 2 years. He probably would have said longer than 2 if he could but they had a 16 month old baby. Its hard for me to hate him though because he just drew me in.. I guess your husbands OW fell for his BS

I am so sorry. You should not have to suffer this way. I never felt good about my affair. I was never proud of it. It was wrong. I know that. I owe his wife and all wives an apology!! He and I started as friends. I believed that we had fallen in love and it was special. It was not. It was wrong. The only person who hasn't been hurt is him.

You are absolutely correct.

1 More Response

Ladies, I am 61 yrs young. I married at 19 and had 7 sons. After 16 yrs I divorced. Something was missing and I always felt very alone. I met a younger man and soon found out he was married. We were off and on for 3 yrs then he divorced and after another 7 yrs we were married. He never had children and welcomed mine. He was a loving husband and wonderful to my sons and widowed mother. Somewhere along the way, I lost my love for him and in looking back I realize I always thought I was in love for all the wrong reasons. Well last year I met a younger man on fb and proceeded slowly and with no intent of anything more than a friendship. After all, he lives several hours away. But life is funny and the emotional attachment seemed to be for all the right reasons. I let myself believe that this was finally the one true love of my life. He sent me a plane ticket and I had a wonderful weekend but I could see we werent on the same page but he continued to text and call and seemed to being falling for me. He got cancer, he had a transplant and then I discovered-HE HAS A WIFE! I was devastated. When confronted he broke it off like I was a stalker and crazy. Sure, he was embarassed I found out. I texted the wife with my apology telling her I didnt know. Then he was horrible and cruel. Said I was out and that she was always in. Said he played me and I was gullible. Degraded my looks and love making. I didnt listen to that knowing that wasnt what he thought. Told him no hard feelings-just who he was. All he kept saying was fu. What is wrong here. I am no saint. I made my sins but never behaved in such a way! Meanwhile my husband found out and divorced me! Karma is a *****!

On the plus side Mom7 you still got a younger man interested in you married or not married that must be good to know at 60 you are attractive to younger men!! All that insulting stuff he says was for the benefit of his wifes ears..

meanwhile, this week he sent me not one but 2 apologies by email. Guess that relieves his guilt!!!!!!! Cant stop the bleeding with a bandaid! SMH

Why do these men think that words are enough?? At least you can see through him.. He does not deserve you love.

so to update-I became friends with a friend of his that lives in another state. He doesnt know this. Just as I plan to go visit this friend, he now wants to see me again. Im being smarter this time. I will see him but will see others also. I wont be exclusive with my time though my heart still is. THEN WHAT HAPPENS...HAPPENS!

Yep karma is a *****. You where mad at him for being married and you was too

2 More Responses

I like your candid confessions & the simplicity in your writing is so great!!

Thank you.

I have been the one cheated on and I have been the one doing the cheating. Not proud but **** happens and it doesnt mean either are bad people. Every situation is different and no one should judge but look at each situation for what it is. People do marry for the wrong reasons and find love unexpectedly. I am 61 and never did either without a heavy heart!

Now this is the best comment on here just because someone got Married doesn't mean they were meant to be married sometimes that's not the person God intended for that person to marry anyway and without God in a marriage it sucks

It doesn't matter if God intended u to be with him/her! Once u say i do THEN THATS THE PERSON GOD INTENDs u to b with. Bc GOD HATES DIVORCE. MORE THAN THAT HE HATES CHEATING!!

Cheatimg doesn't just happen. It is a deliberate act by selfish people

I was the other woman for 15 months only more emotional than physical since we lived hours apart. when i started to figure out he was married though he always adamently denied it, i started to pull back. then he had a liver transplant and texted he was suffering. i thought he meant physically. anyhow he got mad when i questioned him about something i saw on fb and called me a stalker and said goodbye. i texted the wife an apology. he then degraded and tore me to shreds and said he used me and i was gullible. i wished him well and told him no hard feelings-its just who he is. he said fu and threatened harassment charges. no word since but i shut off my cell and blocked him. this all happened christmas week.

Problems with the liver make people angry. It isn't an excuse - more of a reason. Maybe he didn't need a text to his wife from you. Whatever.

Problems with the liver make people angry??? please explain?

It's very well known. The liver is a vital organ and when that is not functioning well, people get angry. For example, when you have the flu, are you at your sunniest?

I see with each post I add more detail. I am doing my best and this is a great outlet. I know I deserve to be a Queen. I thought he was my King. Is it too much to expect a grown man and father who survived Sept. 11 and was 2 yrs sober and beat cancer twice, and survived a liver transplant, would have taken a long hard look at our purpose is here in this life and that he was honest, loyal, devoted, integrity, RESPECT. I dont ask anything but u treat me as I treat u. This seems to be my path with men-teach them to be all they r meant to be and then its over whether my choice or theirs. I need some TLC.

Ya would of thought that those events would cause someone to re evaluate life wouldnt ya..

2 More Responses

Wow.... That is so so true. I was the OW for 3 year and he promised me everything. He was 'leaving' her 4 times. It all came out in the open and the sh!t really did hit the fan. He has been nothing but horrible to me, he doesn't live with his wife now but sees her on a daily basis, has 2 teenagers who despise me, I am the sworn enemy and I don't blame the wife or kids at all I really don't. I am struggling really badly with it all, 7month down the line. I am struggling with all the lies he told me etc. He tells you what he thinks you want to hear and we fall for it, like we're hypnotised or something!
I am in so much pain and I believe this to be gods way if punishing me. I am not looking for sympathy as I know I am in the wring but I just wanted to get this off my chest.

Now u know how you made his wife feel. Only you made a deliberate choice to hurt her

Let me just say that a woman who knowingly engages in a relationship with a married man is not a woman at all. And the married man who engages in an adulterous relationship is not a man at all. Both are dogs, because as we all know dogs have numerous partners in life.

So do most people. This forum is a support group. If you are not supportive please don't comment here. Nobody likes to be torn down. Thank you.

Wait, so anyone who has more than one partner is akin to a dog to you? What is wrong with sleeping with more than one person? Also what is wrong with dogs? Do you have something against innocent animals?

Why not tell the wife? Shouldn't everybody understand the situation. Out of guilt he puts her down lowers her self esteem. When I found out about the girl that called herself his piece on the side I was shocked. I worry about her self respect. I still wish I knew sooner. He used both of us. At least she knew about. Why do people agree to be part of the lies affairs bring?

Many different reasons. Some just start out as sex, but eventually feelings come into play. Others have no idea he or she is married until its too late. Of course some people just don't care. I agree, tell the wife/husband! They have a right to know.

