Fell In Love With First Love, Again.

I had been in an unhappy marriage where my spouse was cheating on me and had gone as far as killing me off saying I had died of cancer and others I had ran off with a female companion leaving a small child in his care. I don't have kids, thanks to this spouse causing enough stress to prevent fertility treatments from holding a pregnancy. I found out about 5 in the past two years and 8 over the last 8 years. I was married 13 years before I filed for a divorce.

Before I filed I had met up with my first love, high school sweet hearts. We dated back then for about a year. I was his first and recently learned he ended our relationship because he wanted to explore. I was heartbroken back then and moved on, but always thought about this relationship thinking that it was how serious we had became that caused the parting of ways. I got back into contact with this first love three months ago and have been seeing him since.

I have fallen in love with him and he tells me he loves me. We can spend hours snuggling on the couch or when we go out it is relaxing. Our sexual relationship is amazing. But there is a girlfriend in the picture as well. She lives in his home and he says she helps pay the bills. change in income because of the economy after buying his home. They have been together a year now and we talk about how sex is a "chore" with her, how she is moody and talks of the relationship not being the best, what she does that bugs him. But he also has two young son's who like this girlfriend and his ex-wife has used him dating to try to prevent him from having joint custody of the boys because she is in a constant relationship since they divorced.

He loves his boys and wants what is best for them but talks that he is willing to be unhappy if that is what is best for them. I have told him he needs to do what is right for his heart and at this time he talks of being split. We are still seeing each other on his days off from work and she doesn't play hookie from work herself. I go with him when he has Physical Therapy for a back injury and shop together and catch lunch on those days. We have gone to the bar together on a few occations but the girlfriend refuses to let him out. She wants him to be home when she is, even if she is avoiding he or the kids. Even when I get my tattoo he is going to be there to hold my hand.

I have a feeling that some of the hold back with forming a full relationship with me is that I don't have a paying job, I do craft fairs for money and will have alimoney. I am working with DVR because of a disability in hopes that this will help me find an employer willing to deal with my disability and the service dog. Which is another thing, his boys are not fond of, but are ok with dogs and having the service dog may be an issue there. One plus is that I have fewer siezures while I am with this man. Another hold back may be that we have had the past time together. My divorce is final in September.

I love this man, yet I also know that because I am the other woman that there could be another if he were to be with me. Thing is I can see a future with this man. One where what I thought counted in my past doesn't count as much as I thought it did. Funny how stepping back one can see why choices where made and realize that those choices really were not the best. Granted they did teach me a lot through those choices.
labrdogs labrdogs
31-35, F
May 23, 2012