I Was The Ow

6 months ago I decided to cheat on my husband, I didn't care who with. My husband left me 4 times in the past 2 years once being christmas eve. He kept coming back and foolishly I kept taking him back. Financially I was afraid to be on my own. He was not interested in an intimate relationship with me, my needs simply did not matter. He was diagnosed with low testosterone and was not interested in doing anything about it. He would say things like "if we never make love again that's ok with me"....so I joined a discreet website and found a MM who also was not having an intimate relationship with his wife. I thought Perfect! How wrong I was! We became friends, of course had amazing sex and fell in love, or so I thought. I would have left my husband for this lying, cheating man. I tried to break up with him twice. I was in too deep. I loved him and wanted him all for myself and he made it clear that would not happen. After a week he would text or email, say he loved me, missed me and lets see each other, maybe a real relationship could happen he would say, we'll never know unless we try. So back I went into his arms. I missed how he held me, kissed me, etc, well you get the picture. We met monday like usual, we had been meeting everyday except sat and sun, anyway he was telling me all about the weekend he shared with his family and all I kept thinking is "that will Never be ME" so monday night I sent him a text to call me, I told him how I could no longer share him with his wife and he told me again that he will never leave her. I said what about what you said about it being a possibility of us having a future one day, he said he was sorry he lead me on. I guess I should be grateful he was finally honest. I said it has to be a clean break, he was reluctant but said whatever I wanted he would respect. It has been 18 days. It is a little easier but I miss him terribly. My husband suggested counseling. I told him about the affair and said he wants to give our marriage a real try. We have been married 30 years mostly good. I need to keep reminding myself that I do deserve better than sharing another woman's man. And who knows maybe my marriage will survive this.
purplechick purplechick
46-50
1 Response May 19, 2012

Interesting, thank you for posting your story.