Please ladies, I can't stress this enough, please walk away from these kinds of relationships. It's just not worth it. I know y'all want to fight hard for whatever you think you may have found with these men, but I'm telling you, the karma, the sleepless nights, the physical, emotional and mental backlash is not worth it. It won't matter if you think you are a good woman who ran into your dream man at the wrong time. All of that is furthest from the true reality. Some men simply can't make decisions for themselves and their lives when the chips are down. Trust, like rats they run back to what they know and what is familiar. Now I know you may say that I am bitter and scorned from my own situation, but it's true. So to all you righteous do-gooders who did things the right way, take a bow. Your point was proven. You were right, I was wrong. It's doesn't matter if I love my MM or not. It doesn't matter that he constantly seek me out even when I fell back to give it time. They are gonna do what they do best, become cowards.New website alert This is what the world thinks of us, lol!http://shesahomewrecker.comCheck this out, it has some interesting views from both sides.Again, it does not matter how right you may think you are, the avenue of your love/romance was/ is wrong.If these men chose to marry these shrewish women, then it is up to us to leave them with her!

Good point! I would bet EVERY MM in this situation acts like his wife is not giving him any love, whether that is true or not. The male species is weak and pathetic in that way, oh poor me...pity me!

Amen judy54. Like everyone has said on here the man tells you want he thinks u wanna hear. But it's all lies.. Well this goes with the crap he says about the wives.. He's just saying it so the OW can think she can do a better job than his wife.. It's leading the OW on. it also helps her not feel as guilty about sleeping with him and helps him not feel as guilty either bc believe it or not he will actually start believing his own lies. He'll start thinking Bad of his wife wen truth is his wife is doing everything in her power to make him happy and be a great wife to him..

Im the other woman. Im 35, he is 52, no chikdren of his own, living with his 45yo gf of 7 years. She has one daughter, 18 he is also my coworker, all one year and half was "taking care" of me, fixing bike, buying chocolates, buying small things, even xmas present for my 6yo daughter, swatch for my bday... well i resisted all the time, by that time i get to know him a lot, he never said anything abt leaving his gf and i dont even want him to, he is a great man as funny as it can sound in this context... he is helping to improve my home, getting me things when i mention i broke something he gets a new one for me, i just love him a lot, and i want the best for him, even if it was just with hi gf or with me or just me as OW. He is not sweet talking me or anything but i know he feels for me a great deal. I met my ideal counterpart and it is not my fault his gf 'saw him first" so she can demand him. I he is not a toy. I just feel guilty for not feeling guilty.

You sound kind of delusional. Why are you okay with being used like this? Do you not realize that he is taking time and money from his family and giving it to you? Do you really want to be with someone like this?

So what?

Seriously???? O how I feel sorry for u then, bc u r blind to see the truth. And I don't wish nothing bad on anyone, so don't think I am, I'm just stating the facts, ull regret it one day, IF U DIG A DITCH U WILL FALL IN IT!!!! however it's a lil differ in ur case bc he's NOT married and has no children. But if u would do this to him then most likely u would with a married man too.. I just hope to God u wouldn't

So basically you are destroyingg a woman you don't know so he can do stuff for you. Nice

1 More Response

Wow Dee34, great posting you are right , you never know what else or who else they are doing .,. But hey like that saying goes if they'll do it with you they'll do it to you, the mm I was seeing prove that when he tried to make me jealous by telling me about all his other options, didn't work though it just clarified to me how much cheating he does behind his wife's back .,,but as you also posted if the marriage was that bad of a situation the divorce would of been in the works long before the other woman, so glad I woke up early on..,,

Honestly, Kay, I am soo glad you did too. You peeped game early, cut bait and ran. Which is what I should have done. I allowed him to sell me a dream and got exactly what I asked for, a dream, lol!

I didn't walk away, he did and I am now getting to the point where I feel like he did me the biggest favor in my WHOLE life. Now I'm reconciling my heart and spirit, while marinating in this lesson.

Taken from Love Author Zane's FB Page.

This hits so close to home. Too bad it takes karma coming back, in order
to learn a hard lesson. Just gotta put falling in love aside for a second and see through to reality.

FROM A WOMAN REGARDING KARMA FOR CHEATING WITH A MARRIED MAN
June 7, 2013 at 6:44pm
A WOMAN EMAILED THIS TO ME AND I MUST SHARE:

*Deep Breath*

So I really felt the need to share this because I am so tired of seeing women writing about dating married men and how he won't leave his wife and blah blah blah. I am a 30 year old female and I have wrote before but asked to keep my email private from fb, well this time I want it to be posted on FB. Here goes:

When I was 20 years I met this guy at an event. I gave him my number and right after, a friend told me he was married but going through a divorce and this friend was actually talking to his wife so it didn't bother me he was married because they were done with, so I thought. We talked for about 6 months before we actually became intimate Everything was great, we didn't see each other often because he lived an hour away and we were just really busy. One day I called him and the wife answered and she asked why was I calling her husband. I told her everything because I didn't want any problems and I told her I was under the impression you guys were divorcing. I later found out, when we first started talking, they were separated and getting a divorce but he went back. So we didn't talk for months afterwards but eventually begin talking again and I became the side chick. We did this for a total of 2 1/2 years, I even got pregnant (broken condom, we always used protection), I had an abortion, I just didn't want a kid, especially by a married man and he didn't, well we all know why, but his excuse was because he didn't want anymore kids (he had one with his wife already) and I was a college student so he claimed he didn't want to mess me up with school. I got into it with the wife so many times through this. I told her, I would beat her *** and I would still **** her man. I continued and laughed at her and told her she needed to step her game up so he wouldn't have to come to me. I was wrong on so many levels but being 21 by this time, I didn't care, he was still coming over my house like it was nothing. He was telling me he loved me and I loved him as well but he couldn't leave his wife because of his son and he wanted to keep his family together. He said he wished he meet me first because then he wouldn't have to cheat, and the list of blah goes on. Finally we just lost contact and it was over.

