The Stupid Other Woman?

It started 6 years ago just after my boyfriend dumped me for a girl half his age (and f****** blonde), I was going to college and really didn't have time for a boyfriend so I went on one of the adult sites and find this great sex buddy for my needs at the time. Well on his profile it said a "discrete relationship" OK so at the time it was good until about 4 years ago, well I being a sucker for love, started to fall for this sex partner of mine, damn it. The reasons I fell for him is 1) he has a job at a prison (he looks so good in his uniform), 2) has his own home (well suppose to be his own),3) has a car and motorcycle(men are sexy on bikes), 4) if I hadn't said it already, he is great in bed, 5) has the sexiest eyes, laugh, smile, and the sexy voice too (I'm puddy in his arms when he speaks, mmm mmm mmm), 6) he has kids and loves them and does things with them (now that is so so so sexy in my book). I knew he was suppose to be divorced, from his BLONDE Wife, but I also could sense something that he wasn't telling me. Well in the last two years we have come to have sex more often than ever two months and in this same time he moved his ex back in with him and then moved her out and then at the same time moved another girl in with him (again she was half his age and f****** blonde, WTF). And all this time he never told me about the young one(as I called her) until I Yahoo'd him and she got the message because he left it up and she was on the computer. So that ended that relationship(ah to bad). I talked to him about it and told him he hurt me and he said he was sorry about it, but in the mean time he is still talking to his ex and she still has no ideal that I'm in the picture. He doesn't tell her (or any of his friends) about me because he doesn't want to lose her (he says its complicated My ***) and he wont tell me what is so complicated about that relationship either because the way I see it he doesn't want to lose me either. But me being a nice person that I am I will find out one way or the other. I just wish I could meet with her in person and let her know just what he is doing to her. But then again I do know that he has his reasons for doing them too. I'm so mad at the lady for telling him that "having sex with him is like having another job". Now that would hurt any ones feeling.

I have been in the Other woman's place before when I was 17 and it ended with him because he was dating my BLONDE, SKINNY cousin. That relationship was one where he was wanting me and her too and like others, decided on her (but later got divorced because she found out about us [and my cousin and him]). I've always thought of that man and just a little while back found out he thought of me too. He got remarried at the same time I was getting divorced. Damn just my luck. Now that story is one that I could go on about, but later.

Have you noticed a pattern with the guys I see (or even was married to)? All the guys love the BLONDE headed girls,and left me for them, of course when I really think of it all my life its been that way and I've always been "The Seconds Girl". That's where you are not the one there really want but will do for the moment until they do find the one that their do want.

Back to the guy at hand, the not married one but is moving the ex back in with him and still wants me in the picture, one. I want to end it but I love this man and I know he has feeling for me too but he wont admit it. He is so good looking and sweet, well like most men has his moments when he can be a ****, and is great in bed the best I've ever had so I'm so nerved up about it. Now this is just the short version of our whole relationship and I could tell everything if I had time and people wouldn't get bored about reading it. So this is my story and I'm glad I got some of it out. I will write more about this later and better details too.

Sucker4luv Sucker4luv
46-50, F
6 Responses Sep 15, 2012

Hey by accident I have red your story and I was very moved by it. Because I have been always the second girl in a mans life, without even knowing it nor wanting to be the other one. The first relationship I have had, was pretty similar to what you have right now. I had been with him for 2 years and he didn't make big mistakes, but it was the small ones which destroyed a part of me. It took me to years to break up with him, and now after 3 years I think it was the best decision I could have made. I have loved him soo much, but then a year ago I found out that he had another girlfriend the whole time. Somehow knowing this gave me closure and I was able to move on.

Well anyway somehow all the not available men have been attractive to me, it's like they see an adventure in me, but somehow they always end up with the woman they feel safe with. So this is what I have discovered about those men. It's like an addiction : they cannot let go of you, and in the end he will never choose you.The hardest part is to let go of the hope that he might change one day and you'll be the one. But this is never going to happen. Because why hasn't he already chosen you. One think I know about men is: if they really want you they go after you. And now I try to stay away from this men because in the end they will just break your heart. They feel sorry but their pain is bigger than yours, so the fact is they are not clearheaded, it's like they are in a time loop.

My advise to you is to let go and to move on. I know how hard it is to leave a man you love, I have done it. But once you have made the decision, you'll be free in your heart and it'll stop twisting you apart.

sorry for the misspellings, I have just discovered them reading it a second time

I thank you for your story and I'm not going to let go that easy. I want the world to know who he is and where he lives and I'm going to tell his ex all about us. I don't know if he will hurt me or not because I did find out that he did rough handle one of his girlfriends and he does have guns. I'm going to let everyone know that I'm going to do this so If anything does happen to me people will know who hurt me. I'm sick of the bull **** of being second in someones life.

Sounds like you got what you needed at the time 6 years ago - a f-buddy. Now that your needs have changed and you're learning to love and respect yourself, the type of men you let into your inner circle needs to match where you've grown... its no big deal. Dating other men who are available, respectful and loving could very well be the next big adventure in your life. And trust me, although the sex may be great with this guy, making love to other men will show you far better sex (without drama based on love, respect, pleasure) - all the good stuff you deserve in life. Best of luck to you!

Thank you and I like your attitude.

Well thanks for the words of advice and no Im not a young person in age but in heart I am. I, like everyone else, just want to be loved. I seem to fall in this pattern all the time, fall for someone that is not either right for me or is already taken in the heart. I have tried to make him jealous but it doesn't seem to work. I'm going to be honest, I have no self respect for myself and I dont know why. If i did I wouldnt be doing this to myself. I will wake up sooner or later it will just take time. I have more stories just like this one so its no wonder I have a problem. It is a life time running habit and one I need to fix before I die. There are more than one reason that its hard for me to change this. I will speak of that later.

I will think about the counseling but at this present time I just cant afford it and the free counseling get what u pay for.

If he is your primary love and relationship, you are being short changed... I know it's hard to tear yourself away, but if there is even 1% chance for you to have him as your man, you have to play the same game he is playing with you...
which is
shake things up a bit!!
Make him jealous.
Not in an obvious way, just don't always be available
Have dinner with some guy, and be vague about it etc..
I hope you don't think I'm a game player, but it's sooo obvious your boyfriend IS... and you HAVE TO match fire with fire.... otherwise you don't stand a chance.write to me if you want. good luck honey xo

I agree. I thought the poster was very young and immature. If you see the pattern and you know you are The seconds girl, why not change it? It has nothing to do with being blonde! Trust me on this.

Get past all the sexy mmmmmm stuff and what do you have? You have a guy who is a cake eater and a serial cheater. He is using you, his exwife and any other woman who tickles his fancy. My idea of a sexy amn is the kind of man you can know 100% won't break your heart. The kind of man who will love you and only you. who gives you a soft place to fall. When I read your post I thought you were maybe 18 or 20. You are a smart strong mature women send this dog to the kennel.