I Want To Let Him Go... But I Continue To Hold On

I've fallen into the "unavailable man" trap... He pursued me and from the very first moment we exchanged hello's.. I was already in awe with him or with whom I thought he was. I feel bad about it.. but at the same time.. I've spent numerous years alone... being celibate... thinking God was going to bless me with a husband if I just did what was the right things to do and yet... Im still single. And I'm happy single but I do want to go to sleep and wake up to the same man every nite and every morning.. I wanted love.. and since it never found me genuinely.. I guess Im settleing for a pretty darn good imitation of it. My MM confuses me ... he really does behave in a manner that says that he has feelings for me... I've met his family members, I've met his closes friends.. we see each other almost every day.... I met him at a time when he was very unhappy with life let alone his marriage... I know what Im supposed to do... stop talkng to him, dont expect his calls.. stop seeing him.. but how can you cut off the one person who makes life seem so much more enjoyable. Its unfair......... the one time in my life where Im drawn to a man this way.. he's married.. Its not just a sexual fling... we spend wayyy more time together with our clothes on than we do with them off... thats where the confusion started.. I keep saying to myself.. why would any married man go out of his way to spend time with a woman he is not married to.. again when i say spend time.. im talkng with our clothes on.. I've tried to stop contacting him... i've tried to ignore his calls and text messages but its rather hard.... I care about him so much and I believe the feelings are mutual... and its not by what he says... its how he acts .... I thought maybe this is how he behaves with other women all the time.. but i was assured by his good friend that whatever it is that we are doing.. its something out of my MM character ... and to be honest this is wayyyy out of my character as well.. I never take a married man's number... but this one....I couldnt resist.. i know this sounds crazy and im not making any excuses for my wrong behavior but .. i was drawn to this man long before we even said hello to one another... i ddont understand that... its like i liked him before i even knew him.... I need some help... this is confusing and new and bothereing me to the core... im happy i've met him and allowed him into my life because we have done sooo many fascinating things together but im sad at the same time because.. these feelings i have i want to have them with a single man.. a man that i can spend the rest of my life with... LIFE IS UNFAIR..... BUT I GUESS IT IS... WHAT IT IS... #ConfusedOne
LostOne40 LostOne40
41-45, F
17 Responses Sep 10, 2012

After a whirlwind romance I am happy to say that my love and I are engaged. He proposed 3 weeks ago and we are planning an Aug wedding... yes.. this year !!! I dream about wedding stuff every freakn nite.. last nite I was dreaming about flowers... tiger lilies to be exact... trying to pic out bouquet flowers... lol.. anyways... i just wanted to share this news because it is always said that the MM will not leave thier spouse and if they did they wont marry the OW. Im not glamorizing our behavior but i knew the nite we met.. HE WAS THE REST OF MY LIFE.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

every now and then I check in ... I am still in the most amazing love with the love of my life. I at one point in time felt guilty about our circumstance of how we carried on.. when he was a married man. Whatever chemistry was there the night we met... 2 1/2 years later .. its still there.... we still sleep wrapped up in one another arms... legs intertwined and all. Still love , still passion, still care and concern. Isn't that what love is supposed to be like? despite the circumstances.... we ended up where we both are supposed to be... and that is with each other.

Its been a while since I've come to this site... just wanted to say that i have known the love of my life 2 years.. we met on this day July 14th 2 years ago... our friendship turned into a love affair neither one of us was prepared for.... he's indeed the love of my life and we are still very much in love... :) and to think the first time i came to this site i was in a relationship that i wanted out of because he was indeed a married man... everything happened so fast... we met, we fell in love, we moved in together and we still act like darn teenagers.... who wouldve thought !!

still going on strong with the love of my life.. now that divorce is final... we talk about our future and marriage.. no one couldve told me a year ago that this would be my life today... we are very much in love and sometimes ... the MM really does leave... :)

Still going on strong with the love of my life.... his divorce is now final..... True love has no bounderies.... At one point in time.. I thought he'd never leave his wife... never demanded he do that never even brought that subject up but he stepped out on faith and I am glad he did because no one can tell me that this man and I are NOT supposed to be together.... :)

Still going strong with "that one".... that was the nick name I gave him from day one.... my moms crazy about him..... his mom's crazy about me.... and since we both love and adore our moms... that was our confirmation... we are very happy .....