Finally when I was 24, 2 years after the married man, I meet this man and I was so in love with him, he was everything I wanted and we decided to get married and have a family. Then karma kicked me in the *** so hard and I became the wife that I tortured for 2 1/2 years. The past 6 years of my life, have been a living hell and now that I have seen both sides of it, I can fully see the lies and deceit. My husband has told women the exact same things that I was told by the married. He can't leave his wife because of the kids and how life is miserable and how bad of a wife I am. He even went as far as telling a few chicks, I was a hoe and didn't know who the father of my child was while I was pregnant with our first child. They threaten to stop talking to him because he had a child on the way. Same thing the married man use to tell me about his wife, which finally made me realize they were all lies. I have gotten into it with females behind the nonsense, the whole, "I'll beat your *** and still **** your husband" scenario. The laughing and still ******* my husband. Whenever I have found out about women and the lies, they go off on him and he tells them, I was never going to leave my wife, just said whatever I needed to say to get what I want. So for anyone that thinks a married man will actually leave his wife for you, its so far from the truth. If I could apologize to that man's wife, I would, it still hurts that I even behaved that way. I am truly sorry. Yes, I got what I deserve but no woman deserves to be treated in either manner. My husband and I are currently going through a divorce because I just couldn't take it anymore. I always thought I could change him, if I did this differently, if I changed, he would stop the cheating. Karma is a ***** and its about 10 times worse. My husband has cheated on him with over 100 women (chatting on the internet), sex with over 25 women and maybe oral sex from about 35 and he probably couldn't tell you their names. I wouldn't be surprised if the numbers were higher. I have really low self esteem behind the cheating because I always thought, I wasn't pretty that's why he is cheating or I wasn't doing this right. I've wanted to die on some many occasions because the pain was so unbearable. My husband told me one time, if you feel like your life is that unimportant then go ahead and kill yourself. That woke me up. I realized if i wasn't around, he would be the one teaching our 3 girls about life and love and I can't let that happen. He had an ongoing relationship with a chick for 2 years where she would give him head and find girls on the internet to **** him, he called her, his down as *****. I confronted her, she didn't even know his real name and was so hurt that he played her. She always thought he would actually leave me for her. She was 19 he was 26 when they met, and when he finished with her, he passed her to his close friend. As I've gotten older, instead of fighting with the chicks, I just let it be known, if you're dating someone and they don't have time for you, then they're not interested or in a relationship If you haven't been to their house, then they are probably in a relationship My husband went as far as telling chicks he lived in a whole different city. If they are constantly texting you and no phone calls then they are probably in a relationship My husband sent over 5000 text messages in one month and only 500 were too me. He got disciplined at work because he was texting too much and we don't text during the day. hmmmm. I can go on for days about the things he has done but I'm healing and I'm looking forward to getting past this. The saying that your man has a commitment to you, not me is a bunch of bull. What about respecting each other because it's the right thing to do. To anyone dating a married man, thinking he is going to leave his wife, let me say this, if it wasn't for me filing for divorce, he would still be with me with never having intentions on leaving me. He "loves" me and wants to be with me forever. Crazy right? My husband is currently depressed behind the divorce, he has shut himself off from people including our kids because he is sadden by it. Guess he wasn't ready to lie in the bed he made. I love my husband but I finally love myself more.

Also, To bring it back to the married man, years later I found out he had another kid, when I looked into the dates, if I would have kept our baby, he would of had 2 kids 2 months apart, which is why he was so adamant about having an abortion because he already knew his wife was pregnant at the same time. So through all of this, I have learned a few things, married men are off limits no matter how miserable they are within their marriage, if they are that miserable divorce is available to everyone. If it's too expensive, courts allow fee waivers and they accept payment arrangements and you can set the amount. Separated men are off limits because they will most likely go back at some point in time.Cheating is an automatic dismissal if they do it once, they most likely will do it again because you just showed them you are willing to put up with anything. Disrespecting other women is a major no no., just because a man doesn't respect his wife/gf or relationship doesn't mean I to have the same lack of respect. last but not least, karma is a ***** and I only do unto others how I want them to do unto me.

I know it's difficult to cut ties with someone you love and care about, trust me, I am dealing with that now, but I pray all the time for God to heal me from this and make me stronger. For him to put his arms around me and give me the will power not to go back. The first day of quitting anything is hard, the 2nd day is a little easier and as the more days go by, it gets even easier. I will no longer be a man's dumping ground!!!

I love you Tea!! Thank you soo much again for posting your story.I came a long way from two years ago and everything you said came to pass and then some. Can you believe this bastard resents me for his mistakes? I wasn't the first and certainly not his last. I was forced to wake up and see this ugliness for what it really was. Why hang on to a relationship where I would have to back-peddle for the rest of my life trying to justify the way we met. So it came to an end. His wife took the kids and moved to another city and now we are back to what we should have remained, strangers. ! It don't work ,ladies. I tried everything. I prayed,cried, begged, bargained and punished my own body, you named it. You may want to think yours is different, but trust, he ain't. Thank you again, Tea, for not giving up!

Great posting tea34, I've been out of my short lived mm situation four months now , and let me tell you it wasn't because he wanted to end it, it was because I woke up shortly after it started .. Best thing I could of did for myself , he continued to try and keep it going even after she told him if she catches him that's it, they have no shame when they step outside of their marriage ..,his wife will more than likely take him back in most cases they do, and you are not the blame for anything , it was his vows he disregarded , not to mention there was obviously a problem long bffore u
You , you wouldn't have happen if there wasn't, and your correct you won't be the last , the mm I got away from tried to make me jealous a couple months back by telling me how he had all these women after him, I said I'm not the one married to you she is.,, and to go for it.,,, your better off., good luck

Error I meant dee34 :)

I understand there might've been problems before you, but that still does NOT make it ok!!! Married men are off limits.. If all women would go by this then the men wouldn't have anyone to cheat with!!! Y'all keep saying he's the one the broke the vows, which is true but news flash ITS THE MISTRESS's FAULT JUST AS MUCH.. IF U KNOW HES MARRIED THEN STAY THE HELL AWAY, IT TAKES TWO TO HAVE SEX, IT TAKES TWO TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP, NOT ONE BUT TWO.. SO DO THE MATH. ITS NOT JUST ONE PERSONS FAULT, ITS TWO, ITS BOTH OF THEIR FAULTS. I don't mean to lash I'm just sick of reading crap about how the other woman feels and ect. What about the damn wife, the wife is the one that married him and got to him first, remember this he married his wife for a reason... So no matter what he lies and says he loves his wife.. 99% chance is he's just looking for a different & new easy piece of a**.. bc marriage is very hard work and with all the responsibilities both husband and wife have they lose focus on each other & each other's needs, and sex becomes something u feel u have to do (on both sides) or it can become a chore and so on, that doesn't mean they don't love each other.. If all the stress were to leave then they would become a happy loving couple again. But this is reality, bills have to paid, chores have to be done, it's not fantasy land, so yes it gets hard, but that DOESNT MEAN THAT THE RELATIONSHIP HAS THAT MANY PROBLEMS. But ONCE THAT WOMAN DECIDES TO HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH A MARRIED MAN, THEN THATS WHEN THE TRUE PROBLEMS START. there r usually never any real or bad problems with the husband and wife until the woman sleeps with them.. But if this excuse makes u feel better about doing it then whatever, just know that it's just an excuse it's not the truth. Bc u don't know the truth unless u lived with the married couple for a long time.

