Need A Miracle To Save Me

Hey there!! I m super confused n don't know what is it n why?? He came this afternoon to my home n the first thing did after entering my house was kissing me passionately. I did respond back but then pushed him-aside n told him no. But off-course he didn't listen to me n for sure my no was not strong enough. So we continued it. He asked me if I had with someone else I said no. N when I asked him he said yes. He told me that now there will b no lies between us. While doing it I told him that if he won't do it with her than only he can have it with me. He asked that can he do it with her twice a month I said no he said ok then may be just once a month. I said no. If u are having it with me then not even once a year with her is expectable to me. He said that earlier all books were closed our secret was ours n he could tell her NO but now if he refuse then she will know the reason behind n make his life worst by fighting... And now that  he is getting old n tired of any adventures etc etc
But to me to my understanding to have sex is a very personal thing and be it his wife, me or any other woman no one can force him to do it. 
So after we finish our act, he start telling me that things were different earlier now everyone blames him be it me or his family. He says that u r right n so is the family n wife. It was him who was at fault by entering in a relation after being married. If I say something about us even a third person will say that the girl was right, if it's his wife than she was also right so only wrong person is him. 
There we are again arguing with each other. He said that he want to live a life he can't die everyday, can't stand like a criminal infront of Me or anyone else all the time. He said that he has done it what I asked by confessing everything front of me, her n the mother. Told me that if I want he is ready to go front of my parents if they want to punish him. Initially he was trying to be protective towards himself that how he has done what he could but he knew it always that he can't be with just me. He can't leave his kids n parents... He always wanted me to be happy but knew it that can not merry me. He said that he never wanted to leave me but it was me who pushed him. I told him that I know that though it wasn't easy for him but he did kept me happy...
Being a bit partial towards himself he broke down again. I told him that I am very simple person so I understand only two things one u come to me n I will keep u happy forever, two u be with ur family n don't bother or care about me at all. Don't answer if I call don't come to see me.
After listening this he told me that he knows that he did wrong to me and he is punishing himself. He has been transferred to Another city from the home base. I know if he wants to he can get his home city as his base, but he has chosen not to. He told me that how he flies six days a week, go to Other base sit there at the airport ( as he didn't get a place there to live) go for the flight, come back or do the layovers from There to other cities, come back To work base sit there at airport take the flight to home. Reach home at night sleep n next morning again go back. For the 7th day off take The kids out buy them gifts. At times stay in work base in some cheap guesthouse. Out of two of his best friends one has stop talking to him n other has gone to some other country. Once I only told him that he can't live my life for a week... To be alone inside four walls, no friends to talk over phone.. So he said that he is living that life now. He did wrong to me n he was ready to go to jail for that ( by committing something unlawful I guess) but coz of the family being depended on him he dropped that idea. But this life he has chosen is worst than being in jail. 
He said that until n unless I will not forgive him he is going to live like this only. That for ten years I lived this life n now he is doing it in a hope of being relived from the sin he has done.
He said that had he been a bit bad guy it might have good for me in either way. He also told me that the way he is punishing himself coz of me, had he been with me the same punishment being there coz of his family. 
He intentionally didn't want to hurt anyone.. He wasn't a flirt. He met me liked me fell in love with me n then he got so much of love that he didn't want Me to go so did whatever was possible Truth/Lies right/wrong everything so that I don't leave him n neither ask him To go...  
He wants that I should be happy in my life.. That if I get married with some nice guy n be happy with him. But does he really want this?? While telling me the thing about punishing himself he weeping. He was unable to hold his tears inside. My heart says he isn't lying. He isn't happy without me, he wanted me in his life, he didn't want me to go away... My heart knows it all but then he didn't want to leave his family either. And whatever my heart says the reality is he is with his family n wife and not me. Yes he is punishing himself but is it going to help me, is it going to change the decision in my favor??? He cries front of me, tells me that he is going to live his life like prisoner but for sure he is not going to tell this thing to his family.  So what's the point telling me.... 
Earlier I put myself behind him. He was my priority. Whatever he said I done that without asking anything. I blindly followed him. But now I do want to think about myself. Yes it's difficult for me to move on but does it mean i be his secret one I never was. Whatever has happened it was not good for me. And now if it happen will be worst for me.
Only a miracle can save me... 
Broken4ever Broken4ever
26-30, F
4 Responses May 22, 2012

Wow you are a major loser... Justdump.. You do realize he went home and had sex with his wife just after he took a shower.. You B****es are so easy to manipulate... No spine how can you let him treat you like a disposable douche... He is testing you and you failed.. Don't open the door. You are destroying that poor wife and family. The children suffer too do you have no compassion. <br />
Good luck and no miracle can help you only you can help yourself by being strong. There are so many single men...

