Just Started An Affair With A Married Man

I am newly separated from my husband of 13 years and have been lonely for a long time before we separated.  He had me convinced that I was unattractive and our sex life suffered because of it.  

I met a man on a website made for people who want to cheat on their spouses.  He's so sweet and tells me I'm beautiful and sexy, which makes me feel amazing.  He loves his wife, but her sex drive has dwindled to almost nothing and that is why he was seeking an affair.  The first time with him was better than it ever was with my soon to be ex-husband.  He made me feel like he was making love to me and not just screwing me- I had never has that feeling before!  He makes sure my needs are met and is a gentle and thoughtful lover.  I know an affair isn't the best choice in life, but I also know that I am scared to fall in love with someone else because I am afraid of getting hurt again.  I have another problem- the man I am having an affair with seems to be my dream man and he's unavailable.  I'm worried that eventually I will fall in love with him and I will get hurt anyways.

Has anyone had this happen to them?  Have you fallen in love with your married man?   If so, how did it turn out?  

I am also a mother of two kids, which makes it hard to meet up with my married man.
jennieissexy jennieissexy
31-35, F
19 Responses May 10, 2012

I to am "in love" with a married man. We have not discussed the issue of he is going to leave his wife. At the moment neither can afford to leave the other. I have never experienced " lovemaking" like this ever before. So I'm still trying to figure out is him or the sex he gives me I love. My ex husband had an affair. That is why were divorced. They can't leave each other due to what they put me through while we were getting a divorce. They are miserable. All the stunts and BS they pulled they both know each other's capabilities. I have know a few men and women that had affairs and they are happily married to there love affair partner. So it can go either way. I know not much help. Good luck to you.

Hi I feel for you. I know how you feel, I never dreamed I would ever get involved with a married man. But I did and I am. Its complicated. I am 43 and he is 48. He is also my landlord .....We just connected from the moment we met. We just had this connection. He calls and texts me alot and always wants to see me when he can make an excuse to come to the house or just met me anywhere. He is married for 17 years and with the woman for 20. We have never talked about his marriage but I know it is a turbulent relationship. I dont think she loves him very much from what I can tell. But I never ask questions. Its just what it is...sex and intimacy. I dont know how to end it. I met men, dated and when he finds out about it, he gets jealous and stuff. I dont know how to end it or if I want to. I know if he wasnt tied down, we would probably be together but I dont dream of such things very much. I am stuck at the moment. Dont know what to do.

hello every one i have just met with this prophetharry@ymail. com and i finally find out that he is really a truthful spell caster and so powerful and he is the most powerful spell caster that i have ever met. i wish i have met him before. my husband have just come back to me and every thing happened just the way prophet harry had said it i am so happy that i have met with prophet harry and now i have my husband back to my self. if you all that are here have not tried prophet harry just have to do so and get your heart desires fulfilled. stop been doubting i have tested him and i am now a fulfilled woman. sidney huster

hello every one i have just met with this prophetharry@ymail. com and i finally find out that he is really a truthful spell caster and so powerful and he is the most powerful spell caster that i have ever met. i wish i have met him before. my husband have just come back to me and every thing happened just the way prophet harry had said it i am so happy that i have met with prophet harry and now i have my husband back to my self. if you all that are here have not tried prophet harry just have to do so and get your heart desires fulfilled. stop been doubting i have tested him and i am now a fulfilled woman. sidney huster

hello every one i have just met with this prophetharry@ymail. com and i finally find out that he is really a truthful spell caster and so powerful and he is the most powerful spell caster that i have ever met. i wish i have met him before. my husband have just come back to me and every thing happened just the way prophet harry had said it i am so happy that i have met with prophet harry and now i have my husband back to my self. if you all that are here have not tried prophet harry just have to do so and get your heart desires fulfilled. stop been doubting i have tested him and i am now a fulfilled woman. sidney huster

Have fun ******* and leave it at that. My Guy was married when I met him. I have 4 kids. Keep things in perspective. Time will tell.........enjoy.!!!!

Please be very careful with your heart. I was also married and met my mm and we just recently had a D-day after almost 3 yrs together. I had left my husband because of my deteriorating marriage and was so very in love with my mm even though my mm had never promised me marriage. We spoke of it and were talking about moving in together when his wife found out about us 2 months ago. My heart is shattered...having my mm abandon me to save his self has been the hardest thing I have ever endured. We started out just needing someone and it turned into a fairy tale and now I am the one left wondering why and what happened to our perfect plan? I don't wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy. Just be careful, I understand the need for the love and attention...