I have been following the story. Glad to hear things are working out! Good luck!

thank you... :)

been a minute since i've been to the site.. my computer at work for some reason wouldnt let me log in.... my tablet has been broken....but im back up and running now.... just wanted to chime in another update on my story.........this is one true love story....

we are still in awaited bliss... We've been living together for a month now... all is well... we went to a family bbq a week ago and his mom told me that when he told her that he had moved in with me.. she cried tears of joy.. said that she was just happy that he was happy.. this is all still new to me. I have lived alone of the past 9 years or so.... yes things moved really fast.. after all i have a 14 yr old at home. my son and the love of my life gets along just great.. i guess my son is the son he never had after all he has 3 daughters who i will meet next month..... the love of my life told me Sunday that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me... im happy and i know most would say... situations like this don't last or since he was married when we met.. i shouldn't trust him but at the same time... call me crazy but im not worried about that at all... true love makes you wanna do better. so we are now awaiting his divorce to be finalized before i even began to talk about weddings and proposals and being married... that too will all fall in place... im excited. in the words of Etta James... At last... my love has come along... :)

My story gets more pulse racing by the minute.... My soon to be divorced lover and I have taken yet another step at making our destiny a reality... we are now living in the same house.. this has been hell of a ride..... I admit it started out scary, confusing and very very very emotional... but all of that brought us to where we are now..... In the most amazing love 2 people could ever be in. I've always heard.... " MM NEVER LEAVE THE WIFE"..... and I thought that would be the case with us as well... but he did just what he said he was going to do and he left........ yes things are moving wayyyyy to fast... but at my age and at his age... when you've already been there and done that... you tend to know what you want later in life.... Im ecstatic.... I felt from the very beginning of our friendship that he was the man that I was supposed to spend he rest of my life with.... :)

thank you :)

I am so happy for you . . if it feels good and you are content & fulfilled, I say enjoy every minute. Life is far too short to delay your happiness, when it comes you must embrace it fully.

thank you... its amazing how... his family and friends all thought from the very beginning that I was the woman he needed in his life... after he moved out of his home... i introduced him to my family and friends and they too embraced this man and thought he just fit right in my life as if he was supposed to be there..... I'm so thankful to even know such a man. Despite the circumstances.. I honestly believe we were placed in one another's life for a divine reason.. and I'm going to embrace it to the fullest.

You give me all the more faith that there can be a positive outcome to these relationships . . I will keep believing that until there is no good reason left . . thank you for sharing your journey & wish you much happiness !

1 More Response

My life has changed dramatically in the past 6 months.... The married man I am deeply in love with did leave his wife... and we are still seeing one another.... I have introduced him to my family and friends and he fits right in.. for now... I will just enjoy it.... dont know what the future holds but for the first time in a very long time... when it comes to my love life... i can truly say that I am very very happy.... im excited about this new chapter in my life... he's only been away from the wife for a little more than a month or so.... all seems to be okay for now.... :)

I've been rather busy... but I said I would continue to do updates on my situation... well... things are good with my MM..... He gave me a time frame for when he would move out of his home. I really didnt put much thought into it.. because we all hear all the time that "they will never leave"... so I just sit back and I wait and I watch. He wants to store some things in my garage... so I agreed to that... He has been helping me clear out my garage.. ( I had some of my moms things as well as a lot of my things in my garage)... so that's when i began to take him serious... I figured since he is actually making room for some of his things then he must be serious about leaving his other half... anyways.... this has been a crazy journey.... I was invited to go to his mom's house for thanksgiving... but Im kinda afraid to do that.. I mean... he's still married and he hasn't moved out of his home just yet... I have no idea why Im afraid to meet his mother... being that I've met his siblings and close friends and each and every last one of them is happy that this man and I are together.... its so weird... we were hanging out with his best friend sat nite and his friend said to me " just between me and you... I am so happy that he found you "... that made me feel really good... to be accepted by a MM friends and family makes things so much easier... I will continue to update this story... but for right now... it appears that.. this man in particular is willing to leave his marriage and start a life with me... Im scared but yet excited about it... :)

