The Wife Found Out

Some updates..

His wife found out already and tried calling me.. I was talking with my married man on skype when she called, so I had the chance to know it wasn't him. The country code told me it was a call from where he is located, and he confirmed its his wife's number. He told me not to pick up any calls from her and leave things to him. Later that day, she was still trying to call me, I was on a meeting then and sometimes i find myself staring at nothing. Of course it felt awkward and stressful. I told him to patch things up for her and i dont wanna cause more trouble. He said that he's okay and he's waiting for his wife to finally give up so he could settle with me. Honestly, the idea is kind of weird to me. It frightens me. What if its not at all a good decision to leave his wife? What if it wont work for us? What if regrets come settle with us too? I can feel his love overflowing and i love him too, but is love enough to conquer the consequences? Its a whole lot risky. He has two children that when he and his wife departs they will fall apart too. Though I knew that he already have fallen out of love with his wife, I knew too, that he's trying to be a good father to his children. They look up to him as a hero, they idolize their father, and he love his kids so much. It is always my guilt that says i'll be fine, but he doesnt want me to give up on him though I already told him he will always be the father of our daughter.

Believe me, I dont wanna ruin a family, but I cant seem to get out of this, not until he told me so, I guess.

The wife stopped calling me, shes too quiet. But she texted and called me a *****, a *****. She said she's giving away her husband to me. But i guess they're not ready to leave each other that's why they're staying, for convenience perhaps. They're not established, what they earn is what they all provide for their family.

And maybe too, he thinks that he'll have a better future with me coz I earn triple his salary. Or maybe I am just over thinking. I dont know.

painkw3en painkw3en
31-35, F
8 Responses Aug 4, 2012

you'll get over him, you don't need him you just need to make up your mind to leave him and that you don't need him and you deserve better once you do that just follow through and it will be the best decision you ever made.

um... wow. i feel for you. its a confusing position. i think my MM is close to leaving his wife for me and i'm terrified. im scared that we dont have the relationship we think we do and he'll regret leaving his wife and that financially it'll be a struggle. im scared his kid will resent me if he realizes im the reason his parents arent together. im scared that it wont last long or he'll cheat on me or we may never even get married.

Its a lot of confusion that its making me walk away.. the what ifs are so scary..

And sorry about the typos my iPad does that auto correct thing and it's not always right.

I wish you luck, I don't see why he hasn't moved out away from his wife yet. When I caught my ex husband cheating on me I called the girl. I saw the text in his cell phone. She thought it was him calling and was shocked when I started talking. She later called me back a couple days later, why? She wanted to know what he told me. To make a long story short, you should of answered the phone. Or at least talked to her over text. I'm not doubting you in anyway. But always protect yourself first. She is calling for a reason. Who knows what he is telling her sometimes. You would be shocked what people do behind others backs. You never know he could be playing both sides. Or one day he tells her one thing and the next something totally different. I found this out the hard way. I thought my husband was the most stand up, honest man I have ever known. So now I have learned a few things in life. Never trust a cheater, until trust is earned. Because you don't want to be the one hurt in the end. There comes a time in our lives when we all need to face are demons. I think you should face his wife. Don't let her talk to you like that, you are better than that! Talk to her once get it all out on the table, and tell her don't you ever contact me again. Ignoring her isn't going to make her go away. I have saw women I have worked wi having an affair, wife's show up to talk to them. Because the women wouldn't talk to her on the phone or anything. I have seen this three times! Affairs are more common than people I think. Just be careful you never know she could show up and your home or place of work.mthats why it's always better to clear the air, to avoid any long term drama. I wish you well and I hope this works out for you.