Oh **** me Gong11...
First of all Single men are just that single...do you not understand the English language...if you choose one that is taken that is your stupidity Again!!!
And this has nothing to do with my marriage....because it has nothing to do with me... it has to do with women that have no self-respect and loiter around looking for taken and married men...Marriage is something that you can't have for some reason or that you do honor and respect.... If you did then you would not be in this situation....
And I have plenty of compassion for those that deserve it.... None of you do because of the choices and decisions you are making...How can you possibly think it is OK to be with a MM... They are MARRIED.... what do you women not understand....
Marriage is a living process that is always fluxing...Good days and bad days but its still something you don't have..... But it ******* like you trying to weasel into to marriages that have nothing to do with you...You are going to end up alone and used... You are live a smelly, stinky, dish rag that gets tossed when its used up...

If we feel happy talking to each other then why should'nt we do that... It feels so light at heart when we talk our day to day life, when we know the other is listening... Last couple of days we are talking like we used to n I can surly feel good n it's same for him. It was me who told him that we must not talk must not see each other. He always asked me to not to cut all the wires.... I have realized It really doesn't matter to anyone than me n him if we are hurting ourself for others sake. We have a right of being happy. He asked me to come n visit him when he is outstation. After so many days we talked our heart out... I laughed wen he told me that he isn't used to be on the phone for long time n how his phone has become hot ;)<br />
We were never being apart n neither will be... I don't need anyone's place coz I live in his heart n it's just me there.

Good luck. You are strong.

Am I strong?? I don't know I feel very weak the weakest of all. I feel weak not just physically but emotionally. I feel that I am too dumb to understand the complications of this world.

Na youre a weakling.... He is using you... Guys cry too because they hate loosing having sex with multiple people...
Leave him!!!! You'll be much better off in the long run...

What is happening here I don't understand at all..... I may be very bad at the relations the complications of relations... I just love this man and simply did that... I don't understand many things just one that I love him and he loves me so we deserve a chance one chance. Why is it that his family don't want to see this. I agree that why would she agree for any compromise, why would she bend, why would she let him go... But then why not? Is it right on her part that she just because she has means to force him to be with her she does that... Deep down everyone including her know that he loves me and not for a day or a month but for a life time. Yes she has kids and as far as I know him, never he is going to be away from the kids. He had his share of childhood where his dad wasn't with him and he doesn't want to do the same to his kids. But then while I am writing this I know from last few months he isn't there with the kids as he used to be... I know when we were together he always made a point to balance his time between me n his family... But now he is either working working n in his own words work till the time his body becomes numb and doesn't feel a thing. And on one off day take the kids out get them some gift.. So does that mean he has become an weekend dad compensating his time n love with the gifts... I don't think the kids deserve this.... Again I could be wrong n I hope I am. Why he has chosen a life of an wanderer... May be I don't get it , may be I am just an idiot, may be I am the one who liven in a stupid dreamworld where everything is perfect and everyone is happy. May be this is how the most people live their life. May be love really doesn't matter... May be she is fine with his name tagged with her and sm occasional sex, may be that's the only way most women n men lead their life. And whatever I was thinking of a love filled home is just a myth!!!! <br />
I didn't want to be a home wrecker but then was she happy the way things were earlier... I don't know if I made a mistake by pressurizing him to the limit that he has to tell everything, he has told me this thing so many times that he never wanted to go away, even if it was difficult for him at his home but he used to feel happy and at peace whenever with me but it was me who pushed him away. And for whom?? The one who never ever will understand what is love..<br />
If I ask myself was I happy that time? Well not 100% but I was whenever he used to be with me, whenever I started losing it he used to pacify me, calm down me... I was happy. <br />
Was he happy?? Well again with all the truths and lies managing two boats at a time but still he was happy, there would have been no reason that why he didn't want to end it if wasn't. Had he not been happy with me in his life the very first day I asked him to leave would have been the last day of our relation but he didn't do that, rather last two years he practically begged me not to let him go... He wasn't ta wanderer that time... He was happy.<br />
Was she happy?????? I don't know she can answer this better. Whatever little I know and the facts front of me I can say that may be she was in an illusion, he told me how he used to put water on fire whenever the things were start getting out of control. Be it by sending her text, taking her out , or something else..... Not a very good situation but is it any better now where she knows that her husband loves someone else and asks someone else to have that occasional sex with her. Even when he is with her in her bed miss some other woman... Trying to spend most of the time outstations... May be she is happy now but ?????? Big question mark?