Sooooo... so much has happened since this initial post.... To make a long story short.... the unavailable love of my life has decided to end his marriage. I haven't asked him for a time frame because it was never a topic that came from my mouth ( him divorcing)... and to be honest... I know better than to wait an eternity... I NEVER go by what he says... I've always went by his actions.... everything just happened really fast... his marriage was in turmoil when we met... had he not met me... they'd still be headed for divorce.... this takes me back to the first time initially met his sister and she told me to hang around because that marriage isnt going to last much longer... maybe she knew something I didnt... call me crazy... but I knew from the very first day that I met him that ..... he was the one... beat myself about this because i knew he wasnt available. But never shut him out because the connection was wierd, strong and a feeling neither one of us could put into words.... He's told me his plan..... now Im going to see if its really a plan followed by actions...

Well I know somewhat how you may be feeling.....you gotta quit torturing yourself...... this comes from a place of empathy, truly. Last year when I needed a job, I got back into speaking terms with my ex-boyfriend.Did I mention he is now married and I actually had an innocent need for help with a job through his company. Well in this one man show he worked closely with me and one thing led to another and I knew it was a train wreck waiting to happen. I realized that I had feelings for him also and knew I had to get out. I had a bf at the time also. We just couldn't be together, and he was feeling guilty also and I became the stronger one.Though it was terribly hard for me, I broke off all communication and told him why I was doing it. Please if you have any hope for a happy healthy relationship and if you really care for him, break it off. If you really think he loves you too them give yourself a chance and let him make the decision. He's the one that's married to someone but in your situation he will never fully committ to you if he's still with her. He needs to have time and space to decide. Please listen to someone who's been in a similar position. I know you can't get him out of your head and heart but do yourself a favor. Try to be brave and believe me you'll be glad in the long run. I did and I am much happier with myself. Don't you think you're better than this? Don't let guilt and humiliation keep you in an unhealthy situation. Chances are it will be hard for both of you but it's a decision you can better live with. After you do this then you gotta work on forgiving yourself for giving in to temptation but the longer it goes on the worse it will feel for you both. Trust me~

I understand... and i have cut back on how often i see him... every free moment we have we would see one another.. Ive stopped making him a priority like that.. but its hard to not see him at all....

Well i guess while your together enjoy your time but sooner or latter you urself will realise that is enough..you can talk ,share tou your freind but somehow you ask yourself,Do i deserved this then from that...step by step you can climb...a little bit till you can accept the fact that life is so sad being to MM man...im sure you will be ok

Very difficult situation as i am in a very similar one now. A lot of people dont agree with me and maybe i am an old romantic or deluded depending on how u want to look at it but if u are feeling true love for this man and he is for u then that doesnt come along very often and just because the road is being rocky there is still the possibilty of a beautifull rainbow at the end of it, now obviously this is a risk but it depends if u think he is worth taking that risk for xxx

Sometimes you don't leave because leaving means going back to nothingness, and you just don't want to go back there. Is what you have enough? No. But it's better than nothing. These are my feelings speaking here; not saying they are yours. I just thought I would share. Peace on your journey <3

My life is full... and Im a really joyful and happy person... but i guess maybe that isnt enough.... im tired of being alone... and for some reason at this point in time in my life... this madness is better than nothing... but it still hurts at times...

This is my story.. I know the feeling of feeling trapped! Noone or should I say Most of us don't want to be TOW.. It just happens!

thats the confusing part of it all.. i dont know why or even how i allowed this to happen... im a smart woman... it bothers me that im apart of it but at the same time... im in love... i just dont understand.... i dont want to be TOW... i want to stop... im working on it.. i really am...

Well don't be yourself!! It will come in due time. It sometimes take something really bad to happen before you leave for real. Happy mines actually came when I was left in a hotel room by myself that I paid for only for hime not to show up. That ws the last straw and now I'm over it :)