Taboo Love And Kid

Hello, I am new to this and elated that I found others to talk to. So I am in my mid-twenties, and work with my MM. It's been about four months into it. I have now idea how this happened. Basically 8 months ago a lot of coworkers went to the bar and he decided to "confess" that he has always had a major crush on me. I was shell shocked (mainly bc he is, for lack of a better word, wanted by every female we work with). Didn't think too much into it. Made out that night but ended up telling myself no way I will not have an affair. He contacted me the next day to say hes sorry if he crossed the line and he doesn't regeret one second. Nothing happened after that. I burried it, acted normal, never talked about it.

Jump to 3 months later, ended up getting very drunk and slept with him. We decided we were rolling with the FWB, then spending more and more time together. Going out here and there and partying and just having a blast. Then that turned into "dates" and sexless visits and just talked for hours and hours.... Now we see each other A LOT and text, no joke, non-stop from the time we wake up to when we go to bed. We just work! It's insane how well we just click and flow and it requires no effort what so ever. Never encountered that before....

Three weeks ago I came to the realization that I am in love with him. I did not take that well. I am very hard on myself and extremely realistic and I let myself down big time. I didn't tell him. He just told me the other night he is in love with me. I believe him. We are very open and honest with each other. I ended up caving and telling him how I felt as well. He has a young daughter that means the world to him. He doesn't want to be with his wife and I do believe him. They sleep in seperate rooms and everything. But he does not want his daughter to grow up in a broken home. He said her happiness means more than his own. I get that and respect that. I never told him I want him to leave. I will not. Even tho I do of course.

I will never make him chose between me and his daughter. That's messed up. But God it's brutal. I got beat out by a two year old lol But in all seriousness, he is terrified I am going to leave him. After my epiphany I decided I want to go on a sebatical for about 6 months. That did not go over well at all. He is upset saying he ruined my life and he can't live with the fact that I am leaving because of him. After a few days talking about it I finally said enough, I am going to leave for 6 months and while I am gone you can figure out what you want to do because I can't take anymore of this.

Now I am in limbo, waiting for the time to leave. I decided to continue the relationship until then. I am weak! That's why I must go. I don't know what to think anymore. If your still reading this, sorry for the length of the blog. But thanks for reading, this is such a taboo in todays society that I have no one to relate with on this subject...
skittlechaser skittlechaser
26-30, F
4 Responses May 13, 2012

Then it depends on how serious you are. It is going to end eventually, and sooner is always better. I would transfer if at all possible, or somehow figure out a way where you have little to no contact with him. This is serious - its your heart and life he is messing with. You need to take it seriously. Your heart and future are irreplaceable. A job is always replaceable.

I work directly with mine. I am not exactly excited to have a spike to the heart everytime we see each other.

(By saying 'I still see my MM weekly', I mean he and I have many of the same friends and groups so we see each other from a distance with rare moments of communication - not seeing each other alone anymore. Just thought I'd clarify!)

Please, please get out of it. I am 22 and way too young to have gotten involved in a very similar situation. The longer you drag this out, the more you're going to beat yourself up over it for years to come. I finally ended my affair with a married man on February 14th (ironic...ha) of this year and it was the hardest thing I'd ever done. Yes, we both loved each other, and yes it was similar to your situation except his wife was about to give birth to their son and he used the same excuse - didn't want a broken home for his child. Yet he's willing to put his child through the possibility of finding out their father was in an affair with another woman other than their mom? It shows the incredible selfishness of his views toward you. I know exactly how you feel. Nothing can be gained from 'waiting' because he begs you to not leave. Explain your feelings for him but also share the truth in the situation. An affair is always wrong, and in reality you don't want to end up with a man who is okay with having an affair, anyway! For your own sake, leave him now. I still see my MM weekly and it's difficult but I get stronger every day. It's been 3 months and I can feel my heart healing already. You are going to be okay. It's important too to find someone you can pour your heart out to about this - whether on here or a real friend in person. Best wishes and remember, it is always worth it and the sooner the better. Trust me.

Thank you I think this is the best move. Weither I heal or he wakes up, I will be the better one coming out of this. I have to take care of me and my heart. I feel like I am going crazy. Not a fun feeling.