15 Years And Still Attracted ...

now 15 years ago I met him at a private event. He simply brushed by me and we made unintended contact but there was something in that touch that raised heat and awareness in both of us. He told me he was married and wasn't looking for anything outside his marriage; but somehow he broke that rule and seduced me into a relationship that lasted 12 years. Like most affairs (I assume) we were passionate and hot. I learned he had strayed before and believe he wanted to be true to his wife but their attraction to each other had long gone. It was amazing how much time he had for me and I often wondered how much she knew and permitted as long as he came home to her at the end of the night but as we all know a person who cheats doesn't always tell you the truth. Over that period of time I had other relationships and partners but somehow never gave my heart away so I ended the affair thinking that was what was preventing me from finding someone I could call my own. Instead I found how my age group seems to be one of extramarital relations... many a married man made me offers though I never (knowingly) got involved with anyone in a relationship though one guy dumped me to supposedly go back to his wife who he has been separated from for 8 years (ouch). Recently an old highschool flame told me he had a 'part-time' girlfriend - I wonder if she knows that. I found I didn't know what I wanted to take or give and had trouble being open and honest about myself and the men who tried to get close eventually gave up. Two years later and only a few months ago he reappears and falls right back into that place he had in my heart and between my legs. One friend says to me "go for it" as long as he is not taking the place of someone else in my life; another says "run... he is married". but both will agree they see we have a strong and visible bond, friendship and affection for each other. At this time in my life it works for me. I have a busy career and many responsibilities that make it easy not to put the time and effort into a full time relationship.... but I know if we end this it will hurt and wonder how lonely I may be in the future.
sayaard sayaard
51-55, F
May 19, 2012