If You Love A Married Man, I Feel For You.

We met when with were young and carefree. A friend/classmate of mine was dating his best friend/roommate. I was just a waitress and part-time community college student. Proud to have my first apartment. Not too much else going on in my life. He was a Marine stationed here, originally from Montana. He was sexy but also mature and thoughtful.

My friend's date says "K" needs a date to the ball. He had a date, but she canceled and he already bought the tickets. This changes my life forever. We all get  together once before the ball and hang out. Then the weekend of the ball comes around, I am nervous and excited! The ball itself was only okay. He is too stoic to dance. We spend most of the time eating, drinking and talking at the table, or outside smoking. Nothing special. But we had a great time at the hotel afterward. And the night was amazing. I feel so much lust for him, something I have never felt before for anyone so strongly.

About 3 years go by and me and K are off and on. He deploys twice during this time. I date other people, finish college and move around the town a bit. While he is deployed we email daily. He never, in all that time, talked about being serious with me. He never saw me like that and I knew it. But in between deployments and training that takes him away we have a blast. We spent weekends at the beach. We go to movies, out to eat, spend hours just talking and spend many, many nights having sex. I meet someone else, things go well, but I can't get K out of my head. The new guy is amazing. He is a high school teacher, kind, attractive and we have so much in common.  I get engaged to this other guy. But I cheat on him with K. I lost a great guy because of my feelings for K..

More time goes by. I see K when we can. It is frustrating. We make plans and they either get canceled or cut-short by the increasing demands of his job. (2 wars now in full-swing) Luckily my job has some flexibility (bookkeeping for a nursing home), so we do see each other some.  K doesn't really date anyone else. I do. But noting works out. I get increasingly frustrated. I cry a lot. During all this time, I know K did not see me as the "one" for him. Just a friend, a friend that he could also have sex with.

Then he does find someone. It happened so fast. I knew something was up because I haven't seen in so long. Texts and emails between us had really slowed down for about 3 weeks. Then I saw it, (on myspace of all places), he had a girlfriend. Ugh. I instantly hated her. She was from upstate NY. She moved down her to live with her cousin. There is only one reason a 23 year-old single woman moves here, just outside a large Marine base. There not many amazing work or educational opportunities here. She was husband-hunting.Ugh, I hate her type. Then, like 2 months after they met, she is pregnant. Me and K have a conversation. He says she told him she was on birth control. I keep my mouth shut, but I seriously doubt it. They get married.

I was devastated. But I never told him that. I just congratulated them. I continue on. I work and date some. He becomes a recruiter. He is sent away for training and then sent to Pennsylvanian. I don't hear much from him for 2 years. He takes down his myspace and doesn't have a facebook yet.

Work moves me away from the area during this time. I was glad. That whole place reminded me of him. I was sick of it. I even get into a serious relationship. But nothing works out in the end.

Then one day he gets on AIM, which I haven't seen him on in years. We have an hour long conversation. It was just like old times. I was so happy. They were still married and now had a son. I wasn't seeing anyone. We start texting and email often. Sexual texts and pictures. Over the course of the next year we send thousands of texts. We make plans to meet when he moves back here. Of course it will be harder since I do not live in the same town anymore. Now him and his wife have facebook, I finally get to see what she looks like. She is a little chubby. Kinda looks like she would be mean. I am definitely not impressed with her.

Then, a little more than a year after we reconnected, he comes to see me while he is driving though. It is a short stay, but well worth it. Then I went to see him. I got a hotel room. He faked as though he needed to be on base all night and spend the night with me. It was wonderful. So wonderful I cannot put it into words. Being able to sleep in his arms again, wow, I was so happy.

But I think, based on a couple things he said, this would be the last time. I am really glad we got to make the last time count I will miss him deeply. But I am ready to move on. It was very hard to when I still had hope I would see him again. But I think he does not want to ruin his marriage. I understand. I will miss him, my heart aches. But I gotta move on and him risking his family is not worth it.

I do not hate his wife. I do not want her to find out. But I also do not feel guilty. I had, and still have, very strong feelings for K. Those didn't go away because he got married. K and I didn't get a chance to properly say goodbye the first time because she got pregnant so soon. As I type this, I know it sounds selfish. But it is also reality, and I wanted to share my story. My 10 year high school reunion is coming up. Hopefully I will have a date, someone I can actually been seen in public with. It will be nice for a change. I look forward to maybe meeting my " the one" soon. 

If you love a married man, I feel for you. It is not easy. There is a lot of potential for somebody to get hurt. You can't help that you love that person, but you can let them go if it is for the best. Good luck to you all.
LauraNC27282 LauraNC27282
26-30, F
2 Responses Jun 7, 2012

To LauraN. I can relate to your story and like totallytea I'm sorry too you are going through this. At the same time I am congratulating you for being brave and strong to move on. There is more to life than loving a [married] man, but it is easier said than done. I only wish I have the courage to discard my MM. I know he only needs me for his sexual pleasure and that he is still so much in-love with his 40 plus year old wife. But one day I know I can gather enough strength and walk away, and when that day comes I will be able to regain my dignity as a person. I hope we can be friends, we can exchange notes and maybe I will be able to draw courage from that strength and determination of yours. You have a friend in me...

Thank you both for your kind words. I am very happy that the affair did not end dramatically. We got out without anyone getting hurt. That is about the best you can hope for. I miss him dearly, I probably always will. Absolutely feel free to message me any time.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It does suck. I hope you find the man of your dreams. It is too easy to get stuck in this situation.