Yeah I got your point, been waiting for her to call me again.. I already thought that I should answer her. Though I know he isnt facing her too that's why she's too mad. Its been a week now since I told him to keep distance or he's going to hurt me even more. He agreed. I don't meet him on skype like we used to everyday but he call to ask how am I doing. Now he's starting to call my mom so he can hear about our daughter. Today I just came from a 3-day vacation. I went to meet someone. it was fun, but i am used to this guy my MM .. and i just dont feel like loving someone else's other than him. I dont know, but Im trying. Thanks for your words.

I answered a call from my MM phone a few years back, it was his W. She knew, well thought she knew, everything. I apologized and said I never meant for her to get hurt, I thought she didn't love him. She had also cheated. In the end after he left her she had her sister call and abuse me, then sent me texts saying God will punish me and asking how I could live with myself, how could I sleep at night, (meanwhile she already was out dating the guy she had cheated with also!). Then telling me that she had sex with MM, which was actually a lie, unless he was in 2 places at once :) I understood at the time that she was hurt (whether just pride or actual heart hurt) and could only react from that place of hurt. I don't feel badly towards her, we should have done things differently, but we chose not to.
Hope you can find a peace of sorts with the W. :)

Patience is my only response at this point, hopefully all will work out for the best.

Again you women don't seem to realize that you are just being used... I can tell you if his wife doesn't see a change she will continue to call you. First of all why are you with him... Why not find someone who isn't married any true to you. He is with his wife and she is his number one... you are just take out when he travels.. he mostly likely is lying to you about his wife feeding you stories that will continue the deceit... your relationship is all a farce...there is no solid foundation since it standing on a bunch of lies... Any self-respecting woman would tell him that in order for you to continue the relationship he has to clean up his mess....or you leave until he shows you the divorce papers… do yourself a favor and dump him... because you might not like being the wife when he cheats on you. Because he will eventually cheat on you because he knows what you are and that you don't value yourself at all. So far you mean nothing to him except a cheap time... Go seek therapy to find out why you would out yourself in such a disrespectful and unhealthy relationship... All of you women who are TOW have so serious issues... A normal person with morals and self-love would never put themselves in this situation.

I just dont get it when someone says my MM is using me.. you as the 'wife', you wouldnt want to know how much time and effort your husband devotes for his other woman that he truly loves.. isnt it a universal truth that one can really make mistake in marrying someone? And all of us TOW have serious issues? You meant it huh? Go and check everyone of us.. be scared.. be very scared..

Im sorry.. I used to be soft spoken.. I talk to people nicely.. I respect your opinion and i respect whoever you are.. maybe i am just the other woman who has serious issues and not the rest of us, each has individual story, dont put us all in one box.

It might seem callus but when I read your stories they aren't very different. Have you asked yourself why you won't find a man that is yours truly yours and noone elses..All TOW wants is to be his wife.. Well with the few that just want to **** around.... With no strings.. But that is unusual. You all want the MM. And he is using you because you will never replace the wife... Affairs have to be planned and that's the thrill but most MM will early dump TOW when the wife finds out... You aren't special you are having fun because he wouldn't come back if it wasn't but it meaningless. He is separated right?? If he loves you he would get a divorce... what's stopping him.. Maybe his wife asked for the separation and he tells you the lies you want to hear.. I was talking to my BF husband who cheated.. He says it was stupid and that really meant nothing... Just because he could... Of course that infuriates me because he destroyed my BF heart who is the sweetest gal.. I asked did he love or have feelings for TOW... He started to laugh.. I was shocked because i felt bad for the young girl.. He said what do you take me for an idiot... Of course not... Yes your going to say my MM is different... Probably not my dear... Don't waste your life... He isn't worth it and he will cheat on you if he isn't doing it already.. Since he has his own place and you start boring him he start to look elsewhere.. You have no rights... At least the wife has rights.. And if he has kids.. He won't divorce her... And she will always be around you never get her out of your life.. Find a single man, with him you can truly start a life together but not with this bucket of bollucks.


