Mistress Lover!!

my boyfriend is married but not divorce yet,he file his divorce when he back to his country at the year 2010 and he promise to me the divorce will be complete at the end of the year 2011,but he broke his promise im very frustrated sometimes, i am thinking maybe he just making stories he divorce his wife but not..its hard to find out the truth because we are apart each other he just visiting me in my country every 3 months and its hard for me to get tourist visa because his country is very strict but i still keep stay on the relationship even he broke his promise because i love him very much even though i have many doubts. i'm very depressed and frustrated my friends and family feels sorry for my situation i get sicked because of stress.. its my dream to marry someone that i love...i love him very much and i want to marry him but i cant because he is married!! i'm very desperate
then one time my ex- bf contact me he lives on the same country where my current boy friend living..
i decided to met my ex because i have a plan.my purpose is to marry him so i can come to his country to get visa and divorce him later and i will find my married lover which i love , it doesn't matter if ever he lied to me about his divorce stories all i know i love him truly and i will find way to come to his country just to be with him even though its against in my heart to marry someone that i don't love.but my plan was messed up!! my ex bf are very interested to marry me but i change my mind when he get drunk and he treated me very bad so i feel uncomfortable to be him and i realized his crazy person that i really don't want to be with even in a short time..so i decided to end up things with him and forget about my stupid risky married plans. i rather choose to stay being mistress rather than to stay to an idiot person.
i hated my self and his marriage problem situation because of it i did mistake that i really don't want to happened and i regret it in my whole life..i cried every time i think about it..and i suffer very much!! my guilty feelings kills me!
i keep it a secret to him about what happens to me and my ex but he is smart enough to discover my secret..
what should i do now he knows i betrayed and cheated him to my ex..i love him very much and i don't want to lose him.i want to make up things.. please help me i need your advice.
markeanna markeanna
22-25, F
1 Response May 8, 2012

You are emotionally abusing your true nature. Your true nature is in God/The Universe/etc. Your soul purpose is to connect and love yourself. You do not need anyone or anything to find true fulfillment. All you need is the present moment! Once you are connected to God and become healthy then and only then will you be able to share a healthy relationship with someone else.