Dee I'm so proud of you! You really have come a long way! I'm about to go through a divorce. Seems my MM/husband feels the same way your MM did. I just prolonged the inevitable because I was married. It's time for me to let go too.

Whoa.....
All I want to know is what goes through their minds when they do this kinda stuff? Dismantling all these lives and going through unneccessary sh#:? Like the old ladies used to say, " you can't take care of two households, both will go undone." Is it really just a case of excitement for them and we don't play by the rules or is it something else? I wish I could make the pain go away and maybe, just maybe , I can stop drunk-texting looking for explanations I know is incapable of giving.
*sigh*

I am sorry Tea about your situation, but you deserve the best babe and its time we stop shortchanging ourselves once and for all. I wish you all the future happiness your heart can hold. And believe me there is plenty of room for it. :)

Thank you Dee. I completely agree with you, we need to stop shortchanging ourselves. In the end we will find what we are looking for. The best to you also.

4 More Responses

<p>WOW ... who sent you? I have been thinking and saying so many of the same things and agree with just about everything you said! Oh - btw .. the sex is incredible because he FEELS he's uninhibited for the most part. It's not the same as w the wife -- it doesn't have the emotional baggage of the mortgage or the tuition tied to it ... it's free thinking and acting. Like riding on a motorcycle w. the wind in your hair instead of someone nagging "um .. you need a helmet!" Ok, bad analogy maybe but you get my point.</p><p>WOW ... I was doing good in my own recovery process up until I got to the family paragraph - It gave me a complete flashback to convos we'd had about us and his kids (one married with a kid, one in college, one in high school) and how they'd handle it. The W already said that he'd have to take the HS kid if they divorced and we talked about that as well. Wasn't an obstacle. Then there's all this time he's started spending with his grandkid, us joking about what he'll call me (he's 3) and me saying things like "Oh I can't wait to take him to the beach" or "it'll be fun introducing him to all the superhero movies we both love", and his responses over the last 6 months have gone from and enthusiastic 'yeah, me too' to a bland 'yeah'. </p><p>WOW ... I was doing good and now I have an entire new aspect to consider on why he left/abandoned/discarded me without a word. I got the whole "New toy and no obligation" thing (the new ow) ... I already knew that ... but the family thing -- hadn't really considered that to the extent you presented it. When the kids are older we don't tend to think they'd have as hard a time as if they were younger, but the hurt is still there - the betrayal is still there. Although we talked about it at length - me saying things like "you know they will probably hate you for this.." and "things won't be the same" may have really rung true to him, and added to his frustrations and thoughts of alienation. OH I HAVE WHOLE NEW SET OF THOUGHTS ON THIS NOW. Not making excuses for him at all, but I see a different side I hadn't really considered before. Sorry ... my hurt is fresh and new (last week) so I'm still working my way through it. Not wanting him back, just wanting to understand it. </p><p>Like many others though, I totally disagree w the whole "evil homewrecker" mentality. The home was/is already wrecked in some way. That's how relationships with ow (and om - let's not forget about them) come into existence. The whole "mom hating on the ow" could backfire as well, because of the fact that kids may just as easily blame the mom - "you pushed dad away". They've been there for every fight, every hateful look, every voiced disappointment, every blanket and pillows on the sofa Saturday morning thing ... especially when they're older ... they're not blind. How long does the w get to wear the "whoa is me, I'm such a victim" badge? To say that "all was bliss" and the ow just came along and wrecked the "oh so happy home" is not only unfair but absolutely unrealistic. </p><p>But still, you have certainly given me new light on the subject and something else to consider in my reflection of my relationship and "the ow situation" as I've begun to call it. Thank you so much for your candid comments and realistic approach. It is truly appreciated! I uprated this one and I'm copying it for my journal - and to think you wrote it almost 2 years ago and the comments still stand. WOW. Thanks lady!</p>

I stumbled on this by chance. I was looking for help to move on because my ex married the other woman. she was also married. I didn't blame her as such. he made the choice but reading this I realized how just what a mess that lies and cheating do to all sides. thank you for your side of story

seriously the other woman knew what she was getting into when she hooked up with a married man you have to be kidding homewrecker yes! And no its not just her fault it's his fault too she said no he might have gone somewhere else but the fact is knowing that a man is married and has a wife and a family at home the other woman deserves everything she gets

Oh not again, please do some self care, get some counseling, see a Marriage and Family Therapist or a good lawyer, depending on how you want to deal with you marriage issues. Please for the love of God, get some kind of help and keep your bitter diatribe out of this forum. Your comments are off topic and undesired, your words are falling on deaf ears so please just find some other people to vent to, ones who actually want to hear it.

Very well put AB! ; )

Tea why did you stay ?or did you after he cheated on you too?

Is09cm I stayed because I love him. He also knows if it happens again, it will be over.

Ok .I was curious . Thanks for answering.trying to walk away myself.its so hard I love my mm so much too.

This comment would be appropriate in the I AM HAVING AN AFFAIR experience group.

3 More Responses

nice post..i loved, hope all the woman dating a MM read this.

I was involved with MM we just clicked instantly. I initially did not know he was married but the truth came out and I was emotionally attached. The sex for was okay but definitely not amazing! I just really got attached. I never wanted him to leave his family I knew our situation was wrong. However I started to get upset maybe jealous because I wanted someone to care about me like he cared about her (and yes he does care about heralthough he stepped out on his marriage). I love this man and I truly care about him and what him to do right by his family. Im just trying to figure out how to detach...

You can't stay detached. You have to leave and move on. There is no point in sticking around. You deserve to be loved as much as he loves his wife. And he was dishonest with you. That's not cool.

I have been seeing a married man for almost a year now and so far its been really good. When we are together thats what it is and its not just sex, we take walks on the beach, go site seeing etc. We talk ALOT. We behave like best friends and not lovers. We do love each other but i would never ask him to leave his wife. I see no woman as a threat because no one and nothing can break our bond..