I can't believe I am reading this ****... Why should a wife let HER husband go.... They have the bond... Has it occurred to you that he is just telling you that she won't let him leave... Do you really believe that if he Really loved you he would just leave and be with you. He is bullshitting you....he's leading you along. And you don't deserve anything for tormenting that poor wife...
Die B****

I can't belive that u read this and replied too. It shows that how much free time u have on the earth. To whom u r calling a B**** ???
Write down something stupid on the forum is the easiest thing.. Neither u know anything thing about me nor about him. The only simpthy u have is for "The Wife " the word wife coz again u don't know her either.
If he had a choice he would have a happy life with me. Yes he is doing everything thats is required to have a normal life at his home but he loves me n still isn't out of the guilt that he hasn't done right thing to me.
Today I met him, we talked,we cried,we laughed together again.... Yes I also had sex with him for the simple reason coz it completes him n me. The wife can have it everyday but for him that's no more than office work. His soul is mine n she knew it all the time. If she liked to live with a man who's heart n soul belongs to someone else than its her choice... But a very stupid one. Being married doesn't mean being in jail for the enitre lifetime.
I know u won't understand... But it dosnt bother me at all.
God bless u.

You are such a fool!!! He is just dragging you along and you believe his lies... First of all if he Loved you as you think he would leave his wife!!! And you my dear have no clue.. Do you live with them... Do you know the wife.... All you know is what he tells you but you know nothing about what happens behind closed doors. Have you watched him make love to his wife??? They have a history and life and children together. When they make love it encompasses their life together. You are just a booty calI. That is why you will be endless waiting... Because in the end you mean nothing...
I almost pity you!!! You will never have him!!! You are second best and he is taking advantage of you... But you are just a stupid Wh***. And god has nothing to do with this and if you believe in god your burning in hell for what you are doing... Go burn B****

First of all I know him more than a decade not you who is calling me by all these names here. Yes I don't know what happens behind closed doors but I know what happens in his heart or otherwise outside the doors. The kind of life he has chosen for himself is making him a workaholic. May be his wife or mother or anyone hasn't noticed any change but he is just a puppet now in their hands. His life was n is me who isnt with him anymore. And he wait everyday for my call...
Booty call?? The kind of profession he is in and the kind of personalitybhe has getting into a girls pants is very very easy for him. Girls younger than me more beautiful than me but he isn't a womanizer. He loved me n loves me. It would have been very easy for him to let me go after whatever happened but Ms. EMamma... U can never understand many things. For you it is easier to call me a wh*** or a B****. Coz you just see me sleeping with a MM. But there is much more than just the sleeping part.
When they have sex together it isn't bout love. It's to fulfil his duty as her husband. The wife been told the truth on her face if she still don't want to belive it was the choice she made. Now offcousre she will never ever have a chance to listen to his heart. She is happy coz she won the battle. The battle of getting him tied down to her bedside, but she has lost the real him. If she ever knew him a bit n have a little concern for him just as a human being may be she could see how his whole personality has been up side down.
Why he has this urge to talk to me? Why he has to come to see me? Why he has to listen all the things I say when I m angry? Why he couldn't sleep all nights? Why he always cry his heart out infromt of me? Why he is "trying" to be happy? Why he has this guilt in his heart? Why he is not with me? Why why why???? There are so many of why... I know the answers to most of them where as You or the Wife n anyone one from his family doesn't know.....that's what makes me his soulmate not a booty call....

You tell her broken4ever! She has no idea why he HAS to stay! She doesn't know that he would leave his wife if he could and the circumstances that force him to stay. Maybe she isn't familiar with prearranged marriages. Honestly, europeanmama, you need to get the facts before you come on here and start calling people names! Especially when you have no idea what the situation is! This woman and her MM are very much in love, but due to their culture, can not be together. So take your name calling and go **** with someone who gives a **** because nobody in this group cares what you think about us! Move along little doggie!

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