Its almost a month already since the wife found out.. I am waiting for him to dump me, but he wont still.. He has given me more of his time and love instead. I am not asking him to divorce his wife (FYI we dont have divorce here, but annulment of marriage is possible). Yesterday was his day off from work and wife's too. I was at the office, we were on video call via skype while his wife was around. He chose to spent his day off just talking to me. We took a break because i need to go home and travel for an hour, but he cant wait an hour for me to reach the house, so he called and we were talking on the phone while i was on my way home. He was still on the phone until I get online again. We continued talking until I finally slept but the cam was on. Thats how its been going everynight for over three years. I'm waiting for him to dump me.. yes., i'll tell you the moment he does. For now i cant settle for someone else, not when im used to a great one. Thank you for sharing a bit of your story, and thank you for taking time in reading my stories too, I guess you really have so much time huh? Thanks for you concern, genuine or not. I am sorry for your cheating husband, the kind of man that he is, will forever scar your mind and judge every MM as belonging to his genes.

No not my hubby my best friend... We have know the couple for 20 years... She is destroyed and I stay with her many times... It has been hard for everyone because we are all such close friends.. It brings my hubby and I closer because we see what this has done to our friends.. But back to you... Why do you do that.. You have wasted three years of your life.. Even if you had divorce it wouldn't work out.. He would cheat on you too.. Cheaters are cheaters.. Maybe a rare one who had some crisis in his/her life. But general they will cheat.. Your MM is not special and you ARE a fool to think so... His wife may allow him to talk to you but the MM will eventually get tired of you... So why wait for him to dump you. Do you want a husband and a family a proper relationship built off of trust and love. He can't give you that...he give you lies, a false sense of love and lust. But nothing real or concrete. You are causing that poor wife so much pain and have destroyed their lives by continuing the relationship. You do have a responsibility first as another woman.. Why would you do that to anyone.. Don't you have any compassion. He is not yours and never will be yours. Yes his fault to but if you weren't there it would not happen. You realize you have marred your soul forever. You will never rid yourself of this black stain that will curse you and follow you into your next life into your next relationship. Beside don't you think you deserve better... Just someones leftovers.. Just because he called on his off day doesn't mean he loves you.. He is trying to figure out how to keep you around so he can keep using you... Do be a fool!! oh and I have plenty of time on my commute to read and when I am with my friend... We laugh at the fools here and the ridiculous things they say..

The fault lays with the spouse who cheated. If he had not found girl A to have relations with, he would have found girl B. If the marriage is strong, no outside party can destroy the covenant between the spouses. He may use the woman for sex, but he's also devoting time and energy to her. She is also receiving something from him that is missing in her own life, whether it's sex or simply the attention - it is a two way street. To belittle every woman who has ever had an indiscretion, lacks the very empathy you are asking for on your friend's behalf. Souls can also heal and repair. If not, we'd all be doomed after our first mistake - and everyone makes them. To suggest someone's soul is irreparably tainted or tattered simply because they fell in love with an unavailable person is simply ignorant. I'm not asking that you agree with, or even understand the reasons behind, having an affair. However, it would be helpful if you were accepting that not everyone is perfect, but we are all human. I am sorry for your friend's struggles and hope she heals quickly and finds a better path before her.

Im beginning to believe she's a trash.. :D Thanks to you harrie..

3 More Responses

I can tell you feel bad for your actions but a word of advice, if he cheats with you he will cheat on you.

That is what they're saying.. I know how he did not want to cheat on his wife. I know he didnt mean to, he's a good guy.. His wife cheated first long before we met each other, but he welcomed her back without having to say anything against her. He's not even using the argument to justify his act. He didnt tell me about it, his sister did. Anyway I dont think i would find out if he's going to cheat on me too, its because its too complicated that i would want him to give me up, for the welfare of everyone.

Those are the risks you take if you want to be with him. Make the right choice by being realistic about everything. I wish you the best.

I really am trying to see all sides of it.. I guess then that I, too, is not ready for anything more than this. Thanks so much ..