This happened to me. And my dad had the nerve to introduce me to her in a bar while my mom and dad were still together. I still don't like her to this day and they are married. I've sort of forgiven my dad but I don't like her. I refuse to call her anything that sound like mom

This is interesting how you have forgiven your father (who is the one who stepped out provacatively and damaged his lifelong relationsnhip with you by introducing you to his other women (who didn\'t have any relationship with you) while still married to your Mom!) and the assumption that your dad\'s new wife wants to be called anything that sounds like Mom. Did she ask you to or are you assuming she wants to be called anything like a Mom. I am a steparent myself to two adult children (didn\'t happen the way your father made his life change though) and I never expect them to refer to me as anything even close to their Mother. Interesting!

No but when people ask is she my mom ill just say she\'s my fathers wife

That is a good reply quite appropriate.

What goes arround, comes arround trust me, I am a gay man and I know how they think. Most men behave like trash!

The number of times I have been with hetrosexual acting men only to find out that they are married with kids just kills me. Ladies, do you really know that your man is straight and not just going for a bit of man every now and then.

I know for a fact my man is NOT straight, he is bi...but so am I. He is free to play with a guy if he wants, it would be nice if I could watch but if not oh well.

So long as no one gets hurt.

If emotions are involved there is a chance for people to get hurt. Its what people do once that hurt has happened that shows the true measure of who they are

I just hope that you do not get hurt.

Why would I get hurt? How would I get hurt?
Do You think that I am gonna get hurt because he is bi? What a woman can\'t possibly compete with a guy?

Ok then women can also be cool with open situations. Personally I can not, I am old fashioned in this way, but each to their own said Nancy to Clancey as she kissed the cow!

You didn\'t answer my question at all. Yes, a person, regardless of sex can be okay with an open relationship. My relationship is not open, but I would be okay if it were.

Something to think about ,,cause you don\'t really know

Don\'t really know what?

6 More Responses

A man can't deceive me. If he cheated on me I could see through his eyes. My six sense is very strong and tell me the truth. If I were you I would have to cheated him with somebody has big bamboo and very good in bed.

Well good for you. You are not me and my husband has big bamboo and is awesome in bed! lol

Hi...3x. I hope you are happy with your decision.

I am very happy. Thank you.

Don\'t be so sure of what?

1 More Response

there always 2 sides not only do men have affairs women do to mine was marred and had a family in another country they new nothing of me for 7 years. In the end i gave her a choice him or me.She chose me and she is now divorced and with me full time

I am happy things worked out for you.

yes but i was lucky there are many not so. I dont condemn those that have affairs but any that do must know what they are letting them self\'s in for lies and cheating

Haven't been on here in a long while. You have the nail on the head...should be required reading....but alas as in many things - people have to learn for themselves...-:)
Great read !

Harrie51 yes I married my married man, but I was the OW for over 8 years. This is a fate I wouldn\'t wish on my worst enemy! I honestly had no expectations or desire to get married. Of course I had thought about what it might be like, but my MM/husband told me he never wanted to get married again. It was five years after his divorce before we got married and he still lived with his ex wife most of that time. So I was still the OW even after he was divorced. There is way too much to try and explain, but my point is that every OW deserves more than what she gets with her MM. I have not read cold splash of water.

CelticSkyyWoman, Thank you for your support.

I would love to hear a story like this but from the mans point of view......how can he say he loves her but then cheat......it makes no sense.....or maybe it isnt love?

They are in love with certain things about each woman.

I agree ...

good for you babe! never be an option - always be a priority !

I respect the fact that you took the time to write this story. I really do but I'm here to tell you, not all married men, or women for that matter are seeking just a fling or get off on the 'thrill of the chase'.

Not everything is black and white or what they appear to be in someone else's eyes.

I do state that fact in my story.

My apologies totallytea. You did.

A different perspective:

I am married. I met a girl...actually she met me. She was VERY nice, and VERY friendly. She took a liking to me right off. I told her that I was married, and that I wanted to stay married.

I never told her that I loved her, but it didn't matter...she could tell. After we stopped seeing each other regularly, we met again and I admitted that I loved her all along....she said she already knew that.

Up front, I told her that I was not a good candidate for anything long term, and encouraged her to find a boyfriend and/or husband. I can't see her very easily due to our situations, so we basically don't have a relationship now. I may see her again, if my schedule allows it and if she still wants to see me.
When she finds a boyfriend/husband, I will be very happy for her and that she will be a great wife and mother.

If something happens to end my marriage (like my wife leaves me, or we both mutually decide to move on), then i would be interested in seeing if I can create a permanent relationship with her.

Am I a jerk? No. Am I a great guy? Obviously not, or I would not have connected with her in the first place. I am human, and have human frailties. I am searching for something I don't have, and if I can't get it in my marriage, I will look elsewhere.

Is my wife "at fault"? No. She is who she is. Her needs are almost 180 degrees from my needs. She can get her needs filled almost 100% without me. I want a romantic relationship, so I need another person to relate with.

End the cycle, become a swinger and there will be no need for him to cheat. You know where he is at and who he is with. There is a big difference between love and sex.

Thanks so much as I'm struggling and thinking about my married man for 2.5 years who just told me his feeling for me is not the same anymore and broke up with me over an argument that I started.. I said ok and walked away. I know this is the best thing that can happened. The worst thing is, we work together... When I don't bump into him, I'm perfectly fine but when I see him, my emotion starts... However, I know and I totally agreed with you that I deserved a lot more. I love him so much, always change my schedule to accommodate his and yet, he doesn't care.

The crazy side of me still hope that he will come back one day but again... This is not right and I should be happy that it finally ended! Why am I so confused? What for? I hope this feeling will go away soon for me as well!!!!

It's hard! We know what is right for us, yet we don't do it and when it's forced upon us, we are miserable. The right man will come along. Stay strong.

<p>My grandfather had a mistress for over 30 years and married her when my grandmother died. He claimed he loved them both and could not the decision to drop one for the other and God made the choice for him. Weird logic, but I must say the mistress was a kind loving women that never spoke ill of our grandmother. Sometimes I think love plays major tricks on us. And I really believe like our children that we love no matter the number, we can love more than one adult at the same time.</p> Maybe life would be easier for these individuals if they could have been married to both people at the same time.

I can completely see your perspective. Bravo for sharing, thank you!

