How Much Longer

Can I do this? I've been getting more and more insecure, demanding, and angry lately! I never previously had these feelings.... We've been together 2 1/2 yrs now and he's been saying he's leaving her "soon" a lot lately. Even talks about moving in with me but I'm starting to feel like it's All talk?! I'm so confused and my self-esteem is at an all time low. I'm not a desperate person by any means, some say I could have my pick of why do I choose him?? We met at work ( my first office romance & married man) and of course that complicates things! Help me I have no one to talk too
Ravinna2000 Ravinna2000
41-45, F
5 Responses May 8, 2012

Well, I can to this site because for me, being in an affair has been an emotional roller coaster of high risk, intense pleasure and elevated feelings, internal conflict, heartache, unachievable desire, jealousy, you name it. The problem is, with all this going on inside, the only person you can talk about it with is your lover! For me, I couldn't reveal any of this, unless with another person who also knew of the situation. I came onto to this particular story (thank you, Ravinna), because I wanted to hear some female perspectives. Because of my background and who I turned out to be, I need to get feedback and to have conversations or I go crazy! And I am fascinated by relationships, prob bc of my upbringing. And I have had tears, intense heartache and depression since I was cut loose from the intimacy portion of our relationship...with teasers and lots of communication still coming from her. I mean, we were so bold together that we bought things for one another as trophies, in a way. My coffee mug, my wallet, my favorite sweatshirt, my potscraper, cds, plus I'm a songwriter and wrote several songs about and for her, and my band is playing them! I cannot escape her, and the reminders sometimes just kill me.

Hi,<br />
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It's nice (in a weird sort of way) to see this from a man's perspective. You hardly ever hear about them men in this kind of predicament, it's always the women on here crying of broken hearts and out of frustration. I say to give your OW time, if it is meant to be, it will happen. Just love and support her as you've always done.

HI--I'm a married man in the same boat. My OW is marrried with HS kids, one of whom has significant health problems. The other graduates soon. After a year and a half of an unbelieveable relationship, she stopped it, but wants us to continue as best friends. She won't say she doesn't love me, in fact I saw her last week and she reaffirmed it. However, she is in a fragile state she says. She texts me almost as much as when we were sleeping together, but we make no plans to see one another anymore. So, I'm the one who would leave my wife for her becasue I know my love for her is truer than I've ever experienced, but I feel like if I say or do something hat could be perceived as pressure, even this will stop. So, I understand. But my emotions mirrored yours even before our break of a month ago. I'm trying to figure out what to do, too. Good luck.

If he doesn't at least move out of his home, he isn't serious about divorce. People leave each other before they get divorced. I wouldn't even consider his divorce talk serious until he moves out.

I was the same way; tried to be patient and not pressure but it is hard not to eventually want more. I was ready to move forward & my MM backpeddled. I just kept thinking "how do I want my life to be in 3, 6 or 12 mons.?" If you are like me and were tired of being in relationship limbo while falling more in love there isn't much other choice. I know it sucks- but be strong & know you are not alone.

Arrrggghhh I want to scream half the time and hug him the other....I know I can only control ME but feel so out-of-control! Lately I hate myself :(

Really do know how you feel, know I should be angry but can't stay mad. Out of control emotionally describes it! I really do think the only way to regain control is to cut all contact with them. I don't know about your MM but mine would have been fine limping along in limbo forever. I preferred to end it myself since he can't make a decision then have him end it, I think that would hurt worse and at least I had control at the end. I get frustrated with myself too- but we are human and it hurts. Be proud that you are strong enough to get this far- from reading this forum it is clear that some don't. Strong baby steps for us...