Run away. As fast as you can!<br />
<br />
WK<br />
http://diariesofanadulterer.blogspot.com/

I have been exactly where you are. I was in a marriage that was not working. I was lonely and talking to a MM online felt so great. He was a great man, we really hit it off and when my marriage ended, (not because of him,) we decided to actually meet. Well long story short, even though the start was just us having fun and filling voids in our lives, we continued to see each other for 4 years. Like you I never wanted him to leave his wife. He was a great man in every way. We were very compatable, physically, sexually, emotionally, in every way really. I fell in love. I have recently ended it, because I know at some point I would like to be in a 'real and open' relationship. I am in so much pain over this I can't explain it. Although I don't want him to leave his wife for me, I know that would never work, I wish so much that we could be together. I feel like he is the perfect man, and I seriously question if I will ever meet a man that I am so attracted to and so compatable with. <br />
My advice to you is to end it now. I know you said you don't want to be in a relationship now, and I understand that, but very likely one day you will, and if by then you love him, which I can see happening from the way you talk about him, it will be so heartbreaking.<br />
I understand not wanting to be in a relationship, so go out and be in a relationship, or several that are not serious. If you don't like the guys, fine move on, if you find that you do, then at least the option of something more is there for you.<br />
I can't describe the pain I am in over this... End it now, and save yourself from what will surely be pain later.

I do agree with you that none of us has a crystal ball, and we never know why a relationship will end. But a normal one between 2 unattached people will either end because you no longer want it to continue, or he doesn't. One of those could cause heart ache, it's true, but when you are in a relationship with a MM there are so many more possibilities where you need to end it, and there is heartache, and not just for 1 or 2 people, but other people that are innocent. Of course I am not just talking about the wife. Kids, parents, friends, the list goes on. If you think that finding out your Dad had an affair isn't going to effect the MM's relationship with his kids, you are not living in reality. It will affect the current relationship, future relationship, and it will affect their future romantic relationships of the kids as well.
The some of the reasons I say that it likely wouldn't work are as follows;
-If he left his wife and life for me, that is a lot of pressure for our relationship. What we had was both of us on our best behaviour all the times. We have not experienced 'real' life together. As much as we love each other, the relationship we had was wonderful but it was a fairytale. Who knows if we could be as wonderful if we were together all the time?
-There would always be the unspoken thought and unspoken pressure that he ended a multi-decade marriage where he was fairly happy for us. That would add an element of pressure.
-We are both very close to all of our large exended family and unless he and his wife split up and we continued to see each other on the sly for a significant amount of time, everyone in our lives would know that we were together while he was married and that would be humiliating to his wife, as well as us. You can say who cares what people think, but we don't live in a bubble, and we would not want to lose the respect of the people we love.
There are other things to consider, but again the bottom line is, for this woman, she is not in too deep yet. She has not spend years of birthdays and Christmas' and Valentines Days and every other occasion that you can think of (vacations, weddings, funerals, life...) alone because the man she loves is with his family.
I suppose I will always love my MM and I will cherish the time that we had together, but if I could go back and start again, I wouldn't. I would have spent the time on me, or possibily with someone else who loved me but was available to me.

Hello,, how are ? admired your story and could not resist to ask to be friends? will you?

Ive been cheated on and ive been the other woman and ive cheated...being the other woman,is probly the less guilty feeling unfortunatly u never see or hear much about the wife so its not real.u forget hes taken...ur mind plays tricks on u.but be carful and use your head not your lonely feelings...he will put you thru hell n your ego will get really hurt..men normally cheated for sexual reasons women cheat for emotional reasons and your lonely so be careful cause as much as u think u want the same things u dont

This is going to be a painful journey for you and i truly feel for you..

Charles- I get that, but you're right that there is no future for my heart to get attached to and right or wrong, that's fine with me for now. Eyeswideshut- I have no intentions of disrupting his life with his family. If I do develop feelings, I will keep them to myself and slowly end it with him.

I'm so detached emotionally from my marriage that there is no chance of me caring about any man right now. Our divorce was actually a relief to our kids because there was constant turmoil in our house due to alcohol (on his part) and that made me mad, so we'd fight. They don't even really miss their dad because of his drinking. I know in the future they may start missing him and I will cross that bridge when we get there.

I know that you think this guy is charming and amazing, but isn't that what his wife probably thinks of him? I'd take the bet anyday that she has no clue that her Prince Charming is online trying to find ways to hookup.<br />
<br />
Of course he is going to say you are sexy and beautiful....because he wants to have sex with someone other than his wife. My advice: find a guy like me that is single, fit, and ready to rock someones world. I have no kids and not nearly the problems of dating a married guy.

Single men come with their own set of problems- relationships of the heart and the physical. My heart is so bruised right now that I'm not ready to let it get involved again. Where do you live?