I WAS the other woman now I am the Fiance and mother to his son. My story started in the summer of 2008 I met an incredibly amazing and yes very charming man who happened to be married. However, at the time he was separated and had been for months. Not only that they had been separated several times before he met me. We genuinely started as nothing more than friends. We never crossed a line over time the connection grew stronger as the friendship progressed. During this time he decided to try and make the marriage work again. I was a friend that supported the decision and even encouraged it. It did not work. He was unhappy. She was unhappy and it became apparent they were only trying for the kids sake. Which is noble and to be respected, but only ends up hurting kids in the long run. Long story short we did end up having an affair that was never intended or planned on either end. We just had an undeniable connection that stemmed way past a physical attraction. Now there was alot of drama that followed as it surely always is. The wife did not want to let go not because she was so deeply and madly in love with him, but because she didn't want to see him with anyone else. She is an extremely jealous and insecure woman. Alot of issues stemmed from him having a child from a previous long term relationship and she did not like he had to have any contact with this woman. Long story short sometimes two people marry the wrong person!! It's just that simple. Marriage can be complicated and divorce even more so. So anytime you involve yourself with a married man you are setting yourself up for alot of unwelcomed emotions, burdens and headaches. I surely did, but my story has a happy ending. He did not leave his wife for me. He left his wife for himself as well as her to find himself happiness and allow her to find the same. They were no longer the two people that first fell in love. Now present day they have been divorced a few years and he and I are in a wonderful place in our relationship. We are getting married in June and honestly I don't feel our story and life together will end the same. We arent the same two women. Not that I ever thought I was better than his wife I just feel I am a better fit for him, as well as he does and his family and friends. We have a beautiful healthy relationship. Yes I trust him completely because he doesnt give me a reason not too. Excellent communication and respect is big in our relationship something that lacked in his marriage. Now please dont think I am speaking from just the perspective of my future husband, but from the xwive as well (per her admissions in emails to him). As well as his family and friends. Now my story has ended quite different than that of the average statistic. Not saying I will always be, but I am the exception as it stands now. Things may change for the worse. Thats life!! But then again just may end up being happily ever after for us, which I definitely prefer. As for now I live with no regrets other than wishing he would have already been legally divorced when we initially started our relationship. But that's not always how life works maybe in a perfect world, which we don't live in. So I am in love with this amazing man and he is in love with me. We are moving forward and all I can say is hopefully we will always remain the same two people who fell in love with each other. No two stories in life are ever the same or turn out the same.

I'm glad you found happiness. In these situations it is rare, but it obviously was meant to happen and I wish you the best.

Now that you have been married for 5 months is he still amazing? I hope for you it lasts forever

ok lets put the shoe on the other foot i am the other man my girl friend is marred and her husband and all her family think she is working here and shearing a flat with another woman but she is with me i do care about her but when she goes home to him i have to lay in bed and think about what they are doing she has been saying she will leave him for me but we have been together for 7 years and i dont know where this relationship is going its not always the woman that is put 2nd some men are two

I agree with you. Are you unhappy? Do you want more from this relationship? Obviously you are willing to wait for her or you would have moved on. It is a difficult place to be that is for sure.

Okay so here is the situation I have been struggling with for the last two years. My MM's wife was an illegal immigrant. They supposedly started trying to get her green card and with a lawyers advice decided it would be best to go back to her home country and try to deal with it from there. They have a son together and the son is with her. Also as many people believe its not true that just because you get married you are automatically a citizen. You still have to prove your marriage is real. We started dating a few months after they left. No one ever knew that 2years later they would still be gone.
I have taken this woman's husband, moved into her home and our son is due at the end of May. For 6months he was constantly instant messaging her and getting naked pictures and erotic videos from her and he continued to tell her he loved her and would never leave her. It ended months before I got pregnant but I didn't find all of this until after I was pregnant. I have ruined a marriage and what is his son with her going to think? This is going to hurt him and that hurts my heart. I'm sure she would take him back. I'm torn and I'm not sure if he will ever stop trying to enjoy the best of both worlds. I don't want his son's broken heart on my conscience but I also want my son to have the best. Opinions? No hateful comments please! If I didn't have a heart or care then I wouldn't be asking!

It doesn't sound like he really cares about his wife or son. That isn't your fault. I hope he doesn't abandon you and your child too.

Tea, you were right, man. I should have listened. I hope things are okay on your end

So Dee Are you taking care of #1? I'm sorry to hear that I was right. Give me a shout if you want to talk. xoxo

How long did it take him to divorce his wife before you married him?

Over 8 years I was the OW. They got divorced, but he continued to live there. He said because of finances and the kids. It was just his way of still having the best of both a little longer. It wasn't until I went no contact when he finally made the choice to be with me. I was done at that point and he knew it.

Wow that had to have been the hardest 8 years ever. My mm has lived with me for the last eight months we have been together for a year now! Things are not easy for me knowing that he is still married and his daughter is now 16 never even seen or heard anything from the wife. It just drives me crazy knowing that im with a married man and that he is living with me. I understand that its not an easy process or an over night one. How is she ok with him not living there and still being married to him. He said that they have not slept in the same bed for 12 years and that they got married because of there daughter. Because she was curious about why they had diff last names. So instead of explaining to their child they got married. Im sorry but I may belive that only a lil on his part! He has not filed for a divorce and its driving me to the point of me going crazy! I just need to know what I should do because its only pushing me away. We ae 17 years apart and I belive I am really truly in love with this man! What do you think i should do! Its just making me feel used! Even though since he has moved out of his house he comes straight home to me and is with me all the time! I guess i just want all of him and need to know what to do at this point. Thanks much for everything!

HI,Since as he mentioned that he has not slept with his wife for 12yrs,no wonder he is with you,and sure happy,if that is true, my good advice would be be good to him, give him what he missed all these years,spoil him to such An extent,that he will feel there is no one like you,obiviously you like him,seem you enjoying all what a man provids to a woman espacially intimacy, love and romance,what every healthy man &amp; woman needs from thier spouse,His wife must be a Christian woman who hate sex &amp; intimacy,who mostly get married after age of 30yrs,or who have been sextually abused in childhood,and keep as holy secret and suffer as well make husbands suffer under it &amp;every man they met in thier lives even before marriage,seldom boring and bikering at the time of sex or intimacy.So give him what he missed,give him what every good and healthy man needs from a healthy. &amp; loving woman,and This man belong to you.He will never quit,but worship you,With you love you will win all and Him.

God bless simple mind.

1 More Response

"So all you other women stand up for yourselves demand respect and get a man you deserve!"

OR get the woman you deserve.

There is nothing like getting a hot lady friend to have sex with and have a cheating husband walk in on you. I have two friends who did this, each had cheating husbands, each set up video cameras and taped their husbands walking in on them in their own bed having sex with a woman friend.

Too funny but both husbands said almost the same thing, "WHAT the H*** is going on here?" And both wives responded similarly, "I'm F ing my woman just like you you did." The husbands were both in shock. Only one video caught a good picture of the husband's face but if they could post it here you'd know justice was served.

