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Sometimes I Have To Stop And Ask Myself....is This Really My Life?

I had a great life up until a few months ago when my husband was arrested. He had cheated on me a few times and due to the nature of it is facing jail time. I have since divorced him and am raising our daughter. I never thought in a million years this would happen to me and was completely fooled and hurt for 8 years. Not too long after I met and fell in love with someone who I probably shouldn't have but can't deny our connection. He was planning a divorce prior to me but there's no doubt that I have sped up the process. I have to wait and we have to sneak around for a few more months due to the fact that his wife just had a baby. Now of course I feel like a totally horrible person and have a lot of guilt. I have always walked the straight and narrow path and this is so out of character for me. I didn't plan for this or ask for this....it all just happened. I want nothing more than to be with him but it's really hard right now dealing with the feelings from my marriage and with the pain of not being able to be with the person that I love. I'm at such a dark place right now and could really use some advice or something.....thanks for listening.....
ajb13 ajb13 26-30 3 Responses Apr 22, 2012

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This is exactly what happened to me. My kids father went to jail and I ended up in a relationship with a MM. I wish I could tell you what to do, but I can't. I waited over 8 years for my MM. He is now my husband. I dealt with it by focusing on myself. I had my own life as well as 4 kids to raise. Try to focus on you and your daughter. If he loves you it will work out. Just make sure you don't focus your life around him. Date other men. Don't limit yourself. Spend time with friends and make new friends. It sure beats sitting by the phone waiting all the time. It also makes him realize he will lose you if he doesn't do something quick.

I feel sorry for you as well. I have to agree with FranAnn, you probably need more time before you make such a fast decision to move on. My concern is that after such a short period of time you have a guy who say's he is divorcing his wife, who just had a baby. You should probably get a little more history on this man, like has he told other women this same thing as well, if possible, and make sure he's not just playing off your vulnerability. Think about your daughter first. What is your relationship with your ex now, is he still around or is he in jail?

Like Fran said, it has not been long since your marriage broke up. My advice is that you probably need to take time to take care of you and your daughter first, before moving-on to another man, especially one who is married and has a child or children, because then you will have to deal with some possible feelings in the future of his ex possibly blaming you for breaking up their marriage. Please tread lightly and take some time to really think things over before jumping in head first for someone who is married and telling you everything you want or need to hear at the moment.

I had a friend who's ex-wife had a similar situation (minus the jail thing). He said that while his wife was divorcing him because he had cheated on her multiple times and she had caught him, she met another man before the divorce was finalized. The man was married and had 2 boys, one 3 or 4 and the other less than 1years old. He told my friends ex-wife that he was getting divorced, etc. He never got divorced, but had relations with his ex -wife anyways, got what he wanted and moved on. I have just recently found out, from talking to a co-worker, that he is doing the same thing now to someone she knows. So please just tread lightly and spend more time getting yourself and your daughter recovered from the divorce first before you step into something like this. You may regret it later. I know your feelings are probably pretty strong for this man, but from experience, please be very careful and leery of men like this one. You may want to take your time and recover from your lost marriage and are out of the dark places before moving-on.

I wish you and your daughter clarity in this whole mess as well. Cheers.

I feel sorry for your frustration. Are you sure you really want nothing more than being with this new dad? Are you sure he's divorcing the baby's mom?

It's not been long since your marriage broke up, you may need time recover before you make a huge decision like letting a strange man into you & your daughters life

I wish you clarity