In Limbo

This is my story...judge me if you want...

15 months ago I was in a relationship that had lasted 17 years. We never lived together, we never talked marriage. We just dated...and looking back, the last 7 years were purely out of habit and security. I was on twitter asking a question about a hobby and a man answered me. We began talking in dms and then moved to skype messaging and then skype calls. He lives 1200 miles away from me. We fell for each other very quickly. He told me he had been married twice before. I was, at that time, in the middle of treatments for brain cancer. He knew this. He was there for me every night. Sometimes just watching me lay in bed being sick. He made me laugh, he made me happy, and he made me feel love.
He made plans to relocate to my state and us to be together and get married. But every time he was supposed to come, something came up. And yet I stayed. He was there on Skype with me every night for 3-6 hours a night. We texted all day and in the evenings when he was a work. After we had been together for 11 months, there was a convention 4 hours from his home for the hobby that we share. We made plans to meet there and I was there with our mutual online friends. He called the night he was supposed to be there and told me he had to work and wasn't coming. With the support of a few friends, when the convention was over, I secretly went to his home. I texted him and asked him to come outside. He did, he was shocked and he kissed me and then he flipped out. He tells me he is living with someone but they have no relationship. He meets me at my hotel and we talk and then he goes home. He promised to make her leave. We were together for 3 days and then I had to leave. I went back to see him before I went home. Again we stayed together for 3 days.
After I got home, I did something I should have done a year before....a background check. Turns out the woman he is living with is his second wife. They have been separated for 3 years. They filed for divorce in June 2011. And I stayed with him. A couple of months later, I went back with my friend to visit him before going to another convention. (bless my wonderful friend) After we left, we had a minor car accident that made me have to stay at her house on the east coast until insurance could be dealt with. On the way to take me home, she took me back to him and we spent 3 wonderful days together in a city an hour from where he lives. It was wonderful until I got home and we went back to Skype. He cried and said he couldn't take the separation any more but he couldn't leave until the divorce is final. He just wants out but she wants the house but him to pay for it and she wants half of his 401K. She won't give in and he won't give in. They are still living separate lives in the home. She has teenaged children but they have no children together. If he leaves the home before the settlement is worked out, it will cost him. He wants our future to be financially secure. She doesn't want to give up her golden meal ticket. He pays the mortgage and all of the household bills.
Yesterday was the pretrial hearing. And nothing has changed. Now they have to do depositions and present what each of them want. In my mind, that should have been done long ago. And so I sit in limbo...still I love him too much to let him go but I have no idea when or if he will ever be free. I am tired of limbo but not knowing how the divorce process works, I don't know how long I will be here. Limbo is lonely. Only a small handful of people that we both know, know the truth about his marriage. They know he loves me and that we are I have no support and no one to talk to about this.
frustratedandtired frustratedandtired
41-45, F
1 Response Aug 15, 2012

I'm worried about you, are you sure he's really getting divorced? I been divorced twice it doesn't take years. Or is it maybe he was content how thing were before meeting you. I hope this works out for you and you don't end up hurt. You seem like a really awesome person, he needs to get on the ball. He doesn't know what he's missing.

Thank you for your response! Yep, he is getting a divorce. I have seen the paperwork. After we met, he did admit that Skype was where he liked me and Skype was where he wanted me. And then we met and I became REAL.
His STBXW is just dragging things out to get as much out of his medical/dental insurance as she can for her and her kids because once the divorce is final, that all ends. Like I said, he pays all of the bills, including her truck payment. She wants to get as much as she can out of him while she can.
and I agree....he doesn't know what he is missing.