Both women continued to have sex openly with their female friends, one even had menage a trios. They basically told their husbands they had no choice unless they wanted them to take everything they had in a divorce. They set the new rules up and the men have toed the line so far. I'll tell you about that later if you are interested.

I know it was a bit unusual especially since neither lady was bi. Being in a desperate situation sometimes requires a desperate solution. They are really enjoying life these days.

My mouth is full of testimonies, Am miss PRECIOUS E my husband left the home for two years to south Africa for a tourist, where he meant this prostitute and he was bewitch by the girl my husband refuse to come back home again, i cry day and night looking for who to help me, i read a news paper about a powerful spell caster called Dr Abulu and i contacted the spell caster to help me get my lover back to me and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods we fight for me.. he told me by mid-night when all the spirit is at rest he will cast a spell to reunite my lover back to me. and he did in less than 3 days my husband came back to me and started crying that i should for forgive him, i,m so happy for what this spell caster did for me and my husband.. Dr Abulu of abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo. com

Flagged as SPAM.

Well lets just say I've being with my mm 8 and half years until his wife found out and it's just totally gutting to see him I have a daughter with him, I told him leave me when I got pregant he didn't we have being thought loads together everyday we saw each other. He keeps telling me carry on with my life and he will join me when it all sorted. His son as being my house telling me his dad is totally in love with me and he's 18. So by all these comments on here should I cut my ties and ride out the heartache out or just wait you all seem to no the answer feedback please

Well, I've seen this very example. What happens is the other woman brings up their child, and he carries on living with his married wife. When the children grow up (i.e. that he had with his married wife), he generally stays. When he says, carry on with your life, it sounds as if he is saying, get on with it.
It's up to you.
He might break your heart later on, he might not. He might.......play you both at the same time. He has, in that respect, the best of it all. What you have is your opinion. Read some of the posts. Some MM do leave their wives, but that doesn't mean they stay (or have sex with) their new partners uniquely.
By the way, if he is so in love with you, why is he still with his wife? Is he so in love with her too? (It happens).

Thanks for reply I do understand what you are saying. And trust me when it did come out I nearly had a nerves break down it. His wife when nuts which is understandable but what she's done to my little girl is unreal. I am constantly having telephone calls my windows smashed in my house, all my tyres on my car stabbed with a screwdriver, window screen hit with a hammer and near run over by the wife so myself I would say I have bad times and I do feel the pain she's going though

Thisisme2005 - for once, Harrie51 and I agree. Take photographs (with a witness) and go to the police. This woman (if it is her - be careful) sounds like a maniac and you don't have to put up with that and certainly, your little girl should be protected as well. I'm assuming that you make sure that she is always accompanied going and coming home from school? These nutcases (the one you mentioned) are serious head cases. Don't trust them.

I agree! Go to the police. You and your daughter are in danger. What does your MM do or say about this?

The wife in my situation went nutso too. Not violent, but things like paying off a nurse at my Dr. To get my records to find out where I live. Also having her son lie to police and say I molested him, God she is a piece of work.

If you can prove a nurse disclosed your private information you can almost own that medical practice. HIPPA laws are there to protect you for many reasons, although protecting your personal safety is one of the most important. I honestly can't believe the nurse gave her the address. She should have called the police.

It was months after the fact by the time the hospital got around to telling me. The nurse was fired and arrested. I moved again since then and got a new hospital.

Wow please learn to type and spell in English so that your comments can actually be read rather than laughed at.

5 More Responses

That is a lot of generalizations but, you are entitled to your opinion. I would advise you be careful.....you never really know a person's situation. I can say that I lead a very full life. I wait for no one and the MW doesn't expect me to.

Well of course everyone's story is different! But the facts are facts. I also state that there are exceptions, but most MM are like this to some degree!

So this is a man? Just curious since you are under the name Elandra77... But anyhow, very interesting to hear a mans point of view... Women are no saints either lol

My worries are is it pissible he will ever leave his wife to be with me? Or am i just living in a fanasty world and sit by the phone every time he calls and stay at home doing nothing when he is home with her every nite. His concerns r if he does leave could he start a new life after losing what he has workex for most of his life and age bothers him, being i am 17 years younger if he were to leave for me what to say i wouldnt leave him eventually. There is no assurance that i can give to him except to keep letting him knoe he is all i want. I just want to know if i should just go ahead and break my heart now or stick it out in hopes it will work out in the end! What should i do!?

Countrygirl2479, the opportunity is always there to go out with a married man. Some married women sleep with married men and have no intention of leaving their husbands. Because of what they have worked for all their lives.
I don't know - but I'm blowed if I would sit waiting by the phone. There's a life out there, and he may be all you want.....but his wife can say that too.
It's your call baby. Make sure you don't spend your life regretting it.

I have always been one quickly to judge someone else for getting involed with a maaried person. I was always quick to assume they were homewreckers. Now i am in a situation where my beliefs are veiwed differently now. I have worked along side an auctioner as his clerck for the past 3 years and never did i ever think i would be in this perdictment today.
1) he is 17 years older than me
2) he is married
3) they had a daughther who was killed in car wreck when she was 17 would be 25 today
4) i am divorced have been for 10 years and 31 years old ( which i know the difference between right and wrong)

Never did either of us ever expect anything to come of us but it just kinda did and we dont know when it even happened. Our relationship was love long before sex was even brought into this i guess u call it affair. I love him and he loves me! There is no doubt in either of usabout that.
e
I never set out to take this womans man and the 28 years they have been married he has never stepped outside his marriag

No wonder part of the ten commmandments is no adultry (Sleeping with a married person).

This is so true and I'm glad you wrote this piece. I've been guilty of being the other woman before more than once and I've come to these exact same conclusions that you write about. I also read that only 1% of married men actually leave their spouse for the other woman. Not very good odds. I know I deserve better, to be treated like a priority instead of an option.

Thank you. It is much different than most people think. It was such an emotional roller coaster ride with extreme highs and lows. Not what I would wish on anyone.

You got that right, a roller coaster of extreme emotions. I literally went insane. And the sad part of it is I repeatedly did it. Insanity is doing something over and over again while expecting different results! I didn't plan on it happening, it was just that the men I had a connection with so happened to be married. I didn't scout them out like it was a big thrill or challenge. It really is emotionally draining and I hope your story helps a lot of women wake up and take action for their own lives.

Its not the ow fault that he cheated, I have been the other women and it was great for me. I didn't want a boyfriend at the time I just wanted fun nothing else and so did he, I hate how you people alwasy put the blame on the other women

Umm the woman who wrote that is an Other Woman who married her Married Man

Yes and he will cheat on her too she got her Karma back.