Relationships of the heart and physical? It's understandable why you wouldn't want to put your heart out there. I bet that is a big part of why you are with the married guy to begin with: there isn't a future for your heart to get attached to. It's just replacing old pain with new pain. I live in the Dallas area, if you want a new friend or someone to talk to hit me up sometime!

Great point on replacing old pain with new pain Charles. And believe me, it's pain, to say the very least. Please Jennie, I beg you for your sake, do NOT develop feelings for this man. And if you do and tell him about it he might call it off because if you make any demands for him he will get worried that you might cause an upset in his life, and you will be replaced as well. Good luck!

Divorce is a difficult thing. I can understand you not wanting to jump into another relationship. But this is the worst situation you could put yourself in. worry about getting you healed first so that you are free to love again.

I have decided to pursue a relationship after my divorce is final in September. I can't file until August because I haven't lived in my state for six months yet.

I'd be very carefull. Keep your distance. Not too much contack, girlts, texts etc. I didn't and fell in love with my OM (other man/not married) I tried all could to not fall in love with him and suddenly months after he admitted he loved me...I finaly admitted I was also. <br />
It's tough to be in love with a man you may never have or can never have. <br />
<br />
My advice if your gonna continue is to maybe find an available man also....don't make this mm your #1 guy.

I'm scared too get too involved because I have been hurt so much in the past.

It seems to me that you already know that your lover is lying and cheating with his wife, yet you seem to believe that he is being honest with you. Being involved with him might keep you safe from falling in love with someone else, but it keeps you from finding a better man, too. I think that you should examine your desires and set out in pursuit of happiness, or prepare to be unhappy. Its your life.

He has told me he loves his wife and is truly happy with everything except for the frequency of sex, which I fully understand because my soon to be ex-husband had no sexual desire, either. I know it doesn't make it right, but like you said, I am safe from falling in love with someone else.

You are knowinly cheating and causing pain. You are being selfish and used by this man. I had a cheating husband and he said and did the same with many women. The womeon who knowingly were a part of his game he called pathetic. Just so ya know.

Thanks for the compliment. I am aware of the reason's a woman stay's. Abusive men are abusers and prey upon whom ever they can.Joining a website that intentinally sets out on deception is just rediculous in the first place. How the hell do you think you are dealing with when you go to a site looking for affairs with married men....give me a break....

Thank you so very much shesback for telling flodials that she isn't helpful. I do want counseling.

LOL .....it wasn't advice It was a statement of fact from my life situation. Touchy huh. Also it was comments based on her own statements. I stick by the fact that if you knowly cheat you are as good as the man cheating. I feel for the women who are prey to theese men. Yet take responsibility in your own actions. Sleeping with someone because they make you feel good regardelss so who you are hurting is selfish. I am getting councelling for my abuse and really don't like to see womon put themselves in the same situations.

LOL ok ok ....i get it you cheat and you don't like the fact you can relate to my comments and feel attacked. I am not bitter. I feel sorry for women who are played buy men that have no concen for who they hurt. Same goes for the woman knowinly in the situation. I know many women that have been played and knew it was wrong so ended it. Not say oh poor me i love a man who is married and won't leave. Get real. Cheating is cheating. If youare a part of the problem you are no better. simple not bitter.

I didn't mean to start an argument and just for the record, he seeked me out, not the other way around. Once I realized the one site was for cheating, I closed my profile, but this MM saw my picture and found me on a dating site.

I commented on a story..not gonna bother with you. You gotta live with yourself. Betrayal is betrayal. I have been on both sides and told the woman once I found out who her hubby was. Full disclousure of information. I would not take part in a lie.

She's upset by my comment because she is inlove with a married man and knowly cheats. Would you want a man to cheat on you? If so then go for it. If not ....then be true to who you are./

She contacted me. How I found out. Enjoy your life. My comment was not about you. Cheers

I can totally relate. Being interested in a married man (or in love) happens. The way you feel is not calculated and frankly **** happens. I like a married man and acted on it, and things are confusing now but to be honest life is about selfishness. you do whats best for you and your children... thats the best anyone is going to do. consequences will happen whether good or bad and being happy is a luxury. the guy i like is married with a daughter and i liked him before i found out he was married and him being married bothers me but he makes me feel good and gives me a small distraction from my stressors. Be happy and do what feels right. Seeking out married men isnt the best way to go because thats just wrong (I know you didnt), but falling for one happens. They are who they are and just because they're married doesnt mean they lose value (if you get what I'm saying). only real advise i can give you from also seeing a MM is that you should never expect him to leave his wife for you and your relationship will strictly about comfort more than commitment. Good luck hun and remember.... there are worse things out there than being happy

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Be careful ;-)