The Other Woman And The "other" ManHi there, I'm Vixena, this is my first post here and I really just needed to say this to hear SOMEONE'S opinion but I can't really tell anyone I know. So let's start at the beginning...
It ALL started about three years ago, I was in an open relationship with a guy I loved and lived with for four years. For the first three years we didn't have an open relationship but for that year we wanted to try something new. It was working out fine, just a few extra dates here and there but that was it, that is until I met (let's call him) Jeff. Jeff was a guy who had just started working with me,he was single, undeniably attractive, quiet and sweet. We began talking a lot at work and I always felt that certain tension between us but never thought of acting on it. Eventually we started seeing more of each other outside of work and the tension grew, we would go out to eat, movies,he would come over to my house when my boyfriend wasn't home etc... He knew I had an open relationship because we talked about it briefly before (we talked about every thing ) One day when he was at my house watching movies I found myself lying on his chest and kept staring at him, my mind raced thinking "I'm in an open relationship, it wouldnt be bad..." so when he looked down at me and smiled I leaned in a little, he leaned in the rest of the way and we kissed. It was just one but before the movie was over we found ourselves kissing again and again until we were completely making out!!! The next day we saw each other again and it repeated. This began to happen several times a week until we started having sex several times a week. We had talked about it, set rules of certain things one of them being there couldn't be emotional attachment. I had told my boyfriend since we were open and everything was OK. The sex was AMAZING he was attentive,kind, smart, and turned into my best friend. Then he started dating another girl, things seemed to get more serious with her but our fling continued. I don't know why I continued it but I just loved being with him. One day he told me he had broken the main rule and that he had fallen in love with me. In that exact same moment before I could even process the thought he said he was moving out of the country in a month for a job offering he had and he wanted me to go with him. This scarred me off, it was too much for me to do. Ihad a boyfriend that I loved even though I OBVIOUSLY had feelings for Jeff as Well, i had a job,school... i had to much to leave behind so I said no and to leave things there. So we spent that last month without seeing each other and the night before he leaves he comes to visit me to say good bye, long story short we end up having sex that night.
OK so now we come to today... Today I am with a different boyfriend in a monogamous relationship. Recently to my surprise I ran into Jeff again after about a year from not hearing a word from him. He looked extremely happy to see me as I wasto see him. We have been talking a lot again as friends. He is now married to the girl he was dating back then but says he got married for the wrong reasons, we have been seeing each other recently and I started feeling the tension again. There has been heavy flirting and touching that probably shouldn't happen. Ijust feel so comfortable around him. The other night we were at my place (I now live alone ) and one thing led to another until we ended up having sex again. I feel so bad for cheating on my boyfriend but at the same time the chemistry with Jeff, the conversations, the sex, just the general fun we have together is invigorating!!! I don't understand why but I wouldn't want him to leave his wife for me, but I do love being with him. Idon't feel upset that he is with her, or jealous or sad, i just enjoy the time when he is with me. I don't know what to do or what to think, I honestly feel guilty for NOT feeling guilty... like something inside says I should feel bad but I don't and the fact that I don't is what makes me feel bad. Anyone have something they can tell me?
p.s. since the recent sex we have still been talking and flirting and seeing each other. We have kissed and touched but no sex again yet.