That's too easy for cheaters to understand Sunshinegoneforever.

Ah stephaniebis I knew it was to good to be true. Just because we are dating a MM doesn't mean we are cheating. I was not married or in a committed relationship. I was not cheating on anyone! Now my MM obviously was breaking his wedding vows. I did not make those promises to her, he did! sunshine yes I did get my karma back, but not all men who have affairs will cheat again. I personally know two couples that started out as an affair, they got married and are living happily ever after.

Don't count on it totally tea most of them will cheat and cheat again!

Oh Stephanie, Go fornicate somewhere so TT does not have to deal with your nonsense again.

Sunshine you are right, most men who cheat will cheat again, but there are a few exceptions to the rule. Kelki, she will never stop. Let her look like the fool she is!

Totally tea, your husband cheated on you, by your own admittance. That's making yourself look a fool (there are exceptions to the rule, but it doesn't apply to you). And yes, you cheated on his wife. Other women do count, you know.
It's never too late for karma.

Yes stephanie, I don't deny that fact. What you don't know are the circumstances surrounding it. I'm sorry you think I look like a fool. I know for a fact that there are men out there that are now with the OW and have NEVER cheated on them and I'm sure they never will. I never made any promises to my husband's ex wife, he did. I am not responsible for his actions, he is! I was not married to her and I owed her nothing. Ultimately, he was cheating and that was his choice, not mine. I do feel responsible for my part in it. I didn't like any part of the whole situation and I tell the OW to find someone they deserve.

I hope a few newly-weds and young wives are reading this and keeping their husbands and fiancés really close.

Now you are getting boring even to me. I was cheated on, but I admited that he was the one who cheated on me, not the "other women". And yes; I probably contributed something to his decision to go to other women.

You should be at least true to yourself.......

KK1966 - Don't read it, if you don't like it. Don't be bored, if you don't want to be (:o). Be true to yourself, right?

First off steph, your advice to newly weds and young wives is just plain stupid! You can not control another person! If you don't give them the space they need, they will fight you for it! People will do what they want whether you like it or not! Also I believe kk1966 speaks for many of us here. So why don't you just start your own group and leave this one to support the OW like it was meant to!

Like you said Totallytea, you cannot control another person. People will do what they want whether you like it or not. That includes me. And my advice is what people will make of it, whether you like it or not.

That's true steph. I'm just telling you that you are not wanted here and if I don't want you here I don't have to have you here!

That's control.

I have control over this story since I wrote it! I have not blocked you for one reason and that is because you are entitled to your opinion, but if you can't be respectful of our opinion and since this is our group, I will block you or you will find the appropriate group to post in. You do not show any support and that is what this group is for!

Steph, Why do you want to be hanging out with us evil OW? Are you craving attention that much that even people who laugh at you are better than being lonely?

Steph keeping your spouse or significant other on a short leash leads to affairs not prevents them. You want tp "affair proof" your relationship the communicate open and honestly. You and your spouse are going to find other people attractive the key is to be honest about it. To provide the evironment where honesty is welcome and encourages because keeping secrets leads to lies and fantasizes which paves the ground for affairs.

Thank you aod and ladies you couldn't be more right. For whatever reason, steph really likes to hang out with us. I don't think blocking her would be as much fun as the comments she posts. I'm not going to block her, but I do feel she needs an appropriate place to vent. I know there is a group called I hate women who know they are the OW. Maybe she would find that a better place to be.

Dear ladies, I support the children whose home you broke up and the other woman whose home you broke up. That's support too. By the way, loneliness is not the reason I'm on here - it is completely amusing and entertaining to read how you contradict yourselves.

There is only one problem, this is not a group to support them. It is for women involved with married men. So your cause is misplaced. Your "support" even looks silly to a woman whose husband cheated. Thus Steph I would categorize that as ******* in the wind....Guess whose laughing now!!

I am.

Stephanie, please don't post here. We simply don't see things the way you do. Why not join a group that there are others that share your point of view? Kelki is right, my husband cheated, yet I don't share your point of view. There must be a reason for that, don't you think?

My man also cheated, twice both before and during my own affair. The other women didn't break up my home he and I did that with poor communication and lies. The other woman didn't hold a gun to his head and say **** me or die.

Place blame where it belongs.

"big smile and claps hands while shouting hooray" Glad to see everyone is here again.

@Steph, Wow! You are about as sharp as a marble. Be careful, the wind may change direction and you'll have do deal with your own scent....

I think we scared steph away. Damn, this was just getting interesting.

Ray, why don't you ask Blondie?

Totally tea, I'm not the person who scares easily (with or without my little group of cronies).

TT and gang, Steph is sort of like that weird old lady down the street with too many cats. We all just wonder how long it is before she just kicks the bucket or gets hauled off where people can take care of her.

Steph, I just don't understand why you are posting here? Wouldn't it be better to post with a group that feels the same way you do? I'm sorry you see my support as a group of cronies. lol

TT, I do hope the poor thing gets a clue soon! I almost feel bad for her because I think she may be a bit well....touched, and I don't mean be the Holy Spirit.

One thing's for sure Kelki, you lot are touched. (It's cheaper, right than paying for it?) By the way, don't like cats. Still very healthy thanks - no AIDS in sight for me.

Hallo Ray3218, hope you enjoy watching the crazy guy, and that it makes your day. Hi to Blondie when you do find her. (:o)

Wow, it appears I really missed a party last week! I am so glad I came back to check this thread and get my laughs for the day. Ray, I have missed your wit, a la "stephaniebooboo!" I lost some coffee through my nose for that one but it was worth it!

Wow! Stephanie you are not too quick on the upload, are you? I have to agree with TT, your advice and comments are just plain stupid.

And you are miles behind the rest of us. Shame.

You are not part of this group. So who,pray tell, is the rest of us? In fact, you have been asked to not even comment here. Are you a stalker, a troll or just plain clueless?

Ha Kelki - you can't have it both ways. Either I am part of this group or I'm not. Don't invite me to answer, if you don't want an answer, right?
Shouldn't take much of an intellect to understand that, but maybe you don't have much of an intellect.

That was not an invitation. THAT WAS A SLAM! I am very positive TT asked you to leave. What part of YOU ARE NOT PART OF THIS GROUP, do you not understand? I have to disagree with Ray on his "stephaniebooboo comparison. Honeymoon is brighter.

Wow! It is too bad we cannot block a person for just sheer stupidity!