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What To Do...

I am not sure how to start this, but I am having an affair with a much older man.  I am not married nor do I have a boyfriend.  We have been working together for the past 4 years and about 6 months ago he kissed me.  It started off slow and I liked what we had between us.  However, as more time goes on the more I need him. I only get to sleep with him once a week and usually he can only stay for an hour or so.  I am starting to have serious feelings for him, but he will never leave his wife and tells me that he cannot be "my boyfriend".  I am an emotional roller coaster when it comes to him.  He tells me that this can only go as far as I am willing to take it.  That I am always going to get the short end of the stick and that if he has to **** me off or his wife that it is always going to be me.  I just get so frustrated not being able to see him and then I get depressed since I want him so bad and I cannot have him.  At this point I do not know what I should do.  When I think about not being able to see him anymore it tears me up inside.  I cannot image not being with him anymore.  But in the same breath, it is not fair to me.  I will never have a chance to truly be with him.  I would love to hear some inputs from others on my situation.  Whether I should continue in this "relationship" or maybe it is time to try to distance myself from him.

mccor115 mccor115 26-30, F 5 Responses Jan 26, 2012

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I am in a very similar situation but with a few differences, we have been together for close to 18 months, I have nearly talked myself into ending things dozens of times but always get sucked back in. We call each other boyfriend and girlfriend and i question if it came down to it who he would pick me(who he claims he has never felt the way he feels about me with anyone else) or his wife whom he has no form of real loving relationship with and hasnt for years, yet STILL cant build up the courage to leave her or end things with me. If i can give you any advice it would be to get out now, I go through the same depressing emotions especially on the weekends and evenings when i find myself alone, its a terrible feeling to want something so much and not be able to have it. The longer you drag it out the worst it will get trust me....

The good side of this is he is being honest with you. He's laid it on the line now it's up to you to choose what your willing to put up with. I love my married man with all my heart and soul! But if he ever told me that he will never leave his wife that there is no future for us at all! I personally would have to walk away... That would kill me!!! But I would walk!!

Your story sounds similar to mine, although, my guy isn't married per se but he lives with her and they've been together for like 14 yrs. Anyways, I know that pain and depression you must be feeling. And everyone that knows about my situation all tell me the same thing, that I don't deserve this and why would I settle for not being number one in his life.. So anyways, that got me thinking? Why would I subject myself to so much pain? Because unfortunately, the reality of both yours and mine situation is WE are CHOOSING to feel this way. Just like everything else in life, we have a choice and somewhere along the line, maybe our hearts were battling with our brains, but nonetheless, SMACK here we are in LIMBO of a factitious love, unrequited love and most of all NON-existent relationship! I know I may be coming off a little harsh but in reality I need this just as much as you do! So what helps me with the lonely nights, is journaling, I have found it soo therapeutic to write him letters, I write down my feeling for that moment and let him know that he is hurting me and this situation isn't right and that most importantly I deserve better! Well, it helps, as funny as it sounds, I get the toxin out and not only that, i have a RECORD of the REALITY of the "relationship" which is clearly unhealthy! So, the only way to heal from it and this situation is to do the discovery within yourself. You need to pinpoint where you became okay with not honoring and loving yourself? Where you decided that you didn't deserve respect? Now this isn't easy by any means, nor does this happen overnight! This is a process of learning to love and accept the true you, and once you do that, you will once look back on this "relationship" as a stepping stone to real love!

You are worth more than this! Stop giving him the best of both! Take charge of your own life! He isn't worth it!

I'm really sorry to say this...but I think you should leave him. Its not fair for you and his wife. As much as you (and maybe he) in love with each other , the situation would never be right. <br />
Deep down you know its not right....so just go. You deserve someone else that make you his one and only. *hugs*